


I Still Come Back To You

by IvyYara



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Best Friends, Blow Jobs, Bullying, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Bottoming, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Growing Up Together, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:55:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 96,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24560410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyYara/pseuds/IvyYara
Summary: Roger is 11 when he moves to a new town and starts at a new school. There he meets John, they bond and become best friends and grow up together. When they are in high school Roger begins to notice John in a different way and he figures out he has developed feelings for his best friend. He struggles with this new found information and worries if telling John would forever ruin their friendship. Especially because they are planning to rent a flat together when they start university after the summer.
Relationships: John Deacon/Roger Taylor
Comments: 326
Kudos: 175





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Me again! Most of this is planned out and written. I plan on updating every week, if work and other things don't get in the way. I really hope you enjoy! Let me know your thoughts! I really appreciate it! <3

**Chapter I**

He was nervous, the building was big, and everything was new. The streets around them, the houses in the area, nothing was familiar yet. It was scary and intimidating for a child. It was a rainy October morning and Roger held onto his mother’s hand as they walked up to the red brick building that was now his new school. He squeezed his mother’s hand as they walked up to the main doors.

“Mummy— I don’t want to go.” Roger said quietly, his bottom lip trembling and tears welling up in his large blue eyes.

Winifred turned in front of the door, she crouched down holding the umbrella over them and looked at Roger. “Roger honey, everything will be okay— I know it’s scary right now, a new school, with new classmates. But I’m sure they will become your new friends.” She said while she wiped away a tear that rolled down Roger’s cheek. “I will be here to pick you up after school okay?”

Roger swallowed harshly. “What if they don’t like me? Or pick on me?”

“Oh sweetie…” She smiled sadly. “There might be some kids you don’t get along with, but we can’t be liked by everyone and that’s okay,” She explained while fixing her sons coat, picking a small piece or lint off it. “But never let anyone pick on you. Go to a teacher if something like that happens okay?”

“Okay.” Roger said with a shaky breath.

“You’ll do great, I know it.” Winifred smiled and kissed his forehead. “There isn’t anything you can’t do.” She said with a smile and got back up to her feet, she took his hand again. “Now come on let’s go inside and we will meet the teacher.”

Roger held onto his mother tightly as she opened the main doors that led inside the school. It was early and there were only a few teachers there. The building was old, and decorated with colourful paintings, mostly made by the students themselves. It was Roger’s first day at his new school after his family moved to this city. He cried and screamed when his parents told him he had to leave his friends behind and change schools. Roger was eleven years old and he would never come out and say it but the thought of going to a new school scared him.

In his other school he knew how everything worked. He knew his classmates; his friends. He had things to do after school, actual friends he could hang out with. This was a new place, where he didn’t know his classmates or the teacher. His mother’s heels clicked on the slippery tiled floor; Roger’s wet shoes made a squeaky sound. He was so nervous that he was sure he was hurting his mother’s hand by holding on so tightly, afraid she might disappear if he let go.

They walked through a long but narrow hall with classrooms. Roger couldn’t see through the windows because he wasn’t tall enough, but every door was a different colour and rows of coat hooks were outside of the classrooms; all still empty now. They passed by a few classrooms until they got to the teachers’ lounge. Winifred knocked on the door. It didn’t take long before the door opened, revealing you lady on the other side. 

She had a soft expression on her face. Her blond hair was tied into a loose knot on the top of her head. She wore a dark blue knee length skirt with a soft light blue cardigan. 

“Good morning.” She smiled and crouched down slightly while she looked at Roger, who was now slightly hiding behind his mother. She extended her hand. “You must be Roger Taylor, I’m miss Baker, but you can call me Anna.”

Roger nodded but didn’t say anything. He hesitated as he looked at her hand and bit his bottom lip. 

Winifred shook her head, trying to make Roger let go of her hand. “Oh, come on Roger, you are normally not this shy. Be polite and shake Miss Bakers hand, she will be your teacher this year after all.”

“I’m Roger.” He said in a small voice.

Miss Baker still had the soft smile on her face when Roger finally took her hand and shook it. Her hand was soft, and she didn’t tighten her hold. “It’s very nice to meet you Roger. I hope you will enjoy your time here.” She let go of his hand and also shook Winifred’s hand. “Are you ready for your first day?”

“Roger is just a bit nervous today.” Winifred explained while looking at her son with worry in her eyes when he didn’t answer.

“That’s very understandable Roger.” Anna said and gave him an assuring smile. “I will make sure everything will be alright, I’ll introduce you to your classmates and if there is anything you are not sure about, you can always come to me. That’s why I’m here.”

Roger finally smiled a little. Miss Baker seemed like a nice teacher. That was one less thing he had to worry about. “Okay.”

“—Well why don’t I show you the classroom.” Anna said and motioned them in the direction of the classroom. She pointed where Roger could hang his coat, before entering the brightly lit room. It was thoroughly decorated with educational posters. There was a bookcase and it even seemed like they had a class fish. “I already appointed you your seat. There are name tags on the desks, so you can already see the name of the classmate who will be sitting next to you this year.”

Anna had appointed Roger a seat next to the window. The class had about 25 seats. He looked at the table where his name was, next to it was the name of his classmate that would be sitting next to him for the rest of the year.

_John_

Roger wondered what kind of person John was, he hoped he was nice, and he hoped they would get along. It would make the school year that much easier. He couldn’t think about it too long because his mum put her hand on his shoulder, and he looked up to her.

“It’s time for me to go honey.” She said with a soft smile, she reached down and kissed his cheek. “Have a good day, you’ll do great.”

Reluctant to let her go, he grabbed her hand again with a panicked look. He wasn’t normally the nervous kid, but a new school and new classmates scared him. Winifred noticed his apprehension and looked at Anna for support. “Miss Baker will look out for you today, and I will come pick you up after school, you can tell me all about your day.”

Miss Baker nodded. “We’ll make it a great day Roger; you will see that your classmates are nice.”

Roger turned his head to look at his teacher once more. Her kind smile assured him that it was going to be okay. She genuinely seemed like a nice teacher. He finally let go of his mum’s coat and nodded. 

Winifred straightened his clothes one more time and fixed his tie. She rubbed his cheek where a little lipstick had smeared his skin. She wouldn’t show it but leaving her only son in a new school was hard on her. “See you this afternoon, have a good day sweetheart.” She said and finally stepped out of the classroom, waving once more through the window before leaving the school building.

With a sigh Roger sat down at his designated seat, looking through the window to see his mum step in the car and drive off into the direction they came from.

***

It only took fifteen minutes before other children were brought by parents; some other children came on their own. The halls were full of children chattering and excitedly screaming. Some teachers were telling children to hurry along to their classrooms. Miss Baker was standing outside the door waiting for the children to enter her classroom, she knew them all by name and greeted each and every one of them with the same smile.

Every time a classmate came into the room with their friends or alone, their gaze stopped on Roger sitting there already. Being the centre of attention never really bothered Roger, but at the moment he wasn’t all that keen on it. Some boys looked at him with doubt, as if he was some sort of competition. While other’s said hi to him and he greeted them back. The girls were all giggly and whispered to each other when they noticed Roger sitting there.

“Come on Nathan, don’t dilly dally, take your seat.” Anna said to a rather large boy with dark blond hair and green eyes. “You too Jimmy!” She added, as a lanky boy with reddish hair followed the boy called Nathan to their seats.

Nathan squinted at Roger, before taking his seat and Roger already knew he didn’t like him. His eye fell on another boy that entered the class. He looked a little younger than the rest of them. Short brown wavy hair, he was wearing the same uniform as everyone else. He was a little shorter than Roger and he was a little frail looking. He caught Roger’s eye and without stopping he walked up to Roger’s table and sat down next to him.

_So, this was John._

The boy turned his head to look at Roger and gave a small smile. “Hi. You’re new.”

Roger blinked, by the directness of the words, but then smiled as well. “Oh yeah, I am.”

Before John could say anything else all the children had entered the classroom and Miss Baker started talking. “Good morning class, I hope you all had a lovely weekend…” She started but was interrupted just as fast. One girl with blond pigtails and round glasses raised her finger in the air but didn’t wait for her get a turn.

“Miss— miss!!” She called.

Anna sighed and shook her head, it seemed like she had a lot of patience. “Lily, we have gone over this before— we don’t speak in this classroom before we get a turn.”

Lily pouted a little but wasn’t able to contain her excitement. “I’m sorry Miss… but…”

“Well okay, go on then?” Anna asked with a small chuckle.

While practically jumping up and down in her seat, Lily reduced her voice down to a whisper as if the other children wouldn’t hear her, she then pointed at Roger. “There is a new boy in the class.”

Miss Baker let out a little laugh and the other children also seemed to think it was funny because there were a couple of laughs and the first quiet classroom was now becoming more and more active. Roger heard chatter all around him and he turned to see John looking at him with interest.

“Yes, yes— now quiet down everyone!” Miss Baker clapped in her hands and had to raise her voice to get over the chatter. “Seeing how Lily was so kind to let everyone know, we indeed have a new student in our class. I was about to introduce you all, before I was interrupted.” She explained and looked at Lily with smile, letting her know she didn’t mind.

Lily seemed relieved to see her teacher wasn’t cross with her. She smiled and looked at Roger just like all the other children were doing at that point, making him feel a bit uncomfortable.

“Everyone meet Roger Taylor, he is our new classmate, starting today. Roger just moved here with his family.” Roger’s heart was speeding up and he tried his best to not look any of his classmates in the eyes. He could feel his cheeks heat up and he hoped it would be over soon. “Everyone make sure to introduce yourself today and make Roger feel welcome.”

Some of the children said yes and others nodded in agreement, some smiled at Roger and Roger forced himself to smile back. The girls all giggled, whispered to each other and looked at Roger. He couldn’t really hear anything they said, but he also wasn’t that that interested in what they had to say. Some of the boys didn’t seem to like the attention the girls had for Roger. They whispered to each other and Nathan in particular seemed annoyed. Miss Baker didn’t notice any of it and continued with her morning announcements.

***

During Recess Roger walked around the playground. He didn’t really feel like joining any of his classmates. He sat down on one of the benches that were scattered around the playground. There was a small football field on the edge where some of the boys were playing football. Most of the girls were playing jump rope and some of them were on the jungle gym and swings.

Roger found himself looking for John, he hadn’t seen him with the other boys. The boys on the field seemed to be part of Nathan’s clique. A group of about five boys followed him the moment he got up to go outside, they flocked around him and hadn’t left his side since ever since. It was obvious that he was the leader of the group. Most of the boys were taller than Roger, but none of them were as bulky as Nathan.

He finally spotted John on the other side of the small playground. He was sitting on another bench with what seemed like a book on his lap. He didn’t notice anything happening around him; very into it his book. Roger wondered if John didn’t care what the other kids thought of him, he didn’t know the boy yet, but for the short time he was in the class, he didn’t see him talk to any of the other kids.

It was as though John could feel Roger’s eyes on him because right at that moment, he looked up to look around him before his eyes fell on Roger’s own. First, he looked a bit apprehensive that Roger was watching him, so he stared at his book again. Roger blushed a little because he got caught looking at John. But he felt relieved when John looked up again and gave him a small smile, before he went back to read in his book.

While averting his gaze and looking at the girls playing jump rope, Roger didn’t notice the football flying his way. One of the girls seemed to notice, because she screamed and started waving her hands frantically at Roger.

“Look out!”

Roger whipped his head around and jumped up, he ducked down and averted his face as quickly as he could. By doing that he wasn’t able to completely avoid the ball, but it only hit his back. It didn’t really hurt but made an impact all the same. When the ball hit the ground with a thump, he turned around again, feeling anger rise up. He looked at the group of boys on the field, where the ball obviously came from. They were now laughing and pointing at him. Nathan stared at Roger with a malicious look on his face. Roger stared back at him angrily.

“Cut that out Nathan!” Another girl screamed. “You did that on purpose— I saw you! I’m telling Miss Baker.”

Nathan gave her a look, not impressed in the slightest.

“Whoops! Sorry.” Nathan called out to Roger; his voice didn’t sound remorseful at all.

Letting out a frustrated growl, Roger grabbed the football and marched up to the boys. He wasn’t going to let them do whatever they wanted. Without saying anything he threw the ball which as much force as he could manage into Nathan’s direction. “Looks like you lost something.” He scowled.

Nathan seemed a bit taken aback by that, he stumbled a little when he caught the ball, but dropped it again because of the force. He squinted his beady eyes at Roger, but Roger didn’t pay him any more attention. He turned around and walked away, feeling a bit better about the situation, proud that he didn’t let them get to him. 

The girls ran up to Roger as he walked back to his bench. “Are you okay Roger?” Lily asked a worried look on her face. “Nathan is a big bully; he didn’t hurt you right?”

Roger shook his head. The girls all flocked around him. “I’m okay.”

From the corner of his eye he could see John looking at him, obviously he had seen the whole spectacle as well. But Roger couldn’t figure out his expression. John looked at the boys on the field who seemed even more annoyed now that Roger got even more attention and back at Roger again. His expression changed to an amused one and he smiled at Roger again.

Roger smiled back and then the bell rang indicating end of recess. John got up and followed Roger and the girls inside, leaving the other boys more annoyed than ever. Roger couldn’t care less. 

***

“Oh no— I’m sorry Roger, I don’t think I have a math book for you, it seems like we are all out.” Miss Baker said as she looked through a few of the cupboards in the classroom.

It was time for math, but Roger didn’t have all of his books yet. The school provided them, but apparently, they were out of math books. Roger didn’t really care for maths anyway. “That’s okay.”

Miss Baker smiled knowingly. “Don’t think you are getting out of doing math, I’m going to have to order a few new ones, they should be here this week.”

Roger scrunched up his nose, of course he knew he wouldn’t be able to get out of having to take math, but he could dream right.

John let out a soft giggle as he looked at Roger and pushed his book to the middle of their adjoined tables. “I can share mine.” He said in a small voice, as if he didn’t want to let the whole class hear him.

As soft as he was Miss Baker still heard him. She gave him an approving smile. “Thank you, John, that is very kind of you.”

From the corner of his eye Roger could see Nathan and his goons making faces. His loyal followers laughed as the dumb brute did a silent impression of Miss Baker clearly making fun of John’s kindness as well. Roger tried to pay it no mind, but it was taking every bit of his patience; he really hated bullies. He was happy that John didn’t seem to notice any of it. 

“Thank you.” Roger smiled at John. “I’m not very good at math, are you?” He asked in a hushed voice as Miss Baker started her class.

John blinked, almost surprised someone was actually making conversation with him. Roger got the impression John mostly stuck to himself and made himself as scarce as humanly possible. “Oh— I’m alright I guess?” He whispered and looked up at Miss Baker, making sure she wouldn’t overhear them.

“Just alright?” Roger wondered; he was almost sure John was just being modest.

A girl turned around on her seat while Miss Baker was helping another student. She had overheard their hushed conversation. “John is the top of the class.” She whispered with a bright smile.

“Sophia, turn around please.” Anna called from where she was standing. She gave Roger and John a stern look as well, letting them know they better be working.

John blushed a little and quickly went back to his work. Roger also looked at his exercise book, biting his bottom lip as they got caught. After a couple of minutes, he dared to look up again, making sure the teacher was nowhere near them. He softly nudged John who looked up again and stared at Roger with a questioning expression.

“Can you help me with this question?” Roger whispered, pointing his pencil at a assignment in John’s book. He had absolutely no clue how to figure out the problem.

John seemed to think for a moment and he tentatively looked into the direction of Miss Baker who was instructing one of Nathans little helpers. When he decided the coast was clear he nodded. “Yeah okay.”

Roger gave him a thankful smile and listened to John’s hushed explanation of how he should solve the problem. For the rest of the class John kept helping Roger with his math. Roger was able to look in John’s notebook and noticed he was a few pages ahead of Roger himself. He couldn’t help but be impressed by his classmate and for some reason he was explaining it all very well. Roger was surprised that he had finished the assigned work before the class was over.

“Wow— I don’t think I ever finished math this quickly.” Roger whispered. “Thank you, I think I actually understood it this time.”

“It’s no problem.” John whispered back with a tiny smile.

“Well I owe you.” Roger grinned.

John let out a soft laugh. “That’s okay. I’m happy to help.”

Roger smiled brighter. He was beginning to really like John, he seemed different than the rest of the kids. Definitely quiet and observing. But he talked when you talked to him and he seemed really smart. The rest of the class they spoke whenever Miss Baker wasn’t paying attention and Roger made John laugh a few times, talking about what happened at recess. The time flew by and before Roger knew it the day was over. 

***

“Thank you again, for helping me out with math, I actually already finished my homework, because of you.” Roger smiled as he put on his coat.

John smiled. “I’m glad I could help.”

They walked out of the building together. Roger didn’t notice the group whispering as they passed by. John however did seem to notice and increased his pace walking towards the end of the gate. Roger looked over his shoulder and increased his step as well. He squinted as he saw Nathan give him a filthy look. Roger didn’t pay it any mind and looked back at John.

“What a bunch of twats.”

John’s eyes widened in surprise hearing Roger swear. Then he laughed, his eyes twinkled as he looked at Roger with amusement. “You are nothing like the other kids in our school.”

Roger shrugged and raised his backpack higher on his back. “Well great, I don’t want to be like anyone else.” He could see his mum waiting for him by the car. “I want to be unique.”

“I think you already are.” John chuckled, he waved at someone.

Roger followed his movements and saw a woman smiling warmly at John, waving as well. They were off the school grounds now.

“Maybe.” Roger laughed.

John gave him another smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow Roger.”

“Yeah see you.” Roger smiled back.

And with that John made his way to what looked like his mother waiting for him by a car. Roger walked towards his own mother who was waiting for him as well.

“Hi honey.” Winifred said and held the door for him.

“Hi mum.” He smiled and climbed in the car. When the door closed, he looked through the window to see John had also gotten in the car.

Roger’s mother got in the driver’s seat and started the car, she looked at Roger through the rear view mirror who was still looking out of the window. “Put your seat belt on honey.”

Roger did what his mother asked and looked out of his window again just in time to see the car with John in it pass by. He smiled to himself when John waved at him shyly as they drove by. Roger waved back and his mother started the car and drove away. He didn’t notice his mum smiling as she saw him wave.

“How was your first day?”

When John was out of view Roger turned his attention to his mother who was now paying attention to the road. He smiled. “It was alright.”

“Yeah?”

Roger nodded and thought of John, thinking he made a friend. “Yeah, pretty good actually.”

***

During the rest of the week Roger and John got closer every day. They spoke a lot and started having their own inside jokes. Roger learned that John was actually really talkative once he broke out of his shell. He was mostly just shy at first and he told Roger he didn’t like large groups. During recess they spend all their time together.

The girls complained that Roger didn’t want to come hang out with them. Roger really wasn’t planning to hang out with the girls, he had to hang out with his sister at home all the time. Why would he want to hang out with other girls for fun.

John couldn’t help but laugh as Roger groaned. “Every day the same thing. I don’t want to play jump rope— can’t they leave me alone. Do I look like a girl to you?” He asked looking at John. “Because if I do, you have to tell me.”

“I think I heard Sarah tell Lily that Sophia has a crush on you.”

“What!? Yuck— how come I never hear these things?!” Roger complained.

John rolled his eyes as they walked to their spot on the playground. “It’s because you don’t pay attention.”

“And you do?”

“Yes— obviously.” John giggled.

They sat down on what is now known as their bench, they had been going there for every recess this week. Roger had never become friends with someone this quickly, but for some reason he and John got along really well. He was surprised when he learned that John was interested in music just like him. John told him he was saving up for a guitar; probably a used one, since he would never be able to afford a new one, without his mother knowing. Roger was impressed and told him he wanted to play guitar too, but he really wanted to learn the drums; he wasn’t sure his parents would approve.

The teasing and harassment of the other boys of the class had continued the rest of the week. Mostly during recess and during moments in class when the teacher wasn’t looking. Roger didn’t pay much attention to it and because of that the boys didn’t get any fun out of harassing him. But that also meant their attention went to John, which made Roger very angry. Even though John told him to let it go, Roger knew he couldn’t; he wasn’t going to allow his friend to be bullied.

When Nathan walked by them and made an obscene gesture in their direction Roger just shook his head. He turned to John, who was looking at the ground like he always did when Nathan and his group came into their vicinity.

“Why does he keep picking on you?”

John looked up and shrugged. “I’m not really sure, it started from the moment I got into this class— I skipped a class you see.”

“You did?” Roger asked. “I can’t say I’m surprised though, you’re brilliant.” 

John snorted at the praise, not good at accepting compliments. “Yeah, they let me skip a class because I was far ahead with all my classes, so then I got in this class. I’m younger than the whole class and Nathan’s crew sees me as a nerd— an easy target I guess?”

Just the fact they picked on John enraged Roger; he couldn’t understand why they would pick on John who had done nothing wrong. “That doesn’t make it right to pick on you and make your life miserable— they are obviously just jealous. Why don’t you talk to Miss Baker?”

“That would only make it worse.” John explained shaking his head quickly. “They would have another reason to pick on me, for telling a teacher.”

Roger grumbled because he knew John was right. “It’s not okay.”

John shrugged and swung his legs. “It could be worse, at least I’m not alone anymore.”

Roger nudged his shoulder playfully. “Is that you saying you’re happy I’m here?”

“I guess so.” John said with a small smile.

“You could be more enthusiastic about it you know?” Roger laughed.

John laughed a little as well. “I’m glad you moved here.”

***

That Friday Roger was about to go home for the weekend. He walked outside a little later, Miss Baker wanted to talk to him about his first week at school. So, John had already said goodbye to him and left for home. When Roger got outside, he heard shouting, he quickly rushed around the corner to see Nathan’s group having cornered John.

They were towering over him and John was trying to shield his face as Nathan is yelling at him. One of his friends is pulling on John’s backpack, trying to get it off him. Roger can’t really see John’s face, but his whole body language screamed fear. 

Without a second thought Roger ran up to the group and shoved Nathan out of the way.

“Stop that! You twat!” He roared in anger.

Nathan momentarily stumbled on his feet, surprised by the sudden arrival of Roger. He growled and grabbed Roger by his collar. “What did you just call me?” Nathan was about two feet taller than Roger and much bigger. He towered over Roger and for a moment he kind of resembled an angry bull, his nostrils flaring and his eyes wide with anger.

“I called you a twat! Because that’s what you are— let me go!” Roger screamed and tried wriggling out of his grasp. “And stop picking on John!”

“Oh— are you gonna stick up for your boyfriend!” Nathan said in a mocking voice. “You are just a bunch of poofs, aren’t you?”

Roger hissed and finally lost his temper and kicked Nathan’s shin. He knew he really shouldn’t have done that, but he couldn’t help the anger that was rising in his body. His cheeks felt hot and he could only dodge Nathan’s first by an inch.

“You didn’t just kick me!” Nathan screamed, his eyes wide and angry.

“I think I did. Now piss off!” Roger panted, out of breath from the struggle to get free. Nathan was still holding the collar of his coat.

Before he could say or do anything else, two of Nathan’s friends gabbed his arms and held him down. “Don’t let him go!” Nathan barked and he raised his fist.

Struggling all seemed for nothing and Roger flinched as he saw the raised fist coming in the direction of his face. He tried to avert it as best as he could, and he closed his eyes bracing for impact. But then nothing came.

“Stop it!!!”

A few screams and Nathan let out a huff as if the air was knocked out of him. Roger blinked as he didn’t feel any of the pain, he had braced himself for. Someone yanked on his hand and pulled him roughly into the direction of the exit of the school grounds.

“Come on! Run!”

“Get them!” Nathan screamed. But he didn’t run after them himself.

Roger finally noticed it was John who was pulling him with him. He did what he asked and started running and running without looking back. John never let go of his hand, he seemed to know where he was going. Roger faintly registered that John was rather fast on his feet. Roger’s heart was thumping in his chest and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t think he had ever run so fast. They kept running until they were sure they weren’t being followed. The other boys had long given up. 

They ran for a little bit longer until they were near the woods area of the town. Roger recognized it, because it was on the way to their school. He glanced over his shoulder to be sure they weren’t followed.

“I think they gave up.”

John finally slowed down finally and Roger was thankful for that, he didn’t think he could run any longer. They then stopped, they finally let go of each other’s hand. John was breathing just as fast as Roger, he was bent over, his hands on his knees. “Great.” He managed to get out.

When they both caught their breath, they looked at each other and laughed. Roger looked around him. “Where are we exactly?”

John followed his gaze. “This is just behind my house. I have a tree house here.” He said and pointed towards a large tree with the small tree house.

“Wow— that’s so cool.” Roger said in awe, as he looked at the small house that was almost hidden between all the trees.

“You want to see it?” John asked hesitantly.

“Of course, I want to see it.”

John smiled brightly and lead him up the narrow stairs. Inside it was nice and cosy. There were throw pillows everywhere and a small window. A stack of comic books was on the floor and a few were open where John had presumably left them. In the corner was a portable radio on an old stool. There were twinkly lights handing on the walls and Roger though it was one of the nicest places he had seen in his life.

“This is awesome. Did you make this?”

“Yeah— well me and my dad made it together.” John explained and sat down on the pillows.

Roger followed his example and sat down next to him while still looking around for a moment before he smiled at John. “Thank you for saving me back there.”

“You saved me first.” John smiled gratefully.

“I’ve got your back.” Roger shrugged and grinned.

“Thank you,” John said before adding. “You can always come here if you like?”

Roger’s eyes widened in excitement. “Really? That would be awesome— I’m honoured you want to share it with me.”

“Of course.” John told him and looked at him with a bright smile. “We’re friends.”

Roger smiled back at him just as widely, he gently nudged his shoulder. “Best friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading! <3 I hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think.  
> I really hope this chapter was alright and not to slow, writing them as children was fun. I hope you'll stay with me in the next chapter, where we will be switching to high school!


	2. Chapter II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and John are in their last year of secondary school. Things are busy with parties and starting a band while also preparing for their exams. When Roger wants them to double date John isn't that keen. When Roger starts to act a little weird, John is a bit confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thanks everyone that took the time to read, leave comments and kudos on the last chapter. It's very much appreciated <333 The next chapter is up! Just a little later than I wanted. But I hope you all enjoy. Let me know your thoughts, I love to read your comments.

**Chapter II**

John was trying to focus on this never ending project, he really had to finish it this week. But the frustrated sighs and the ticking of a pen on a wooden surface was getting him right out of his concentration. Looking to his right Roger was flicking through his history book with an annoyed huff. John knew he was pretending to be studying from the moment they entered Roger’s bedroom. Ever since John met Roger, he knew his best friend just didn’t like school— well not school per se, just not the work he had to do.

Something John learned over the years was that Roger was very good at charming people into helping him. Charming people was one of his top skills; a skill he liked to use on John all too gladly when he needed his help with his homework. He didn’t really mind though; John was all but willing to help his best friend with his school work. Roger wasn’t lazy, he would do the work himself, but sometimes he needed some extra guidance, not because he didn’t understand it himself, but because he needed the motivation. Roger was very bright; he just didn’t give himself enough credit.

Another sigh had John rolling his eyes at his best friend from where he was laying on Roger’s bed. “Something on your mind?”

Roger looked up from pretending to study. “No? Why you ask?”

“Because—” John started as he got into a sitting position, putting his books to the side, “You have been huffing and puffing the last ten minutes, pretending you are studying, when in reality you haven’t done anything since the moment we got here.”

“When did you get so observant?” Roger grinned.

“I always have been.”

Roger spun around on his desk chair and groaned. “I’m just so bored with doing homework— school is such a waste of time. Besides it’s Friday? Why are we even spending our time inside— we should go to Freddie’s and hang out.”

John sighed and got up to get his things. “If you want to go to Freddie’s you can, I’ll just go home and finish my project there.”

“No— that’s not what I mean, you don’t have to go.” Roger said quickly. “Please stay, I’ll be quiet— I just can’t concentrate, thinking about the weekend.”

“I don’t need you to be quiet.” John laughed sitting down on the end of Roger’s bed. “I just need to finish this, if I want to do anything fun this weekend. I have to turn in this project on Monday.”

Roger leaned his head on his palm and smirked a little. “You are such a nerd, I love it.”

John grabbed a piece of paper and crumpled in into a ball before throwing it at Roger’s head. “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”

The piece of paper hit Roger right on the head. He laughed and threw it right back at him. “Well be quick, we are going to see that band tomorrow night. I told Freddie we would be there. Brian said that Chrissie was going to bring Veronica and Dominique.”

“I know—” John said shaking his head. “It’s all you have been talking about this week.”

Roger stuck out his tongue. “I can’t help it wanting to have a little fun, you should live a little— you might even have a chance with the ladies, I heard Veronica is quite eager to get to know you.” 

John raised an eyebrow, not believing Roger for once second. “How do you know?”

“Dominique.”

Of course, John thought. Dominique; another topic Roger wouldn’t shut up about. Who could blame him though, she really was beautiful, fun and easy going. She and Roger had been hanging out a lot. But Roger assured him they weren’t dating. Not yet at least.

“Ah.” John acknowledged mostly but wished they could change subjects. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to date, Veronica was a lovely girl, he just had so much on his plate right now. He really wanted to study electrical engineering after secondary school, and he had to stay focused. Girls would just be a distraction which he didn’t really need.

“—Oh yes, you sound very excited.” Roger huffed sarcastically.

“I’m sorry Rog— I just don’t really have time for girls right now— I’m stressed enough as it is, I don’t need anything else on my plate.”

“Alright— alright.” Roger said and got up from his chair to sit next to John, he patted his shoulder. “I’m not saying you should marry the girl, just let off a little steam now and then. But I get it, I’ll drop the subject.”

John sighed in relief and grabbed his books again. “Thanks.”

They were silent for a while and John wrote down notes for his project, so he could finish the last of it tonight at home. Roger was lying next to him, flicking through a magazine instead of his now forgotten schoolbooks.

“Do you think I should ask out Dominique?” Roger asked all of a sudden.

John sighed and looked up from his book again and turned his head to glance at his best friend. Roger’s expression was unreadable. “Why not? You bloody talk enough about her.”

“Hey!” Roger laughed and gently shoved John’s side.

John giggled and Roger smiled brightly at him. John would never say it out loud, but Roger really had the loveliest smile, it never failed to cheer him up.

“Just ask her out if you want to, you don’t usually ask for my advice about these things.”

Roger sighed. “I don’t know, I just feel like she is out of my league you know?”

No, John really didn’t know. There wasn’t a girl in their class who didn’t like Roger. He was pretty sure most of them would cry if he only just smiled at them.

“You’re joking right?”

“No— I’m not.” Roger said and gave John a tentative look. “If only—”

“No.” John simply said already knowing what was coming and closed his book, knowing trying to continue studying was useless.

“You don’t even know what I’m about to say?!” Roger pouted.

John shook his head. “I know what you are going to say, and I’m saying no.”

Roger sat up again and stared at him with big pleading eyes. “Please— it will be so much easier if we can double date. You and Veronica? Me and Dominique, I’d feel so much better if you were there with me.”

That didn’t make any sense. “You need me to hold your hand?” John joked.

“Yes—” Roger replied.

John raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “What?”

Roger rolled his eyes. “Well figuratively speaking of course!”

“Were you even listening to anything I said before?”

“I was! You said you were stressed about school.” Roger said and then grinned. “But that won’t last forever?”

John couldn’t really argue with that. But still he wasn’t all that keen on the idea. He was already so self-conscious, being on a date with Roger there; who was so at ease with girls would only make that even worse.

He looked at Roger again, who was staring back at him expectantly. John groaned before saying. “I’ll think about it.”

Roger smiled widely and hugged him tightly. “Thank you!”

***

John agreed to meet the rest of the group at the house where the party would take place. He had no idea who even lived there, he just got directions from Roger. He was a little later, because he had to finish his project. Now that he was finally done, he could relax a little. It was a large house and he figured the people living there had lots to spend.

He walked up the long driveway, seeing multiple cars and bicycles scattered around. He recognized his friend’s bicycles and was sure they were there. While checking his watch, he noticed he was a little late. The music was blasting from the house and a couple passed him while he walked up the steps. The girl giggling as the bloke pulled her with him.

As he walked in, there were several people standing in the hallway, drinks in hand. Talking in groups or in pairs. Some were walking up the stairs and John didn’t really want to know what was going on upstairs. He followed the music to the large living area, the band seemed to be done already and the sound system was blaring loudly.

Most people were dancing, and some were just lounging on the large sofas. Others were snogging in the corner. In the middle of the room he could see Roger’s blond hair and Brian’s mop or curls. Before he could walk towards them, Roger had already spotted him and rushed over to him.

“John!” Roger called and hugged him tightly.

From the flush on Roger’s cheeks and the scent of alcohol around him, John figured Roger was rather drunk already. But he hugged him back regardless.

“I see you haven’t saved me any drinks.” John teased when Roger gave him lopsided grin. “You didn’t even wait for me to get drunk?”

“I’m not drunk, just tipsy.” Roger chuckled and wrapped his arm around John’s neck. “And you— you are late!” He said accusingly. “What took you so long, you missed the band!”

“Had to finish my project, remember.” John explained. “Took longer than expected.”

Roger rolled his eyes and they passed the bar, where he grabbed a beer for John. “Well I’m glad you’re here now. I have been so bored without you.”

John laughed. “I’m sure— where are the others?”

“Freddie went outside with some bloke.” Roger said waving somewhere behind him. “Brian is over there with Chrissie, I think she brought Dominique and Veronica.” He pointed at Brian who was indeed standing with three girls.

John saw the girls laughing together. Brian was pointing in their direction and Roger of course wouldn’t be Roger if he didn’t wave enthusiastically and motioned them over to them.

Brian said something and then they moved into their direction. John could see Veronica looking at him with a smile and Dominique said something to her which made her giggle and she gently nudged Dominique who in turn laughed.

“They are definitely talking about you; do you see the way Veronica looks at you?” Roger smirked.

“She isn’t looking at me.” John said with a shrug. “They are probably talking about how hot _you_ look.”

Roger raised his eyebrows and grinned at him. “Oh Deaky, do my ears deceive me or was that an actual compliment?”

John rolled his eyes. “No— I wouldn’t dare, wouldn’t want to give you an even bigger ego—it’s big enough as it is, and I can only deal with so much.”

“You love me.” Roger smiled and gently nudged him his elbow. “Don’t deny it.”

That was actually true, he did love Roger. They had been best friends since they met in primary school. He never imagined he would become best friends with someone like Roger. Their characters were so different, Roger was social, easy going, loyal, passionate and sometimes even loud. John was quiet, observing, shy and he needed time to warm up to people. But because they were so different, their friendships worked really well. Having the same interests also helped massively.

Roger would always take care of John and it was the same the other way around. When John was nervous about being in a group, Roger would be there to get him through it. Whenever Roger was getting to emotional and almost into fights, John would slow him down and bring him down to reality. They balanced the other out perfectly.

“Hey John— I see you made it.” Brian said as he approached them. The girls in deep conversation while they trailed behind.

John gave Brian a nod. “Hey.”

He immediately felt awkward as he noticed the girls looking at him, he wasn’t sure how to act, feeling way to aware of himself. Before he could do or say anything, Roger was ahead of him.

“Hi Dominique.” Roger smiled his brightest smile, making John roll his eyes. He was so obvious.

Dominique smiled back. “Hi! So, this is our friend— Veronica, I don’t think you guys have met yet.”

Veronica was one of Chrissie’s friends. John had seen them at school together. When Dominique transferred from France, she immediately got along with them well. They were always together the three of them. Kind of the same as him, Roger, Freddie and Brian.

Roger shook Veronica’s hand. “Nice to meet you, this is my best friend— John.” He said and pushed John forward.

John stumbled forward not being prepared for being pushed into Veronica’s direction, and he almost bumped into Veronica. “Whoops— I’m sorry.” He mumbled trying his best not to spill his beer over her. “Hi— uhm, yeah I’m John.” He said and shook her hand.

“It’s nice to meet you John.” She giggled.

Veronica was pretty, John couldn’t deny that. She did however seem very shy. Which John didn’t really mind. But he didn’t think they would be able to hold up a conversation, seeing how he wasn’t the best at talking to girls. Not like Roger, but if he really thought about it Roger was good in any social situation, not just with girls.

“As you can see John is a little clumsy, but once you get to know him, you’ll love him for it.” Roger joked while looking at John with a big grin.

“Thank you, Roger, how very kind of you.” John said sarcastically.

“You know I got your back mate.”

John huffed. “Sometimes I wish you didn’t.”

Veronica and the girls giggled, and Dominique and Roger started a conversation John couldn’t really follow over the loud music. Brian and Chrissie had disappeared to somewhere he didn’t know, and he was standing awkwardly next to Veronica who was also sipping her drink, while he sipped his beer.

The air felt tense around him and without Roger being there to back him up, he had no idea what to say to her. He hated these sorts of situations and he was frustrated about himself not being able to be open and social outside of his group of friends.

Roger wasn’t paying attention to him and he and Dominique had drifted off to the other people dancing. Roger was awful at dancing, looking at him one couldn’t imagine he was a drummer who could actually hold a beat. Dominique didn’t seem to mind and moved with him, seemingly having the best time.

“So, do you want to dance?” Veronica asked getting John out of his train of thoughts.

John looked at her as if had seen a ghost. “Oh— well, I, I’m not sure if—”

Veronica laughed softly and raised her hands. “I get it— you’re not a dancer— it’s fine.”

“Ah— yes, not really my thing.” John nodded, fuck sake, why did he agree to come here again? Deep inside he felt relieved he didn’t have to dance. But on the other side he was a little disappointed in himself that he couldn’t let go a little.

Veronica was still looking at him with a smile. She pointed at the sofas. “Do you want to go sit over there then?”

John looked at Roger who was still dancing, he probably wouldn’t miss him anyway. “Ah yeah sure.”

They sat there for a while. Sitting down made John feel a little more at ease. They talked about the normal stuff, like school and about university. Veronica seemed rather interested in what he wanted to study. John learned she wanted to study being a teacher. For some reason John thought she would make a good one. She seemed like a sweet girl, thoughtful and kind.

John didn’t know if she was flirting with him. If she did, it was subtle, she didn’t really touch him, only once or twice on his arm. She smiled and giggled enough. But John knew hardly anything about flirting, he wouldn’t notice it if someone would hold up a sign right in front of him. Roger said John was blind and way into the clouds to even notice any women making any advances at him.

Which was probably true. John never really thought it was problem, until girls seemed to get more important and he felt like he was behind on the rest of his class, who were talking about snogging and even having sex. John was pretty sure Roger had sex. Brian had a steady girlfriend and Freddie— well he wasn’t sure about Freddie. But he definitely wasn’t shy about the topic at all. John on the other hand turned red like a tomato if he even thought about the mere thought of sex. The thought alone scared the hell out him.

He looked up at the dance floor again, as Veronica chatted about failing one of her classes. John couldn’t see Roger anymore and Dominique was also missing. He sighed to himself, preparing to get a drunk Roger home again.

“Something wrong?”

A hand on his knee.

John looked up into Veronica’s kind eyes. She was blushing a little.

“Am I that boring?” She asked.

“What— oh no." John stuttered. "I’m sorry, I got lost in thought there for a moment. What were you saying?”

Veronica giggled. “I’m sure Roger is okay with Dom, you know.”

“Oh, yeah, I know.” John said quickly, trying to not act like a total weirdo.

“He seems like a handful.”

“Who?”

“Roger.” 

John laughed softly then. “Ah— yes sometimes. Especially at parties, but most of the time he’s fine— great even.”

“You two seem close.” Veronica stated, looking into the direction of the hall, both Roger and Dominique were coming their way.

John saw them as well. He nodded. “We are.”

Before they could say anything else, Roger was already dropping himself half on top of John. His hair was even messier than usual, and he seemed like he had spilled alcohol over his shirt. “Hey, how are you two love birds doing?” He said sounding a little tongue tied.

John rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything for Veronica’s sake. She seemed grateful, because she tried to hide her blush.

“Roger is a tiny bit drunk.” Dominique chuckled. “I think you should take him home; he can’t possibly get home by himself.”

“Yeah, he’s a hazard.” John laughed and turned his head to see Roger’s head was now resting against John’s shoulder almost fast asleep, drooling on his shirt.

“A cute one though.” Dominique smiled.

John nodded and looked back up at Dominique. “Uh yeah— I guess girls think so.”

“Yes.” Dominique giggled. “But I hear some guys do too.” She winked and held her hand out for Veronica, who took it and got up from the sofa. “Come on Ronnie, we should go. See you later John.”

Veronica giggled with her and waved at John. “Bye! see you around?”

“Eh... yeah sure.”

John raised an eyebrow as he watched them leave, wondering what the wink was for. Girls were so weird; he just didn’t understand them. He turned to look at Roger again, he couldn’t help but smile at his idiot friend.

“Hey Rog—” He shook him a little. “Wake up.”

Roger let out a startled breath and raised his head blinking at John. “What— I am awake?!”

John looked at him in disbelief. “Is that why you are drooling on my shirt?”

Roger looked at John’s shirt were a wet spot was definitely noticeable. “Whoops— sorry.” He mumbled and patted the spot and smiled innocently.

“It’s fine, now come on, I’ll take you home.” John said and pulled Roger to his feet.

“But—” Roger started protesting but stopped when John gave him a stern look. He grumbled something unintelligent before agreeing. “Fine.”

***

It took John an hour to get Roger home which normally would have taken him about twenty minutes. Drunk Roger was even more trouble than he normally was; he tripped over his own feet more times than John could count. He even starting singing loudly while John was anxiously trying to make him stop before people would hear him and wake up and call the cops on them. Two intoxicated teenagers, they would love it. John however didn’t want to spend the night in a police cell. When Roger’s house finally came into view he sighed in relief.

He waited while Roger attempted to find his house key and open his front door. “Fuck this, why is it so dark?”

“It’s 3 am in the morning Rog.”

“So? Doesn’t mean it has to be dark.”

“You know that logic is flawed.” John said shaking his head, he was getting really tired by now, he grabbed the key from Roger. “Here let me.” Without any difficulty he opened the door and returned the key to him.

Roger smiled sweetly and hugged him. “My hero.”

Another thing about drunk Roger; he was touchy. They weren’t afraid to hug each other, doing so all the time. But when he had a drink Roger forgot about personal space all together.

“Where would you be without me?” John grinned and detangled himself from his best friend.

Roger was still smiling, his tongue poking between his teeth, now leaning against the doorway. “Nowhere, can’t live without you.”

“Thankfully you won’t need to, now go to bed.” John smiled and turned to get back to his own house.

“Good night Deaky.” Roger called as John walked down the street.

“Shush Roger!” John hissed while laughing.

“Whoops— sorry.” Roger whisper shouted. “Night.”

John shook in head in amusement and waved one more time. “Good night! Now go inside.”

Roger smiled and then did what he was told.

John heard the door closing and he walked back to his own house, which was only five minutes away. When he finally got home and slipped in bed, he fell asleep immediately.

***

There was a knock on the window. John looked up from his book where he was studying for exams that were coming up. Roger was standing on the balcony and was knocking on his window to let him in. A large scarf covered the bottom half of his face. He really was a baby about the cold.

“Let me in.” He called stuffing his hands deep in the pockets of his coat. “I’m fucking freezing out here.”

John shook his head and got up from his seat to open his window. They had been doing this since they were younger, climbing up the water pipe and coming in through the window, for no other reason that it was fun being sneaky without their parents knowing. It was easier when they were still smaller, now that they were taller it wasn’t the most convenient way of entering a house. 

“Took you long enough.” Roger said as he climbed through the window with great difficulty.

“You know, you could just ring the doorbell.”

Roger removed his scarf and coat and dumped them on the chair in the corner of the room before dropping himself on John’s bed.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

John chuckled. “Okay fair— so why you here?”

“What?” Roger asked while he scooted up the bed leaning against the headboard of the bed. “I have to have a reason to be here. I can’t just want to see my best friend?” 

“Well you can, but it’s likely you have a reason though.” John grinned while closing his books, he wasn’t going to get any studying done with Roger there.

“Should I take offense?”

“Whatever you like.” John teased.

“Ugh alright fine— okay so— me and Freddie were talking and—”

John raised his eyebrows in amusement and went to sit down next to him. “That’s always a dangerous combination.”

Roger rolled his eyes. “Will you let me finish?”

John chuckled and motioned for him to continue.

“Okay _so,_ as I was saying— before I was so rudely interrupted.” Roger exaggerated, making John roll his eyes. “Me and Freddie were talking— remember when I was in that one band?

“The one you were in for like a week— until you just had to piss off the lead singer?” John began.

“I was just giving him some well constructed advice.” Roger argued.

John snorted. “You picked a fight with him and basically told him he was a shit singer and suggested you would be a better singer than him.”

“It’s not my fault the git couldn’t take criticism.” Roger shrugged.

“Because you are just perfectly able to do so?” John teased.

Roger’s mouth quirked up in a tiny smirk. “Exactly, thanks John.”

John shook his head. “Okay well continue.”

“Yes, so me and Freddie were talking— and we decided that we want to start our own band.” Roger said and his whole face lit up in excitement.

“What?” John asked in disbelief, Roger had many ideas and most of them were just fantasies that never went anywhere, but music was something he was very passionate about. “Your own band?”

Roger turned to face him; his eyes sparkled. “Yes! It’s perfect if you think about it. Freddie and me both sing. I play drums.”

“You only have half a band then.”

“But that’s where you and Brian come in.” Roger continued, ignoring John’s teasing.

“Beg your pardon?”

“You and Brian, you play bass— Brian plays guitar, we are all friends. It’s perfect.”

“Friends…” John muttered under his breath.

Roger shook his head. “Well you and Brian are friendly then.”

“And you didn’t think it was a good idea to discuss this with me?”

“That’s why I’m here.” Roger explained a hopeful expression in his eyes.

John had entertained the idea of playing in a band before. When he was still playing guitar. He figured he wasn’t made to be a lead guitarist and then switched to playing bass, which he thought suited him much more. But he never actively searched for a band to play in. 

“I’m not even sure I want to be in a band.” John thought out loud while staring in Roger’s hopeful eyes. “It’s really not ideal right now— with exams coming up and we’re going to university next year, it’s going to be really busy.”

Roger sat up on his knees and grabbed John's shoulders as if his life depended on it. “Please? for me? We can just try at first— if we’re shit, we can always quit again. I just really think this could work you know. It’s not like we’ll be famous or anything, but it could be fun!”

John figured Roger had a point. It wasn’t like they were going to be playing any pubs anytime soon. If it was just a side thing, then maybe he could make the time for it.

“Come on, I don’t know any other bass player that is as good as you.” Roger whined as he noticed John overthinking things again.

“You’ll say anything to make me agree to this.”

Roger grinned. “Yes, I would— just say it and I’ll do it.”

John laughed softly. “That’s a dangerous thing to say Rog.”

“You have no idea what it would mean to me if you agreed, I’d be willing to do anything.” Roger said sounding more serious now.

John raised his eyebrows in surprise. He really didn’t have an idea of how important this was to Roger. But if it could make his best friend happy, he also was willing to do anything.

“You don’t have to do anything. I’ll do it.” 

A bright smile formed on Roger’s face. The kind of smile that made John just as happy. The wind was knocked out of him when Roger threw himself on top of him, his arms wrapped tightly around his neck. “Thank you— thank you! I knew you would.”

“Just remember I still have to study and pass my exams.” John laughed while struggling to breathe.

Roger pulled away still smiling widely. “Yes— yes I know. You’ll do fine, you always do.” He said and got up to get his coat.

John raised his eyebrows. “Where are you going?”

“I have to pick up Clare from her dance class.” Roger explained while he wrapped his scarf around his neck. “I’ll see you tomorrow for Freddie’s party, you’ll pick me up?”

“Yeah sure.” John said while getting up to open his window, so Roger could get out again.

Roger smiled. “Great.” He seemed to be thinking for a moment before he gave John a quick peck on the cheek. “Thanks again, you’re the best.”

John blinked and touched his own cheek. “Oh— don’t mention it.”

Without looking back Roger climbed through the window and made his way down the waterpipe again. John stared out his window his hand still of his cheek as he saw Roger’s blond hair disappear from view.

***

John rang the doorbell; it was still freezing outside, and the wind whipped around him, the cold stung his face. The door opened and he could feel the warmth from inside the house pulling him in.

Winifred smiled warmly at him. “Hi John, come in— Roger is still upstairs, probably deciding on what to wear.” She explained.

“As always.” John grinned as he took off his coat and shoes.

“He might need some help.” Winifred chuckled. “You know the way.”

John nodded and made his way upstairs, towards Roger’s room. He heard Roger talking, but no one responded. He must be on the phone John thought.

“Roger?” John called from outside the door and knocked to make sure he wouldn’t intrude on any important phone calls.

“Sorry Dominique I got to go, John’s here— I’ll see you later.” Roger said and ended the call.

John opened the door then and peeked inside as he saw Roger put the phone back on the horn.

“Hey.” Roger smiled, looking a little nervous. “You don’t usually knock.”

“No, but I heard you were on the phone, figured I wouldn’t intrude.” John explained and closed the door behind him.

“Oh— oh yeah.” Roger said and turned to his closet; he was wearing a pair of black jeans but no shirt yet. “It’s good you’re here, you can help me pick out a shirt. I don’t know which one I should wear.”

“Want to look good for Dominique?” John asked as he sat on the end of the bed.

“What?” Roger asked turned around a faint blush on his face.

John looked at him confused; Roger wasn’t usually this nervous. “It was her on the phone, right? I figured you were trying to decide what to wear because you were going to see her again.”

Roger seemed taken a back for a moment, but then seemed to recover and turned back to search through his closet. “Oh— uh, yes, that’s why.”

“It doesn’t matter.” John said.

“What doesn’t?” Roger said while he pulled a shirt and hung it back again after pulling a face.

“What you’re wearing.”

“No?” Roger asked glancing over his shoulder a small smile played on his lips. “You don’t want me to look nice?”

“But that’s just it—” John shrugged. “You always look nice, whatever you choose to wear.”

Roger blinked and smiled softly. “Thanks.”

John watched him finally pick a shirt after three more tries, settling for a simple denim button up. John was right, Roger did look great in anything. He could wear a paper bag and still make it work; a fact John was often jealous of.

“See you look great.” John smiled as Roger tied the laces of his sparkly converse.

“Yeah?” Roger smiled.

John nodded. “I’m sure Dominique will appreciate it.”

Roger’s smile faltered a little and he turned to the mirror to fix his hair. “Uh— yeah, I guess so.”

The change in Roger’s mood didn’t escape John. He knew Roger long enough to know something was a little off, which didn’t make much sense. He had been so full of Dominique before, now he just seemed nervous; which also wasn’t really like him. John didn’t say anything about it and figured it could just be his own imagination.

When Roger was ready John got up and checked himself in the mirror, which he had done several times before in his own room. He would never admit to it, but his room almost resembled Julie’s room whenever she has party and couldn’t decide what to wear. He decided he looked okay and turned to Roger.

“Ready?”

Roger nodded and followed John out of his bedroom when he suddenly asked. “Are those new jeans?”

John looked at his own jeans and back at Roger with a small smile while walking down the stairs. “Oh yeah, bought them when I went shopping with Julie. I thought they were a little tight, she said they looked good though. So, I guess I’ll trust her, being my sister and all.”

“Uh yeah, they are nice.” Roger swallowed and watched John till he reached the bottom of the stairs. Roger followed him and grabbed his coat while John reached for his shoes.

“Very nice.” Roger mumbled under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed reading it! Let me know what you thought. I hope it isn't going to slow for y'all. :3


	3. Chapter III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger realises why he has been feeling so weird lately and he doesn't know how to deal with it. He tries to act normal but John notices he is acting strange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Update time, it took me a little longer than expected. Been a little sick this week, so wasn't able to edit earlier. But hopefully I'll be back on schedule again. Thanks everyone for leaving such nice comments on the last chapter. I really appreciate every comment and kudos. I love to read what you think. So I hope you'll enjoy this one as well. <3

**Chapter III**

The end of the school year was almost nearing, and Roger really couldn’t wait for it to be over. In his mind he was already in university, London was going to be amazing. If everything went well, he and his friends were all going to London. He and John were going to be looking for a flat together. Just the prospect of living together with his best friend made Roger giddy. He would daydream about it daily and forgot to study. Which wasn’t really helping, if he even wanted to go to university, he had to pass his exams.

It would be a massive help if he could get any A levels. Roger worked well under pressure; he usually did homework at the last minute. It had gotten him through secondary school, with some help from John. He wasn’t lazy, he just got sidetracked a lot. But university gave him an incentive, living with John was his goal, getting out of their boring town was what he really wanted. So, there he was sitting in his room again; studying, or at least trying to.

They actually did start the band; another thing Roger couldn’t stop thinking about. It had gone surprisingly well. They practised in Brian’s garage, which his parents had strict rules about, no music after seven pm. Much to Roger’s dismay. But he wouldn’t complain, having a place to practise was great, and important. Being in a band with his friends was nice, but also very difficult at times. He learned that all of them had massive ego’s when it came to music.

It caused massive rows, and he was pretty sure John wanted to strangle Brian with one of his bass strings. John didn’t get angry very much, but when he did Roger was somewhat scared. Not because he would yell like Roger did, but because John would just ignore everyone, and he could keep it up for the rest of the day. He could also make very passive aggressive comments and Roger reminded himself not to get on John’s bad side.

Roger sighed when he thought of John. They had been friends for so long now and the last couple of months he had felt strange around him. For whatever reason he felt like he didn’t see John enough. They were together all the time, but he still felt the need to always have John around him.

Now that John and Veronica were sort of dating, Roger couldn’t remember the time they actually saw each other daily. That time was long gone, and Roger couldn’t help but miss his best friend. Now he would be lucky if he could spend more than two days with him every week. Freddie told him he was jealous, and Roger told him he was crazy. Why would he be jealous? He was the one who told John to get it on with Veronica; he didn’t actually think he would do it.

Roger looked at the photocollage above his bed. There were pictures with all his friends, but more than half of them were with John. Pictures from when they were children, every year was represented. Every picture was connected to a memory and just looking at them mad Roger smile. Sometimes he just wished things were like they were before. He knew that made him a bad friend, but he was only human.

Roger tried to focus on his biology textbook before he could make himself sad. He was saved by the ringing of the phone. He grabbed the horn and laid down on his bed.

“Hello?”

“Hi Roger, dear.”

“Hey Fred.” Roger said as he twirled the phone cord around his finger. “What’s up?”

“I need your help with something.”

Roger rolled his eyes, wondering what he gotten up to now. “With what?”

“The party tonight! Don’t tell me you have forgotten?” Freddie exclaimed.

“Party? I thought it was just a ‘get together’ as you put it.”

He could hear Freddie sigh impatiently. “Well whatever you want to call it, I need your help either way.”

“I’m studying.”

“Is John there with you?” Freddie asked.

Roger involuntarily blushed. “No? why would he?”

Freddie chuckled. “He’s your best friend and because he always makes you study.”

“No, he doesn’t.” Roger contested. “Besides I haven’t seen him all week.” He added sadly.

On the other side of the line Freddie was silent for a moment. “You think he’s with Veronica?”

Roger bit his lip and he sighed. “Who knows?”

“You would? Why don’t you talk to him?” Freddie asked

“And what would I tell him?” Roger asked slightly annoyed now, feeling alone and forgotten. “Oh please John, why don’t you spend time with me? Your best friend— who is pathetic and can’t live even one moment without you?” He said snappier than he wanted to. Freddie couldn’t help it he was in a bad mood.

From the silence on the other line Roger could hear Freddie was weighing his words. “You know that’s not what I meant— I’m just saying you could tell him that you miss him?”

Roger snorted.

“Knowing John, he would probably really appreciate it if you were honest with him.” Freddie tried.

Roger turned to lay on his stomach and looked up at the photos on the wall. The recent photo of them both smiling brightly, with John’s arms wrapped around Roger. “Yeah I guess— I just feel stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.” Freddie said, his voice soft and gentle.

Roger pried his eyes away from the picture and looked out the window instead. It was rainy which just added to his awful mood. “It’s not like I didn’t try, I just— I guess I chickened out.”

Freddie clicked his tongue. “Why?”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea Fred.” Roger said while he got up and walked up and down his room as far as the phone cord would let him. “I don’t want him to think I’m jealous or anything— because I’m not, I’m happy for him.”

“I know you are.” Freddie said calmly. “It’s just— John isn’t the type of person that would be annoyed if you said you wanted to spend more time with him.”

Roger sighed impatiently. “I know that! Can we just let it go?” He really didn’t want to talk about this anymore.

Freddie sighed; he knew better than to press Roger into something he didn’t want to do. “Alright darling, whatever you want.”

“Thank you. I’ll be there in half an hour to help you.”

“Great. See you then.” He said and broke the connection.

Immediately Roger felt even worse, he knew Freddie only wanted to help. But as of right now he just didn’t know what to do. He was doing what every teenager would do, and just not talk about it in the hope it would go away on its own. 

***

Roger normally loved parties, but tonight he really wasn’t feeling it. He had helped Freddie with the snacks, which mostly consisted of putting chips and popcorn in bowls. Freddie had told everyone to bring alcohol and put it on the kitchen table. It was loaded with different types of strong liquor and many beer bottles.

Crystal, one of the older guys; he and his friends who were already in university had brought most of it. They didn’t have to sneak it from their parents. Crystal had saved him and John from bullies on multiple occasions when they only just started secondary school. Everyone loved Crystal, but bullies were scared of him. It just so happened they shared the same last name, which was rather convenient, and they tricked other kids they were cousins. From that moment on the bullies had moved on from Roger and his friends.

A beer was being held out in front of him. He looked at it as if it was something foreign. “Don’t think I brought these for nothing?” 

Roger looked up seeing Crystal smirk at him. The beer was almost in his face now. He rolled his eyes and grabbed it. “I’m not thirsty.”

“That helps then, because I don’t think you should drink alcohol when you’re thirsty.” Crystal snorted as he sat down next to him on the sofa, draping one arm over the back. “Why are you in a mood?”

“Who says I’m in a mood?” Roger asked defensively.

Crystal didn’t seem impressed. “I say?” 

“Well I’m not.” Roger said while sipping his beer. “Not in a good one at least.” 

“Why are you not mingling then. I see Dom’s here—” Crystal questioned, pointing his beer bottle into the direction of the brunette. Who was talking to Chrissie. “She’s been eyeing you every five seconds. Why are you not on her pretty boy?”

Roger looked up at Dominique, who waved at him. He gave her a small smile and waved back before glancing at Crystal. “We are not together?”

Crystal raised and eyebrow. “No? I thought you were, see this is what happens when you move, completely out of the loop.”

“Oh yeah because knowing all the gossip in your hometown is where it’s at.” Roger laughed while shaking his head.

“Well I remember clearly you wouldn’t shut up about her over the phone, so what gives?”

Roger glanced at Dominique again. She was beautiful and her smile was just as gorgeous. The way she carried herself, so confident was what attracted him to her. “We’re just friends.” Things were different now. Dom knew that.

Crystal grinned and swirled his beer around before drinking. “She gave you the boot, didn’t she?”

“No—” Roger muttered. “She did not _give_ me the boot— we were never together actually, only went on a couple of dates.”

“Snogged her?”

Roger rolled his eyes. “What are you? My sister?”

“I would be a babe as a woman, and you know it.”

“You just had to put that image in my head, didn’t you?” Roger said and scrunched up his nose.

Crystal smirked. “Hey it’s your mind, not mine.”

Roger shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment, willing the scary image of a female Crystal Taylor out of his brain. “If you must know— yes we kissed, multiple times.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Roger glanced around the room. It was a small group of people. Most of them friends. Others were classmates, friends from friends. But not actually his. Leaning against the kitchen counter was John smiling and talking with Veronica, who was giggling and touching his shoulder. He averted his gaze and looked back at Crystal when she leaned in to kiss John.

“No problem.” Roger said and finished his beer all at once.

Crystal gave him a strange look when he noticed what he had been looking at. “You sure?”

Roger nodded and put down the beer bottle on the coffee table. “Yeah.”

“If you say so.” Crystal said glancing back at John again.

Roger shrugged, ready to be done with the conversation.

Crystal took his lack of response as a cue and went to grab them another drink.

***

The rest of the night went by and Roger sneaked off to one of the bedrooms, grabbing his cigarettes with him. He had a little too much to drink and the room was spinning. He needed a little fresh air. He opened the window all the way and sat down in the open window, putting one foot on the windowsill. The cool breeze helped him clear his head and stopped the world from spinning.

He took a cigarette and lit it, inhaling deeply before blowing it out again. From the living he could hear the music being changed to something less loud. He was reluctant to go back there, he wondered if he could just sneak out altogether. But that would mean the others would ask him why he left, and he then would have to explain. The thing was that he honestly couldn’t explain, he didn’t really know what was going on with him.

What he did know was that he felt confused and had been feeling like this the last few months. He always thought he knew what he wanted, but lately he wasn’t too sure. That thought just frightened him and he couldn’t tell anyone. He took another shaky drag from his cigarette.

“Here you are—”

Roger startled and turned his head. “Jesus! John, don’t sneak up on me like that.”

John chuckled and closed the door behind him. “You have something to hide? Are you smoking weed or something?”

“No— not tonight.” Roger laughed and offered John his cigarette.

“Then what are you doing here alone?” John asked while taking the cigarette and taking a drag before returning it to Roger. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Just needed some fresh air. Was getting a little loud in there.”

John raised his eyebrows in amusement. “Ah yes, the sweet smell of cigarettes, I was wondering what was smelling so fresh in here.”

“Twat.” Roger grinned a little and took another drag before handing it over to John again.

“Knobhead.” John countered with a laugh.

They passed the cigarette until Roger flicked it out of the window. Roger was feeling a lot calmer now. John just had that effect on him. They could spend all night with each other; not talking and he’d still enjoy his time with him. He looked up and noticed John staring at him.

“What?”

John seemed to hesitate for a moment. “Is there something wrong?”

Roger’s heart started beating a little faster. Fuck why did he always knew something was up. “No? Why do ask?” He lied.

“I don’t know—” John shrugged. “You’re here on your own, which isn’t like you— usually you’re out there— with Freddie, thinking of some way to make the party even more interesting.”

“I guess I’m not into a partying mood tonight.” Roger said and looked outside trying to avoid John’s searching eyes that could always see right through him.

John looked at him in surprise. “Oh— well why didn’t you come to me? We hardly spoken all night, we could have left and— well I don’t know have a movie night or something?”

Roger tore his eyes away from the street in front of the house. “Didn’t you come here with Veronica—wouldn’t be really fair to her wouldn’t it?” He asked accusingly, he knew he was being a baby about all this, but he just couldn’t help it.

John seemed a little taken aback by that. Which somehow made Roger feel a little better. “She would understand.” He replied with some uncertainty in his voice.

“Would she really?” Roger snorted. He couldn’t help but feel a bit smug that John would choose him over Veronica. But he also hated that about himself, hated how he could be so selfish.

“I think so yeah, Veronica is a nice girl— she knows you’re my best friend.” John started explaining.

Roger grinned and got up from where he was sitting and closed the window. He looked up at John who had grown taller than him by a few inches in the last few years, the bastard. “You don’t have to explain, I know she is your girlfriend.”

“I don’t— we are not together, not officially anyway.” John said quickly, a flush had appeared on his cheeks.

“No?” Roger asked with a cheeky smile, yet his heart skipped a beat. “Why is she kissing you then?”

“She— I guess she wants to be, I just— I don’t know.” John said avoiding Roger’s eyes.

Roger frowned a little, not sure why John was getting all shy. Veronica was really into him. Anyone would be lucky to have him. He was sweet and thoughtful, always thought of others before himself. Not to mention he was good looking, there was no reason for him to be nervous.

John gave him a weird look when Roger didn’t say anything.

“And you don’t want to be?” He quickly asked when he noticed John’s stare.

“I don’t know— girls are difficult.” John sighed and sat down on the bed. 

“Difficult?” Roger laughed, sitting down next to him.

“Yes! She wants all these things— and I just, I feel like I’ll never be— well _good_.”

Roger raised an eyebrow and noticed John’s blush had intensified. “What do you…?”

John didn’t look at him and he was rubbing his palms over his jeans, which he did a lot when he was nervous. “Oh—” Roger’s eyes widened when the realisation hit him, a strange feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. “Oooh…”

“Yeah.” John said still not looking at Roger.

Roger could feel himself blush a little as well. He rolled his eyes, why was he blushing. “Well you— just got to— you know, do it? If you want to? I mean you do want to, right?” He asked rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. He held his breath, worried about the answer.

John looked up at him, biting his lower lip. “I guess?”

Roger looked at him, trying not to seem to hopeful. “You uh— you guess?”

John groaned and let himself fall backwards, putting his arm over his eyes. “Well I don’t know okay! It’s a lot of pressure— and I can’t talk to anyone about it and you’ve already done it. I feel everyone has already done it.”

“You can always talk to me about it.” Roger smiled and pried John’s arm way from where it was covering his eyes. Green eyes stared back at him and Roger just wanted to hug him.

“Is our friendship ready for that?” John grinned.

“I’m offended.” Roger said acting shocked.

John laughed. “I’m taking the piss; I know I can— it’s just awkward you know?”

Roger smiled and nodded. “Just for the record, my first time was shit. You’ll be fine.”

John gave him a sceptical look. “You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

Roger chuckled and stood up again. He took John’s hand and pulled him up to his feet. “Yes, I am, that’s what friends are for right.”

John smiled a little more then and pulled Roger into a hug, which surprised him. He blinked as he felt John holding him tightly. But after only a short moment he melted into the touch, holding on tightly, tangling his hands in John’s shirt, inhaling his familiar scent. He was afraid John was going to disappear if he let go now. It felt as though he was slipping through his fingers, while he was watching it happen. All to soon John let go and smiled at Roger.

“Want to go back there? My offer to go still stands.” John said softly.

“That's okay, let’s go back, I need another drink.” Roger faked a smile.

John nodded and went ahead of him. Roger followed him and stared at his back. He wanted to pull him back, hold him again— tell him to stay with Roger. Right there the two of them, like it always had been. He wanted to tell him not to back to her, and that’s when he knew— what he had known for a while now. He was screwed, he couldn’t deny it to himself anymore.

***

“Oh, there you are darlings, we thought you had left.” Freddie said happily when he saw both John and Roger get out of the bedroom. “We were just going to play a game.” He said while holding up an empty bottle.

From across the room Roger could see Veronica frown and whisper something to Dominique, when she noticed John was with Roger. Dominique shook her head and glanced at Roger.

“Yeah Roger was trying to escape through the window.” John giggled while Roger slapped his arm.

“No, I wasn’t. Just having a smoke.”

“What’s this about a game?” John asked as he sat down next to Veronica again, the way she looked at John made Roger want to just disappear.

“Oh— just some spin the bottle dear.” Freddie said. “I think it could be interesting.”

Roger ignored Freddie talking about his stupid game and nudged him. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” he whispered urgently.

Freddie stared at him for a moment, but then saw the look in Roger’s eyes knowing he was serious. “Yeah alright.” He handed the bottle to Brian who looked at it awkwardly.

“What am I supposed to do with this? I’m not going to play spin the bottle Freddie!” Brian called after him.

Freddie waved him off. “It’s just a bit of fun.”

They could hear Brian complain, while Chrissie told him not to take everything so serious. The rest didn’t pay him any mind. 

Roger tried to act normal when he and Freddie went to the narrow hallway of Freddie’s house. “What’s up Rog? You seem nervous.”

“Because I fucking am.” Roger hissed and started pacing up and down. “This is bad— really bad.”

“Well calm down and tell me what’s going on?”

“Don’t tell me to calm down.” Roger snapped while he continued to pace. “How can I possibly calm down.”

Freddie grabbed Roger’s shoulders and slowly turned him towards him, giving him a serious look. “Well I don’t know if you don’t tell me.”

Roger was on the verge of crying; tears were welling up in his eyes and his bottom lip was trembling. “I—” He started but his voice got stuck in his throat.

“Hey, hey— Roger.” Freddie said his expression full of worry now, noticing how Roger was panicking. “What’s wrong, come on tell me— you’re kind of scaring me here.”

Roger shook his head and swallowed. God this was a mess. He leaned down against the wall and let himself slide down, pulling his knees up to his chest. His voice was shaky when he spoke “I— uh, I have been feeling strange lately— well the last few months really.”

“Alright?” Freddie said prompting him to continue and sat down next to him. “Is this about Dom? Because she—”

“No.” Roger interrupted him. “No— there is nothing between me and Dominique. We decided to stay friends.”

“You did, when?”

Roger shook his head. This wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. He needed to get it of his chest. “We dated and it didn’t work out, we work better as friends. We both decided that— That’s it, but—”

“But?” Freddie asked.

“But— I think I know now why it didn’t work out…”

“What do you mean?”

Roger started picking on a loose thread on a small hole in his jeans. “I mean, it’s funny isn’t it— I was dating the most beautiful girl in school, anyone would say she is perfect— she is sweet, nice, funny— we got along perfectly and had loads of fun.” He listed and turned his head to Freddie. “Why would I throw that away? There has got to be a reason right— and for weeks and weeks I tried to figure it out. But now I just think I have known for a while now and I just didn’t want to admit it to myself.” 

Freddie seemed even more confused now with Roger’s explanation. “Know what exactly, you know you can tell me anything?”

Roger laughed, but there was no happiness behind it. He wanted to cry and just go to bed and wake up from the nightmare he was having. He continued picking on his jeans and managed to make a bigger hole, just like the one he was digging for himself. “I—” he swallowed and didn’t look at Freddie, he realized he had started crying when a wet spot formed on his jeans. He sniffled. “I’m in love with John.”

It was quiet for a moment and Roger could have sworn he heard Freddie hold his breath for a minute.

“But it doesn’t matter— I can’t tell him.” Roger mumbled while more tears started falling. “I know he is never going to feel the same and I don’t want to mess anything up for him— he just got a girlfriend and he is my best friend— I want what’s best for him. But I—”

While Roger started sobbing. He felt Freddie’s arms wrap around him, pulling him close. “Hey, hey— shh.” He shushed letting Roger get it all out.

Roger let himself be comforted by Freddie. Who didn’t say anything, knowing that whatever he would say wasn’t going to make Roger feel better about this. He couldn’t say that everything was going to be alright, because he just didn’t know.

“I don’t know what to do Fred.” Roger whispered after a few minutes, wiping his away his tears.

Freddie smiled compassionately. “Everything may seem impossible right now— and I’m not saying things will be the way how you want them to be. But it might be important to take some time to decide what you want to do— not make any rash decisions.”

Roger nodded and almost forgot how to breath. “Yeah. I think I’m going to go home— if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t—” Freddie assured. “But I’m not going to let you go home alone— you’ve had too much to drink. I wouldn’t sleep until I knew you were home safe.”

“But I can’t ask John—” Roger started.

“I’ll take him.”

Roger looked up a horrified expression on his face when he realized someone could have heard their conversation. He was somewhat relieved when Crystal stood there looking at them sitting there.

“How much did you hear?” Freddie asked softy.

“Enough— I was just going to take a piss, but then heard you crying, I didn’t mean to pry.”

Roger sniffled, feeling miserable. “It’s okay.” Both him and Freddie moved to get up to their feet.

“I’ll take you home.” Crystal said again, patting his shoulder. Before going to the bathroom. “I’ll just be a minute.” 

Roger nodded and looked for his jacket in the sea of coats on the coatrack. He waited for Crystal to come back. He felt awful for leaving without telling John, but if he went back in now John would know something was up and he wouldn’t let Roger go alone. But Roger didn’t know what he would do now, he had too much to drink and he didn’t trust himself to not blurt out anything right now.

When Crystal came back, they didn’t stay any longer. Freddie hugged him tightly and said he would tell the others he wasn’t feeling well, and that Crystal was going to take him home.

“Tell John I didn’t want to destroy his evening, that’s why I asked Crystal.” Roger pressed.

“He knows you wouldn't want that.”

“Yeah but tell him, please?”

Freddie nodded and smiled assuringly. “I will, now go and I will call you tomorrow.”

Roger smiled sadly and went with Crystal who was already waiting at the door. Freddie let them out and waved once more before he closed the door behind him. He and Crystal didn’t speak much. Roger felt empty, but in some strange way he also felt relief, that he wasn’t the only one who knew. He trusted both Freddie and Crystal not to say anything to John or anyone else for that matter. It meant he had time to think about how he wanted to deal with this.

When they got to Roger’s house, he thanked Crystal for taking him home. The cold weather had sobered him up a bit, but he still felt like he wanted to sleep the next few days.

“If you need anything, you know my number.” Crystal offered.

“Yeah thanks.” Roger said with a small smile. "I'm sorry I ruined the party for you."

Crystal snorted. "You didn't think I was going to play spin the bottle right?"

Roger could laugh a little at that. "No, I didn't think you were. Thanks again Crys."

Crystal nodded and walked off then, back to his own house.

Roger closed the door behind him and went to get ready for bed. As he was brushing his teeth, he tried not to think about John and his sweet smile or the way his eyes twinkled when he spoke about music he really enjoyed. How he giggled when Roger made another stupid joke, trying to hide his smile behind his hands. But how hard Roger tried his mind kept wandering to his best friend, and how he would ruin their friendships with his feelings.

When Roger finally slipped in bed and wrapped himself in his blankets, he grabbed one of his pillows and hugged it tightly, trying not to think about how it felt when John hugged him tonight.

It didn’t work— all he could think about was John and his comforting touch. That felt so familiar but all so different now too. He fell into a restless sleep thinking about what he had to do.

***

After a night with hardly any sleep Roger went to school early that day. He went straight to the library, which was unlikely of him. On a normal day he went to school as late as he could; getting as much sleep as possible. But after tossing and turning the last few hours in bed he got frustrated with himself. He got out and after a quick shower and a piece of toast he went to school as early as he could.

He didn’t actually have any early classes that day, so he decided to try and study for exams. Which were really close now. With just two more weeks to go and hardly any studying done, Roger felt like he was too far behind with basically everything. His mum would kill him if he didn’t graduate that year. Roger worked well under stress and with everything going on, he figured now was the time to start cramming.

While working in the library he had heard people come and go while he was in there studying. He had chosen a quiet spot where he wouldn’t be too noticeable but realized his mistake when he heard footsteps.

“Rog?”

His heart skipped a beat, he already knew who that voice belonged to. He turned in his seat and looked up. John’s green eyes, or grey; however the light would catch them, stared back at him. He appeared a little worried. “I have been looking all over for you— I came to pick you up this morning— but you were already gone, and your mom hadn’t heard you leave this morning.”

Roger immediately felt bad, he didn’t want to worry John. “I’m sorry, I woke up early and realized I haven’t done much studying, and I had two free periods, so came here— I forgot you were picking me up.” He lied, which was a terrible lie, but what else could he have said.

John frowned a little, but he seemed relieved anyway. “You could have left a note for your mum or something, I wouldn’t have worried so much.”

“You were worried?” Roger asked, hating how his voice sounded hopeful as if that meant anything more than his best friend worrying about him. 

“Of course I was worried.” John replied in disbelief. He sat down next to him, searching for Roger’s eyes. “You just left the party last night— and now you were not at home when I came to pick you up—” He said and hesitated for a second before he added unsurely. “Is everything okay? You’ve been acting a little weird.”

Roger wanted the ground to swallow him whole. He tried to fake a smile and he hoped John wouldn’t see right through it. “I’m fine. Just a little stressed because of finals.” He started explaining. “— and last night I suddenly didn’t feel so well.” He hated lying to John, it made him sick. “Didn’t Freddie tell you? because I asked him to.”

“He did yeah— you seemed fine when we spoke before though. Why didn’t you tell me? I offered to take you home.” John said looking a little disappointed.

“I know— I didn’t want to ruin your night with Veronica.” Roger mumbled ignoring how his heart ached mentioning her name.

John sighed. “Rog— I told you she doesn’t mind; she knows how important you are to me.”

Roger couldn’t stop himself from blushing and looked down at his hands. “Oh— yeah, you are important to me too.”

John smiled and closed Roger’s book to see what he was working on. “Math, you should have told me you were having trouble; we can go over it together?”

“You are swamped with work yourself— I don’t want to bother you with it.” Roger said while carefully looking up with a small smile.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” John chuckled. “You could never bother me.”

Roger smiled a bit more now. “I just mean I don’t want to keep you off your own work— I wouldn’t want you to fail because of me.” He teased.

“Hey.” John said and shoved his arm gently. “I would never fail.”

“Such confidence.” Roger laughed, but he knew John was right, he didn’t think John ever failed any of his classes.

John shrugged and laughed with him.

The bell rang indicating the end of break. Roger had another free period and he was going to use that to keep studying and try not to think about how sweet and thoughtful John was and not to mention how handsome. He wanted to seriously hit himself in the head, now wasn't the time to fantasise about your best friend and things that are never going to happen anyway. He snapped out of inner monologue when John spoke again, he looked at Roger with an expression he couldn't quite figure out. 

“I have to run to class, but I can help you after school?” John asked and slung his bag over his shoulder. “I can go home with you after class?”

A smile formed on Roger's lips. “Yeah that would be great.”

“Okay.” John smiled and squeezed Roger's shoulder and walked away. “Wait for me.” He called over his shoulder.

“Always.” Roger sighed, knowing the double meaning of his own words.

Only after John was completely gone, and only when he was sure he couldn't see him anymore he continued studying. His mind full of John and when he would see him again that afternoon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3 Roger wasn't having the best of times. I hope you are all still enjoying it, let me know your thoughts. I really appreciate it! <3


	4. Chapter IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and John are looking for a flat to rent when they go to uni after the summer. They stay at Crystal's place for the weekend. Something happens to Roger that makes John feel strange and makes him question things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm back with an update! Thanks everyone that took the time to read again and leave such nice comments! They make me so happy. This one is a little longer this time. I hope you will all enjoy <3 let me know your thoughts, I love reading them.

**Chapter IV**

Ever since the party John had felt strange. Roger was still acting different than usual. Not all the time, but there were moments he felt like he didn’t know what was going on with him. Which was an unsettling feeling. Ever since they were friends, John always knew what was going on in Roger’s life. They shared everything, didn’t have secrets for each other. Roger himself was an open book. But now John felt things were different and it frustrated him how he couldn’t put his finger on what that was exactly.

He felt as though Roger was keeping something from him. But what worried him even more was that he saw him talking to Freddie during breaks or free periods; talking to each other in hushed voices. Usually that didn’t bother him, Freddie and Roger were great friends. But now he felt a pang of jealousy every time John saw them together. That Roger would rather talk to Freddie than him about whatever he was going through.

What makes it even worse is that it seemed like Roger was keeping his distance. John wondered if he had anything to do with Veronica, or maybe something he did. But he couldn’t think of anything he might have done. Every time he decided he would ask Roger about it, he chickened out. He had already told him nothing was wrong, and John didn’t want to get in argument with him. Roger had a temper when he was annoyed, and even if he didn’t get angry at John often, he’d rather not test his luck. So, John didn’t bring it up again, but still the nagging feeling didn’t go away.

“What’s on your mind?”

John looked up from the newspaper he was supposed to be searching for possible flats in London they could rent. That was the only thing that made John feel any better at the moment, the fact that Roger still wanted to live with him gave him hope. Roger was staring back at him with a curious smile, leaning his elbow on the table, hand against his cheek.

“Oh—” John blinked. “Nothing really, just can’t really find any flats that are remotely in our price range.” He lied.

Roger nodded with a pout and pushed the newspaper he was searching through to the side. “Yeah I don’t think we’ll find anything like this.”

John sighed. “I guess not, but how else will we find something then?”

Roger chewed on the back of his pen, thinking for a moment. “Hmm— what about if we ask Crystal? He already lives in London; he might have an idea?”

“That might not be a bad idea, maybe he has some connections.” John agreed.

“My ideas are never bad.”

John snorted and shook his head. “I wish I could see how the world looks like from Roger Taylor’s perspective, must be grand to be so confident all the time.”

Roger grinned and winked. “It’s lovely from this side. I highly recommend.”

John laughed, he felt relieved they still had their usual banter. “Why don’t you call Crystal?”

That’s what Roger did. John watched him as he joked with Crystal over the phone, smiling brightly. John found himself staring at the excited expression on his best friend’s face. His smile could light up a thousand rooms. He didn’t even hear what Roger said, to busy watching him.

When Roger hung up the phone, he was practically bouncing up and down. “London next weekend mate!”

John looked at Roger in confusion. “London? Next weekend?”

Roger raised an eyebrow. “Weren’t you listening? Crystal asked us to come over. He’ll ask around and will keep an eye open. He knows some people and his landlord also has some other buildings, so they might have something. He wants us to come over so we can check out some things if they do have something.”

“It’s not like I can hear what Crystal was saying you know.” John said annoyed he was caught not listening again. But that sounded very promising. “That’s great though, I do have to ask mum if it’s alright though— she is very strict right now with finals coming up soon.”

“Tell her it’s for school?” Roger suggested.

John laughed. “I swear she can smell it when I lie to her.”

“I’ll come over for dinner this week and be my charming self and convince her, she can’t refuse me.” Roger grinned.

John rolled his eyes in amusement. “Who could?”

Roger beamed up at him. “No one.”

That damn smile was infectious, and John thought he might have been right about that. 

***

Of course, Roger had been right. No one could refuse him, not even John’s mum who adored John’s best friend since they were children and became friends that first week. There John was, standing on the train station in London, ready to take the tube to Crystal’s flat. 

Roger was nearly buzzing out of his skin from excitement. “Okay we got to take this line and then we just have to walk for about fifteen minutes to get to Crystal’s place.” He said and traced the line on the board.

They were going to stay a whole weekend at Crystal’s flat. One of his roommates was gone for the weekend and he had agreed that Roger and John could sleep in his room. It took them more than a few hours to finally arrive at Crystal’s flat. They got horribly lost because Roger had insisted, they had to take a certain line to get to Crystal, while John had argued they should have taken a different one, but Roger didn’t back down and John just went with it. When they arrived in a not so nice neighbourhood John finally took the map from him and they had to take the tube back to where they originally started.

“Took you long enough.” Crystal grinned as he leaned in the doorway when they rang the doorbell.

“Well someone was sure he knew the directions.” John said sarcastically.

Roger pouted. “Hey— it was a mistake— I said I was sorry.”

John laughed and put a hand on his shoulder. “I know, I’m just taking the piss.”

They followed Crystal upstairs to his which he shared with a few roommates. He showed them around the small spaces. It had four small bedrooms, one bathroom they all had to share. Crystal told them to be early if they wanted to use the shower and still have hot water. “It’s not my fault if you are going to freeze your balls off.” He commented.

The living room slash kitchen was small, and it was mostly decorated with shabby furniture. On the walls hung several posters of bands and indecently clothed women. In the kitchen there were dishes everywhere, he couldn’t find a spot that was remotely clean. The kitchen table was littered in empty beer bottles and bottles of half-finished liquor. Empty bags of crisps lay forgotten on the floor. John was mostly very organized, and his mother would kick his arse if he didn’t clean his room. He wondered how they could all live like this.

“Looks like you had a party or something?” Roger asked voicing what John was thinking.

Crystal shrugged lighting a cigarette and looked around as if there wasn’t anything weird about the state of their flat. “Oh— no not really, we just forgot to clean up.”

Roger laughed. “You’re a pig Crys.”

“What’s your point?” Crystal smirked around his cigarette. “Here let me show you where you can bunk for the weekend.”

John shook his head and grabbed his bag and followed Roger and Crystal to the room they were supposed to sleep in. It was small and John was amazed it fitted all the furniture in the room. Roger dropped himself on the bed with a sigh. “My feet hurt.”

“And who’s fault is that?” John joked while putting his bag on the ratty armchair in the corner.

Roger stuck out his tongue and grinned. “Fine I’ll never give directions again.”

“Thank god.”

Crystal shook his head. “If you two are ready later, let’s go and get something to eat? I’m not doing any cooking so.”

“It’s not like I’m very inclined to taste any of your cooking.” Roger teased.

“I’m a master chef blondie— only a few are fortunate enough to experience my impeccable taste.” Crystal said before leaving the room and giving them time to get settled.

The rest of the night went by fast. They went to a small pub to have some food and drinks. John enjoyed himself, there was nice music in the background, and they watched some football on the telly. The next day Crystal would take them around town. He had asked his landlord if he had some flats for hire and he had about two flats that were going to be empty next school year. Mr Davidson the landlord had agreed to meet them the next day to show it to Roger and John.

When they were back in Crystal’s flat it was well past midnight. “I can’t believe your mums agreed to let you two stay with me.”

John giggled, he shouldn’t have taken that last beer, the room was spinning a little. “Roger is very convincing; my mom can’t say no to him, she loves him. I haven’t met a soul who didn’t love him.”

“Oh Deaky—” Roger cooed and softly nudged his side; a faint blush covered his cheeks. “You’re too sweet.”

“It’s true! When you are in the room, everyone looks at you.”

Roger bit his lip and gave John a look of adoration. Crystal raised an eyebrow and gave Roger a look. When Roger noticed Crystal looking at him, he quickly averted his eyes and cleared his throat. “We should probably go to bed.” He quickly said and pulled John with him to their bedroom for the night.

John protested while Roger pulled him along. “Wait Rog, whats gotten into you.” He laughed. “Sorry Crystal, see you tomorrow.” He called over his shoulder as Roger dragged him to their room.

“Night lads.” Crystal grinned while shaking his head as he went to his own bedroom.

***

Roger sighed as he closed the door behind him. He still had a faint blush on his cheeks and John wondered if it was because of the beer or something else. He couldn’t really think straight himself at the moment, but Roger seemed nervous all of a sudden. John saw him eyeing the rather small bed in the middle of the room. It looked much smaller than it did before. He wasn’t too bothered, because he and Roger had slept in the same bed before. But for some reason Roger was acting weird again.

He pushed that thought out of his mind for now and started searching through his bag trying to find his sleep clothes. He pulled out his sleep shirt and sweatpants and started undressing. He shivered slightly when the draft that came through the window touched his skin. When he pulled the shirt over his head and opened his eyes again, he stared right into Roger’s big blue eyes. The look on his face was something John hadn’t seen before. The blush on Roger’s cheeks had returned more vividly and John couldn’t deny it looked lovely on him.

Roger quickly averted his eyes and started fiddling with his bag as if he had been caught doing something that wasn’t allowed.

John carefully approached Roger and touched his shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yeah—” Roger said while he hid behind his hair still searching through his bag, pulling out different items and throwing them on the bed. “Where the hell is my sleep shirt.” He muttered under his breath.

“Are you sure? You— you seem a little nervous.” 

Roger looked up then and had finally found said shirt. “I’m not nervous— why would I be nervous?” His voice coming out a little higher than usual.

John wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol that made him more inclined to speak his mind or because of the way Roger acted lately. “I don’t know— you just seemed nervous when you looked at the bed when we came back in here— if you want me to sleep on the sofa I—”

“I’m fine John.” Roger said sounding slightly annoyed, quickly changing into his sleep clothing. He pulled out a toiletry bag. “I don’t want you to sleep on the sofa. That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I’m just saying that if you are feeling uncomfortable— I would understand?” He offered. “I guess the bed is rather small?” John said trying to figure out why Roger seemed nervous despite him saying he wasn’t.

“I’m not uncomfortable John!” Roger snapped as he stood at the door, ready to go to the bathroom.

John blinked and closed his mouth, feeling a little shocked. Roger hardly ever yelled at him. “Oh… I— I’m sorry. I just— I didn’t mean to...”

Roger sighed, he leaned his back against the door and took a deep breath before looking at John apologetic expression. “I’m just tired, I had a bit too much to drink. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’m sorry.”

John sat down on the bed and stared back at him; he still felt a little stunned, but he nodded anyways, not wanting to upset Roger any further. “It’s okay.”

Roger seemed to feel a little guilty and he gave a small smile. “You better be in that bed when I get back.” He tried to joke.

A smile formed on John’s lips, feeling relieved. “I still have to brush my teeth.”

“Well you better get back after you brush your teeth then.” Roger said as he opened the door going to the bathroom.

When Roger was gone John continued undressing, putting on his sweatpants. He searched for his own toiletry bag while deep in thought. He was almost certain Roger had been looking at him just now and maybe it was his own alcohol influenced mind, but it looked like how Roger used to watch girls. How he— how he used to watch Dominique. But that couldn’t be right, why would he look at John like that. It must have been his own imagination, trying to make up things for Roger’s strange behaviour.

John sighed. He shouldn’t be making sense of this now; he shouldn’t be making sense of this anyways. Because there wasn’t anything going on. Roger was just Roger, his best friend. There was no way he was looking at him in any other way than he usually did. John had to get himself together, why was he even thinking about this in the first place. He shook his head and walked towards the bathroom, putting it out of his head.

Roger was just coming out the bathroom. He smiled at John. “Remember— no fleeing.” He joked.

“Wouldn’t dare.” John chuckled.

While he went in the bathroom he paused in the doorway, seeing Roger enter their room for the night. He then quickly went to brush his teeth looking at his own reflection in the mirror. He tried not to overthink things, but naturally he played the events from just before over in his head. Normally Roger and he were so open about things, now he just felt like Roger was constantly hiding things from him.

When he was done brushing his teeth, he rinsed his mouth and went back to the bedroom. Roger was already huddled under the duvet, his blond hair peeking out. He looked up when John closed the door and pulled the covers to the side so John could join him.

For some reason John now felt a little nervous, but he didn’t show it and stepped in bed, shivering slightly because the sheets weren’t warmed up yet.

“Are you cold?” Roger asked softly, looking at him with hooded eyes.

John pulled the covers around him for warmth. “A little, I will be fine in a bit.”

Roger moved a little closer and John could feel the heat from his body, but he didn’t move close enough that they were touching, which made John want to reach out and pull Roger into a hug. His hands twitched to touch, but he didn’t.

“I hope one of the flat’s is nice.” Roger said quietly, he looked very close to falling asleep. “I can’t wait to have our own place. It’s going to be so much fun.”

John smiled, even when Roger was only half conscious, he could still be excited about things. “I can’t wait.”

Roger gave him a sleepy smile before closing his eyes. “Good night Deaky.”

“Night Rog.”

Within five minutes Roger was fast asleep, his breathing evening out and his expression calm. John studied his face and noticed just how impossibly long Roger’s eyelashes were. Everyone always said how pretty Roger was and John couldn’t deny that he really was. His soft features, the soft blond hair that looked so touchable and his blue eyes that were just unfairly beautiful.

John startled when Roger made a soft sound in his sleep, but he held his breath when Roger moved closer and slung an arm around John’s waist. He had forgotten Roger cuddled in his sleep. They hugged before and Roger was a touchy person, so it usually didn’t bother John too much. But being this close and in bed just felt a little different and he couldn’t stop his heart from pounding. What was going on with him. He looked at Roger again, but he was in deep sleep and moved even closer. John could now count the freckles on his nose and his breath tickled John’s skin.

Very carefully John tried to move away a little, to put some distance between them. But it was impossible, even in his sleep Roger was insisting. Roger mumbled a little in his sleep and tightened his hold on John, which made his heart squeeze. Without thinking about it he reached out and brushed strand of hair out of Roger’s face. Roger made another soft sound that wasn’t anything more than a sigh. Not wanting to take his chances of waking him up John stayed still and closed his eyes; they would deal with any possible awkwardness in the morning. A content sigh passed Roger’s lips and John felt himself drift away into a peaceful sleep. 

***

The next day Roger was already out of bed when John woke up. He woke up from the sound of the door closing and Roger standing there with wet hair in his boxers and sleep shirt.

“Good morning sleepy head.” Roger smiled when he noticed John was waking up.

John groaned and hid his head under the covers. “Wanna sleep.”

“You might want to get up. Crystal isn’t awake yet and the water is still warm now.” Roger chuckled and sat down on the bed, trying to pull the duvet away from John. “How did you sleep?”

John peeked an eye open and stared back in Roger’s bright eyes. “— slept alright, better than expected.” He said while stretching before sitting up. “You?”

Roger smiled and reached for his bag to find his jeans. “Very well yeah.”

While Roger dressed John found himself staring. He shook his head and could feel his cheeks heat up when he noticed his eyes were wandering over Roger’s chest, his soft stomach and the curve of his ass. “I— I’ll take that shower now.” He said and quickly got up, hoping Roger didn’t notice him staring. He grabbed his things from his bag before making his way to the bathroom.

“Yeah I’ll find out if there is anything edible in this house.” Roger chuckled, seemingly not having seen anything. “Not likely though.”

“Yeah I won’t be long.” John said before fleeing the room, his heart was racing, he was just checking out his best friend. What the bloody hell was going on with him.

His shower helped him calm down a little, but he still felt strange. Why did he look at Roger like that. He was his best friend and he never ever looked at him in that way. Besides Roger was a guy, he wasn’t into guys— was he? If he was being honest with himself, he never even thought much about it. He never had a real relationship, and now that he was dating Veronica, he just assumed he was into girls. But was he really? He never questioned it. This was all just messing with his brain; Roger was his best friend. That was the only thing he was certain about.

It had taken him longer to get ready than expected, and Crystal was probably going to yell at them for using up the hot water. Roger had collected all the edible things from the fridge and made some tea. They ate their uninspiring breakfast together while waiting for Crystal to join them.

They realized Crystal was up when they heard someone curse from the bathroom. “You fucking wankers! You used up all the hot water.”

John and Roger cringed at the same time, before they started laughing together. 

“We should definitely find a way to make it up to him.” Roger suggested while still laughing.

The rest of the day Crystal was cranky while he took them to their appointments. Crystal’s landlord was already at the first apartment. The guy was a balding short guy in his fifties, his glasses were on the tip of his nose and his coat was way too big for him. He greeted Crystal and shook their hands.

He then took them to the third floor of the building where the first flat was. John wondered who was living there now, because he had never seen a messier flat. It didn’t even compare to the mess he had seen in Crystal’s place. It was like it hadn’t been cleaned in weeks. You could hardly see the kitchen because of the piles of dishes and pizza boxes. There were empty beer bottles everywhere and it looked like someone was camping out in the living room. There was a sleeping bag on the sofa and an empty cereal bowl was on the coffee table.

“Ah you have look through the mess, I’m afraid.” Mr Davidson said while looking at the state of his flat.

John wondered if he could. Mr. Davidson showed them the whole place. It was small, but big enough for both John and Roger, it had two bedrooms and the bathroom looked alright. He still wanted to see the other flat, because for some reason he felt like they were going to have to thoroughly clean this one and that was not something he was looking forward to.

The second flat was like a breath of fresh air. It seemed like this one was being occupied by two girls, because even if there was clothing and shoes everywhere, it was at least somewhat clean. It also didn’t smell like death, which was big plus. It was also slightly bigger and felt homier than the one before. While mr. Davidson was going on about the great location between the university and the pubs and shops nearby Roger went to look at the bedrooms. John checked out the bathroom which was clean, and the faucets didn’t drip. The kitchen was small but also clean.

He only had to look at Roger to know he was excited about this flat just as much as he was. It was perfect, but he worried about the cost.

“So, what do you lads think?”

John looked around again before glancing at Mr. Davidson. “It’s good. How much is the rent?”

“I’m sure we can work something out.” Mr Davidson said with a smile.

Roger smiled brightly. “That would be great.”

John wondered if the smile on the landlord’s face was genuine though. But he figured Crystal wouldn’t set them up with a shady character, so he decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“It’s yours if you want it. I do have other people that are interested though, so let me know as soon as possible.” He handed John a stack of papers and a card with his contact information. “Read this through and fill in the forms, get it back to me before you leave.”

John nodded and put them in his bag, he would give them a read when they got back to Crystal’s place. They followed Mr. Davidson outside and said goodbye leaving in opposite directions.

“I think we should take it John.” Roger said sounding excited. “I don’t think we’ll find something better, and Crystal knows the man, he’s a good landlord right Crys?”

Crystal shrugged. “He’s fine, jus strict about rent being on time otherwise he’ll kick you out. But he fixes everything that needs to be fixed.”

John hummed. “Seems reasonable, I’ll read through the forms and see if there is anything weird in there before, we sign it though. We also have to ask permission Rog.”

Roger groaned a little, but his bright smile didn’t leave his face. “I know, but it’s just so great and I can’t wait to live here.”

It was contagious and it made his heart swell seeing Roger so excited. John couldn’t keep the smile of his face. He allowed himself to think about what it would be like living with Roger and he realised he was just as excited as him. “We’ll call our mums when we get back yeah?”

Roger nodded and softly bumped shoulders with John.

***

That night Crystal had dragged them to a house party. Which weren’t that much different from any parties he had ever been with. The atmosphere was a little different though, there was much more alcohol for one and the people were all older than they were. John felt a bit out of place, the fact that he didn’t know anyone made him feel nervous. Normally he knew most people at parties, because it was usually all classmates.

Roger didn’t seem to have that problem; he was laughing and in deep conversation with several people. Girls and guys seemed to be very interested in him and he was the centre of attention. John felt a pang of jealousy when he saw Roger with one certain girl who couldn’t keep his eyes off him.

John felt like the odd one out, not doing well with strangers. It made him way to aware of himself, resulting in him acting awkward or not talking to other at all. In these times Roger was usually the one who would make an effort to include John in the conversation, but somehow the girl didn’t want to leave him alone.

“Not having fun?”

John turned his head to see Crystal grinning at him offering him a beer. Which John took with a nod. “I don’t know— I guess I don’t know anyone here, it’s not really my scene.”

Crystal hummed in agreement. “I figured yeah—” He nudged his head in Roger’s direction. “He seems to be thriving though.”

“Yes.” John laughed. “He’s right in his element, soaking up all the attention.”

“It’s like he’s made for it.” Crystal agreed while sipping his beer before continuing in a more serious tone. “Sometimes that makes him an easy target though.”

John raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Crystal glanced at John. “Just see how many people have taken an interest in him tonight— not just because of his looks, but also because he is just so fucking social and nice— and some people don’t always have the best intentions.”

That gave John an uneasy feeling in his stomach. The thought of anyone taking advantage of Roger was unforgiveable and he while he normally was far from violent, he would kick anyone’s ass who would even try to hurt even a hair on Roger’s head.

“I see.” John said taking a sip of his beer, but he wasn’t all that thirsty anymore all of a sudden.

He looked around the room. Most people were either dancing, laughing or drinking. He had seen a few people go to the bedrooms and some were hanging in the kitchen. Roger was still laughing with the girl and another guy joined them, handing them both two cups which obviously had something stronger than beer. Roger threw it back without even looking at it twice. Feeling anxious about it, John left Crystal and walked up to Roger and the other people surrounding him.

“Deaky! Hey John—” Roger called and waved when he saw John approaching. “Come!” He then looked at his company again and wrapped an arm around John’s shoulder. “This is my best friend— the one that I was telling you all about.”

The girl smiled at John, holding out her hand. She had dark red hair and green eyes. She wore a skirt just above her knees and a top with just a bit too much cleavage. “Hi John, nice to meet you. I’m Lisa— Roger told me all about you.”

John blushed a little. “Oh, he did? Good things I hope?”

“Of course, I did, you’re my best friend.” Roger slurred. John wondered when he got so drunk all of a sudden.

The guy nodded, giving him a weird look seeing how Roger was leaning against John now with all his weight. “Yeah— he wouldn’t shut up about you.”

John frowned, that was a weird thing to say about someone you hardly knew. But he wasn’t going to say that, not wanting any trouble. The guy seemed a little annoyed. He was tall, with broad shoulders and dark brown hair. His shirt was tight, and his jeans had holes in them. His eyes wandered over to Roger again and John didn’t like the look in them, pulling Roger a little closer to him despite him already hanging on John for dear life.

Lisa rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Shut up Tyler, you’re just jealous because Roger isn’t interested in you.”

Both Roger and John’s eyes widened in surprise by her statement. Tyler just looked angry and marched away without looking back. Mumbling something like “bitch” under his breath.

“Good riddance.” Lisa giggled. “I’m sorry, but he is the worst and you should really watch out for him.”

John swallowed and nodded. He was really grateful for Lisa in that moment, she was quite the character. He wondered in what way they had to watch out for Tyler though. “Thank you.”

She smiled back at him. “No problem—”

Roger started swaying to the music, mostly against John because he didn’t seem to be able to keep himself up. “Deaky?” He whispered and John’s body shivered involuntarily by Roger’s hot breath on his ear. “I wanna dance.”

John turned his head, Roger felt warm against his side, but for some reason something didn’t seem right. His pupils were dilated, and he was slurring his words. “Are you okay Rog?”

Roger stared at him and he blinked a couple of times, before softly touching John’s cheek. “Why— why are you so blurry?”

Lisa looked concerned. “He doesn’t look good—”

“John—” Roger asked sounding a little panicked now, holding his hand in front of his mouth. “Bathroom.”

“What?” John asked suddenly frightened.

“I feel sick...” Roger mumbled against his hand.

John’s heart was pounding in his chest and he nodded without saying anything. He held Roger against him and with much effort he ushered him towards the bathroom; through the people, not caring who he bumped into. He had completely forgetting about Lisa who seemed just as worried. They found the bathroom just in time and to John’s relief it was unoccupied. They stumbled inside and Roger fell down his knees in front of the toilet and started violently throwing up.

Feeling powerless John stroked Roger’s back in what he hoped was soothing. He didn’t know what else to do and tried to make sense of what had happened. One moment Roger had been fine; talking and laughing, he had just seemed tipsy. And then the next moment he was not. It seemed like he had drunk the whole place dry, which he hadn’t because John had been there. It took a little time before Roger was done puking and let himself.

Roger let himself slump down on the cool tiles of the bathroom, breathing fast, his hair sticking to his forehead.

John looked at him in concern, brushing some of his hair out of his face. “Rog, are you okay?” He asked knowing it was a stupid question, Roger had just thrown up the entire content of his stomach, but John didn’t know what else to do.

A little whine escaped Roger’s lips and looked up at John. “Everything is spinning. I want to go home.”

“Yeah— we’ll get you home.” John nodded and moved to get up. “I’ll go get Crystal.”

Roger grabbed his hand and John noted just how clammy it was. “Don’t go.” He croaked. “Please?”

His heart broke, it felt like it broke in literal pieces. John had never seen Roger look so hopeless. He softly brushed his thumb over Roger’s cheek and spoke quietly. “I’m not going far— I’m just going to call for Crystal okay? Then we can bring you home.”

Roger sighed and his eyelids fluttered a little, there were still tears in the corners of his eyes from the exertion. “You promise?” He whispered.

“I promise.”

That seemed to make Roger feel better because he let go of John’s hand and closed his eyes. John quickly got up and looked around the corner of the bathroom to see if he could spot Crystal anywhere. He didn’t want to leave Roger laying there on the floor by himself, he didn’t trust anyone around here.

John spotted Crystal having a smoke and talking to someone. “Crystal!” He called. Several people turned their head and glanced in his direction, but John didn’t care. He needed Crystal now. He waved in hurried motions, to show him he was serious.

Without a second thought Crystal put his beer down and dumped his cigarette in it and hurried over. John had gone back in the bathroom sitting on his knees next to Roger again who had closed his eyes again and had grabbed John’s hand again.

“John— what the... bloody hell is going on here? What the fuck happened to him?” Crystal exclaimed as he crouched down beside them, a concerned look on his face.

“Not so loud— please.” Roger whined hiding his eyes behind his forearm.

“How much did he have to drink?” Crystal hissed.

John shrugged and worried his bottom lip between his teeth, before he started rambling. “I don’t know— not that much— he suddenly started feeling sick, he was acting weird, as if he was shit faced, but he isn’t! He probably had the same amount as me— and I am fine.”

Crystal softly slapped Roger’s cheek, mostly to make him look at him. “Hey— Roger, come on, look at me— who gave you drinks?”

Roger blinked and groaned. “I don’t know— a few people. Lisa and her friends and— then that one guy, he— he uh brought the weird tasting drink— I didn’t like it.”

John and Crystal gave each other a look, before Crystal asked. “Which guy?”

Then it hit him; Tyler had brought over the drinks right before John joined them. Roger had downed the drink like it was nothing and John had felt uneasy about the way the guy was looking at Roger.

“Tyler.” John said. "The one that was standing with Lisa."

Crystal looked at John and then back at Roger. “Fuck— of course it was him. He spiked Roger’s drink.”

“What?”

“That guy is bad news.” Crystal said shaking his head. “It’s good you were with Roger when this happened.”

John felt his stomach drop. Someone had drugged Roger and he didn’t have to imagine for what purpose. He shivered because of the feeling of panic that coursed through his whole body. He wanted to throw up, but he needed to keep himself together for Roger’s sake. “We have to get him home.”

“Yeah.” Crystal nodded.

They made sure Roger was capable to get up. He was only half awake when Crystal pulled him to his feet.

“Are we going home?” Roger asked softly while looking at John.

John swallowed, feeling the urge to cry. “Yeah we are. We’ll be home soon.”

***

When they got back to Crystal’s they helped Roger out of his clothes and into a pair of warm pyjamas’ that were actually John’s. He fell asleep almost instantly, though restless; mumbling, his eyelids fluttering every so often.

Crystal motioned John to come with him and closed the door behind him softly.

“That could have ended up much worse than it did.”

John nodded and looked at the door with a worried expression. “Yeah— thank god it didn’t. Do you think he’ll be alright?”

“We have to keep an eye on him— but him throwing up might have been good, to get it out of his system.” Crystal suggested.

That only made John feel a little better. “Yeah— maybe.”

“I think he’ll be alright though.” Crystal patted John’s shoulder and squeezed it for a moment. John looked up at him, tears threatening to spill. “You’re a good friend John— that doofus is lucky to have you.”

John laughed wetly, wiping his eyes. “This wasn’t his fault.”

“I know— that doesn’t change the fact that he needs you, now go back in there and if something happens call for me.”

“Thanks, Crys.” John said with a small smile before he went back inside the room.

Roger was in deep sleep already and John crawled in next to him. He hardly slept the whole night, he kept focussing on Roger’s breathing, his soft mumblings. When Roger’s breathing started to calm down, he felt like he could finally breath himself. Sleep didn’t want to find him though, he kept thinking he should have taken better care of Roger and he blamed himself for what happened. If only he had done more, so this all could have been avoided. These things kept going around in his mind and in the early hours of morning he finally fell asleep.

***

The next day John woke up when he felt Roger stirring. Having the worst night ever John woke up immediately, not sure how late it was, but remembering everything that had happened the night before.

“Rog? Are you okay?”

Roger groaned again. “My head hurts— what happened.”

John told him everything that had happened at the party and more importantly what had happened to Roger. He could see the several emotions pass through Roger’s eyes, while he tried to remember what had happened to him. Slowly it seemed like things were coming back to him.

“Fuck— if I ever see that fucker again, I swear I’ll will put my foot in his arse.” Roger fumed; his eyes were wide with rage.

John couldn’t help but laugh softly at Roger’s temper, but this time it was justified. “Are you feeling okay though?”

Roger nodded. “Yeah I’m alright, just feel like my head is going to split open— but I think I’ll be alright.”

Never had John felt so relieved when he heard Roger say that he was okay. Without thinking about it he pulled Roger into a bone crushing hug. For a moment he could feel Roger was surprised by the sudden closeness, but only for a second because the next thing John could feel Roger returning the hug and burying his face in John’s neck, making him shiver.

“I was fucking worried about you—” He mumbled into Roger’s soft hair. “Why do I always have to worry about you.”

He heard Roger chuckle softly, but he doesn’t say anything. He only holds John tighter not moving an inch. It gives John a strange feeling in his stomach, one foreign to him but somehow it also feels so natural and safe. For a moment he feels like this is where he should be. 

The moment was only short, but John wished it would never end. He wanted to protest when Roger pulled back a little and stared in his eyes, a small flush covering his cheeks. John can't figure out what is reflected in Roger’s eyes, but all he can see is the sparkle in his big blue eyes and it’s hard to look anywhere else but at Roger.

A shy smile played on Roger’s lips and he averted his eyes, looking down. John didn’t understand why he was shy— Roger was never shy. He reached out his hand to softly cradle his cheek, brushing his thumb over his cheekbone.

Roger looked up again, blinking heavily, his eyelashes fluttering because of John’s touch. “John, I—” He started, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

They broke apart when the door opened, revealing Crystal in the doorway. John looked up, missing Roger’s disappointed expression.

“Good morning— or should I say good afternoon?”

John sat up then. “It’s that late already?”

Crystal grinned and nodded. “How you feeling blondie?”

“Been better.” Roger said with an annoyed look at Crystal, that John didn’t catch because he was getting out of bed, finding his clothes.

Crystal nodded. “I’m sure John filled you in about everything?”

“Yeah, he did.” Roger smiled, while glancing at John as he got dressed. 

“You’re lucky to have John as a friend. He took care of you the whole night.”

Roger smiled even more and kept looking at John. “I know.”

John started picking on the sleeves of his shirt, feeling strange when Roger looked at him again. He couldn’t get the hug out of his head, the way Roger blushed and how he was about to say something.

Crystal didn’t seem to care about the awkwardness in the room, because he continued talking. “Anyways, there is food in the kitchen. You better get up soon, because I want to get you to the station on time. Wouldn’t want to have both your mums cross with me.” He said and returned to the living room.

“Yeah we can’t have that.” Roger said.

John giggled and wandered to the bathroom, while Roger let himself fall back against the pillows with a sigh.

At the end of the day Crystal dropped them off at the station and it took them a few hours to get back home. John waved at Roger when they were finally at his house. He found himself staring at Roger as he walked up to his front door, and he kept standing there for a moment when Roger smiled at him and finally went inside. John had no idea what was going on with him, but their moment had been stuck on repeat in his head during the whole way back. The need to reach out and touch Roger's hand had been there again, and somehow he craved to feel the warmth he had felt during their hug. It kept John busy while he walked back to his own house and all the way through the night while he tried to sleep. Being doomed to have yet another sleepless night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3 I hope you enjoyed. Poor Roger, but thankfully John was there to take care of him. Maybe it made him realise something right? :p Let me know what you think. I hope it wasn't too long! <3


	5. Chapter V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger struggles more and more with his feelings. But he learns some things that make him feel more hopeful. Some other events really test Roger's self control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! back again with an update. First of all thanks everyone once again for reading and leaving me kudos and lovely comments. I appreciate it all so much! <3 I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Some very very light smut at the end. Just a heads up :3 As always let me know your thoughts! Enjoy! <3

**Chapter V**

“Thank fuck that shit is over and done with!”

“Language!”

Roger flinched when his mother stood in the open doorway that lead to the kitchen. He and Freddie just had their last final, meaning summer vacation was about to start. “Sorry mum— I’m just happy finals are over.”

“Yes Roger— listen to your mother.” Freddie whispered.

Roger gave him a look.

“Oh, hello Freddie. Nice to see you again.” Winifred smiled.

Freddie smiled shyly. “You too Mrs…”

Roger’s mother interrupted him. “Please call me Winifred— otherwise I’ll just feel so old.”

“I’ll try not to forget next time.” Freddie said with polite smile.

That seemed to please her. “I have tea ready for you boys— I also baked teacakes— but Roger don’t eat all of them, leave some for your sister.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Roger mumbled while he squeezed past his mother and into the kitchen, grabbing not one but two teacakes, stuffing one in his mouth already. Freddie followed him waiting for Roger’s mum to step aside.

“Where is John?” Winifred asked as she continued with preparing dinner, cutting some carrots. “I thought he’d be here with you with finishing finals and all.” She said without looking up from what she was doing.

Roger grumbled a little and nibbled on his second teacake. “He’s with Veronica.” 

Freddie looked at Roger but didn’t say anything. He continued to drink his tea without saying anything.

“Oh, the Tetzlaff girl? Really— isn’t she very religious?”

Roger gawked at her, not believing his mother would ask that. “Mum—”

“What? Am I not supposed to say that?” Winifred asked glancing over her shoulder. “I just mean I thought her parents were really strict— I spoke to her mother last week in the grocery store and I got the impression her mum didn’t like her daughter hanging around with boys, let along to having a boyfriend.

“John isn’t her boyfriend!” Roger mumbled, biting his lip. 

Freddie giggled a little, rolling his eyes knowing exactly why Roger was so feisty about this. “I think they only been on a couple of dates.”

Winifred hummed putting the carrots in an oven dish, with some oil, salt and herbs. “Well that’s nice, John is a lovely boy— anyone would be lucky to have him. Always so smart, polite and sweet.”

“He really is—” Freddie said smirking a little in Roger’s direction. “Don’t you think so Rog?”

Roger squinted his eyes at him and softly kicked his shin under the table, making Freddie curse under his breath.

“I wanted to ask you something mum—” Roger started, trying to steer the topic away from John.

“Yes?” Winifred asked while she was peeling potatoes.

“—So, since finals are now over and summer vacation will start, can I throw a party? You know to celebrate— only a small one.” He said quickly when he saw his mother’s expression.

“When you say a small party?” She asked giving him a sceptical look. “How many people are you thinking of inviting?”

“Oh, I don’t know— just the usual crowd I guess, probably most people of our class?”

Winifred didn’t seem convinced, looking at him directly. “Ah I don’t know Roger, last time you threw a party I had to clean the whole day and I even think some of your classmates had been in my closet. I still can’t find my pearl necklace you know.”

Roger gave her his sweetest smile and clamped his hands together. “Please!? Next year I’m going to university and you won’t have to worry about me throwing parties anymore… I’ll wash your car— I'll even hoover, anything you want.”

Freddie snorted, Roger never cleaned anything in his life. But Roger payed him no mind. Winifred seemed to be thinking very deeply if she wanted to give her son what he wanted. She looked at Roger again who was waiting in anticipation.

“Oh alright—” She started, and Roger jumped to his feet to kiss his mother on the cheek.

“Thank you! Thank you! You’re the best!”

She couldn’t help but laugh softly at his reaction. “I wasn’t done speaking— it’s alright— _but_ you will make sure the whole house is proper again the next day.”

Roger nodded eagerly already happy his mother agreed to the party in the first place. “I will. I swear.”

“Okay.” Winifred smiled going back to preparing dinner. “I trust you will— don’t make me regret it.”

“I won’t!”

“Good—” She said before turning her attention to Freddie. “Are you staying for dinner Freddie?”

Freddie smiled. “Oh— no thank you Mrs…” He paused when she gave him a look, he then corrected himself, feeling a little uneasy about it. “—Winifred, I have to pick up my sister from her study group— thank you for inviting me though.”

“Well next time then.” Roger’s mother said with a smile.

Roger got up and put their empty mugs in the sink. “Alright, thanks again mum, we’ll be going upstairs.”

“Sure honey, dinner is in an hour.”

***

“So, the party is a go then?” Brian asked.

Roger nodded, he was sitting behind his drumkit and lit a cigarette. “Yeah mum said it was alright. So, we better start inviting people— though not too many— I don’t want things to get out of hand— she was not happy the last time.”

Brian nodded, he seemed irritated. “Where the hell are Freddie and John? We said practise at three— it’s—“ He looked at his watch, “almost three fifteen.”

“I don’t know— I’m not too worried about Fred, it’s nothing new.” Roger said while blowing out smoke to the ceiling of Brian’s garage. “I have no idea where John is though.”

“You don’t?” Brian asked sounding surprised. “Don’t you two like share everything?”

“He’s probably with Veronica.” Roger muttered.

Brian’s comment hit a sore spot. Roger sighed. After their weekend at Crystal’s he and John hadn’t seen each other much. Sure, they had finals and had to study most of the time. John was stressed the last two weeks before finals, because he really wanted to get into the electrical engineering program. Having perfect grades were mandatory for that. So, they only saw each other when John helped him study for math.

Roger hated that he was wasting John’s time, because instead of thinking of math all he could think about was how good John looked in those tight jeans he was wearing, or how lovely he smelled. It took all of his self control to not reach out and touch his soft wavy hair and run his fingers through his curls. When John smiled at him Roger was sure his heart was going to melt.

Every night he lay in bed, he couldn’t stop thinking about their hug the morning after someone drugged him. The way John touched his cheek, the soft feel of his thumb over his skin. Only for a moment he had thought about leaning in and just going for it— but he had chickened out, instead he wanted to say something. Maybe Crystal interrupting him was a good thing, or he would have ruined everything. Their friendship— everything.

Somehow, he had to get over this, but he didn’t know how. John was everywhere in his mind and he couldn’t help but be jealous whenever he knew John was with _her_. Roger knew he shouldn’t be blaming her for anything, it wasn’t her fault. But he couldn’t help but be resentful. If he was a better person, he would be happy for John, but right now his heart wasn’t ready for that.

Roger couldn’t help his traitorous mind from wondering if John might not have some feelings for him as well. The way he had looked at Roger, he was sure he saw something in his eyes. It was something that helped him sleep better at night; a small sliver of hope.

“Well they better get here soon; I’m supposed to go to Chrissie’s for dinner. Being late for dinner doesn’t do to well with her parents.” Brian said while tuning his guitar for the tenth time, not noticing Roger’s inner turmoil.

“Sounds like you have some experiences with that Bri?” Roger grinned, trying to think about anything else.

Before Brian could answer John walked in, guitar case in hand, a guilty expression on his face. “Hey— I’m really sorry I’m late.”

Roger frowned at his back as John put his guitar case down, taking out his bass. He looked a little dishevelled. His hair was messy, and he was wearing a button up shirt, even though it was rather hot out.

“That’s alright.” Brian said.

Roger spoke at the same time. “Where have you been?” He asked, it sounding snappier than he intended.

Both John and Brian turned to look at Roger. John’s eyes widening in surprise. Roger was certain John’s cheeks got a shade darker. He hated that he found it adorable.

“I— uh, I was with Veronica— lost track of time.” John said scratching the back of his neck.

“Oh.”

John eyed him with an unreadable expression on his face, while he avoided John’s gaze and flicked his smoked cigarette on the floor and stomped on it.

“It won’t happen again.” John said sounding apologetic. 

Roger fiddled with his drums, acting like he was tuning them. Anything to not having to look at John and his sweet face. “Don’t worry about it, I know she is your girlfriend.” It took all of him not to cringe at the words.

The tension in the room was awkward and Roger hated that he was the one causing it. This was exactly what he was afraid of, him ruining things because he was jealous. Why couldn’t he just turn his feelings off.

If Brian was aware of anything going on, he didn’t show it. He diligently continued tuning his guitar.

“Actually— I—” John started, and Roger looked up seeing John stare back at him, looking a little nervous. He opened his mouth to continue but before he was able to, Freddie came waltzing in the garage. 

“Sorry loves, I was being held up at the store. Some lady wanted to return a dress, which was destroyed, and she claimed it was like that when she took it out of her bag— can you believe that? Like we would ever sell something like that.” He rambled sounding outraged, not aware of the mood in the room.

Roger couldn’t help but being a little annoyed, he wanted to know what John was about to say. Freddie always had the worst possible timing. “It’s fine Fred, can we just start? Brian has to leave early— dinner with the in-laws. And we haven’t practiced all week.”

Freddie glanced at Brian with a smirk. “Sounds lovely Bri, I’m sure you’re looking forward to that. I’m sure you are the perfect son-in-law.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “I won’t be if I’m late, so lets get to it yeah?”

“Alright, lets do this.” Freddie nodded.

They practised the rest of the afternoon, Roger tried his best to keep time. That proved to be more than difficult. He was distracted, not only because John kept glancing at him, sending him little smiles. But also because he couldn’t keep his own thoughts under control. He kept looking at John’s long legs and his bum, the way he danced and how he kept making eye contact with Roger to make sure they were still keeping up with each other.

Every time John looked at him, Roger felt like he was blushing like crazy. He was thankful that drumming was such a workout, otherwise he had no idea how he could explain his face turning scarlet. He cursed himself, how was he ever going to get over this. It felt impossible.

Brian gave him another frustrated look when he missed a beat again. But Roger acted like he didn’t see it. For the rest of the practise he tried his best to not look at John and just keep his focus on hitting the drums. It did go a little better, at least he stopped missing beats, but he and John weren’t as much in sync as they usually were. Roger missed the little frown and questioning looks on John’s face whenever he tried to silently communicate with Roger.

When they were done Roger felt like they had been practising the whole day instead of only two hours.

“I think that went okay?” Freddie offered after he took sip of water.

Brian hummed. “Second part went alright; when Roger got with the program.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Roger snapped. He couldn’t really blame Brian but him coming for his throat like that, wasn’t something he needed right now.

“You just kept missing beats the first fifteen minutes is all I’m saying.” Brian explained, holding his hands up in defence. “It just seemed you were a little distracted. I’m not trying to have a go at you Rog.”

“That’s funny, because it sounded like you were.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not— you always have something to say about everyone else!” Roger argued stepping from behind his kit, putting his drumsticks in his bag before looking directly at Brian. “You are the only one that is always so perfect.”

“I don’t think Brian meant it like that Rog—“ Freddie tried, exchanging looks with John who shrugged looking a little uneasy.

“I don’t care how he meant it—” Roger interrupted, he knew he was being immature about this. But everything was getting a bit too much right now. “Just don’t act like I don’t know what I’m doing, because I do. This is practice Brian, you know— where you practice to get better, not everything has to be perfect all the time.”

Brian sighed and shook his head. “I know that— I’m just saying— I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I’m sorry if it came across that way, alright?”

Immediately Roger felt a little bad. Because he didn’t want to start a fight or argue about something so small. Especially because he knew he was indeed the one being distracted. But sometimes he just couldn’t control his temper. “Yeah— yeah alright.” He mumbled. “I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.”

Freddie rolled his eyes and grabbed his bag. “And here I thought I was the dramatic one. Jeez.”

John giggled as he was packing his bass. He always stayed out of most arguments, only when the others wouldn’t stop arguing he got involved because the others were acting like children.

Both Roger and Brian couldn’t help but laugh a little as well.

“Anyways, I have to go my dears— can’t be late for dinner and have to pick up Kash.” Freddie waved as he walked out the garage. “See you all at Roger’s party this weekend.”

“Bye Fred.” John called.

Brian waved and packed up his guitar, storing it in a safe place behind locked doors. “I have to go as well— or I’ll be late for dinner at Chrissie’s. Can you two close the garage and put the key under the flower pot next to the front door?”

“Sure thing.” Roger nodded while Brian took his bike and walked out of the garage of his parents house, leaving John and Roger alone.

For some reason it felt awkward and Roger knew it was his own fault. John gave him a small smile before he returned to packing up his things and Roger awkwardly rocked on his feet.

“What are you—”

“Do you—“

They both giggled a little when they both started speaking at the same time. Roger bit his lip and smiled softly when he noticed John’s blush. Why was he so adorable.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” John asked as he fumbled with the hem of his shirt, before looking up at Roger.

“Oh— no.” He wanted to kick himself for blushing again. Why was he being like this. “You can go first.”

John smiled. “Alright— I just wanted to ask if you had any plans tomorrow? I was thinking we could do a movie night again? We haven’t seen each other much these last two weeks.”

Roger smiled brightly. Just knowing John noticed them not seeing each other much, made him feel better. “No— I don’t have plans, a movie night sounds good.” But he couldn’t help but be al little unsure. “Just the two of us you mean right?”

John looked at him closely. “Of course, just you and me. Or did you want to invite someone else?”

“No.” Roger said quickly. Not wanting to ruin some time with him again. “Just you and me is great. Perfect.”

John smiled and helped Roger store aways his drum kit. “Great, my place then?”

“Sounds good.”

When they were done they locked the door behind them and put the key where Brian asked them to. They walked back to their homes, like the always did. Roger noticed John was a little bit quiet and he wondered what was on his mind. Sometimes his best friend was so hard to read even for him. But he didn’t ask, he figured John would tell him if anything was bothering him. They said goodbye when reached John’s house. Roger really couldn’t wait till tomorrow night, they needed some bonding time. He found his mood had greatly improved while he walked home.

***

Now that summer had started, Roger finally had time to sleep in. He took great advantage of that. That day he had slept till lunch time, much to the dismay of his mother.

“Roger!”

Roger groaned when he heard his mother come up the stairs and to his room. She had not sense of privacy and threw open his door. “If you don’t get out of this bed right now, I’m going to drag you out of it and don’t think I don’t mean that— it’s one pm. You promised to do groceries for me today.”

With another groan Roger hid under the covers, trying to tune out his mothers voice. “It’s summer vacation.”

“So? That doesn’t mean you can spend it sleeping all day.” His mother objected.

“Why not? Sleep is good, you always say that.” He protested. "I need my beauty sleep."

Winifred rolled her eyes, which Roger obviously couldn’t see. She pulled the duvet away making Roger shiver for a moment. The woman wasn’t playing. “Don’t you have other plans today?”

Roger finally looked up at her, feeling cheated by his own mother. “I do—“ He grinned. “Sleeping—“

His mother gave him a look, not at all impressed. Putting her hands on her hips.

He finally sat up, knowing exactly when he was testing his luck. “—and movie night with John.”

“Alright. Well that’s tonight, now go take a shower and then when you get downstairs we’re having lunch and after that you’ll do groceries.” She said giving him a look when he was about to protest. “Not anything else from you— you are lucky I still make you any food at all.”

Roger pouted and finally got up when his mother left his room. He opened his closet to for anything to wear. It was hot today, and he hardly had anything good to wear. Thinking about his movie night with John, he wanted to look good. He decided to go and see Freddie in the store today, he might as well seeing how he was being forced to the grocery store.

Going on foot had been a mistake, it felt like he was melting. The little breeze didn’t do anything to cool him down. It seemed like he had no choice but to take another shower before he went to John’s tonight. He felt like a sweaty cow when he entered the thrift store Freddie worked in. It was deserted, which made sense; most people went to more refreshing places, like the beach or a lake.

Sadly most of his friends had to work. Roger’s own job at the town’s record store would start next week. Besides working he also had to start packing since he and John would be moving by the end of the summer. Between everything him and his friends had to find the time to actually spend time during the day.

“Darling, you’ve come to keep me company!” Freddie called excitedly from where he was leaning on the counter, flipping through a magazine looking bored out of his mind.

The store was small, but very cozy. It only had two dressing rooms, but Freddie had decorated the place with lovely chic curtains, big flower pots and art he made mostly himself. Even though the store wasn’t Freddie’s the owner trusted him with pretty much everything. 

“Only for a little bit.” Roger grinned. “You’ve got to help me find something new to wear— after that I have to do groceries for mum.”

Freddie seemed happy for finally having something to do. “You’ve come to the right address, who else but to help you look like the best version of yourself.”

Roger rolled his eyes and browsed through some of the racks.

“What’s the occasion?” Freddie asked already picking out things from left and right.

“Oh— nothing special.” Roger said avoiding his eyes, acting like he was very busy looking at a jacket, that was way to warm for this time of year.

Freddie gave him a sceptical look. “Really?”

“Fine— if you must know.“ Roger rolled his eyes. “I’m having movie night with John tonight.”

A smirk appeared on Freddie’s face. “Are you now?”

“Yes, we do it all the time— nothing special.”

“But that’s not how you feel about it.” 

Roger held a shirt in front of him and looked in the mirror. “What do you mean?”

“Oh don’t play dumb blondie! You know what I mean.” Freddie said rolling his eyes.

“No idea what you are talking about.” Roger deflected, turning away from Freddie browsing through another rack.

Freddie wasn’t one to be ignored though. “You’re here looking for an outfit to wear when you see Deaky tonight— I don’t think you have gotten over your crush now haven’t you?”

Roger sighed and looked at Freddie then. “I don’t think this is just a crush anymore Fred.”

Freddie’s expression changed then, to one of understanding.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m torn— we are supposed to be living together after the summer, but how can I do that when I’m in love with him?” Roger asked sounding a little desperate.

Freddie dropped some of the clothing he was holding over one of the racks. “Have you thought about maybe telling him?”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t Freddie— it would ruin our friendship— besides John is with Veronica now. I hardly see him as it is, I just want to spend as much time with him as I possibly can.” Roger explained. “So yeah— I’m here to buy something to look nice." He said grabbing another colourful jacket he had been eyeing before. “And I know its ridiculous because I don’t stand a bloody stance and there is no reason why he would ever love me back, but if there is only a slight chance— you bet I’m going to take it.”

Freddie smiled at that. “That’s the Roger I know.”

Roger smiled, feeling a bit better about himself. “Now go on— work your magic on me.”

“You hardly need it pretty boy.” Freddie winked, but he got to work anyway.

***

Two hours later, Roger entered the grocery store with two bags full of clothing. Most things he didn’t even need, but Freddie gave him discount. The grocery store was nice and cool and Roger considered living there for the rest of the day. When he was at the snacks section he overheard two girls talking. When he listened better he recognised Dominique’s voice.

“I’m sure its nothing.”

“I don’t know Dom— he’s been acting weird the last two weeks. He didn’t want to meet with me— saying he was busy with studying.”

When Roger heard the other girls voice his ears pricked up. Undoubtedly they were talking about John. They were just on the other side of the aisle.

“Well he had exams. So I’m sure that was true.” Dominque assured.

“I know.” Veronica whined. “But then the other day, he was with me— and my parents weren’t home—“ Her voice got a little quiet and Roger couldn’t help but try and get closer, wanting to know what she was saying.

“Did you?” Dominique asked, sounding amused.

Roger held his breath, knowing exactly what they were talking about. His heart started beating faster.

Veronica sighed then and then continued in a whisper. “No— that’s just it— it’s like he doesn’t want to?”

Lettin out a breath, Roger relaxed again, feeling relieved. But also feeling like a bad person for feeling like that.

“I’m sure that’s not it. He has a lot on his mind. Roger told me himself.” Dominique said trying to make her friend feel better.

“Of course he did.” Veronica huffed.

Roger raised an eyebrow, wondering why she sounded so annoyed when Dominique had said his name. He knew it was rude to listen on them like this, but he couldn’t resist. Some people were giving him funny looks because he had been looking at the bag of crisps in his hand for a good five minutes now.

“What do you mean?” Dominique asked.

“It’s like Roger is all he can talk about lately. I know they are best friends— it’s just— sometimes I wonder if thats all they are you know?”

Roger blinked. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. John only talking about him? Them more than friends. He couldn’t deny how good that made him feel.

Dominique giggled. Roger forgot how much he loved it when she giggled. “Oh believe me— I know. But you knew that before you met him right. Like I warned you. They are inseparable.”

“I know. It just bothers me—“ Veronica continued.

Their voices came closer and Roger panicked, if they caught him here the girls would know he had been listening in on their conversation. He grabbed two bags of crisps before rounding the corner. Not watching his step he bumped into a tall man who gave him a stern look.

“Watch where you are going son.” He grumbled.

Roger cursed as his groceries tumbled onto the floor. “I’m sorry.” He said before quickly crouching down to pick up everything. The man didn’t bother to help him and in his haste Roger didn’t notice a pack of biscuits rolling away.

“Here you missed this.”

Looking up from where he was crouching down on the floor he looked into Dominique’s smiling face. “Hey Rog.”

“Hey—” Roger smiled, trying to keep a straight face while getting up and taking the the biscuits from her. “How’s things? Hi Veronica.” He added.

Veronica was standing next to her, looking skeptical. “Hi.”

“Oh alright.” Dominique smiled. “Looking forward to your party next weekend. Did some shopping I see?”

“What?—“ Roger looked down at where she was pointing. He forgot everything in his panic before realising she meant his bags. “Oh— yeah I did.”

“Whats the occasion?”

“Nothing special, just felt like buying something new— works out for the party.” Roger lied, feeling like they were seeing right through him. 

“I’m sure you’ll look good in it— you always do.” Dominique said.

Roger really wanted to get out of there. He felt like they definitely knew he had been listening in on them. But they were to nice to say anything. Which made him feel even worse.

“Oh thank you— I should really go though, mum’s waiting for these.” He explained pointing at his basket, knowing he was being rude. “I’ll see you at the party!”

Without looking back he made a break for it. Trying not to run and make himself look even more guilty.

While he walked back home Veronica’s words kept running through his mind. John kept talking about him. What did that mean? Did it mean anything? It probably didn’t. He was making to big a deal out this. But he definitely heard her say John didn't want to do something, which he was pretty sure could only mean one thing.

***

Roger had tried on everything he had bought that day, and it took him an hour to decide on white form fitting jeans and a floral button up. The shirt was flowy and he was certain it had belonged to some lady before, but Freddie assured him it worked. He left the top unbuttoned and rolled up the sleeves up to his elbows. He looked at himself in the mirror and fluffed up his hair some more. Nerves ran through his body, but he still thought he looked alright. Not like John would really notice it anyway.

His room looked a bomb just went off, and he was certain his mother would scold him for it if she saw it. He didn’t have time to think about it right now, he was already bordering on being late. He grabbed his back and took the movies they still had to watch together. In the kitchen he searched through the cupboards for some snacks. He kissed his mum goodbye before leaving.

When he reached John’s house, he rang the doorbell. It only took a minute before it opened revealing John’s mother smiling at him.

“Hi there Roger— come on in. John’s upstairs— you know the way.”

“Hi, yeah I do.” Roger smiled and stepped in, heading straight for the stairs.

Making his way up he heard music playing softly, coming from John’s room. It sounded like some sort of slow funky jazz song. The door was open just a crack and he peeked inside for a moment. Not really sure why he did, he normally just went right in. But the next moment he felt like his heart stopped only for just a second.

His mouth dropped open onlyslightly when he saw John laying on his bed, propped up against his pillows, his hand slowly stroking his cock. Roger’s mouth had gone dry and his toes curled up his shoes. The hairs on his arms and neck stood up when he heard John’s tiny moans passing his lips. He licked his own lips and he could feel his own cock twitch with interest. This must be one of his dreams, it couldn't be real. He softly pinched himself, but when it hurt, Roger really knew he in fact wasn't dreaming. His heart started pounding and he opened the door just a little more. John had his eyes closed, biting his lip trying to keep his moans in. 

Roger knew this was wrong, watching his best friend like this. Him not knowing Roger was standing on the other side of the door, but even knowing that, Roger couldn’t tear his eyes away. He felt like he was glued to the floor, his eyes fixed on John’s hand stroking his impressively sized cock. John’s moans turned up in volume a little, but not loud enough for anyone else but Roger to hear.

He wanted to be there— Roger wanted to be one to make John moan like that, making him go crazy with need. His hands twitched with the sheer want he felt bubbling up in his chest. Wanting to touch. 

“Hey Roger!— why are you standing in front of John’s door?”

“Roger? Fuck.” John yelped sounding horrified. 

_Fuck_. He could just see John tucking himself back into his sweatpants. Roger closed his eyes for a moment, the humiliation setting in and he figured it would be a thousand times worse for John.

“Hey Julie—" Roger laughed a little awkwardly. God he was an idiot. "I— uh just got here? I was about to go inside.” He lied, trying to make his voice sound even and not fucking guilty. "I'll just go inside now." He said hoping John would hear. 

Before Julie could ask anymore questions Roger went inside and waved at her with a smile and then closed the door. He kept looking at the door. “I’m sorry!” He whined.

“Bloody hell Roger!— why didn’t you knock first?” John sputtered obviously feeling embarrassed.

Roger kept staring at the door, his cheeks scarlet, but the image of John touching himself wouldn’t leave him. “I never knock! And I didn’t know you were— well busy?! I thought we were going to have movie night? How am I supposed to know you are here giving yourself a handy!”

He heard John snort. “Well are you just going to keep standing there?”

Roger slowly turned around, looking down at the floor before carefully glancing up at John with an embarrassed smile. He tried his very hardest to keep looking at his face instead of other body parts. “I’m really sorry—“ He reached in his bag and pulled out the movies. “I brought movies? Or maybe I should go?”

John was still blushing heavily, but he couldn’t help but laugh at the silliness of the situation. Making Roger laugh a little as well. “No—“ He was still laughing a little. ”You don’t have to leave.” He got up and tried his best to hide his prominent bulge. “I just— I’ll be right back. Wait here?”

Roger nodded, still blushing as well. He was still standing in the middle of the room. He shivered slightly when John passed him and closed the door. Then he was alone while John was in the bathroom, probably finishing what he’d started. The music was still playing softly and Roger sat down on John’s bed with a sigh.

When John came back there was still some awkwardness in the air, but they didn’t speak about itfor the rest of the night. During the movie the tension went away and things were as they were before. Roger was happy that a bit of awkwardness wouldn’t stand in their way. They laughed and talked and Roger rested his head on John’s shoulder, like he always did when they would have movie night. John didn't move away from him. 

He glanced at John every so often during the movie. His soft smile and the sound of his laugh made him feel warm inside. It would have been so easy— so very easy, to just reach out and kiss him. Roger swallowed thinking about it. Still that tiny voice in the back of his mind told him not to ruin what they had.

So Roger didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3 I hope that was an interesting one? haha. Roger oh Roger. I wonder what John was thinking about? :P Let me know your thoughts, I love reading them!


	6. Chapter VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is struggling with his feelings and he has some decisions to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! It's update time. Sorry it took me a bit longer, but I had my birthday last week and after I was sick. So not a whole lot of time. I hope the longer chapter makes up for it a little. I hope you enjoy! <3 let me know your thoughts. I appreciate all your sweet comments so much! <3

**Chapter VI**

It wouldn’t leave his mind. John had been horrified when Roger had been standing in front of his door. During the movie it was all he could think about. Even when Roger rested his head on his shoulder, while they had movie night. Personal space wasn’t a concept for them and lately it only increased. John normally wasn’t very comfortable with being too touchy with people, but with Roger it had never been a problem.

Roger was never uncomfortable with being affectionate. When they first met John had to get used to it, the first time Roger hugged him he felt stiff as a board, he didn’t know where to put his hands. Thankfully Roger hadn’t said anything, because he was too nice. They grew closer over the years and slowly but surely John had come to enjoy their closeness and he wasn’t afraid of being affectionate with Roger.

But never had he imagined this would happen. The image of Roger standing outside his room wouldn’t leave his mind. Roger had seen him getting off, he couldn’t be more ashamed. It didn’t look like Roger was all to bothered by the whole thing. He acted like his normal self and just joked about it, which was typical Roger. The awkward tension in the room dissipated quickly and everything was like it was before. But John couldn’t shake the nagging feeling, wondering why Roger wasn’t bothered by it.

Even when Roger went home, the events played over and over in John’s brain. He tried to remember Roger’s expression, which was hard, because all he could think about was his own panic in concealing his erection. When he was in bed it dawned on him that Roger hadn’t really seemed shocked or disgusted even. All John could remember was how Roger had stayed facing the door, only turning around when John told him. The blush on Roger’s face matched his own.

John had felt relieved Roger didn’t go home. But he hadn’t been able to focus on the movie at all. Ever since their weekend at Crystal John felt off. He didn’t forget how he had been staring at Roger. Afterwards he felt really guilty about it. But the morning after Roger got drugged, they had been so close and John realised after that he really didn’t mind their closeness, it didn’t feel weird to be so close to Roger, it didn’t feel weird to hug him like that. It all felt natural.

He wasn’t sure what any of it meant, but lately it was all he could think about. It distracted him to the point where he didn’t pay attention when he was with other people. He even felt like he was acting different around Roger himself. Roger however didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, he didn’t say anything about it.

“John— are you even listening?”

John blinked and looked up. Veronica stared back at him seemingly annoyed. “Huh?”

Veronica sighed. “What’s going on with you?”

John cringed internally. This had been happening a lot while he was with Veronica. Every time they were together John got lost in thoughts. He and Veronica were on a date, they had seen a movie and were now having something to eat at the local pub. They had been on several dates; she was sweet, caring and smart and while he liked her, he hadn’t asked her to be his girlfriend, something was holding him back. During their dates he had been so distracted lately, and she had been very patient with him, but he wasn’t sure how long that was going to last. It seemed like her patience was wearing thin. 

“Nothing.” John lied, feeling horrible for doing so because it wasn’t fair to her. “Just in my head, I’m sorry— what were you saying?”

Veronica looked at him suspiciously for a moment but didn’t dwell on it further. “I was asking you if you wanted to come over this Saturday, for a family barbecue?”

John’s stomach dropped. They weren’t even officially together yet, meeting the parents meant Veronica obviously wanted to take the next step. John however felt like he wasn’t ready for that, but he had no idea how he could get out of it without hurting Veronica’s feelings. 

“Oh— this Saturday?” John asked. “Roger’s party is this Saturday— I promised him I would help him with the preparations.”

Veronica pulled a face when he mentioned Roger’s party. She also seemed disappointed, but she didn’t back down. “Well— you could just come over for a little while and then go to Roger’s? My parents really want to meet you.”

 _Shit._ There was no way he was going to get out of this. “Alright— yeah I’ll be there.”

That seemed to make Veronica happy because she smiled again. “Great, I’ll let my parents know.”

Great John thought to himself, but he smiled anyway. He was already dreading it. The rest of the night went by slowly. Every time John tried to talk about him moving to London, Veronica seemed somewhat annoyed. She didn’t seem to like it that he was moving. Maybe it was horrible of him, but he was kind of relieved when the night was over. He walked Veronica home and she was talking about going to college and what else she had planned with her friends for the summer.

John only heard half of it. He was still thinking about how he had to meet her parents. Meeting Veronica’s parents wasn’t something he had planned, not yet at least. He hadn’t even really planned this whole dating thing. It was Roger’s idea, and he had just went along with it when they had a double date. Mostly doing it as a favour for Roger. But now Roger and Dominique weren’t even dating and Roger hadn't exactly explained to him why that was. Given he also hadn’t really asked.

He walked with Veronica to her front door. She lingered there for a moment. John awkwardly rocked on his feet, he knew what she was waiting for. She took a step forward and looked at him expectantly.

At the same time John took a step backwards. He just couldn’t get himself to do it. “Well— have a good night.”

Veronica’s face fell a little and she smiled sadly. “Yeah.” She nodded. “See you Saturday.”

John nodded. “Yeah see you then.” He could have kicked himself, why was he acting so stupid. She was a lovely girl and he was totally stringing her along. He waved awkwardly and walked away without looking back. He heard the door close. This wasn’t fair to her, he had to make up his mind.

***

It was a warm day. The sun burned on his skin, but the soft breeze made it feel less hot than it really was. John was laying on his towel propped up on his elbows. He wiggled his toes through the longer grass and looked over the lake. It was busy, loads of families with children, but also many groups he recognised from school. It was weird to think they were done with secondary school. Their results had come in and John had done well, his mother was very pleased. Now he was just waiting to hear back from university and he would be ready to move to London, with Roger.

He looked next to him, Roger’s spot was empty. His magazine still open from where he left it. They came here with a whole group. Some friends of Freddie and Crystal came over with some of his friends as well. Most of them were chatting up some girls that were laying a couple of meters away from them. John didn’t know any of them. Freddie was chattering to one of his friends about the horrible date he had last night. “He was awful, didn’t even offer to split the bill. Made me pay for everything— and it wasn’t cheap I tell you.”

John had already heard the story— twice. But he couldn’t help but smile to himself. He scanned the water, it wasn’t hard to spot Roger from where he was sitting, his blond hair shining brightly in the sun. Crystal and him were playing beach tennis in the water. He could see Roger laugh loudly when Crystal missed and fell face down in the water. Roger glanced in his direction ever so often and smiled brightly whenever they made eye-contact.

Every time it happened John couldn’t help but smile back, and when Roger laughed it was like music to his ears. He caught himself looking at Roger the whole time and he was embarrassed by it. His sun kissed skin looked lovely in combination with his blond hair, his cheeks were just a little bit red from not putting enough sunscreen. John had to remind him every time. It was hardly fair how beautiful he was. It made John highly insecure about himself.

He kept watching them play and couldn’t help but laugh when Crystal got his revenge and pushed Roger down when he didn’t stop laughing at him. Roger tried to get away, but failed miserably. John shook his head in amusement and laid back down and put his sunglasses on trying to block out the sun.

Somehow he fell asleep and woke up when he felt something cold dripping on his arm. He looked up to see Roger sitting next to him on his knees, two ice creams in his hand. Both already melting.

“I bring ice cream.”

“I can see that— or feel it.” John chuckled as he licked the melted ice cream of his arm. Failing to notice Roger’s expression.

“Sorry— it’s so hot, they melted on my way back.” Roger explained while he handed John his ice-cream.

“That’s okay.” John smiled before he got transfixed by Roger slowly licking ice cream of his fingers. 

“Earth to John.”

John blinked for a moment, blushing when he realised his mouth had been open slightly. “What?”

Roger tilted his head slightly looking at him curiously, a small smile on his lips. “You’re letting it melt even more.”He grinned pointing at John’s ice cream, he was now sitting crossed legged in front of John. Water was dripping from his hair down his chest, which slightly sparkled in the sun.

“Oh— whoops.” John said quickly licking his ice cream now, trying to focus on anything but Roger.

“You seemed distracted.”

“I wasn’t.” John lied, god he was so obvious. “Thanks for the ice cream.”

Roger smiled and continued licking his ice cream and John just had to look away, and chose to look at the people in the water. They ate their ice cream; or what was left of it.

“You want to go in the water with me?” Roger asked after a little while.

John looked up from his magazine. He could use some refreshment right about now. “Yeah sure.” He nodded. “You should probably put on some sunscreen? You’re starting to get a little red.” He pointed out and touched the tip of Roger’s nose, which was also getting slightly red from the sun.

Roger chuckled. “Oh— yeah thanks, I didn’t realise.”

He searched through his bag and pulled out a bottle of sunscreen and rubbed some on his face, arms and chest.

“I’m amazed you even remembered to bring some.” John teased.

“Hey, I can actually take care of myself.”

Freddie laughed from where he was sunbathing. “Keep telling yourself that Rog.”

Roger parroted Freddie’s comment and pulled a face, before he looked at John with a sweet smile. “Can you do my back?”

Before John couldn’t even say anything Roger had already turned around, looking over his shoulder holding out the bottle to him.

“Uhm— yeah sure.” He nodded taking the bottle from him and put some sunscreen on his hands.

He didn’t see the look that was shared between Freddie and Roger. For a little moment he hesitated, his hands hovering just above Roger’s shoulders. Several thoughts entered his mind, and somehow he felt nervous to touch his best friend’s skin. Why was he overthinking this, he pushed the thoughts that were bubbling up to the surface to the back of his mind and rubbed the sunscreen on Roger’s shoulders and back.

For a moment he was almost certain a small sound passed Roger’s lips. But that could have just as easily been his imagination. Roger kept still and John noted how smooth Roger’s skin felt, how warm it was heated by the sun. His shoulders were already a little red and John maybe took a little more time than strictly necessary.

Roger glanced over his shoulder again, with that smile of his.“Thanks.” He said and turned to face him again.

“Yeah— uh no problem.”

John was about to get up on his feet when Roger stopped him, pushing him down to make him sit again.

“Wait— I need to do your back as well.”

“Oh— that’s okay, I did it not to long ago.” John said, not wanting Roger to feel like he had to.

“You’re supposed to put sunscreen every hour— or you’ll burn and I’m quite certain you didn’t do that.” Roger pointed out seriously.

John raised his eyebrows in amusement, that was such unlikely thing for Roger to say. “You sound like my mum.”

Roger rolled his eyes. “Fuck off.”

“You sure?” John said a slight smirk on his face.

“Will you just shut up and turn around?”

John laughed a little and did what he was told. “Since you ask so nicely.”

“You should be lucky, I wouldn’t just do this for anyone you know.” Roger teased as hesat down behind him on his knees. John could feel his chest brush against his back while he moved behind him, making him fight the urge to lean back against Roger. He gasped a little when Roger put the sunscreen on his skin and rubbed it on his shoulders.

“Is it cold?” Roger asked with a chuckle.

“Yeah.” John nodded and shivered, not entirely sure that was the real reason of his reaction. He couldn’t deny that Roger’s hands on his skin felt nice.

At first he was tense, but he slowly relaxed under Roger’s touch. He caught himself closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them he could see Freddie stare at him with interest, a slight smile on his lips. John blushed involuntarily and looked down at his towel. It only took a few seconds, but it felt much longer. He was almost sad when Roger squeezed his shoulders softly and told him he was done.

“Thank you.”

Roger smiled and got up. “You want to come as well Freddie?”

Freddie was the only one still laying in the sun, everyone else had gone to take a swim or went to get something to eat.

“No thanks darling, im working on my tan.”

“Don’t fall asleep or those beauty naps of yours won’t matter anymore.” Roger chuckled. "You'll look like a tomato if you're not careful."

Freddie just waved his comment away and turned to lay on his stomach.

They went without him and walked up to the small wooden pier. It was now late in the afternoon and most of the family’s were gone. There were only a few groups of people still in the water. John was about to dip his feet in the water when he felt Roger give him a soft push, but hard enough to make him shriek in surprise and tumble in the water not all to gracefully.

When he came up again and wiped the water out his eyes, Roger was laughing hysterically. “You sounded like a girl.” He laughed.

John groaned loudly and tried to pull at his feet, but Roger dodged his hands with ease. “I’ll make you scream like a girl!”

Roger grinned, he sat down on the wooden surface and stuck out his tongue. “You promise?”

For a small second John wondered if Roger was flirting with him. He pushed out that thought almost immediately because it was just ridiculous. He laughed it off as a joke and pulled Roger into the water. “You should be careful about what you wish for.”

Roger grinned but shrieked when he hit the water. “Fuck it’s cold.”

“You’re such a baby.”

“I’m not, I’m just sensitive.”

John snorted loudly.

Roger crossed his arms in front of him and pouted. “I am!”

“I know…” John nodded and smiled, while he walked towards him. “I’m sorry, I’ll never ever do it again.” He cooed and put his arm around him. Roger had a triumphant smile on his face, thinking he had won, but that quickly disappeared when John quickly pushed him under water for a moment. 

Roger spluttered when he came back up and trashed around him in anger, splashing water in John’s direction. He brushed his wet hair out of his face. “John! Ugh I hate you!”

“No you don’t.” John laughed.

“Yes— yes I do!” Roger pouted again while he quickly tried to swim away from John.

John rolled his eyes and laughed before swimming after him. He was a little faster than Roger and caught up with him in seconds. He grabbed his ankle making Roger shriek.

Roger turned to face him, his expression still pouty. John couldn’t help but find it adorable.“For a skinny guy you’re very fast.”

“You’re one to talk.” John teased, he could see the sparkle in Roger’s eyes. “You still cross with me?” 

“I don’t know— you’re mean to me.” Roger whined, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. 

John laughed softy.“I’m never ever mean to you. I don’t even have the ability to be mean to you.”

Roger smiled cheekily. “That’s good to know. I’ll use that to my advantage.”

John shook his head in amusement.

“Alright—I’ll forgive you.” Roger said mischievously.

John looked at him in suspicion. “You will?”

Roger nodded. “If—“

“Oh here it comes…” John said sounding amused.

“If you go out for food with me before the party next weekend.”

Next weekend, shit. Veronica’s barbecue with her parents was before the party. His smile fell and Roger seemed to notice, because his smile faltered too.

“I mean you don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

John shook his head. “That’s not it Rog— I do want to.” God he really wanted to. “But…”

“But?”

“I— well I promised Veronica I would come to her family barbecue before the party, her parents want to meet me.” He explained. Why was he feeling so disappointed about that right now. Why did he even agree to the stupid barbecue in the first place. Why didn’t he just do what he really wanted to do instead of just pleasing people all the time.

“Oh—“ Roger nodded, smiling at John. “Yeah, sure that’s cool, I get it. She’s your girlfriend and all. We can just— you know, do it some other time.”

John could see Roger was trying to be his cheerful self, but in some way the smile on his face didn’t seem genuine.

“Yeah.” John sighed, trying to smile again but he just felt off. He didn’t like it when Roger looked disappointed. “Yeah we should.”

They swam back in silence and John just felt like he ruined the whole day. Roger didn’t say anything for a while until they were back at their spot. A few people were getting their things and a few people had already left. John took his towel took dry himself off, he glanced at Roger who was drying his hair, he still looked a little sad.

John looked to see Brian and Freddie were in deep discussion and Crystal was snoring loudly, his sunglasses slightly crooked on his nose.

“I guess you are getting quite serious then?” Roger suddenly said quietly, not meeting John’s eyes.

“What?”

Roger looked up then, that same sad expression in his eyes. “You and Veronica?”

“Oh— I don’t know. We— uh, we aren’t together— not really, we never made it official?” John tried to explain. “We just hung out and had a couple dates.”

“You didn’t?” Roger asked slightly confused.

“I never officially asked her to be my girlfriend?”

Roger laughed and shook his head. “You’re really too cute John.”

“I— what?” John asked starting to blush.

“I’m just saying that she might think differently about your relationship— girls don’t think like us, she might be under the impression that you are together.” Roger explained more seriously. “Especially since she is asking you to meet her parents.”

John frowned, that was news to him. He felt way to inexperienced with all of this. Would Veronica really think they were together. “You think?”

Roger looked at him with an unreadable expression. He bit his lip and fiddled with his towel. “I don’t know.” He asked, before he added unsurely. “Why— don’t you want to be her boyfriend?”

Honestly John hadn’t given it much thought. He had been so busy with finals, finding a flat and worrying about university, that it hadn’t even crossed his mind that Veronica might have thought they were together. They had kissed a few times, but they never had the talk. So John genuinely didn’t know and he felt really stupid about it now.

Roger was still looking at him with great interest.

“I guess I haven’t really thought about it?” John finally said.

Their eyes met for a moment and Roger nodded, but John just couldn’t figure out what he might be thinking.

“It might be good to find out?” Roger asked quietly. “— If you want to I mean.”

Did he want to?Right now he just felt confused about it. Was it weird that he just didn’t know. Not to mention the weird thoughts he seemed to have about Roger these days. 

“Yeah.” John sighed.

***

Next to worrying about how he was going to bring up the conversation with Veronica, John worried about what he actually had to say, or how he would say it. He had no experience with this. He really didn’t know what he wanted, he didn’t know if he actually wanted a relationship with her. All he knew was that he needed to be honest with her. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, by his own indecisiveness.

John had trouble sleeping that week. He kept mulling things over in his head, and however hard he tried to not overthink things, it didn’t work. He tossed and turned most nights only to fall asleep in the early mornings. Resulting in him sleeping till lunchtime. After yet another sleepless night, he woke up because of something tickling his cheek.

He groaned softly and tried to slap whatever what was causing him to wake up away. A soft giggle reached his ears when he tried to hide under his covers.

“You’re so hard to wake up.” A familiar voice giggled.

John slowly opened his eyes, squinting because of the sun shining through his curtains. He could just make out the silhouet of someone sitting next to him. He was faintly aware off the hand that had been stroking his cheek, which was now brushing through his hair, causing him to hum in appreciation and closing his eyes again. 

“Hey sleepyhead, no going back to sleep again.” 

Another groan passed John’s lips and he felt the mattress dip next to him, and someone slipped next to him in bed. It felt familiar and warm and John didn’t question it. He kept his eyes closed and chased the warmth next to him.

An arm wrapped around his waist and a familiar scent invaded his senses. Freshly washed clothes and citrus shampoo. He wrapped his own arm around the body next to him pulling them closer, which fitted perfectly against his own. The other purred in contentment and the hand in his hair was back, slowly brushing through his wavy hair.

“I have been thinking about you.” They whispered.

John hummed, but it didn’t really register what was being said to him. The hand in his hair was now softly scratching the back of his neck and it just felt too good. He felt himself doze off again because of it. That was until he felt a soft brush of lips against his cheek, soft whispering in his ear.

“Deaky.”

He blinked a couple of times and finally opened his eyes fully. His heart stopped for a moment when he saw who was smiling at him. Blue eyes gazed at him. 

“Roger?” John asked in confusion. “Why are you here? What time is it?”

Roger smiled softly, his hand on John’s neck moved to rest on his jaw. “I came to wake you up.”

“You did?” John swallowed, he was now fully aware how close they were. Roger had wrapped one of his legs around John’s waist and he could see every freckle on Roger’s cheeks.

Roger nodded, his thumb was softly brushing over John’s cheekbone. “You’re so pretty when you sleep, you know that?”

Something was off, John knew that, but he blushed anyway. It didn’t make sense, why was Roger in his bed and so close, practically wrapped around him. “I— Roger why are you in my bed?” He asked, trying to understand what was happening.

The soft brush of Roger’s thumb didn’t stop, he shook his head and smiled. “I told you— I came to wake you up.”

“Well I’m awake…” John whispered, getting distracted by the hand that was now cradling his cheek. He looked up at Roger and he was sure his own face was full of confusion.

“That’s too bad actually.”

John frowned and looked at him in confusion. “It is?”

Roger giggled and nodded. “Yeah, I was hoping you would stay asleep a little longer.”

“Why?” John asked, generously curious now.

This time it was Roger’s time to blush, and the hand on John’s cheek was starting to fall away. Which John didn’t like one bit. “You’ll think it’s weird.” Roger said almost sadly.

Really John thought this whole moment was weird. He had no idea what was going on and it just didn’t feel real. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard a tiny voice calling his name. Probably his voice of reason telling him this wasn’t real. But he chose to ignore it, wanting to know what Roger would say.

_John._

“Try me?”

Roger met his eyes again and seemed to hesitate for a moment. “Because I wanted to kiss you awake.” He whispered.

It felt like time slowed down for a minute. John tried to process what Roger was saying. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be, Roger was obviously messing with him. Again the voice he heard before was calling him. Louder this time, telling him this wasn’t real. Once again he ignored it. He needed to know. “You wanted to kiss me?”

_John._

Roger glanced down and before staring back at John, a faint blush on his cheeks. “Yes.” He said quietly, before adding softly and almost bashfully. “Can I?”

His heart fluttered in his chest and John didn’t know what to say. He had no idea where this was coming from. Yes, he had to admit that for a fleeting moment the thought of kissing Roger had passed through his mind, when they were staying at Crystal. But in the end he had blamed it on the whole situation of Roger being drugged. Nothing of this made any sense. 

But John didn’t know why, but he still reached for Roger’s hand and placed it back on his cheek. If Roger couldn’t see his blush, he could definitely feel it now. “Yes.” He whispered. “You can.”

The voice was now practically screaming at him. Calling his name. Telling him this was not real once more.

_John._

All John could focus on was Roger smiling at him oh so softly, his heart started beating faster when Roger leaned in closer. His thumb had gone back to brushing his cheekbone gently. He could feel his warm breath fanning over his face, making him shiver slightly. He tightened his hold on Roger where he was still holding on to his waist. John closed his eyes when they where only inches away, taking in a breath.

“John!”

John startled when he suddenly felt cold. His eyes shot open and he sat up straight. Looking around him feeling disoriented.“What?” His heart was beating fast. He was still in his own room, he looked to his side, no sign of Roger. A pang of disappointment swept over him. It wasn’t real after all, what else did he expect.

Standing next to his bed, his mother was looking at him, a worried look on her face. “You’re finally awake, I was beginning to worry.”

John rubbed his face and sighed. It wasn’t fair to his mother to be annoyed at her for waking him up, but the disappointment was still there. “Sorry, I didn’t sleep so well— I’ll be downstairs in a few.”

“Its alright honey. Take your time.” His mother said. “There is breakfast in the kitchen.” She adde before leaving his room.

“Thanks mum.” He called after her and then let himself fall back against his pillows with a groan.

***

“You haven’t said much tonight.”

John looked up at Veronica who was giving him an unreadable expression. They were in Veronica’s room after their family barbecue. He was sitting on the end of the bed while she was sitting next to him.

He had felt out of place, even though Veronica’s parents were nice people. He had spoken to her dad a little that night, but he still felt very nervous and he hadn’t known what to say. It didn’t help that there were also other family members, like her grandparents and an aunt and uncle with their children.

“Oh— sorry, I guess I was just a bit nervous— meeting your family and all.” John said sounding apologetic.

In reality he had been really trying to pluck up the courage to have a conversation with Veronica. Trying to come up with multiple ways how he could bring up their relationship. But now that they were alone, he came up blank.

“That’s okay.” Veronica smiled, fidgeting with her skirt.

They sat there in silence for a bit and it just felt awkward. He was so bad at this, and him dreaming about Roger didn’t help either. If anything it just made him more confused. Nothing made sense anymore, how could he face Roger when he had dreams about him. Did this mean he was having feelings for his best friend? If that was true, it made things even more complicated, because if these feelings were real; he couldn’t do anything about it. Roger would never return his feelings. This was all just a big mess.

“I actually wanted to talk to you.” Veronica suddenly said.

John turned his head to look at her again. “You do?”

“I have been meaning to, but I just didn’t know how.” Veronica started not meeting his eyes, she appeared nervous. She started talking in a small voice. “You’ve been very distracted lately, every time we hang out— and I just feel like something is bothering you.”

John winced. Guess he wasn’t as unreadable as he thought. He hesitated before he started rambling. “I know, I have been distracted— things have just been busy and I had a lot on my mind, I know that’s not an excuse—” He said shaking his head. “I have been wanting to talk to you as well, I just didn’t know how— I’m just really bad at these things.”

Veronica looked up then and reached out squeezing his shoulder. “That’s fine John, you can talk to me— about anything.”

John wondered what she meant by that. He looked at her, but couldn’t figure out what her expression meant.

“I think— and please tell me if I’m wrong.” She said before continuing, looking a little sad. “But I get the feeling you don’t really want to be with me.”

“Ronnie, I— that’s…” John started, but Veronica interrupted him.

“Be honest with me— I think I at least deserve that.” 

John closed his mouth, and pressed his lips together. He nodded and took a deep breath while he started fiddling with the hem of his shirt. This was his chance to say what he wanted. He couldn’t lead her on like this. It wasn’t fair.

He tried to find the words, but nothing felt like it would be enough to make it better.

“I’m sorry— I should have been honest with you.”

Veronica nodded and clenched her jaw. “You should have yeah.”

That really didn’t make John feel better, but he didn’t deserve to feel good about this. “I’m sorry.” He repeated. His apology felt weak. But that was all he could think off. “I honestly never intended to hurt you.”

Veronica turned her body to face him, a small smile formed on her lips. “I know that John— I know you’re not like that— that’s why I like you so much, I just wish you would have told me something sooner.”

John finally dared to look up at her and chewed on his bottom lip. She was too nice for him and he didn’t deserve her kindness.

“Don’t get me wrong, I was hurt when you were so distant— and I worried it was because of me.” She said while sadness clouded her features.

“It’s really not because of you.” John said shaking his head, he could just kick himself. “Please believe me. You’re very lovely and I would like it if we could stay friends— I know that’s not what you want to hear.” He laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. He was not getting any of this right. “I told you— I’m no good at this.”

Veronica chuckled, she took his hand in hers. “You’re doing fine— it’s okay John, sometimes things don’t work out.” She said. “I would rather be friends with you then not have you in my life at all.”

John felt tension leave his shoulders when she said that. “You do?” He asked hesitantly, not sure how she still wanted to be his friend.

“Yeah.” She nodded, smiling a bit more now, she let go of his hand. “I’m going to need some time. But yeah I would like that.”

“Me too.” John sighed out of relief.

They sat there in silence for a little, but it didn’t feel awkward anymore. John wished he would have talked to her sooner and avoid all of this.

“Don’t you have to leave?” Veronica asked after a while.

“What?”

“Roger’s party? Weren’t you supposed to help him?”

John checked his watch quickly. He was late, Roger was going to kill him. “Fuck, I didn’t realize it was this late.”

Veronica giggled. “You better go then, don’t want Roger to blame me for making you late.”

“Yeah.” John chuckled, he got up and rubbed his hands over his jeans. He walked up to the door, but lingered there for a moment. He turned around to face Veronica again, his hand on the doorknob. “Are you still coming tonight?”

“Dominique and Chrissie will probably make me go.” She said hesitantly. “But I don’t know if I should.”

John didn’t want her to feel like she couldn’t come because of him, everyone was going to be there. “You should come.” He insisted. “It will be fun, besides we are all going to university soon. It could be the last time we’re all together.”

Veronica smiled, she seemed to think about that for a moment. “I guess you’re right.” She nodded. “I’ll be there.”

“See you there.” John said returning her smile, he then closed the door behind him. Feeling much lighter than he was before.

***

“You’re late.”

“I know— I’m sorry.”

Roger squinted at him, he was standing in his doorway, casually leaning against it. “So you say. But I’m not to sure if you really are.” 

John rolled his eyes. “I got held up. But I’m here now— I’ll do anything you need me to.”

“That's dangerous you know— saying you’ll do anything, I can come up with multiple things you could do for me, just for shits and giggles.” Roger said teasingly and stepped to the side to let him in.

“You always have to take the piss now don’t you.” John commented.

Roger winked as he closed the door behind John. “Because you always take the bait— and it's just so easy.”

John stuck out his tongue and walked after him as he lead them into the living room. Roger had done most of the work already. The living room was stripped of any valuable items and the sofa and chairs were pushed to the side of the room. His extensive collection of music was already next to the sound system.

In the kitchen everything looked set as well. Drinks were standing in buckets of ice and the fridge was full of drinks, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic and snacks were ready to be put in bowls.

He glanced at Roger who was making sure he had enough drinks in the fridge. He looked lovely, like he always did. John caught himself staring at the form fitted black jeans he was wearing. His denim button up looked casual with the top two buttons open and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. One or two necklaces laid against his sun kissed skin and his sparkly converse shimmered with every step he made.

“Do you want a drink?”

“Huh?” John asked snapping out of it.

Roger tilted his head and smiled. “I asked if you wanted a drink— what were you looking at?” He asked looking down at himself. “Something wrong with my outfit?”

John’s face flushed, Roger caught him staring. He had to keep it together, but his heart started beating slightly faster. “No— nothing wrong with it.” He said clearing his throat. “You— uh look nice.”

“You think?” Roger asked sounding almost shy, but a bright smile still formed on his face. “Thanks, you look nice too.”

John flushed even more. He didn’t even wear anything special. Just jeans with a t-shirt. He didn’t know where to put his hands, feeling way to aware of himself. “It’s nothing special.”

Roger grinned and handed him a beer, if he saw John flush, he didn’t say anything about it. “You need to learn how to take a compliment.”

That was true. John just felt awkward when someone complimented him. He wasn’t used to it. So getting compliments just felt strange, he never knew how to react to them. He took the beer from Roger and smiled a little. “I know— thanks.”

Roger seemed satisfied by that and they drank their beer. The rest of the people would probably arrive soon. They moved to the living room and Roger put on some music. While they waited for the rest John couldn’t keep his eyes of Roger while he talked about his new job at the record store. He was screwed.

***

It was late, the party had been going on for a few hours now and John felt like he shouldn’t have taken that last drink Crystal handed him. He was sitting on the sofa trying to stop the room from spinning. Freddie was laughing loudly with Roger on the other side of the room. They both had two much energy and while Roger had made several attempts to make John dance, he just couldn’t be arsed right now.

Every time he looked at Roger, he felt his heart beat a little faster. His smile was just infectious and it made it hard to look away. They locked eyes a couple of times and Roger’s eyes just seemed to have that natural sparkle in his eyes. He wasn’t the best dancer, but he made it up by sheer confidence. Naturally he tried to avoid thinking about how good his best friend looked and decided to drink his feelings away. All of this made him feel miserable.

What made it worse was that everyone was having a great time. Dominique was dancing with both Freddie and Roger and it made him feel jealous. But he knew he shouldn’t be because he was the one turning them down in the first place. Veronica was there as well, dancing with Chrissie, seemingly having a lovely time. Brian was in deep conversation with a few classmates. John was the only one being a spoil sport. That just made him even more annoyed with himself.

“You don’t look so good.”

John looked up, Crystal stared at him, looking a little worried.

“Hey Chris. Didn’t know you were here too.”

Crystal looked unimpressed. “You opened the door for me.”

“Oh—“ John giggled. “I did, didn't I?”

“Yeah cause you’re drunk mate.” Crystal pointed out and grabbed the empty glass out of John’s hand, smelling it. “Vodka? How many of these have you had?”

“I don’t know.” John slurred and closed his eyes for a moment, because there were now two Crystal’s standing in front of him and the last time he checked Crystal didn’t have a twin brother. “Only like two?”

“Was that all you had?” Crystal asked suspiciously.

John rested his head against the back of the sofa. “Also had a couple of beers— like three?”

Crystal sat down next to him. “Is there any reason as to why you are getting shit faced?”

“Can you maybe not speak so loud?” John whined, covering his ears, he wasn’t feeling so good and he really didn’t want to talk to Crystal about his problems. He would laugh in his face if he told he might be having feelings for Roger.

“Maybe you should go lie down for a bit?” Crystal offered.

Lying down sounded like the best thing to John right now. He just wanted the world to stop from spinning. He nodded. “Just have to remember how to make my legs work.”

Crystal sighed and grabbed his arm, hoisting him up out of the sofa. “The things I put up with— I thought Roger was a handful, you are supposed to be the sensible one." He complained while dragging John forward. "Come on then.”

John groaned, but deep down he was grateful for Crystal holding him up. He was faintly aware that he was being brought upstairs, but he had trouble keeping his eyes open. The moment he was laying on the bed he closed his eyes. The last thing he remembered was the faint smell of freshly washed clothes and citrus.

***

John grunted softly when he woke up when someone gently shook him, calling his name. He had no idea how late it was quite frankly he had no idea in what room he was.

“John.” The voice whispered. “Wake up.”

A shiver ran down his spine when their breath hit John’s ear. Was this another dream? He slowly opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder, to see Roger stare at him, a slightly worried look in his blue eyes.

“You okay? Crystal told me you weren’t feeling well.”

John struggled to focus his eyes for a moment, but adjusted after a few seconds. The room was dark, with only the light on the bedside table on. But even without a big source of lighting, John would recognise this room everywhere. He was laying on Roger’s bed, and he could smell his familiar and comforting scent everywhere.

He sat up a little when Roger lowered himself on the bed, sitting next to him. “I’m alright— I just had a bit too much to drink, I’m feeling better though, the world isn’t spinning anymore.” He chuckled.

Roger grinned and let out relieved breath, he patted John’s knee. “Alright— good, I was worried.”

“No need. I was just being stupid.” John admitted while he stared at the hand that was resting on his knee. Somehow it didn’t feel weird. He looked up at Roger who quickly took his hand away when he noticed John staring.

Roger blushed and bit his lip. “Can I get you anything?”

John immediately missed Roger’s touch, even if it was just an innocent touch; it made John feel better. He longed for it back, but knew that wouldn’t happen. He moved to get up instead and shook his head. “That’s okay.”

“You sure?” Roger asked, not sounding all that convinced. He moved from his bed to give John space to get off himself.

“Yeah.” John nodded and got to his feet. “I just need some coffee or something, then I’ll be good as new.”

When he wanted to take a step forward he slightly lost his balance being too confident and stumbled over his own feet. “Whoops.” Luckily for him Roger caught him by his arm just in time before he fell flat on his face. 

Roger chuckled and put his other hand on John’s waist to steady him. “I got you.”

John looked up and put a hand on Roger’s shoulder to steady himself even further, he still felt wobbly on his legs. Roger stared back at him fondly and suddenly John noticed just how close they were. He was grateful for the lack of lighting in the room because he could feel himself blushing.

It was a though they were magnets and John felt himself be pulled towards Roger. The sparkle in Roger’s eyes were mesmerising and his eyelashes were unfairly long. His eyes flicked to Roger’s lips for a moment and they just looked so soft.

Before John even registered what he was doing, he heard Roger’s breath hitch when John sealed their lips together. He could feel Roger’s hand tighten on his waist, before it relaxed again. Roger’s other hand joined on his waist and pulled John closer to him. That’s when John realised what he was doing and pulled back, missing Roger’s lips on his right away. It probably lasted only a few seconds, but John felt like he made the biggest mistake.

Roger blinked and touched his own lips, he looked up at John with an unreadable expression in his eyes.

John took a step backward. “I’m so sorry Roger— I— just.“

Roger frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but John couldn’t bear to hear it. He turned around and all but bolted out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg John what did you do? ;p I hope you enjoyed this chapter! So what are we thinking? Let me know, it's really appreciated. Thank you so much for reading <3


	7. Chapter VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John panicked after he kissed Roger. Roger follows him. He has to confess his feelings, but will he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! It's update time. Thank you to everyone who is sticking with me and reading this story. I'm so thankful for the comments and support, it really makes me happy. I hope you'll enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think! It's very much appreciated. <3

**Chapter VII**

_John is kissing me._

That was all he could think, his heart was racing, Roger felt like he should be pinching himself, because there was no way this was happening. But the lips on his were real, John was really kissing him. His breath hitched when it happened, it came out of nowhere and Roger felt stunned, but pleasantly surprised all the same. He hesitantly kissed back, just a brush of lips and without a second thought he placed his other hand on John’s waist joining the other that was already there, gently pulling him into Roger’s direction. 

Thats when he felt John pulling away, the disappointment settled in Roger’s body. It had been way to short. He blinked in surprise and touched his own lips, they still tingled from where John’s lips had touched his. He didn’t know what to say, his mind hadn’t caught up with him. He looked up at John, seeing the shock in his eyes.

John took a step backward. “I’m so sorry Roger— I— just.“

Roger didn’t even have time to say anything, he reached out his hand and opened his mouth to say something. But its too late because John had turned on his heel and fled the room.

“John… wait…” Roger called after him, but his feet didn’t cooperate fast enough. He heard John stumble down the stairs, before he finally hurried after him.

When he managed to get down the stairs he couldn’t even see John anymore. Since when was he so fast. Crystal was standing in hall looking confused. Roger takes two steps at the same time and all but jumps the last few steps.

“Crys… Did you see John? Did he pass you?” Roger asked hastily, looking into the crowd, to see if he could spot John.

“Yeah, he just ran past me— heading toward the back, outside maybe? What did you do to him?” Crystal questioned, a suspicious expression on his face. “It looked like he’d seen a ghost, even worse than when I put him to bed, to sober up.”

Roger already went into the direction Crystal pointed at. “Nothing— I didn’t, he— never mind.” He shook his head. “I just need to find him.”

Crystal stared after Roger shaking his head when he pushed past him. Mumbling something which sounded like “bloody idiots” under his breath.

The living room was full with his classmates and he has trouble avoiding them all. Everyone seemed to want to talk to him all of a sudden. He smiled, but kept saying he would be there later. Now he just needed to find John and talk to him. When he finally got to the backdoor his heart was racing.

The door was still open, John must have passed through here. Once outside he looked into the backyard, but it was hard to see. It was dark, the only light source coming from inside the house. 

Roger walked further into the backyard. “John?”

No answer.

Roger squinted, but he couldn’t see anything but the shapes of the trees in the garden. It didn’t make sense, he didn’t think John would have run away completely. But maybe he did. That thought made his stomach churn.

“John? Please, if you’re here— say something.”

Still nothing. _Fuck._ What was he supposed to do now. He didn’t know if John went home or if he was just wandering the streets. That would be bad, he was still drunk, who knew what could happen. Roger had to make sure he was fine. He turned around to go and find him. Just when he was at the backdoor he heard a familiar voice.

“Here.”

Roger’s heart leaped and he whipped his head around in the direction of the voice. John was sitting on the small bench underneath one of the trees, he hadn’t been able to see because of the darkness, his haste and because of his poor eye sight.

“John, I was afraid you—“ He stumbled over his words, not really sure what he wanted to say. But he felt a bit relieved John was there. “You’re still here— you didn’t leave.”

Roger approached him carefully, trying not to make him take off again. But John nodded wouldn’t meet his eyes, he was staring down at his hands.

“Roger, I’m sorry— I just—“

“You kissed me.” Roger interrupted.

John finally looked up at him, an panicked expression on his face. Roger could see some tears welling up in his eyes, but John quickly wiped them away.

“I know— I’m so sorry.”

Roger stared at him, he couldn’t keep the sad expression from reaching his face. _Why? Why did he keep saying that._

“Are you?”

"Am I what?"

"Sorry?"

John looked at him with a nervous expression. “Of course I am, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable— I’m still drunk, I shouldn't have, I honestly dont know what came over me.” He rambled nervously, rubbing his palms over his jeans. He stood up and took a step in Roger’s direction as well. “Can we— uhm, lets forget it happened okay? I mean— I get it if you dont want to talk to me anymore.”

_Forget… he didn’t want to forget._

Roger looked down at his own hand, trying to hide the hurt obvious on his face. “Don’t say that.” He said quietly, his voice above a whisper.

John shook his head in confusion. “I don’t— what?”

“Please dont say you’re sorry— dont tell me we should forget it ever happened.” Roger said shaking his head. “I don’t want to forget.” He looked up again seeing John stare at him in uncertainty. Roger took another step forward. He hated how his voice sounded so shaky to his own ears. He took a big breath. “So please don’t say you’re sorry about this, I honestly don’t think I could deal with that.”

John frowned and shook his head, seemingly even more confused about Roger’s words. “I don’t understand— you don’t want me to forget? Aren’t you mad at me?” John asked incredulously.

Roger couldn’t help but laugh, a little desperate maybe, but still. All his feelings for John he had been keeping in for so long and now this happened, but he couldn’t have been more relieved, that maybe his feelings weren’t one sided.

“No—“ He said shaking his head and took a final step forward, being able to lay his hand on John’s shoulder, happy that John didn’t shy away from his touch. “I’m not mad at you— well maybe a little.”

John’s panicked expression returned.

“You kissed me and then you fucking ran from the room. I didn’t know I was such a horrible kisser.” Roger joked trying to lighten the mood when he’s saw the anxiety in John’s eyes.

That made John smile a little, relief apparent on his face that Roger was only joking. He ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. “I dont know— It didn’t last long enough.”

Roger cracked a cheeky smile. Feeling the tension slowly leave his body now that they were talking. “Now, who’s fault is that?”

John blushed and looked down again.

Roger couldn’t help but find it endearing. But he still felt a little worried that John might run away any second now, worried he would say the wrong thing. He carefully reached out and gently touched John’s hand, when John didn’t pull away, Roger took his hand in his and laced their fingers together.

“John— hey, it’s me, just me— no one else, talk to me.”

John looked up again, his grey eyes meeting Roger’s blue ones. His eyes were full of confusion and uncertainty. “Why aren’t you more upset about this?”

Roger’s heart skipped a beat. He hesitated for a moment. “I— well.” Now was the time to get it out and finally tell him. He just didn’t know how to say it without sounding like a massive tart.

He took a leap of faith and prayed to god it wouldn’t blow up in his face. For a moment he carefully watched John, who seemed to wait for Roger to continue speaking. Before he could decide against it, he leaned in and captured John’s lips, for the second time that night. Now John’s breath hitched, just like his did when John kissed him. Roger felt him squeeze his hand softly.

His heart started racing when John didn’t move away, but hesitantly kissed him back. The kiss started unsurely, both of them hesitant. Roger’s hand ended up on John’s jaw, cradling his cheek. When John’s hand landed on his waist, Roger felt like he could relax. He softly brushed his lips against John’s, moving slow and shy. But all Roger could think about was that John was kissing him back.

Tingles ran down his spine and he felt something warm in his chest. Roger wanted to cry when John pulled him closer against his body. His own body melting against him, their lips moving against each other soft and sweet. Roger’s hand slid up from his jaw to the back of his neck, brushing his fingers through his hair, which felt even softer than he imagined. He sighed into the kiss, everything seemed to slow down. 

When they pulled apart Roger felt his cheeks were on fire, and his lips were still tingling. His hand fell away from John’s neck and at first he was afraid to meet John’s eyes, when Roger felt he wasn’t moving he dared to look up.

John’s cheeks were pink and he was slightly out of breath. “Oh.” Was all he said, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Yeah.” Roger smiled nervously, his heart was still going a thousand miles an hour, still terrified of getting rejected. “I, just wanted you to know that I’m not upset.” He hesitated for a moment. “I like you John, for a while now— I have been liking you more and more— not just as my best friend.” He explained, everything was coming out now. “I can’t turn my feelings off, I tried, but it’s not working. So no— I’m not upset that you kissed me, I’m happy you kissed me. I hope you’re not upset with me now.” Roger sighed and looked down at his feet, he wasn't doing a very good job of explaining this. 

They were still standing close. John took Roger’s other hand in his as well and squeezed them, which made Roger look up. “I’m not upset with you.” John smiled. “I do think we’re a bunch of idiot’s though.”

Roger laughed. “You do?”

“Yes— how long have we been best friends?”

“About eight years?” Roger said, counting the years in his head.

“Exactly— you would think we were better at talking to each other.” John pointed out.

“We’re hopeless, aren’t we?”

“Yes—“ John nodded and paused for a moment, he seemed to hesitate.

Roger felt a nervous pang in his stomach. Was he changing his mind about what happened, maybe John thought it was a mistake after all.

“I like you too.” John said with a shy smile, but he didn’t avoid Roger’s eyes. “I just didn’t think you liked me back.”

Everything Roger had worried about in the last few months were just falling away, he felt light, he felt as if he was floating. He was almost sure he would have if John wasn’t holding him.

“You do?”

“Do I need to remind you again?” John asked a cheeky smile forming on his lips.

Roger grinned, his whole body was being drawn closer to John again, he let go of John’s hands and wrapped his arms around his neck. “Would you?”

John’s hands automatically wrapped his arms around his waist, as if they had always done this. “I would.”

For the third time that night, they kissed. This time no longer shy and unsure, but it took Roger’s breath away all the same. A small sound formed in the back of his throat and he softly tugged on John’s hair, who in turn kissed him back more urgently. 

Someone cleared their throat and they both jumped at the sudden interruption. Roger looked over his shoulder, seeing Crystal standing their leaning in the doorway a smirk on his face.

“Crys—“

“Dont get me wrong I dont want to interrupt your— eh bonding time.” Crystal interrupted. “God knows how long it took both of you to figure it out.” He commented with a teasing smile. “But some of the guests are finding their way upstairs— I think I saw Freddie parading around in one of your mother’s skirts.”

Roger laughed at the thought of Freddie in his mother’s skirt, but he didn’t want to face the wrath of his mother if she found out people had been in her closet again, he would never hear the end of it.

“Yeah—“ He glanced at John who looked a little embarrassed about Crystal having found them kissing. “I guess I should take care of that.”

John nodded who didn’t dare to to look at Crystal, his cheeks still flushed and followed Roger back inside. They both ignored the look Crystal gave them as they passed him.

***

The next morning Roger woke up because of his phone ringing. He groaned loudly, turning on his stomach and grabbed his pillow covering his ears, trying to tune out the obnoxious ringing. It didn’t help, the person on the other line was persistent. Roger blindly felt around until he found the horn.

“Hello?” He mumbled, putting the phone to his ear.

“Good morning dear.”

“Freddie?” Roger asked sounding sleepy, he turned on lay on his back. He felt light and couldn’t keep the smile off his face. The memories of last night finally rushing back. It hadn’t been a dream, but it felt like one. John kissed him and told him he liked him back. It was cliché but he still felt butterflies in his stomach. He was totally acting like Clare, but he didn’t care. He had been worrying about this for months and he was damn well going to enjoy this feeling.

“Why are you calling so early.”

Freddie laughed in response. “Early? It’s almost lunchtime.”

Roger squinted at his alarm, seeing that Freddie was right. “So what? It’s not like I have to be anywhere and besides, I spent the better part of last night trying to get you out of my mum’s closet.”

“Sorry about that.” Freddie giggled. “I’ll buy your mum some flowers as an apology.”

“I dont think she has noticed yet, I haven’t heard her scream my name as if she’s going to murder me— so I think we’re safe for now.” Roger replied rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Why are you interrupting my much needed sleep if I may ask.”

“Oh yes.” Freddie started. “A little birdie whispered something in my ear last night— and I must say I was a bit offended that I wasn’t one of the first ones to know.”

Roger smiled to himself, but he decided to act innocent for a little bit. “I just woke up Fred, I’m not up for riddles yet— who told you what?”

“Roger Taylor! Dont tell me you forgot.”

“Forgot what?”

“Oh please— you’re joking right, please tell me you’re joking.” Freddie begged. “You have been pining for him for months and now that you finally kissed, you forgot! That’s so typical of you Roger— I’m so going to kick your arse if you hurt his feelings.”

Roger started laughing. “I’m joking Freddie, of course I didn’t forget. How could I?”

“Thank god.” Freddie said sounding relieved. “I was so ready to drag you around by your ears.”

“You could try.”

“I’m much stronger than I look blondie— but anyways tell me all the details, how was it?”

A smile formed on Roger’s lips and made himself more comfortable telling Freddie everything that happened. They really were a bunch of teenage girls out of a teen flick. But Roger couldn’t care less, he was way too happy.

“So are you seeing him today?”

Roger shook his head and played with the phone cord twisting it around his finger. “He has to work today, but he’ll pick me up after work tomorrow. We’re going to see a movie.”

***

Roger was positive that time was standing still, the whole day had crept by and he kept looking at the clock, hoping that if he stared at it long enough time would somehow move faster.

No such luck.

What made matters worse was that there hardly were any customers all day. It was also a Friday night which meant he has to close the shop. He had done all the chores today, he even put all the records back to alphabetical order, because they had been all over the place.

He had cleaned the counter and swept the floor, just to keep himself busy. The shop would close in an hour and he was ridiculously nervous. John would pick him up to go to the movies and Roger fussed with how he looked.

It had been hard to decide what to wear and he had spent a good part of the morning standing in front of the morning changing into several different outfits. He still wasn’t sure if he should be wearing the shirt he was wearing now, so he brought another one in his bag just to be sure.

Roger had to admit that it was a strange feeling to go on a date with John. Because he wondered if it really was a date? They had kissed and admitted they liked each other. But they went to the movies all the time, was this really any different?

He wondered mostly how would it affect their relationship? Would it change? Was John still going to tell him everything? Was Roger still going to tell him everything? Roger himself hadn’t told John before that he was in love with him, because he was afraid to lose John all together. But now he felt like there wasn’t anything he couldn’t tell John. Just thinking about him put a smile on Roger’s face.

When there was just half an hour left of work he decided to change his shirt anyway. He worried that John didn’t like it or worse that he smelled because he had been working in it all day. Usually Roger wasn’t self-conscious about what he wore or how he looked, but he had never liked some as much as he liked John, so naturally he worried.

Thankfully the owner wasn’t in tonight so he could take some time in the bathroom to make sure he looked okay. He fixed his hair and changed his shirt, he even put some cologne on which he remembered to take with him that morning. When he came back in the store there were a couple of girls going through the fifteen percent off bin.

Not now Roger thought, there hadn’t been a customer all night and now they decided to show up. They probably not even going to buy something. Roger leaned on the counter, hoping they would leave if he stared at them long enough.

It didn’t work, because of the girls whispered something to the others and they all looked up and giggled to each other. Roger had seen them before, they were classmates of his sister.

“Hey, you’re Clare’s brother right?” One of them asked suddenly. She had dark brown hair, which was casually put up in a ponytail. 

Roger nodded and checked the time again. Ten minutes before closing time. It would be rude to throw them out now. “Yeah, I am.”

“I thought so.” She smiled. “Didn’t know you worked here.”

“Just for the summer.” Roger replied, he really wasn’t in the mood for conversation right now. He stared through the window, seeing a familiar figure coming in the direction of the store. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

The blond girl softly elbowed the brunette. “Ouch Emma— just ask yourself, if you want to know so badly.”

Then the girl named Emma turned scarlet and looked down at her feet, shaking her head furiously. The brunette rolled her eyes. “She just wants to know if you’re still single?”

“Laura!”

“What? It’s true isn’t it?” 

“You don’t have to ask him like that! Now he thinks I’m a weirdo.”

Roger momentarily wondered if he was still single? He and John weren’t obviously together, they didn’t even have a real date yet.

That’s when the door opened and John came in, seeing the girls standing there bickering with each other. Roger couldn’t help but smile and his heart fluttered in his chest. John looked really good in his light skinny jeans and dark blue t-shirt.

“Hey, should I wait for you outside?” John asked pointing over his shoulder.

Roger shook his head and smiled. “No, I’m almost done.”

He then turned his attention to the girls. “I’m sorry girls, it’s eight pm. I’m closing up for tonight.”

The girls protested a little, but they didn’t say anything else. John stepped to the side and held the door open for them so they could step out. “See now he just thinks we’re weird, we should have just asked Clare.” Emma muttered before she was completely outside.

Roger couldn’t be more relieved that they were gone, he turned the sign from open to closed and turned around to face John who was smiling.

“What was that about?”

“Classmates of Clare— just some silly girls, nothing important.” Roger said shaking his head, trying to get away from this conversation.

“Oh?” John grinned. “What were they saying then— if it wasn’t important?”

Roger rolled his eyes and walked back to the counter to get his stuff from the back, turning his back to John so he wouldn’t see he was blushing. “Nothing— they just wanted to know if I was single.”

When he turned around again, John was leaning on his elbows onto the glass counter, which Roger just cleaned an hour ago. But all he could focus on were John’s lovely grey eyes.

John had a half smile on his face and his eyes were shining. “And are you single?”

Roger’s heart skipped a beat and he leaned on the counter as well, so that they were close enough to touch. He delighted in the soft flush that touched John’s cheeks when Roger came closer. “I think that’s still up for debate?”

“So, I still have a chance here then?”

“I’d say you’re a top contender.” Roger joked, as if there was anyone else. 

Then John reached out to cradle his cheek and softly kissed Roger’s lips. Just a soft kiss, there wasn’t any heat behind it, but it felt like Roger was going to float away. A sigh escaped his lips when John pulled away.

“Good.” John smiled and straightened up, he brushed his thumb over Roger’s cheekbone. “So let’s get going? Or we’ll miss the movie.”

Roger was still getting back to himself, blinking heavily and just a bit shaky on his legs. “Yeah— let’s go.”

When Roger was sure he had turned off all the lights and locked the register, they went outside and Roger locked the shop. On their way to the movies they walked close their shoulders brushing, and their hands almost touching. It was warm night, but not uncomfortably so.

It was a slow night at the movie theatre, the warm summer night had most people gathering at the swimming pool or the lake. Roger didn’t complain, he didn’t mind a quiet night at the movies with John. It made both him and John seem less nervous, because he could see John’s shoulders relaxing.

“Do you want to get some snacks?” John asked, when they bought their tickets for an old sci-fi movie they had already seen dozens of times.

Roger nodded and smiled widely. “Popcorn please?”

John chuckled and bought them popcorn to share and something to drink.

They then made their way to their seats. It was empty but for a few other couples. The movie started as soon as they sat down. First Roger tried to focus on the movie, because it was a movie he actually liked, but soon he found himself thinking about him and John. He glanced sideways, John’s arm was resting on the armrest and he seemed to be enthralled by the movie.

Roger wondered how John was feeling, he didn’t seem to be nervous about this. But why would he be, they had done this so many times before. Was it any different now? For Roger it was, they weren’t just best friends anymore. They kissed, John had even kissed him today, surely he must be thinking the same. He reached for some popcorn that was in his lap just when John reached out as well.

Their hands brushed and John pulled back. “Sorry.” He whispered.

Roger looked at him with a smile noticing the blush on his cheeks. He was almost relieved to see John was still just as nervous about this as him. “No, that’s okay, go ahead.” Roger whispered in response.

John smiled and grabbed some popcorn. They went back to focus on the movie, but Roger just couldn’t concentrate with John next to him, John’s hand was resting on the armrest again and Roger really wanted to reach out. He rubbed his palms on his jeans, and played with the hem of his shirt before finally reaching out for John’s hand. He held his breath for a moment, worried that John might pull away. But he felt a rush of relief wash over him when John turned his hand to thread their fingers together.

His heart raced and Roger smiled to himself, staring at the screen. When John softly started brushing his thumb over the back of Roger’s hand he lost all ability to focus. Roger started doing the same and looked at John from the corner of his eye, seeing a small smile playing on his lips. For the rest of the movie Roger felt relaxed and because it was so quiet, he even dared to rest his head on John’s shoulder, he didn’t even care if his hands were clammy. 

When the movie was over, he was sad to lose John’s touch. But when they made their way back home, John reached for Roger’s hand again. Without a second thought Roger laced their fingers together again and they walked back talking about the movie, how they still couldn’t believe the creators chose to kill off the hero. It all felt so natural and familiar, it was as if things had never been different. They were back at Roger’s house all too soon and he really didn’t want the night to end. 

“Well here we are.” Roger said, cringing internally by how cliché that sounded, as if they were in a movie his sister would watch.

John chuckled. “Looks like it.”

Roger sighed and leaned against the door. “I had fun—“ Roger said leaning agains the door, studying John closely.“Did you?”

“I always have fun with you Rog.”

Roger smiled. “I’m glad— but this was different, I mean it was right?”

John took a step closer and Roger could smell the warm scent of his cologne. “Yeah it was— but good different.” He he said, before adding, “and I had fun.”

“Good.” Roger said with a nod, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“We should do it again.” John said rocking back and forth on his feet.

Roger had always hated the awkward moments after a date, but somehow he found it adorable when he saw John fiddling with his shirt, obviously trying to figure out what to do now.

“Yeah we should.”

John smiled. “Great, well I better go then.”

He was about to turn around and leave when Roger grabbed his arm and pulled him in for a kiss. If he was going to be a cliche, he was going to do it right. John wasn’t shy this time, he kissed Roger back as soon as their lips touched and pushed him against the door. Roger’s arms wound up around John’s waist to pull him flush against him.

The feeling of John so close against him had Roger almost whimpering. Their mouths moved together slowly and Roger knew he would never be able to stop doing this, all he wanted was John, and it felt surreal to know that he was here kissing him. A soft moan formed at the back of John’s throat when Roger tangled a hand in John’s hair. 

They only broke apart when the need for air became a necessity. Roger’s heart was racing and he smiled when John pecked his lips a couple more times before resting his forehead against Roger’s, slightly breathless.

Roger didn’t let go of John because he didn’t want him to leave yet. “Do you have to go?”

“Yes.” John whispered, pulling back slightly to look at him.

“Why? You could just sleep here?” Roger huffed.

John chuckled. “I have to work early tomorrow and we both know you don’t like to get up early.”

Roger pouted and sighed because he knew that was true. “Maybe next time?”

“Next time.” John nodded and pressed a chaste kiss against Roger’s lips, before stepping away. “Besides you’ll be stuck with me when we move into the flat.”

“Sounds dreadful.” Roger teased, but he really couldn’t wait.

John laughed. “I know, I can’t believe I’m going to have to live under one roof with such a slob.”

Roger stuck out his tongue before he searched for his key and opened the door. He then looked at John again. He knew it was ridiculous but he would miss him so much. “See you soon?”

John smiled and nodded. “Yeah, Saturday?”

Just the prospect of seeing John again made Roger’s heart flutter. “Yeah sounds good.” He stepped inside and lingered at the door. “Sleep well John.”

“Sleep well Rog.”

Roger watched him till he rounded the corner and only then closed the door behind him.

***

“Why did I agree to help you idiot’s again?” Crystal complained when he put another box down in the kitchen.

“Because deep down you love us very dearly Crys, you just have a very funny way of showing it.” Roger stated with a grin, while he was putting glasses in one of the cupboards.

Crystal huffed. “I’m the only one doing all the heavy lifting here, both you are lazy and mister Mercury over there—” He pointed at the sofa where Freddie was sitting. “he’s too afraid to break a nail.”

“We all have our strong points dear, I’m not afraid to admit lifting boxes isn’t one of mine.” Freddie said without looking away from his magazine. “Besides, I’m here to help with the decorations and interior design, because we all know both Roger and Deaky are hopeless.”

“I heard that Fred.” John said when he walked through the door carrying one of the many boxes putting it next to where Crystal had just put the other one.

Freddie looked up with smirk. “You were supposed to.”

John chuckled. “Could you maybe help Brian get the paint upstairs? I’d be really grateful?” He added when he saw Freddie’s face.

“Fine.” Freddie said getting up with a sigh. “Because I was getting bored anyway.”

Roger laughed softly because hardly anyone could refuse John anything. Him included. John could be really convincing when he needed to be. Not even Freddie could do anything against it. 

They were finally starting to move into their flat and Roger couldn’t be more excited. University would start in a week and things between him and John were really going well. They hadn’t made anything official yet, but they had been going on dates every week in the summer. Now that summer was ending, Roger was ready for a new start, with John and their own place.

While they worked hard to get the flat ready this week, Roger caught himself staring at John all the time. He was so impressed by John’s work ethic, he wouldn’t stop until he was absolutely satisfied with the results. He could feel the tingles in his stomach every time John would kiss his cheek or rest his chin on his shoulder and snake his arms around his middle when they were alone for a little bit.

Roger was grateful for all his friends helping out, but he really wanted some alone time with John. Which was hard to come by this week. While painting Roger’s room they finally escaped the others. Freddie was on his way to get Chinese food. Brian and Crystal were trying to put together a bookcase, which from the sounds of Crystal curses wasn’t going very well.

“You sure you want to go with this color?” John asked when they were getting ready to paint Roger’s walls. He was crouching down to open the large tub of paint.

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I?” Roger asked handing John a paint roller and putting several paint brushes on the floor. 

John gave him a cheeky smile. “Didn’t know pink was your color?”

Roger frowned and came closer. “Pink? You’re joking? No— no, I got dark blue. Did those tossers sell me pink? Now I have to go back to the shop again.” He complained.

When Roger crouched down to look closer he could see John snickering, because there obviously was night sky blue paint in the tub. “What are you going on about? It’s blue, are you colorblind maybe?”

What he didn’t see however, was that John had gotten a brush and casually dipped it in the paint without Roger seeing. When Roger was close enough John brushed it over his nose, leaving a smear of blue paint on his nose.

John started laughing when Roger let out a little shriek. “You did not just do that!” He wiped his nose, resulting in getting it everywhere and not just on his hands.

“It was just too easy.” John laughed from where he was now sitting on the floor very proud of himself.

If Roger didn’t love his so much, he would have killed him. Instead he dove on top of him and while John struggled to get away while laughing uncontrollably, it was no use because Roger was now sitting on top of him and wiped his paint covered hands on John’s cheeks while John continued to laugh.

“There!” Roger laughed triumphantly. “Much better.”

John gave up his struggling, instead he leaned on his elbows and smiled up at Roger. “You’re pretty.”

Roger softly brushed his fingers over his nose, getting more paint on him in the process. “Yeah, you say that now— after you smeared paint all over me. You’re just trying to get out of your punishment.”

John smiled playfully. “Punishment? Should I be scared?”

“Havent decided your punishment yet, so I’d be worried.” Roger smirked.

“I see.” John smiled, he leaned up a little more. With his clean hand he brushed a strand of hair out of Roger’s face. “I’ll be sure to watch my back.”

Just the simplest things made Roger’s heart grow two sizes, and he couldn’t help himself when he leaned down to kiss John’s lips softly.

“You are lucky you’re so cute.” 

John smiled and reached up to pull Roger down for another kiss, and who was he to complain about that. Living here was definitely going to have it’s perks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3 I really hoped you enjoyed. So what are we thinking?


	8. Chapter VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Roger finally moved to their flat, they say goodbye to their mothers, start university and take a next step in their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! It's update time, it took me a little bit longer, because this chapter is a bit longer. Thank you all for the lovely comments on the last chapter, they make me so happy! <3 I hope you'll enjoy this one! Let me know your thoughts, I love hearing them.

**Chapter VIII**

“I can’t believe my boy is going to be living on his own. Last I remember you were still a baby.”

Roger groaned as he tried to dodge another one of his mother’s kisses. “Mum, I’m no longer a baby— I’m an adult now, besides I’m not living on my own, John is here too.”

John chuckled as he watched Roger who tried to stay out of his mother’s grasp for the last twenty minutes. Both their mothers had come with them when it was time to finally move to their flat completely. Everything was done and John was proud of the results. Everything was freshly painted and with the help of family they had been able to collect several pieces of furniture. Their mothers had even put some money together to buy them a new sofa.

The old but comfy chair that used to be in Roger’s room was now also in their living room. John still found it odd, that it was now their living room. He could have never dreamed that it was actually possible for them to be living together. His mum was wary of the idea at first, but she was smart enough to know John couldn’t stay and commute to London every day. So she gave her blessing in the end, when she knew everything was well taken care off with the flat. 

Winifred smiled sadly and quickly nodded, trying to blink the tears out of her eyes. “Who knows when I get the chance again, I have no idea when I’ll be able to see you again.”

“I’ll visit, dont worry about that.” Roger stated before adding with a mischievous smile. “I’ll save up some laundry for you.”

“I’ll pretend you didn’t say that.” Winifred said with a scowl. “Are you sure you want to live with him John? You can still turn back now.”

“Hey!” Roger pouted. “You’re supposed to be my mother.”

John laughed. “Yeah I’m sure.” He glanced at Roger who was staring back at him with a bright smile. “I think I can handle him.”

Roger winked when his mother wasn’t looking, making John blush slightly.

Winifred managed to wrap Roger in a hug, who in turn just gave up struggling. “Well he is sweet, when he wants to be, he just likes to act tough.”

“I’m sure it will be fine Winifred.” John’s mother said from where she was standing in the kitchen, making tea. “Roger has always been a great friend to John and he is very loyal. I’m sure he and John will be fine here together. They look out for each other.”

“I know, I’m not worried.” Winifred said while she let go of Roger finally. “I’ll just miss you, both of you. It’s going to be weird not having you around all the time.” She sat down at the kitchen table where John’s mother had served tea and biscuits.

Molly nodded. “Yeah, you two were always at our house or at Roger’s. It will be something to get used to.”

“You are acting like we just moved to the other side of the world.” Roger teased, but it was obvious by his soft expression that he was touched by their words.

John couldn’t help but be a little nostalgic listening to their mother’s talk like that. They were right, ever since he and Roger met, they had been inseparable. Always spending time together. Things were a little different now, in a good way. But he and Roger had decided not to let their mother’s know about their relationship. Mostly because they hadn’t made anything official yet.

It was hard for John to not tell his mother about what was making him so happy. But he also didn’t want to get ahead of himself. It was still very new, and deep down he wanted to keep things for themselves a little while longer, now that they were going to live together. Their friends knew of course, but telling the parents was the next step.

The rest of the day they spent time with their mothers, drinking tea. Having dinner and adding some final touches to the flat. John was sad when they had to go. He hugged his mother tightly when she kissed him good night. He wouldn’t see her for a while and somehow it felt much harder than he thought it would be. They walked them to their car and Roger almost didn’t want to let his mother go, which made John smile to himself. He really was a softy deep down.

Roger leaned his head on John’s shoulder while they watched them drive away. John wrapped his arm around Roger’s waist and pulled him against his side. They just stood there for a while, long after the car was lost in the distance.

***

The next week they were supposed to start university. Summer had gone by so fast and while great things happened John couldn’t be more nervous now. He was really excited about his classes. But the idea of meeting new people, not knowing how you were supposed to act in university, getting lost. All of that made him feel anxious, he didn’t do well in big crowds. He had to take some time to get comfortable.

John had woken up extra early that morning, not just because he hadn’t slept all night but also because he had to figure out what to wear. He didn’t want to look like he had tried too hard, but he also didn’t want it to look like he didn’t think about it at all. When he finally decided on an outfit; simple jeans, and a button up. He went to the kitchen to get some breakfast.

The door to Roger's room was still closed, but he was sure he was supposed to be up at this time. It was eight am, and John was sure he had classes all day as well. When he was done making tea and fifteen minutes later, he decided to check on Roger, he couldn’t be late for his first day.

He softly knocked on Roger’s door, but when he didn’t get an answer he gently opened it peeking his head inside. The room was still dark, morning light was peeking through Roger’s blinds. Just like John thought Roger was still in bed, huddled in the blankets, only some blond hair visible.. Didn’t he even set an alarm? John shook his head and approached the bed carefully.

Sleeping Roger was always adorable, even his soft snores. But right now he really needed to get up. John gently reached out and touched his shoulder, shaking him gently. “Rog, it’s time to wake up.”

Roger groaned softly, but didn’t budge.

John rolled his eyes. “Come on, you’re going to be late on your first day.” He tried.

Another groan, before Roger turned around to look at John with sleepy eyes. “I don’t wanna go— and I was just having such a good dream too.”

“It’s the first day, you shouldn’t be late.” John pointed out. “I made breakfast, if you want some?”

Roger smiled a little then and rubbed his eyes. “You’re the best. But I could have thought of a better way of waking me up.”

“Oh yeah?” John asked sounding amused.

“Yeah!” Roger nodded. “Where’s my morning kiss?”

John chuckled and turned back to go to the kitchen again. “Get out of bed and you can have one.”

Roger pouted but stepped out of bed. John could hear him go to the bathroom and not long after he joined John in the kitchen. He was looking as beautiful as ever, black jeans, t-shirt and leather jacket. John sometimes couldn’t believe what Roger even saw in him.

It made him instantly happy when Roger smiled at him, his eyes bright and a little mischievous as if he was always up to something. John loved that lightheartedness in Roger, how he could lighten the place up with just his presence.

“So I’m here, where’s that kiss?” Roger asked as he leaned against the kitchen counter, watching as John poured him some tea.

John smiled and looked at him. “I guess you earned one.”

Roger smiled and leaned in closer pressing John against the kitchen counter and pressed their lips together. John wrapped his arms around Roger’s waist pulling him close. It still felt amazing he could just kiss Roger like this. He didn’t have much to compare it to, but Roger was a really good kisser. He shivered slightly when one of Roger’s hands moved over his chest to his shoulder and into his hair.

Soft sighs escaped Roger when John deepened the kiss, the taste of his mint toothpaste still on his tongue. Roger kissed him back more firmly and John could feel his heart race, he almost felt dizzy because of it. John nearly whined in protest when Roger pulled back to look at him with a soft smile.

John blinked, trying to catch his breath and wondering how he was going to cool down before he had to leave and go to class. Roger brushed his finger through John’s hair, which was not helping him cool down.

“I could get used to this you know?” Roger grinned before pecking his lips once more.

“I bet you could.” John teased, but his heart swelled with all the affection he felt for Roger. Because he was feeling exactly the same.

Roger nodded and smiled. “Because now I can do this everyday.” He said and pressed another chaste kiss against his lips. “And this—“ He whispered while moving his lips over John’s jaw before leaving soft kisses against his neck. “And this.”

With every brush of Roger’s lips, John felt warmer, he closed his eyes for a moment, cherishing the feeling. He had trouble finding his voice, it sounded strangely hoarse to his own ears. “Roger—“

Roger hummed, but continued kissing his neck, making John squirm agains the counter.

“I have class soon.” John said half heartedly, because deep down he didn’t want to stop.

That’s when Roger pulled back, but not without another kiss against John’s lips. “Shame, but me too.” He smiled while grabbing his tea and a piece of toast, before sitting down at the kitchen table. “But thankfully I won’t have to miss you for too long.”

John chuckled, but he was still feeling awfully warm. He needed to think about anything but Roger’s lips on his skin right now. So he tried to focus on his breakfast. Thankfully Roger was feeling rather chatty that morning, so John sipped his tea while he listened to Roger was talking about how much he wasn’t looking forward to his classes.

***

After saying goodbye to Roger who had gone to his own building, John had finally gotten to his own university building. The nerves he had felt earlier where now back in full force. Thankfully his sense of direction was alright, because he had found the lecture hall where he had his first lecture fairly easily. He had made sure to leave early so he wouldn’t be late. 

There were several students going inside, so John just followed them. He had no idea lecture halls were this big and lots of students were already inside and waiting for the lecture to start. John was sure these weren’t all electrical engineering students. John walked up the steps, and found a seat somewhere in the back. Some other students were already sitting there, some looking just as anxious as John, but some also looked like they’d rather be somewhere else.

Five minutes later the professor arrived and most of the seats were filled. The professor started with an overview with how the class was going to look like that year and what sort of assignments and exams they could expect. John made sure to note everything down and payed close attention. After that the professor started his physics class.

When the professor announced a small break, John was relieved. He really needed a small breather after taking so many notes. He looked around and it seemed that most people were grateful for the break as well.

“You look like you’re new as well.” Someone said next to him.

John turned his head to see a guy about his age smiling at him. Dark brown short wavy hair, light brown eyes, friendly expression on his face.

“You can see that?” John asked wondering if he really looked like a lost lamb.

“I was mostly just guessing.” The guy smiled and looked at John’s notebook where he had feverishly been writing in, making sure he was keeping up with everything the professor was saying. He then pointed at his own notebook which resembled John’s, probably with a little less legible hand writing John thought.

“Oh.” John chuckled. “Yeah I’m new. First year.”

“What do you study?”

“Electrical engineering, you?”

“Thats a coincidence, me too.” The guy smiled and held out his hand. “I’m Lucas.”

John did the same and they shook hands. “John.”

“Nice to meet you.” Lucas smiled. “I can’t believe I met someone on my first day who’s even in the same course as me. I was so nervous that I was going to be all on my own here.”

John smiled, but wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t very good at making friends, he was usually quiet and reserved. He needed time to get to know someone, before he felt comfortable. But he was also relieved that he already knew someone who was going to be following the same courses as he was. Lucas seemed nice enough.

“It’s nice to meet you.”

Before they could say anything else the professor came back and continued his class. After forty five minutes of taking notes, John’s hand was cramping. He was happy when the professor announced the end of class. He grabbed his things and smiled politely at Lucas, who was looking at him while putting his notebook in his bag.

“I guess we have the same classes then? Do you mind if I walk with you?” Lucas asked. “I have no idea where I’m supposed to go— and I’m not very good with directions.”

“Oh— yeah sure.” John nodded as he stood up, zipping up his bag pack. “I’m not sure I know where we need to go, but at least we’ll both turn up late if we can’t find it.”

Lucas laughed softly. “I really hope we can avoid that.”

John smiled. “We better get going then.”

They made their way out of the lecture hall and went looking for the next classroom. John felt relieved he wasn’t all on his own now, which settled some of his nerves. He didn’t know anything about Lucas yet, but he seemed friendly enough. Still the day couldn’t go by fast enough, he really wanted to know how Roger’s day was going. Knowing him he had already made a ton of friends. John was excited to see him again after his classes.

***

“Why do we have to do a housewarming at our flat?” John asked while Roger was putting bottles of beer in the fridge.

“Because it’s fun?” Roger suggested. “It will be our first party in our own flat.”

Roger had invited Freddie and Brian over for a housewarming. Chrissie was coming as well with some of her friends. Rogerhad also called up Crystal who was bringing some of his friends.

“But we also have to do clean up after.” John pointed out. “Which is less fun really.”

Roger chuckled and wrapped his arms around John’s neck. “I thought I was the only one that whined about these things, am I rubbing off on you?”

John huffed. “I’m not whining. I just thought we could have a night to ourselves, it’s been a whole week of classes and not much else.”

“Are you saying you missed me?” Roger smiled, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of John’s neck.

John looked at him amusement and placed his hands on Roger’s waist. “I’m not saying that at all.”

“No?” Roger pouted. “Not even a little bit?”

As if John could ever resist Roger’s adorable pouty face. “Of course I missed you, that’s why I want alone time with you.”

Roger wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Oh, alone time, that’s interesting. What did you have in mind?”

John could feel himself blush involuntarily. He honestly hadn’t given it much thought, he just wanted to have a night with Roger, have dinner, cuddle and kiss. Obviously Roger was talking about other things, which made John nervous, because he had no experience in anything sexual, besides his own hand. But he had no idea how to bring that up to Roger without sounding like a massive idiot.

“I dont know— I guess I wanted to have dinner together, maybe get some ice cream or something? Maybe some cuddles after, maybe some kissing if you’re lucky.” John added with a teasing smile.

Roger grinned and his eyes lit up. “I like the sound of that— tell you what, why don’t we get the housewarming out of the way now.” He said and placed his hands on John’s shoulders. “And maybe we can do that all tomorrow?”

John nodded. He could wait a little longer. “Yeah it’s a date.”

Roger smiled and pecked his lips. “Can’t wait.”

The bell rang and Roger stole another kiss before he went to open the door. John went ahead to get some glasses and snacks out of the cupboards. By the sound of the voices it was Freddie and Brian. Chrissie was apparently also there. Roger led them to the living room.

“The furniture looks really lovely Rog, where did you get this sofa?” Freddie asked while he stroked the soft velvet fabric of the piece of furniture.

“Our mums bought it for us.” Roger smiled proudly.

John liked the sofa, but Roger was the one who actually picked it in the first place. John wasn’t very up to date with everything that was in style. He would gladly leave that to Roger any day.

“It’s beautiful.” Freddie mumbled.

Dominique ended up coming over as well, with a few of her friends. For a moment John wondered if Veronica would be there, he hadn’t seen her after Roger’s party. But when the bell rang again, it was Crystal with a few of his friends. By that time the flat was at maximum capacity and John really hoped there weren’t anymore surprise visits. He was worried there wouldn’t be enough drinks to keep Crystal friends hydrated the whole night.

He spoke to everyone that night and get kept everyone’s glasses filled. Roger was animately talking to Crystal and John suspected he was a little tipsy by now. When Roger caught him staring he smiled bright and send him a wink from across the room, making John blush a little and avert his gaze, busying himself with putting more snacks in bowls.

“I saw that.”

“Beg your pardon?” John said with a straight face when he saw Freddie smirking at him.

“Oh Deaky, I can see why Roger thinks your cute.” Freddie giggled and leaned against the kitchen table, drink in hand. 

“Why is that?” John asked, intrigued in knowing Freddie’s insights.

“You blush so easily, you’re so smitten with him, it's endearing.” Freddie said smiling before taking a sip of his drink. “Must be nice to be young and in love.”

John snorted. “Did you watch too many teenage romance movies again?”

“What else does one do to pass time during summer?” Freddie grinned waving his glass around dangerously.

John chuckled and grabbed a cold beer for himself. “How’s your classes been Fred?”

“Alright I guess, lots of artsy types in my classes— but I dont want to talk about uni John.” Freddie whined and nudged his shoulder. “I want to hear all the details… how are things between you and Roger?”

“Good I guess?” John replied before taking a sip of his beer, keeping the conversation light for a reason.

Freddie rolled his eyes. “Really? That’s all you have for me? Good?”

“Uhm yes? What else do you want to hear?” John asked, even though he had a pretty good idea about what Freddie was getting at.

“You’re so tiresome sometimes John.” Freddie sighed impatiently. “I noticed you both have your own bedroom, or do you switch beds every night?”

John had no intention of humouring Freddie, because he really didn’t want to talk about the subject Freddie was trying to bring up. He looked into Roger’s direction who was still laughing loudly with Crystal. “No, we sleep in our own beds.”

“I see, so no sex then?”

“Freddie!”

“What? It’s an honest question?” Freddie smirked.

“One I’m not going to answer.”

“So that’s a no then.”

John groaned softly and took a large swig of his beer, anything to not look at Freddie. This was exactly what he didn’t want to talk about. It just reminded him of how inexperienced he was and how the thought of sex and being horrible at it made him want to crawl into bed and never come out.

Freddie noticed John’s silence and started apologising. “I’m sorry John, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine Freddie.”

“No, no— sometimes I just say these things without thinking about them.”

“It’s really fine.” John said and took a large breath, was he really going to tell Freddie about this. He wasn’t sure who else was there to talk to. He certainly didn’t want to tell Roger about it. “I’m just nervous.”

“Oh John!” Freddie cooed.

John narrowed his eyes. “Not helping Freddie.”

Freddie put his glass down and stood in front of John and put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry— I know, I’m bad at this. Just dont worry. Just talk to Roger about it, I mean when you’re ready for it.”

“Thats the last thing I want to do. Roger will think I’m an idiot.”

“He won’t! Roger would never think that, he loves you. Everyone is nervous about these things.” Freddie whispered, so that other people wouldn’t over hear them talking.

John huffed. Deep down he knew Freddie was right, but his own insecurities were stronger at this point. The more he talked about this, the more worried he got. “I honestly don’t think Roger would be nervous about this.”

“Of course he will be.” Freddie said shaking his head. “Roger just acts tough, but he’s a big softie you know. He cares about you and he would want you to be honest with him. So take my advice and let him know how you feel when the time is right.”

In reality it seemed simple, but John just didn’t know how he would ever bring something like that up. Roger probably wouldn’t be weird about it, he knew John was inexperienced, but that still didn’t make him feel better right now. He was way to afraid that when things would inevitably go further he would not be able to do anything right.

Freddie squeezed his shoulder getting John out of his train of thoughts. “It will be okay John. Really, come on lets enjoy the party now alright?”

John nodded and grabbed them both another beer before joining the rest. Roger had already seen him coming and he grabbed John’s arm to wrap around his shoulder.

“Hey you.” He said softly. “What were you and Freddie whispering about?”

“Who says we were whispering?” John asked with a grin.

Roger smiled cheekily. “You were totally whispering. I know these things. But alright, if you don’t want to say that’s fine too.”

John raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Is it now?”

“Yeah, I’ll think of a way to get it out of you somehow.” Roger winked and kissed his cheek.

For the second time that night John could feel himself blushing. Roger was always so affectionate, even in public. John wished he could be that open and outgoing with constantly second guessing himself. He smiled at Roger, Freddie was right; he really was smitten with him.

***

John checked his watch again and impatiently tapped his foot against the floor. He had been waiting for Roger to get ready for about half an hour now. Who said he would be ready in ten minutes tops. He sighed and got up from the sofa and wandered to Roger’s room to see what he was doing in there.

“Rog?” He called on his way over. “What’s taking so long? We have reservations in twenty minutes.”

He heard some stumbling inside the room before he opened the door.

“I’m coming!”

“Are you?” John asked as he pushed open the door, revealing a flustered shirtless Roger standing in front of his closet throwing another shirt on the pile that was once his bed.

“Yes! I’ll just be a moment.”

John took a moment to look at him, taking in how beautiful Roger was, before his eyes landed on the mess that was Roger’s room. “Did a bomb go off in here or something?”

Roger pouted. “I wanted to look nice for you, but I don’t know what to wear— you’ve already seen all my clothes.”

A warm feeling settled in John’s chest and he walked up to Roger, looking at him fondly. He grabbed a satin shirt from the pile on Roger’s bed. It was black with small floral designs at the neck line.

“You always look nice to me.” John smiled, while handing the shirt to him. “Beautiful even.”

Roger flushed a little and looked at the shirt for a moment, before he pulled it over his head. “Stop.”

“Never.” John whispered while kissing his cheek.

Roger searched through his closet for his favourite velvet jacket, and put it on. “So?” He asked while looking at both their reflections.

“You look lovely.”

Roger turned around and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Thank you, you too.”

John smiled, he didn’t think he’d ever smiled this much. “Shall we go then, or we’ll be forced to get take out instead.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad either. Better than anything I could ever cook.” Roger grinned.

They then went on their way to the Italian restaurant John picked out. It was their first real date while living in London and John was really looking forward to it.

On their way to the restaurant, they just talked about their day. While they walked Roger kept moving closer until their shoulders were touching. John smiled when he felt Roger’s fingers brushed against his, when John didn’t move his away he took John’s hand, lacing their fingers together. All the while he kept talking about the song he had been trying to write.

John still sometimes wondered how they went from being best friends to being this close so easily. It was a cliche, but somehow it seemed like it was supposed to happen like this. Roger just made him feel safe and it was comfortable with him. Whenever a girl had showed interest in John, he’d always get sweaty hands, stutter and didn’t know what to say; he’d never feel like himself. With Roger he felt like he could be his own person. Because Roger liked him for who he was.

The whole way to the restaurant John couldn’t keep the smile of his face. John picked a lovely small Italian restaurant that way only a few blocks away from their flat. He had seen it on his way to university and he knew how much Roger loved Italian food. Inside they were welcomed by a young waitress and led to their seats. The atmosphere inside was lovely; warm and inviting.

John ended up ordering the lasagna and Roger ordered a pizza, with a salad on the side for both of them. They even ordered some wine and while they waited for their food to arrive they talked about their first week of classes, their impressions of their classmates and about how they were going to be able to juggle both the band and classes.

At some point the food was put on the table and John was really enjoying himself. After two glasses of wine he decided to switch over to water, he didn’t want to get drunk on their night out. Roger’s cheeks were rosy and his eyes were sparkling when he finished his second glass of red wine.

“You’re lasagna looks so good.” Roger said gazing longingly at John’s food.

John chuckled. “We can share?”

Roger smiled widely. “You sure?”

“Of course, help yourself.” John smiled gesturing at the pasta dish standing in the middle of the table.

And so Roger did, while John added some salad to his own plate.

“You can also have some of my pizza, if you want?” Roger asked after he took a bit of the lasagna. “God this is good.”

John laughed softly and took a slice of pizza. It was a lovely evening and John couldn’t stop looking at Roger, seeing how happy he looked, his blue eyes that kept staring back at him fondly. It usually made John shy when people watched him, but with Roger he was getting used to it more and more. He decided he didn’t mind that much at all.

They ended up sharing their desert.

When John wasn’t paying attention and leaned forward to take a spoonful of ice cream Roger somehow managed to catch him by surprise by wiping whipped cream on his nose.

“Whoops.” Roger giggled. 

“Gross Roger, didn’t your mother ever teach you, not to play with your food.” John muttered while he was about to take his napkin before Roger put his hand on his.

Thankfully the restaurant was mostly deserted, because Roger smirked before he had leaned over the table and kissed John’s nose, licking his own lips before wiping his nose with his napkin. “I just needed an excuse to do that.”

John shook his head, but he couldn’t hide the smile forming on his lips. “You’re unbelievable.”

“In a good way right?”

“I’m still on the fence on that.” John shrugged with a teasing smile.

Roger stuck out his tongue. “For _that_ you are paying tonight.”

“I was already planning on that.”

“See, that’s why you’re the best boyfriend.”

It seemed to have caught Roger by surprise as much as it did John. Roger started blushing, his rosy cheeks getting even brighter. He averted John’s gaze and bit his lip.

 _Boyfriend_ , they hadn’t actually named whatever they had yet, not because John didn’t want to. But it already felt like Roger was his boyfriend. He hadn’t needed the official confirmation that they were in a relationship. They already acted like boyfriends anyway, all the dates, cuddling and kissing was enough proof of that. But honestly John quite liked the sound of it. Having Roger as his boyfriend actually sounded perfect.

Roger took John’s silence for something else and John could see the panic that was forming in his eyes. “I— I’m just going to go to the bathroom, can you get the bill?” He said while getting up from his seat.

Before he could flee John put his hand over his, which was leaning on the table preventing Roger from leaving. He didn’t care the few people there could see them, he got out of his seat and leaned forward to press his lips against Roger’s, eliciting a small gasp from Roger’s throat. It was only a short kiss, but the panic was gone from Roger’s eyes.

“Can I pay for my boyfriend's dinner now?”

Roger blinked at first before a small smile formed on his lips. He nodded. “Yes, you can.”

“Good. You’re paying next time.” John winked while he waved the waitress over so he could pay.

***

It could have been the alcohol, it also could have been the giddiness. John didn’t know, but Roger was all over him the moment they got home. He didn’t even have time to take off his jacket, when Roger pushed him against he wall and kissed him eagerly. Roger’s hands were all over him and he was somehow aware of his jacket falling on the floor.

Roger moaned softly when John trailed his hands down his side and slipped one hand under his shirt.

The sound send shivers down John’s spine and without breaking the kiss he started walking Roger into the direction of the kitchen until Roger was leaning against he kitchen table. John was being pulled closer by his shirt as Roger hopped on the table, pulling John in by wrapping his legs around his waist.

John placed his hands on Roger’s waist and closed his eyes when Roger trailed kisses down his neck, his whole skin felt like it was on fire. He was starting to feel dizzy when Roger’s nimble fingers started opening the top buttons of his shirt and sucked a mark at the nape of John’s neck where it met his shoulder.

They kissed again, lips brushing before their tongues moved together, slowly. John trailed his hands from Roger’s waist down to his thighs, squeezing softly when Roger softly bit his bottom lip. When Roger’s hands grabbed his bum, the realisation of where this was leading to hit him, and the nerves set in immediately.

Roger seemed to notice straight away when John pulled back and he loosened his legs from around his waist. “What’s wrong?” He asked slightly out of breath, staring at him. 

John was catching his own breath and shook his head. He didn’t want to ruin this, but his own nerves were getting the better of him. He hated that he was so effected by his insecurities. But the fear of Roger thinking he was horrible at this was bigger. He regretted stopping when he saw Roger looking disheveled. His hair a mess, his lips kiss swollen and a lovely flush touched his cheeks.

John could see the obvious bulge in Roger’s pants, making him blush. He tried to hide how affected he was himself.

“Nothing— I, it’s nothing. I’m sorry, I’m not feeling so well all of a sudden. I think I should take a shower and go to bed?”

He stepped away from Roger, who looked confused. John hated making excuses like this, it wasn’t like him and quite frankly he knew Roger would see right through him. It really was a lousy excuse.

If Roger was disappointed, he didn’t show it. “Alright. Yeah sure.”

John nodded and wanted to walk away, before he could Roger grabbed his wrist gently. He pulled John closer and kissed him softly before letting him go. It was his way of saying it was alright, John knew that. But to John it wasn’t alright, he didn’t want to disappoint Roger, but thats what he did.

Roger watched him disappear into the bathroom, he sighed as he got up from the table.

***

Half an hour later John was in bed, freshly showered, but feeling alone and miserable. It was his own fault. He could have had a nice night with Roger, if he had been honest about what was bothering him. While he was in the shower he had time to think, Roger would have never judged him for something like this. He knew that, but the little nagging voice in his head told him there was a possibility he would laugh at him.

He felt so embarrassed about being so awkward and wondered what Roger thought about him now. Maybe he would have second guesses about this whole relationship. His heart ached thinking about that.

There was no time to worry about it, because there was a knock on the door.

“John? Are you still up?”

John swallowed. “Yes.”

“Can I come in?”

“Of course, you dont have to ask.”

The door opened then, revealing Roger, already in his pyjamas. He closed the door behind him. “How are you feeling?” He asked softly.

John sighed and sat up, putting on the lamp on his bedside table. He needed to be honest. If he didn’t say anything now, it would only get harder. “I’m alright—“ he started, “Roger, I’m sorry for what happened.”

Roger shook his head and approached the bed. “Don’t be silly, it’s not your fault you weren’t feeling well.”

He awkwardly rocked on his feet, obviously deciding if he should join John on the bed. When John patted the empty spot next to him, Roger sighed in relief and crawled next to him.

“I owe you an apology.” John said again while he picked on his duvet, not meeting Roger’s eyes.. “I lied when I said I wasn’t feeling well— I know it’s bad and I can understand if you are upset with me.”

Roger giggled. “I figured and I’m not upset with you.”

John looked up in surprise. “You did?”

Roger reached out and touched John’s cheek, brushing his thumb over his cheekbone. He nodded. “I’m sorry too, I might have come on a little strong.”

“No Roger,” John shook his head. He didn’t want Roger to feel guilty for this or take the blame when it was John’s insecurities holding him back. “I should have been honest with you.”

“That’s okay.” Roger smiled. “I understand though.”

That made John feel a little better.

“You know you can tell me anything right?”

John nodded and took a deep breath. “I know—It’s just embarrassing. You’ll think it’s stupid.

Roger took John’s hand and laced their fingers together. “I would never think that. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

John chewed on his lip and turned his eyes down to their joined hands. “I just, I like you so much and I want to— well, I want to be closer to you?” He hated how that sounded. “But I keep freezing whenever I feel like we are moving further.”

“Do you know why?” Roger asked softly.

“I just feel nervous and inexperienced.“ John said quietly and he could feel his cheeks heat up while he spoke. He didn’t dare to look up and picked on his duvet again.

Roger squeezed his hand gently and continued in the same soft voice. “That’s okay, I’m nervous too.”

John looked up into Roger’s gentle eyes. “You are?”

“Of course I am,” Roger confessed. “John— I like you so much and you’re the only guy I ever felt this strongly about. I’m terrified.”

That wasn’t something John had thought about, he had only thought about how he was feeling. He had never considered Roger would be feeling nervous about this as well. Just because Roger always seemed so sure of himself, so naturally John just thought he was confident about this as well. 

“I didn’t realise.” John said softly.

Roger smiled and lifted their hands, kissing the back of John’s hand. “But I’m also excited— excited to experience all of this with you.”

Warmth well up in his chest and John couldn’t help but fall even more in love with Roger.

“If you want to that is.” Roger added a little bit unsurely.

“I do!” John said quickly, he didn’t want Roger to think otherwise. “Believe me— I really do.” He paused and bit his bottom lip and mumbled a little. “I just worry that I’ll be bad at it.”

Roger giggled a little. “That’s why you do it often, so you can practise.”

John shoved his shoulder gently. “You suck.”

“I could.”

“What?” John asked sounding confused.

“Suck you— off, that is.” Roger smirked.

John eyes widened in surprise and his cheeks turned scarlet. For a moment he lost the ability to speak. “I—“ He stammered.

Roger laughed softly. “Too fast?”

“Maybe a little?” John laughed.

“I crack jokes when I’m nervous.” Roger grinned. “We can take things as fast or as slow as you want.”

That made John feel loads better. Knowing he wasn’t alone in the this. A weight lifted of his shoulders and he felt much lighter now that he told Roger how he felt. He leaned closer and pressed their lips together. “Thank you.”

Roger kissed his lips in turn and cradled his cheek. “No need to thank me, I’m glad you told me.”

John smiled and sighed softly.

“I should let you sleep now.” Roger said while letting go of John’s hand and moving to get off the bed to go to his own room.

John gently grabbed his wrist. “You can stay.”

A hopeful expression formed on Roger’s face. “You sure?”

“Yes.” John nodded and turned down his covers so Roger could slip in next to him.

The moment Roger laid down next to him, he was already snuggled close to John. It felt natural, and made John wonder why they still slept in their own rooms. Roger was warm and fitted perfectly in his arms.

John shivered when Roger nuzzled his cheek and neck. When Roger started peppering kisses on his skin he sighed softly.

“You smell good.” Roger whispered, while his hands stroked John’s side.

“Must be the shower.” John murmured, getting a little distracted by Roger’s touches.

Roger hummed in appreciation when John trailed his hand down his spine, before slipping his hand under Roger’s shirt, tracing his skin with his fingertips. Roger’s skin was warm and smooth, and he pressed himself closer to John in response.

It felt good to touch Roger like this. It was addicting and he was fascinated by his reactions. He wanted to learn everything about Roger, how he liked to be touched, what his soft spots were. He didn’t feel half as nervous about it anymore, relieved they had their talk.

John flicked his eyes down to Roger’s lips and back to his eyes, which stared back at him in anticipation. “Can I kiss you again?”

Roger grinned. “Yes, but you dont have to ask me that.”

John smiled and without a second thought kissed him slowly. Their lips just slowly brushing against each other at first. John thought he would melt by the sweetness of it. When he felt Roger part his lips against his slightly, he hesitantly deepened the kiss, slowly sliding their tongues together.

They kissed languidly and Roger whimpered softly, when John’s hand trailed down his hip to rest on his thigh. In turn Roger hooked his leg around his waist, pressing himself even closer to John, making him gasp when Roger rocked his hips forward. He felt himself grow hard, he closed his eyes when he felt himself blushing.

Roger smiled against his lips and did it again, but seemed just as affected, if the soft moan he let out was anything to go by. He kissed John’s jaw and sucked a love bite on his neck.

“Does that feel good?” Roger whispered in his ear, while he still slowly rolled his hips forward.

“Yes.” John nodded sounding a little breathless, opening his eyes to look at Roger who’s eyes had gone dark.

John felt like he didn’t know what he was doing, but he started rocking his hips forward experimentally trying to match Roger’s rhythm. Causing the friction they were both chasing.

“ _Ah,”_ Roger’s breath hitched and grabbed John’s hip. “Yes John, just like that. Do that again.”

For a moment John was almost surprised he could make Roger sound so needy. He was sure he would get addicted to the sound and wanted to hear it again, so he did what he was asked and continued rolling his hips, causing Roger to let out soft breathy moans.

They kissed again, a bit more sloppy than before. Roger pushed up John’s shirt and ran his fingers from his chest down to his stomach, while John moved his hand still resting on Roger’s thigh to his bum.

Roger softly pulled John’s bottom lip between his teeth before gently sucking on it. His hand moved lower and John chased his lips when he broke away. Roger looked at him with lust in his eyes. He unhooked his leg from John’s waist, his hand now resting on his stomach close to his clothed erection. A wet spot had formed on the fabric of John’s briefs.

John bit his lip, his heart was racing. He couldn’t believe this was really happening, he felt both excited and nervous. He flushed and closed his eyes to will away the feelings of uncertainty that were forming in the pit of his stomach. He felt Roger’s soft lips pressed against his own and he opened his eyes to see Roger looking at him with adoration.

“Is this still okay?”

Roger’s hand hadn’t moved yet and John felt a wave of affection for him, because he was being so sweet and patient with him. He felt safe with Roger.

“It’s okay…” John whispered.

“I’ll make you feel good.” Roger smiled and he slowly moved his hand further down, lightly brushing John’s cock through his briefs. John hissed and he closed his eyes again. Just the slightest touch had him bucking his hips forward.

He was almost embarrassed how laboured his breathing was already becoming. Roger leaned closer to trail his tongue down his neck, sucking mark on his collarbone. It distracted John from the hand that was now pulling his underwear down a little before wrapping around his cock.

John moaned softly, biting his lip. “Fuck.”

Roger kissed him again, licking into his mouth swallowing John’s moans, while he brushed his thumb over the slit, gathering the pre cum and stroking his hand up and down John’s length.

John gasped and tilted his head back in the pillows, giving Roger the opportunity to kiss down his throat. It was different from when he was doing this to himself, Roger was twisting his hand just right, fondling his balls and stroking him with enough pressure to leave John to just incoherent babbling.

“You have no idea how many times I thought about touching your cock like this. Ever since I saw you touching yourself in your bedroom.” Roger whispered.

“Roger.” John whimpered, he felt light headed because of all the sensations attacking him all at once. Heat was pooling in the pit of his stomach, and Roger’s voice was even more intoxicating, getting him there even faster.

“I love that I can touch you.” Roger continued to whisper before kissing his neck again while he increased the pace and moved his hand down his length faster.

Roger was getting him closer to the edge with every jerk of his hand, his soft voice in his ear. He bit down on his lip to stifle a moan. His feet curled in the sheets, there was no way he was going to last.

“I’m close.” John gasped while his eyes fluttered closed.

Roger smiled and sucked a mark just below his ear. “Don’t hold back baby, let go for me.”

That’s when John was pushed over the edge. His vision turned white and the pleasure became too much to hold back anymore. He moaned again, his cock pulsed and he spilled all over Roger’s hand who kept stroking him through it, sending sparks through his veins.

For a moment John’s brain shut down, high on his orgasm. He hadn’t even noticed Roger was cleaning him up, tucking his spent cock back into his underwear. After a couple of moment he was only slightly aware of lips kissing his jaw. His opened his eyes and Roger’s loving smile and twinkling eyes came back into his vision.

“Hey you.”

John sighed in satisfaction and smiled back softly. “Hi.”

Roger snuggled closer to him and John automatically opened his arms so he could fit right in. He nuzzled John’s cheek and they kissed softly, before John’s mind caught up with him.

“Wait.”

Roger blinked. “What’s wrong?”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

John frowned. “I— shouldn’t I, return the favour?”

Roger giggled softly and kissed him again. “It’s not about returning the favour silly. Besides, watching you was very satisfying.”

“But—“ John spluttered, he felt guilty for not doing anything and leaving Roger hanging.

“It’s okay John.” Roger assured and brushed his fingers through his hair. He then grinned. “Besides we have all weekend.”

John stared at him for a moment and then chuckled. He pressed a chaste kiss to Roger’s lips.“I guess we do.”

Roger nodded and nuzzled his face in John’s neck, closing his eyes. John stroked his back in soothing circles, feeling Roger’s breathing evening out as he was floating off into unconsciousness.

John started smiling a little, and he continued stroking Roger’s back before he whispered in to the silence of the room. “You came in your underwear, didn’t you?”

Nothing. Roger didn’t move and inch and stayed right where he was, face buried in John’s neck. For a moment John wondered if he really was asleep.

“I can’t hear you, I’m sleeping.”

"Sleep well baby." John laughed softly and closed his eyes, pulling Roger closer against him, who sighed in contentment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3 I really hope you enjoyed. John and Roger taking the next step in their relationship ;3 how about that?! Let me know what you're thinking, or what you think should happen. I appreciate it a lot. <3 until the next one!


	9. Chapter IX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and John get to know each other a little better, a lot better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! It's update time! Sorry it took a little longer. I had vacation, and of course many other came up. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for the lovely comments on the last chapter, I really appreciate each and every one of you. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! <3 
> 
> Heads up, most of this chapter is E rated for smut.

**Chapter IX**

His body felt like it was on fire. Ever since they got a taste from being intimate, it was like they couldn’t stop. That’s how Roger ended up in John’s lap, instead of watching the movie they were supposed to be watching.

It was supposed to be date night. Roger had even put in all the work. He made the living room all cozy, scattering pillows and blankets on the floor. There were only a few lights on in the room and the blinds were closed, illuminating the living room in a soft glow. They had snacks and Roger cuddled up against John.

Trying to focus on the movie proved to be difficult. He kept glancing at John from the corner of his eye. From the moment John pulled him closer, Roger had no idea what the movie was even about anymore. After that it only took about fifteen minutes until Roger started trailing his hand up and down John’s thigh and now Roger was squirming in his lap, slowly grinding against John. 

Just looking at John made Roger horny nowadays. Thankfully he wasn’t opposed to any of it and let Roger kiss his neck and nibble on his ear. Roger had never imagined when they first started getting intimate that John would be so assertive. But Roger certainly wasn’t complaining about how things were going. 

John’s hands slipped under his shirt making Roger shiver. A breathy moan spilled from his lips when he rolled his hips agains’t John’s more eagerly, feeling he was just as affected as he was.

“Fuck.” John moaned as he bucked his hips up once again.

Roger grinned and trailed his lips over John’s jaw and peppered his neck with kisses. He kissed the spot just below his ear, which he had learned made John shudder. He continued rolling his hips, frustrated by the fabric that was in the way.

He gasped when John’s hands made there way down and grabbed Roger’s arse.

Roger kissed him hungrily and rolled his hips teasingly slow, dragging soft whimpers out of John’s mouth. “What do you want John?” Roger asked pulling back to look at him with a smile.

John closed his eyes and tightened his hold on Roger’s hips. When he opened his eyes, he stared back at Roger, his pupils blown wide and his lips kiss swollen. “Don’t tease.”

His hands moved to fumble with the button of Roger’s jeans, a little unsurely. Roger thought it was endearing, the way John’s brow furrowed when he was concentrated. He leaned back a little to help John tug down his jeans. Which was a hassle from the position they were in.

“Why are your jeans so tight?” John huffed.

Roger raised himself from John’s lap, quickly pushing down his jeans and kicking them off unceremoniously. “You’re one to talk. Mr. I can’t wear loose fitted trousers to save my life.”

“I never heard you complaining.”

“No, not anymore.” Roger chuckled and sat in front of John. “You should have read my journal from a few months ago, that lovely arse of yours came up a few times— now stand up so I can get these off.” He said while tugging on John’s jeans.

John rolled his eyes, but there was amusement apparent in his face. He did what he was told and Roger crawled closer to him on his knees, running his hands from John’s calf up to the back of his thighs and over his bum, squeezing for good measure.

“God, you’re a tease.”

“You love it.” Roger smirked when he finally unbuttoned John’s jeans and pulled them down without question. He licked his lips seeing John hard in his boxers. He couldn’t help but cup him through the material, making John squirm in place.

“Roger…” John said and put a hand on his shoulder for support.

Roger smirked and looked up at John, who had a flush on his cheeks. He snapped the elastic of his boxers against his hip, before pulling John down again and climbing back in his lap.

John immediately locked their lips together, licking into Roger’s mouth, making him whimper. Now that their pants were out of the way, he could feel John much better and he started rolling his hips again.

“ _Ah_ , Roger— shouldn’t we, _ah_ fuck…”

Hearing John moan like that made heat pool in Roger’s stomach, he wanted to hear them again. “Shouldn’t we what?”

“Move it to the bedroom?”

Roger chuckled and shook his head. “I’m quite enjoying myself here.” He whispered while he pulled down John’s boxers down slightly. “We can wash these blankets if we make a mess.”

“You’re terrible.”

His voice went up a little at the end of that sentence when Roger discreetly spit in his hand and wrapped his hand around his cock, slowly moving up and down and twisting his fist.

“I’m what?” Roger teased as he nipped at his jaw.

John breathed hard through his nose and mumbled something unintelligible, while he pushed his hands up Roger’s thighs. He sighed into Roger’s mouth when they kissed again, messy and mostly teeth, while Roger increased the rhythm of his hand.

"That's what I thought." Roger grinned when he pulled away from the kiss.

From the lovely sounds to the flush on John’s cheeks, Roger thought he could probably come from just listening to him. He was so distracted by pleasuring his boyfriend that he didn’t notice John’s hand slipping into his boxers and rubbing his palm against Roger’s neglected cock.

His rhythm momentarily faltered and his hips bucked up against the touch. He moaned softly when John wrapped his hand around his cock and brushed his thumb over the slit, before slowly sliding his hand up and down his length.

“Yes, _ah_ , John just like that.”

Roger picked up the pace of his own hand on John’s cock again that had been momentarily forgotten. John keened when Roger tightened his hold on him.

“ _Fuck_ Roger. That’s so good.”

The muscles in his abdomen tightened and he thrusted into John’s hand, before pressing himself closer to John. He moaned again when John softly bit the soft skin of his neck, leaving a trail of kisses up his ear, softly panting while Roger continued to stroke his cock even faster.

John pressed his unoccupied hand to the small of Roger’s back, kissing back to his lips. “I’m close.” He mumbled against Roger’s lips.

Roger softly bit down on his bottom lip and took John’s hand. “Wait— wait, let me.” 

They were now close enough for them to wrap their hands around both their cocks. Roger led John in doing so and they slowly fell back in rhythm. It felt even better like this and Roger had to concentrate on not coming right that second. It felt so good, heat was running through his veins, his head was spinning. He gripped John's shoulder to keep himself somewhat grounded. He started thrusting up into their hands. The soft skin of their cocks sliding together.

“Oh shit.” John moaned and tilted his head back, closing his eyes.

Roger’s thighs were trembling against John’s legs. He buried his face in John’s neck and whimpered. “Faster, John. Please.”

They both groaned when John tightened his hold and moved his hands faster over their cocks. 

Roger pulled back to look at John’s face, he really made the most lovely sight. His eyes fluttering closed and his mouth slightly open in pleasure. Neither of them lasted much longer after that. The sound of the tv being drowned out by their moans and heavy breathing.

It was John who came first with a low groan, his face buried in Roger’s shoulder. His body shuddering, spilling over both their hands.

Roger’s hand was still working his own cock, but John batted his hand out of the way, taking over for him. He almost wanted to cry at how good John’s hand felt around him, jacking him off fast and hard, until he came as well.

It was good John was still holding on to his back, because Roger sagged against him, breathing hard. John wrapped his arms around him and Roger really never wanted to move.

When his breathing was somewhat normal again, a breathy giggle escaped him. He looked up to look at John’s face, it was a lovely shade of pink. “That was something.”

John smiled and pulled him into a soft kiss, cupping his cheek. “You’re amazing.”

Roger grinned. “Did I rock your world?”

“God that’s so awful, it’s almost good.” John laughed, but his eyes showed nothing but love.

Roger smiled cheekily and took his hand, kissing his palm. “You rocked mine.”

The expression on John’s face softened and he kissed Roger again.

Roger felt light, happy and content despite also being sticky and a little sweaty. A soft groan out of protest passed John’s lips when Roger got up to go get a towel to clean them up.

When he dumped the towel in the hamper he cuddled back up against John, pulling a blanket over them. The movie was still playing and John was playing with the hair on the back of his neck. Roger sighed in contentment and draped an arm around his waist. He didn’t even notice he drifted off to sleep about ten minutes later.

***

“This room looks pretty good darling. Are you sure we can use it regularly?” Freddie asked as he sat down on the piano stool and ran his fingers over the keys of the piano lovingly.

Brian had found them a rehearsal space. The music room at his college was available to use after school hours, for bands or students that wanted to practise.

“Yeah we just have to fill in the schedule for when we want to use the room, since other students use it as well.”

“Sounds good. We should probably make a schedule for when we can practice.” Roger proposed.

Brian nodded. “We’ll line up our schedule’s.”

The room was large and there were several musical instruments standing in the room. Roger longingly eyed the drum set standing there. He had been saving up to upgrade his own drum set, which was why he took the summer job. Sadly he needed to make a lot more money to get the drum set of his dreams. But for now it would have to do.

Hanging on the walls there were several guitars and bass guitars. In the corner stood a large harp next to the piano were Freddie was now playing some piece he probably wrote recently, while humming along.

John was crouching down in front of the sound system, undoubtedly finding out all the options. Roger stared at him from a distance, he always loved watching John when he was doing something he was passionate about. He could be busy with electronics for a hours, not even noticing anyone around him while he tinkered with small parts and tools.

Roger went to sit on the old sofa in the room, still staring at John who was now looking at one the amps. “I think this will be great— if only we could find a place where they would actually let us play a gig.” He sighed.

“I might have us covered in that department as well.” Brian smiled, obviously feeling a little full of himself.

“You what?” Roger asked sounding surprised, pleasantly so.

They all looked up from what they were doing. Freddie stopped playing. “Don’t tease us Brian.”

John stood back up and leaned against the sofa. “You got us a gig?”

“I might have.” Brian repeated with a smile. “One of my class mates told me about this pub that lets student bands play every Friday night. He gave me the number, so I called and the owner told me he’ll check the calendar and get back to me.”

Roger couldn’t believe his ears. “You’re not messing with us are you?”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Now, why would I do that?”

“You have a weird sense of humour.”

Freddie chuckled. “Roger does have a point you know.”

“What? What is that supposed to mean Fred?”

Roger laughed softly. He looked up at John who was trying to hide his smile. His hand ended up on Roger’s shoulder, slightly squeezing, probably to let him know he shouldn’t tease Brian like that, but didn’t want to say it out loud. He smiled up at John and put his own hand on top of John’s.

Freddie and Brian were still bickering, not even paying attention to them anymore. 

“It was just a joke Bri, don’t get your knickers in a bunch.”

“I would never joke about band stuff, and you know that.” Brian countered.

Roger rolled his eyes and shook his head. Brian was always so serious, and didn’t get when he and Freddie were just messing with him. He was about to say something; probably not all that smart, but John interrupted before he could put more oil on the fire.

“Not to burst anyone’s bubble but—“ John started, and continued when both Brian and Freddie looked at him “If that gig is happening, we need a lot of practise— because right now, sorry to say this but, we still sound like shit.”

They all looked at John for a moment, trying to comprehend what he had just said. That was until they all burst out laughing.

“John!” Roger exclaimed, but he couldn’t hide his amusement.

John shook his head, still dead serious. “What, I’m only telling the truth? Don’t want us to make a fool of ourselves.”

Freddie nodded, looking more serious now. “John has a point. I say we practise as much as we can the upcoming weeks. Brian will keep us updated about the gig, that way we can be perfect when we actually have a show to play.”

They all agreed that was the best road to take. So that’s what they did. The upcoming weeks they practised as much as they could, whenever they could. After two weeks of practice Brian got a call from the owner of the pub. They could play a gig in three weeks.

Getting the news from Brian made Roger both extremely excited but also very nervous. But Freddie wasn’t having none of it, he decided they should celebrate and drink their nerves away.

***

“Roger, we can’t... _ah..._ we’ll be late.”

“Hm— we still have time.”

“We literally don’t... we... _fuck_ , we were five minutes late when we got in the shower— _ah_ — we’ve been here for at least fifteen minutes.”

Roger smirked against the skin of his neck. It was supposed to be a quick shower. His idea of being quicker when showering together, had backfired immensely. It was like they were magnets, and a few kisses had turned into a make out session under the hot spray of water.

Now Roger had John pinned against the shower wall, his hand slowly stroking his cock, causing John to make the most pretty sounds. His own cock twitched with interest and he swallowed John’s moans by kissing him hungrily.

“I don’t think you really mind being late at all.” Roger whispered against his lips, softly nipping on his bottom lip, getting another whine out of John. “Or do you want me to stop?”

John whimpered when Roger’s hand slowed down making him thrust into Roger’s hand to get more friction. He shook his head and closed his eyes.

Roger could see the soft flush on his cheeks getting darker.

“Don’t stop.”

“That’s what I thought.” Roger smiled and kissed him again, twisting his fist around John’s cock, picking up the pace, moving up and down.

“Tease.” John managed to get out, but a grin played on his lips.

Roger grinned, he couldn’t help but love all the reactions he got from John. He was so responsive, and just so pretty, it was a cliche, but he could look at him all day. There was no way Roger was ever going to get enough of him.

He trailed his other hand down his chest and peppered his jaw and neck with kisses, before letting his mouth follow the path of his other hand. John squirmed when Roger teased a nipple with his tongue, taking his sweet time. Roger looked up through his lashes to see John stare at him with lustful eyes.

When Roger knelt down on his knees and placed soft kisses on his stomach, John’s eyes widened. Arguably the shower floor wasn’t the most comfortable place he could have chosen to do this, but Roger didn’t care. All he cared about what making John come undone by his touch.

“Rog—“ John started, wiping his wet hair out of his face. His lips a little swollen from him biting at them, “you don’t…” he trailed off.

Roger smiled up at him, brushing soothing circles on his hipbones with his thumbs. “I want to— is that okay?”

He could practically see John’s brain working, the cogwheels turning for sure. But the desire in his eyes gave him away. Roger felt proud he was able to break that veil of mystery that was John Deacon.

John bit his lip and then slowly nodded.

“Is that a yes?” Roger asked as he pressed a kiss to his hipbone despite knowing the answer.

John smiled down at Roger. “Yes, you know it is.”

A small nervous tingle settled low in his stomach. Roger wasn’t all that experienced with blowjobs. He only gave one once in his life and since the guy came about ten seconds after Roger had gotten his mouth on him, he didn’t think that counted. Apart from that, the need to please John was really great. He wanted to show him how much he wanted him and give him all his attention.

John trembled when Roger traced his fingertips lightly over the outside of his thighs. One of his hands ended up on Roger shoulder when he wrapped his hand around his cock again and giving it a few quick pumps.

When Roger trailed his lips from the base to the tip, John moaned softly and he tilted his head back against the wall. The hand on Roger’s shoulder wound up in his hair; not pulling just softly holding on. With his other hand he leaned agains the wall, trying to get some purchase.

Roger splayed one hand on John’s hip for balance, while he experimentally swirled his tongue around the tip of John’s cock before sucking it into his mouth.

“Fuck Roger.”

His voice sounding low and raspy, sending shivers down Roger’s spine.

The slightly bitter taste of precome on Roger’s tongue was something to get used to, but the fact that it was John and the soft breathy moans coming from him all made up for that.

Slowly but surely Roger took more of John’s cock into his mouth, swallowing around him, making John buck up his hips in response. Luckily he hadn’t taken too much of him yet. Roger lifted his hand a little to grip his hip more firmly, preventing him from moving too much or buck his hips to far.

“Sorry.” John panted.

Roger hummed, softly squeezing his hip letting him know it was alright.

A low moan escaped John and when Roger looked up through his lashes he saw John’s eyes were closed and his mouth hanging open slightly.

The sight was lovely and made Roger want to double his efforts. He grabbed the base of John’s cock a little tighter, stroking in time while he tarted sliding his mouth up and down his length as far as he could, which arguably wasn’t all that far but judging by the sounds John made, he wasn’t doing an awful job.

Roger pulled back a little, John’s cock laying heavy on his tongue. He sucked on the tip before sliding back down. The hand in his hair tightened and gently pulled, making Roger moan around him.

“ _Ah_ , Rog— I can’t.” John said weakly, his hips stuttering slightly. “I’m gonna come.”

Just to tease him a little, Roger bopped his head up and down a few more times.

“Roger, I’m really really going to come.” John warned breathlessly.

This time Roger did pull off his cock, slightly out of breath. His knees ached and the water was starting to feel a little colder. But he felt warm instantly when John reached out to brush his thumb over his now swollen and wet lips, giving him a look of adoration.

“Come on baby, I want to see you come.” Roger whispered, staring back up at John through his lashes, keeping eye contact while he stroked his hand up and down his length, increasing his speed.

John moaned and squeezed his eyes shut. “ _Fuck_.”

Roger moved his other hand from John’s hip up over his torso, feeling the muscles in his stomach contract as John spilled over Roger’s hand, his hips stuttering forward into the tight grip on his cock.

It took John a little moment to get back to himself, chest heaving. Roger smiled seeing the flush on his cheeks when he pulled himself to his feet. He winced a little, his legs were definitely going to be sore tomorrow.

“That was incredible.” John sighed pulling Roger close by his hips.

“Yeah?” He asked, his chest welling up with pride as John fluffed his ego.

John nodded and put his hand on the back of his neck to pull him in for a hungry kiss. It slowly dawned on Roger that John could probably taste himself on his tongue. But from the way John was kissing him, he obviously didn’t mind; if anything he was kissing him more urgently, making Roger whimper against his lips.

When John pulled Roger closer, he melted against him instantly and moaned softly when John slotted his thigh between his legs, making Roger grind his aching cock against him. He hadn’t realised how hard he was when he was sucking John’s cock. But he moaned desperately when John grabbed his arse and pushed him closer.

“You been so good Rog.” John whispered while he trailed his jaw with kisses. “I think you want to come, don't you?”

Roger bit his lip and nodded quickly, while grinding his hips more urgently, gripping John's shoulders. “Please.”

John sucked just below Roger’s ear, and nibbled on his earlobe. “You deserve it after being so good to me.”

He shivered because of the ragged sound of John’s voice in his ear. His breath tingled Roger's skin. The shower became full of Roger’s soft breathy moans, as he rolled his hips up agains the soft skin of John’s thigh. He buried his face in John’s neck while John wrapped his arms around him holding him up as Roger chased his orgasm.

“Touch me.” Roger asked weakly, his body felt tired and his legs ached from being in the same position.

Without a second thought John complied. He very gently pulled his thigh way, wrapping his hand around Roger’s cock instead, stroking him hard and fast, twisting his fist down his length and around the head, rendering Roger to incoherent monosyllables.

It only took a few more strokes until Roger was coming hard all over John’s hand and his own stomach. Luckily John still had one arm around his middle, otherwise he would have slumped down to the floor.

Roger tried to catch his breath for a moment and he didn’t move for a good minute, while John softly stroked the small of his back in soothing circles. His body’s tingled in the best way.

John giggled softly when Roger trailed soft kisses down his neck. He softly pulled on Roger’s hair to make him look at him.

When Roger pulled back he was met with a smiling John staring back at him with loving eyes. He smiled softly when John pushed his hair out of his face.

“We are definitely late now.” 

“At least—” Roger started, but coughed a little to clear his throat that was feeling a little raw after all that, “— at least we won’t need to clean up now.”

***

They ended up being at least an hour late.

“Sorry we’re late.” Roger announced walking up to Freddie and Brian who were both already eating.

Freddie scowled when they slipped into the booth where the others had been waiting for them. John tried to avoid their stares while Roger just faced them like nothing was wrong.

“Took you long enough.”

“Yeah— we, uh lost track of time.” Roger said trying to stay vague..

From the corner of his eye he could see John raise his eyebrow. But what else could he say? I blew my boyfriend in the shower? Roger never minded oversharing, but he doubted that John felt the same. 

Brian gave him a skeptical look. “Lost track of time?”

Before Roger could say anything else Freddie beat him to it, looking bored while picking tomatoes out of his salad. He looked up smirking at both Roger and John. “They lost track of time while shagging Brian, can't you see how happy they both look.”

John’s eyes widened and choked on the sip of coke he had just taken, coughing loudly. 

Roger flipped Freddie off while patting John’s back soothingly with his other hand.

Brian cleared his throat, suddenly very interested in his vegetarian lasagna, but the slight flush on his cheeks were hard to miss.

“You’re not even going to deny it?” Freddie grinned.

“Don’t know what to tell you.” Roger shrugged and took a sip of his beer, when John was done choking, still softly coughing with slight panic in his eyes.

“Can we not talk about this?” John groaned.

“Seconded.” Brian piped up.

Freddie shook his head and winked at Roger. “All so sensitive.”

The rest of the evening they have dinner and talk about the gig coming up in two weeks. Roger can’t wait. The pub is small, so not a lot of people can’t fit, but still it will be a great way to get more known and get people talking about them. Freddie was mostly worried about their look, getting into a discussion with John who absolutely wasn’t going to wear any make up. Knowing Freddie he would find a way to get him to do it. Roger had found out first handed.

“It will bring out your eyes even more darling. Just a little on the lid, you’ll see.”

“No Freddie.”

Freddie shook his head. “So hard to work with.”

“I agreed on you dressing me.” John pointed out. “I’m already giving you enough power.”

“You say that as if I dont know anything about fashion.” Freddie pouted.

John sighed. “I didn’t say that Freddie. You have great taste, it just doesn’t always fit my style.”

Freddie huffed. “I’ll make sure you look amazing, Roger won’t be able to keep his hands off you.”

“I'm already not able to.” Roger mumbled around his cigarette. "He always looks amazing."

John rolled his eyes, but blushed and tried to hide the smile that was forming on his lips, by pressing them together.

Brian scrunched up his nose. “Must you smoke Roger? You could just go outside.”

“It’s cold outside!” Roger argued, tearing his eyes away from John.

They bickered for a while until they went back to discuss the gig. When Roger went to get some more drinks, Freddie walked with him while Brian and John talked about the setlist.

“So I take it, you and John are doing alright?”

Roger knew Freddie wanted to know all the gossip, thats why he walked with him to get drinks, knowing well Roger could perfectly manage on his own.

“Yeah we are.” Roger smiled. “Going really well actually.”

Freddie smirked. “I see. Good for you— I’m not going to ask any details, because you know— you two being my friends and all. But I’m happy for you.” He turned back to look at the other two, still sitting at the booth. “John looks happy as well.”

Roger looked over his shoulder at John, feeling his heart grow a couple sizes. He was really grateful for Freddie’s support. Even when he was still deeply in love with John without him knowing, Freddie had been there for him, he always was.

“I think he is.” Roger smiled, before looking back when the bartender asked to take their order.

They waited for their order and when they got back to their booth, a guy about John’s height with dark brown wavy hair was walking away from their table.

“See you John.”

"Bye." John smiled.

Roger frowned. He had never seen this guy before. But he immediately didn’t like the way he looked at John. He stared at his back until he had left the pub.

“Who was that?” Roger asked trying to sound casual while he slipped next to John again, putting his beer in front of him. 

“Oh— that was Lucas, he’s in my classes.” John smiled, putting his arm up on the back of the booth kissing Roger’s cheek as he settled next to him.

“Ah, alright.” Roger nodded leaning against John, trying not to get jealous over nothing. But when it concerned John, that was much harder said than done. 

***

When Roger found out he had fallen in love with his best friend, it was the only thing he could think about. He had thought about how beautiful he was when smiled, how sweet he was and how good he looked. He thought about cuddling with John, him falling asleep on Roger’s lap, while he carded his fingers through his soft hair. Having dinner together, listen to music together, have date nights. All things couples did together.

Naturally having all those thoughts, also meant he thought about having sex with John. _A lot._ Of course they had been doing things, and Roger was having a lot of fun. John was really good at everything they did and by John’s reactions he’d like to think he was doing a well enough job himself. 

They both didn’t have a lot of experience, and even if Roger was self assured, he still felt nervous about the actual having sex part. He knew the logistics, and he had sex with a girl before. But he didn’t think that mattered, John being a man after all. 

For Roger that didn’t matter. He loved everything about John, from his head to his toes. He had never loved anyone like he loved John. He had been thinking about how to bring it up that he might want to actually try having sex, but he didn’t want to put any pressure on John.

They were making out in bed, already half naked and half hard. Roger had wrapped one of his legs around John’s waist and slowly rocking his hips against John’s, the friction spreading heat through his body.

Roger gasped softly, when John’s hand trailed down his back to slip inside his boxers and grab at his arse, making Roger press closer to him in response. They kissed languidly, getting more heated with every passing second.

“John?” Roger panted.

“Hmm?” John hummed while kissing Roger’s face down to his neck, and softly mouthing at his collarbone.

For a moment he lost any coherent thinking, when John rolled up his hips against him slowly causing him to whimper pathetically. “Fuck, do that again.”

John chuckled. “Was that what you wanted to ask me?” 

Despite his teasing John did it again and Roger moaned again.

“No.” Roger said biting his lip, but it felt too good to make John stop.

“What was it then?” He asked, stopping his movements.

Roger almost whined in protest, but this way he could actually think for a moment. “I— was just thinking.”

“About?”

Why was this so hard to bring up. They had done stuff before, and did all the time. Why was this any different. It made Roger feel stupid and vulnerable. Afraid to get rejected, even if he deep down knew John would never reject him like that.

He looked up when John brushed his hair out of his face, smiling softly. “You can tell me.”

“I know— I just don’t want you to feel like you have to, you know? I mean it’s fine if you dont want to.”

John smiled. “Why dont you tell me what you mean, so I can follow what you’re talking about.”

“I just thought, maybe—“ Roger took a large breath, “—maybe, you wanted to have sex?”

John raised himself on his elbow looking at Roger with an unreadable expression. “What have we been doing up till now then?”

“I know—“ Roger started, his heart was racing. He sat up against the headboard. He didn’t want to sound needy, everything they had done up until now had been lovely. Why was he even bringing this up and ruining the mood. He avoided John’s questioning eyes. “I just— never mind, I’m just in my head.”

“Roger, I’m teasing you love.” John said sitting up next to him. “Please tell me what’s on your mind.”

Roger turned his head to see John looking at him fondly, giving him the confidence to talk about this.

“Have you thought about, well— you know having actual sex? With me?”

John bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah, of course. I just have never done that.”

“I haven’t either.” Roger said quickly, trying to be supportive. 

“You have.”

“With a girl.” Roger pointed out. “That’s different.”

John raised an eyebrow. “How is it different?”

“Different holes.” Roger shrugged.

John pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes for a moment. “That’s classy Roger.”

Roger couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “What? It’s the truth.”

“Alright you have a point.” John laughed. “Still—that doesn’t change the fact that I have never done it.”

Roger shook his head and climbed in John’s lap, straddling him. He trailed his hands up over his chest and over his shoulders. “That’s okay, I know you’ll be good at it— you’ve been amazing at all the other things.” He said before kissing his lips. “You could top, if you want? Or maybe you’d like me to top?”

John placed his hands on Roger’s hips and smiled at him, obviously charmed by Roger's compliments. “I want to do it Roger, believe me— I _really_ do. Probably not right now.” He chuckled. “But let’s just see how it goes?”

Roger nodded and kissed him again. “Yeah alright. That sounds good.”

The rest of the night they spend cuddling and eventually making out in bed, continuing where they left off. Roger was relieved he told John about his thoughts, feeling lighter immediately now that it wasn’t weighing down on him anymore. He didn’t mind waiting, not when John pinned Roger down on the bed and mapped out his body by kissing all the skin he could find, before turning Roger's brain to mush by sucking him off, making him see stars and forget his own name for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, what are we thinking?? John and Roger taking things a little further. :3
> 
> Thank you all for reading! <3 I really hoped you enjoyed! Let me know your thoughts, I really love reading them. They motivate me a lot!


	10. Chapter X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys play their first gig. Roger gets a little jealous. John and Roger take another step in being intimate together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! it's update time once again. Thank you again for all the sweet comments, I love reading them and they are really motivating. I really hope you will enjoy this chapter as well. I had a lot of fun writing it. Let me know what you think. <3
> 
> Heads up, rated E for the last part.

**Chapter X**

He was sweating and his heart was racing. Fuck this was not good. He couldn’t do this. His shirt was sticking to his back and the show hadn’t even started yet. It had been about fifteen minutes since he told the others he needed to go to the bathroom. In reality, he had panicked, when he caught a glimpse of the people coming in to the pub.

Now there he was in the small cubicle, sitting on the toilet trying to control his breathing, making sure he wasn’t going to start hyperventilating. He hated when this happened. The tingle in his stomach; and not the good kind. These ones made his stomach turn and his hands sweat. Sweaty hands were not very helpful when one needed to play his bass for the next hour and a half.

The others were going to wonder what he was doing, they’d surely come looking for him. But John couldn’t make himself get up, it was like he was frozen, his feet wouldn’t move. He stared at the door that was completely covered in written messages and somewhat obscene drawings.

Even in his mind he knew perfectly well he could do this, the fear of messing up was too big. Especially because Roger had been so excited about this. He had gone on and on about it the last week, how they were going to be amazing and everything was going to love them. Everyone was going to love Roger, that was a thing John was certain off. John couldn’t help but think that he might ruin things for Roger.

A knock on the door had him startle out of his thoughts.

“John? Are you in here?”

Roger’s voice was soft and gentle. He obviously knew John was nervous, because this had happened before when they were still in school together. Multiple times. Roger was always there for him to cheer him up, make him feel good about himself. Things hadn’t changed.

“Yes.” John replied, his voice slightly breaking.

“You okay in there?”

Roger didn’t pull on the door handle, didn’t pressure John to get out. He was patient and waited for John to be ready on his own time.

John let out a shay breath. “Not really.”

“Do you need anything?”

“I don’t think so.” John said finally getting back up to his feet, slowly taking the lock of the door, before opening the door a crack. Roger’s kind eyes stared back at him.

“You sure? Need a drink to take the edge off?”

John chuckled. “Not sure one drink is going to help. I’m just worried I’m going to mess this up.”

Roger smiled and pulled John into a hug. “You’ll do brilliant.” He whispered. “Don’t worry so much. I believe in you.”

“Thank you.” John said feeling himself melt into the warmth of Roger’s embrace.

That’s what Roger was. A familiar warmth he craved all the time. Roger was like the sun; bright, cheerful and warm. Fiery even. But above all else he never failed to make John smile.

“You’re my boyfriend, you’re supposed to say that.” John couldn’t help but tease when Roger let him go.

“Alright. I take it back.” Roger smirked, taking a step back. “You’re gonna be rubbish. I do not believe in you and everyone is going to hate us.”

John laughed, feeling the tension leave his shoulders. “Much better.”

“Yeah?” Roger said before cracking a cheeky smile. “So I dont need to suck you off to make you feel better?”

“Didn’t know that was option.”

Roger grinned. “I probably shouldn’t, my voice always sounds like shit after.”

John smirked and went to run some cold water over his face. “Shame.”

“John Deacon.” Roger said acting scandalised, following him and leaning agains the wall next to the sink. “In public?”

John dried his hands and face with paper towel. “Hey— you are the one bringing it up. It seems like you are the one really considering it.”

Roger smiled and wrapped his arms around John’s neck and pecked his lips. “I just can’t get enough of you.”

“Is that so?” John chuckled, placing his hands on Roger’s hips.

“You know it is.” Roger nodded. “If we didn’t have this gig to play, I would ravish you right in that cubicle right there.”

John shivered lightly when that vision was etched into his brain. He swallowed and kissed Roger again. “Don’t put images into my head. I have to concentrate.”

Roger laughed softly and let him go, before going back into the direction of the pub. “I distracted you though, didn’t I?”

That was true, John didn’t feel as nervous as before. He smiled and followed Roger out of the loo. “You did.”

***

The gig went great, John didn’t need to worry at all. The crowd seemed to enjoy it. Freddie had them wrapped around his finger from the moment the music started and he started singing. John had always been in awe at how easily Freddie took to the stage. It was as though he was made to be a singer, the centre of attention.

John himself mostly focused on the beat, he hung back at the back of the small stage, keeping eye contact with Roger every now and to make sure they were on the same page. He and Roger played together a lot when they were younger; they balanced each other out easily. With a single look he could figure out what Roger wanted, it all went natural, which really made it very enjoyable to play.

Even though the crowd didn’t know their songs, they still danced and had fun, which was enough for John. The adrenaline he felt while playing made him forget all the nerves he had before and looking at Roger playing was just an added bonus. 

Music had always been important to Roger and with everything he did, he just went for it. His hair was sticking to his forehead, he was sweaty and when he sang John couldn’t help but shiver, the sound vibrating deep in his chest. It was definitely a task for him to keep his fingers playing the strings of his bass. It didn’t help that Roger seemed to notice John staring and send him a cheeky wink right during a especially difficult part.

The crowd seemed disappointed when the last song was over, but Freddie wouldn’t be Freddie if he didn’t promise them they would be back some time. John couldn’t help but wonder if the pub owner thought the same, but the crowd seemed to agree with Freddie that they had to play again.

“Bloody hell! They loved it!” Roger yelled when they reached the dressing room, which was really just a storage room, going from the amount of liquor and beer stored there.

“Of course they did darling, we were amazing.” Freddie said as if he hadn’t been too nervous to eat anything before they went on.

John grabbed a towel from his bag, feeling sweaty. He sat down on one of the old chairs standing in the room, rubbing his face dry. His heart was still racing, but in a good way. He didn’t expect to enjoy this so much, but he had and was excited to be able to do it again.

“They really seemed to enjoy the songs, and I must say Freddie, you really had them from the start.” Brian said smiling brightly, still holding the red special close to him.

Freddie blushed a little, not used to Brian giving him compliments. “We all did great, it couldn’t have gone better.”

“Especially for a first gig.” John added.

“Exactly!” Roger agreed. “I think this calls for celebration, with loads of alcohol.” 

“Is there anyway we can freshen up in this place?” Freddie wondered. “I don’t want to be party pooper, but you all smell.”

John rolled his eyes and took a sip from a bottle of water. He was finally getting down to earth again.

“What about you?!” Roger snorted, while rummaging through his bag to find his towel. “Do you think your sweat smells like a daisy?”

Freddie grinned, “I don’t sweat my dear.”

“Oh please Freddie.” Brian laughed, putting his guitar into her case.

“Well maybe a little.” Freddie said with a wave of his hand. “But honestly can we freshen up somewhere? I can’t go into the pub like this, what if there are handsome men who are willing to buy me drinks?”

***

After freshening up they all went in the pub to celebrate. The owner handed them a free drink after he paid them for their efforts. Brian made sure to get them another gig next month.

John was standing near the side of the small of the pub, leaning agains the wall. Several people had come and talked to him, telling him they really enjoyed their music. He all thanked them politely and even talked to a few of them longer than that. But still he didn’t feel all that comfortable in a crowd. Not when he didn’t know a lot of people.

Mostly he observed, he could see Roger mingling with people. His happy face made John’s heart grow ten sizes. It was infectious. Roger’s ability to make people laugh was incredible, he just had a way. Charm was a trait Roger had to spare. Sometimes John wished he was as easy going as his boyfriend. He wondered if that made things easier to be more open in public.

Every now and then he noticed Roger search for his eyes and smile at him happily. John couldn’t help but smile when he came over to get him.

“Why are you standing over here, come on dance with me?” Roger grinned leaning against him, his hands on his waist.

John smiled fondly, brushing a lock of his hair out of his face. “Didn’t know you danced?”

“I will, for you.” Roger said while looking up at him.

It wasn’t hard to see Roger was a little tipsy. Whenever he was, he was more touchy. Not aware of personal space and his rosy cheeks really gave him away.

“For me?” John asked wrapping his arms around him and pulling Roger close. 

Roger nodded and looked up to press a chaste kiss against John’s lips. “You love dancing.”

John pecked his lips in turn. “Sometimes.”

“You dont want to dance with me?” Roger pouted.

Before John could respond, someone called his name. He looked around and saw Lucas coming his way.

“Hey John.” Lucas smiled.

“Oh— hey Lucas.”

John noticed Roger pulling away from his slightly, but not letting him go. He looked at Lucas and John could see an unreadable expression in his eyes.

“Mate, you didn’t tell me you were in a band?!” Lucas called laughing, holding a beer, patting John’s shoulder with his other hand.

When it lingered there Roger shot him a look, squinting his eyes. 

John awkwardly brushed his hand through his hair. “Well yeah, it didn’t really come up.” He mumbled.

“You were really good!” Lucas smiled. “The whole band was.”

“Thanks.” Roger said, making Lucas look at him.

“Oh— are you in the band as well?”

Roger frowned, standing up a little taller, not used to be overlooked. “Yeah, I’m the drummer.” He said and held out his hand. “Roger.”

Lucas took his hand and grimaced a little, when Roger shook his hand probably squeezing a little too hard.

“Strong handshake.” Lucas mumbled under his breath when Roger let go. He chuckled awkwardly, before continuing, “you’re a great drummer, you have an amazing sound. I couldn’t really see you that well— I was too late to see the beginning, so I had to stand in the back.” Lucas explained.

“Thanks,” Roger smiled a small smile, but the tone of his voice was little off when he spoke again, “how do you know John?”

“Lucas is in my class.” John responded looking at Roger as he kept staring at Lucas directly.

Thankfully Lucas didn’t seem to be aware, but John knew Roger better than that. His body language was completely different from before, and the hand on John’s waist was still there, pulling him closer to Roger’s side. 

“Yeah we’re both electrical engineering nerds.” Lucas laughed, playfully elbowing John in the side.

John chuckled and Roger laughed a little, but the sound of it was a little off. It was obvious to John that he wasn’t actually amused at all. For whatever reason he didn’t like Lucas, even though the poor guy hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Are you here alone?” Roger continued ignoring Lucas comment.

“No, I’m just here with some of my mates.” Lucas explained. “I was just amazed to see John standing on the stage, still can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

“Didn’t know you were close?” Roger questioned before John could even open his mouth to reply. “John didn’t mention you before.”

Lucas seemed taken aback by that a little, but he recovered quickly. “Well we only met in class last month, but I think we are starting to get to know each other better.”

Roger didn’t seem impressed. “That’s nice.”

“So are you staying here tonight?” John asked, trying to relieve the awkward tension that was starting to build. He had never really seen Roger act like this before.

“I don’t think so.” Lucas said, clearly a little relieved John had joined in on the conversation. “I heard one of my mates saying he wanted to head over to some club.” He looked over to a group of people standing near the bar, who were motioning him to come over. “That’s them.” He pointed. “I better get going. They seem prepared to leave me here.” He chuckled. “See you later John.”

“Alright, see you.” John said with a smile, feeling a little relieved.

“Bye Roger, it was nice to meet you.” Lucas said with a polite smile. 

Roger smiled, but John thought it was mostly because he was happy Lucas was leaving. “Yeah, bye.”

***

“That was very mature by the way.”

“What?”

“You know what.”

They were in Roger’s bedroom, getting ready for bed. They sometimes still slept in their own beds, but ended up in each others bed most of the time. Whenever John slept alone, he just missed Roger too much and didn’t sleep as well without him. He could even appreciate Roger talking in his sleep and holding on to him like a spider monkey.

It was worth it when he woke up next to Roger looking all sleepy and adorable. What was even better was that Roger was very cuddly in the morning, they could spent hours in bed cuddling and kissing during the weekend.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Roger shrugged while he continued acting nonchalant. He pulled a loose sleep shirt over his head, his hair sticking up when he looked at John.

Why did he have to be so pretty again? John momentarily forgot what he was going to say.

He blinked when Roger gave him that smile, he shook his head trying not to get side tracked. John rolled his eyes and pulled back the covers, crawling in bed. Roger knew exactly what he was talking about. It was typical for him to act like nothing was up, when he was obviously acting strange before.

“Back at the pub— with Lucas,” he continued, “you were acting all possessive and giving him the third degree.”

“Was not.” Roger denied, crawling in bed as well. His cheeks were still a little rosy from the drinks he had.

John turned on his side to look at him directly. “You were. It was obvious you dont’t like him.”

“Can you blame me?” Roger grumbled. “He was totally flirting with you.”

“What?” John snorted loudly in disbelief. “At what point did he flirt with me? He wasn’t even there longer than five minutes.”

Roger rolled his eyes. “Honestly John, you are oblivious to anyone who flirts with you. If I hadn’t told you I had feelings for you, we would still be silently pining for each other to this day.”

“Excuse me? Who was is that kissed you?” John contested.

“Yes— and who was it that ran away after said kiss, as if he had just seen a ghost?” Roger said with a grin.

John spluttered, a blush forming on his cheeks. “That’s hardly the point.”

“No— no it wasn’t, the point was your inability to notice anyone flirting with you.”

John groaned, but he had to agree, he wasn’t very good at noticing anyone taking an interest in him. The whole situation that happened with Veronica was proof of that.

“Alright, I’ll admit I don’t have an eye for that sort of thing, but seriously— what is it that Lucas did that makes you think he was flirting with me?”

Roger sighed, as if he was annoyed he actually had to explain. He started counting on his fingers. “He touched you. He kept smiling at you. He just had to mention you have so much in common.”

John frowned, trying to think back, all of those didn't seem remotely flirty to him. “He was just being nice— and he studies the same thing, that doesn’t mean we have any other things in common.” He pointed out. “He even said he thought you were a great drummer. Does that mean he was flirting with you too, should I be jealous now?”

“No—“ Roger started, but closed his mouth again, thinking for a moment, “— I mean, no that’s different. I just think he has his eye on you.”

“Aww baby, just admit you’re jealous.” John cooed wrapping his arms around Roger.

Roger tried to turn around, admittedly not trying very hard. “No! I’m not. Get away!”

The smile forming on his lips gave him away.

“You sure?” John asked a grin on his lips, he softly nuzzled Roger’s jaw and peppered kisses along his jawline down to his neck.

Roger made a noise of appreciation and one of his hands ended up in John’s hair.

“Because you know—“ John mumbled softly before looking up at him, “— I thought it was quite sexy, you acting a little possessive.”

“Oh?” Roger stared back at him with a small smirk. “Was it now?”

“Not saying you should do it more often but…”

“But?”

“Don’t know.” John shrugged, faking nonchalance. “I kinda like knowing you get so fired up because of me.”

Roger laughed softly and rolled John on his back before crawling on top of him. He leaned on his elbows and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Yeah? Want me to show you how fired up I get because of you?”

“Obviously.” John grinned before pulling him down for another kiss.

***

“Wait, wait.”

“Did I hurt you?” Roger asked slightly alarmed, stopping his movements, from where he was lazily rubbing two slicked up fingers over John’s entrance.

John shook his head. “No.” He shut his eyes and bit his lip. He felt so vulnerable, his cheeks were flushed and his heart was racing.

When John had come home from uni that afternoon, Roger was all over him. Which led John to be situated in Roger’s lap, naked from the bottom half. Roger was still in his boxers and John was hard from Roger’s earlier ministrations, were he had slowly stroked him to full arousal, making him beg for more. That’s when Roger had suggested he’d finger him, which John had agreed to, but feeling al little nervous about it.

The lube was lying next to them on the bed. They had done this once before; or at least tried to. They managed one finger when John had chickened out. Not because it wasn’t enjoyable, it had been John’s nerves that had gotten the better of him once again. Roger had been really sweet about it, which kind of made John feel even worse because it made him feel like he disappointed his boyfriend. Which Roger had assured him wasn’t the case.

“We dont have to do this, we can just do something else.” Roger suggested when he noticed John’s nerves, wiping his fingers on the sheets.

“No— I want to.” John said quickly, opening his eyes again to look at Roger who’s cheeks were also a soft shade of pink.

“You sure?” Roger asked, brushing his fingers through John’s hair. “I only will if you’re sure.”

John swallowed and nodded. “I am,” he started, “but maybe—“

“Yeah?” Roger encouraged.

“Maybe I can lie down? Would that be okay?”

Roger smiled and captured his lips for a slow kiss that had John’s toes curl. He moaned softly against Roger’s lips, grabbing onto his shoulders.

“Of course it’s okay silly,” Roger said after he pulled away, “I want you to be comfortable.”

That made John feel better, and a wave of relief went through him. He got off Roger’s lap and looked at him questioningly. He felt so inexperienced in these moments. But he knew Roger had never really done anything like this before either, which was a little comforting.

Roger gave him an encouraging smile, he patted the bed. “Here, do you want to turn on your stomach for me? I think that might be the most comfortable.”

“Okay.” John nodded. That suited him just fine. He enjoyed watching Roger, but this part made him feel a lot more self conscious than he was willing to admit. So he turned to lay on his stomach, his cheek on one of the pillows so he could still see Roger. 

Roger grabbed another pillow and softly ran his hand down John’s side. “Lift your hips a little?”

John did and Roger propped the pillow under his hips, so that John would be more comfortable and Roger had better access.

“How do you know what to do?” John asked a little amused, feeling a bit weird with his bum sticking up like that.

“I did research.” Roger said his cheeks turning a deeper shade of pink again.

John raised his eyebrows and chuckled. Not that he was surprised. Roger always came prepared. “You did, did you? Been watching porn have you?”

“Shut up.” Roger chuckled and gave his arse a soft smack. “I did not watch porn— I read _books_.”

“Ah _books_.” John said wiggling his eyebrows.

The light heartedness made him relax again and he no longer felt nervous. Roger just had that effect on him.

Roger laughed. “Yes, well magazines— of a pornographic nature.”

“That’s the hottest thing anyone ever said to me.” John teased.

Roger rolled his eyes and snorted, “you’d be surprised what you can learn.”

John chuckled. “I’m ready to experience what you have learned then.”

“Good, cause I’m going to make you feel amazing.” Roger smirked and trailed his hands from John’s shoulders down to his arse, and back up again.

John sighed and closed his eyes. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Roger hummed and kissed the back of his neck, moving to his shoulders and peppering his skin with kisses. John shivered when Roger’s hands trailed down his sides. The amount of attention Roger always gave him, made his heart race a hundred miles an hour. 

John shifted on the bed when Roger tenderly trailed kisses down his spine. He was starting to feel warm again and closed his eyes to focus on the feeling. Of course he had nothing to compare to, but Roger seemed to know what he was doing and John appreciated that he was taking his time, making sure John felt good.

He closed his eyes when Roger’s hands moved down the small of his back down to his arse, softly massaging his bum. He could feel himself grow harder again. The soft pink on his cheeks turned a shade deeper when Roger pressed a kiss at the small of his back, just above the swell of his bum.

When he heard the cap of the lube open, John opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder.

“Still good?” Roger asked when he noticed John look at him.

John nodded. “Yes.”

He bit his lip seeing Roger slicking up his fingers with the lube again. His heart rate increased once more. The nerves were gone and made place for healthy anticipation.

John could see Roger looked a little unsure himself when he moved closer to John. He dropped the lube next to him.

“Tell me when it doesn’t feel right okay?”

“I will.” John smiled assuringly.

Roger placed one hand on John’s hip, brushing soothing circles over his skin with his thumb. It was just a small touch, but it made John able to focus on more than one thing.

He gasped when he felt two of Roger’s slick fingers rub over his entrance once again. 

“Okay?” Roger asked, slowly moving his fingers in circles.

“Yes.” John giggled. “Just a little cold.”

“Sorry,” Roger said apologetically. “I should have warmed it up.”

“It’s okay.”

His voice sounded a little breathless, because Roger was still rubbing lazy circles over his entrance and the feeling sent little sparks up his spine.

He still felt a little embarrassed about it, but when Roger started kissing his back again, he couldn’t focus on anything else but Roger making him feel good.

“You’re so pretty John.” Roger whispered in his ear when he kissed the back of his neck. “I bet you feel amazing.”

The implications of Roger’s words had John moan softly into the pillow. 

The first press of Roger’s finger had him tense up a bit. But he relaxed again when Roger moved slowly, just the tip of his finger at first. He pulled his finger back again, before pressing back in a little more every time. Roger did this a couple of times, before completely sliding his finger in and out of him, making John moan out in surprise.

Without realising it, John began rocking his hips back to get more of his finger. The slide of his cock against the sheets felt amazing and he started to crave more. 

He whined a little when Roger pulled his finger away. “Why’d you stop?”

Roger giggled and showed him the bottle of lube. “Just wanted to get some more.”

John blushed when he saw his coat his fingers again. “Oh...”

“Someone is getting a little needy.” Roger chuckled and gave his bum a teasing squeeze.

“Fuck off.” John pouted, but there was no real anger behind his words. 

Roger laughed softly, he warmed up the lube between his fingers this time and rubbed them over John’s entrance again. John pushed his hips back when Roger pressed his finger back inside, it went much easier this time.

After pumping his finger in and out of him a few times Roger teased his rim with another finger, making John moan softly against the palm of his own hand.

“Think you’re ready for a second one?”

John nodded quickly, he grabbed the sheets, trying to find some purchase when he felt a second finger joining the first one, slowly stretching him. There was still the slight burning sensation despite Roger being very careful with him.

Roger noticed him tense up again because he slowly stroked soothing circles on the small of his back and kissed a trail of kisses down his spine. He pulled both fingers back a little before pressing back in slowly, not going much further than the first knuckle.

“Okay?”

“Yeah—“ John breathed, the feeling of discomfort ebbed away slowly, turning into something else, something more pleasurable, “keep going.”

Roger complied and pushed his fingers back in and out in a slow pace, pushing further with every pump until he had John leaving out soft little moans and rocking his hips back once again.

When Roger curled his fingers and rubbed over a spot inside him, John jerked his hips forward and felt a sharp feeling of pleasure shoot up his spine. He whimpered and tangled his fingers in the sheets.

“I think I found it.” Roger murmured against the heated skin of John’s back.

John could feel Roger smiling against his skin, but he couldn’t bring himself to reply anything cheeky when Roger nudged his fingers against his prostate again. He hid his face in the pillow trying to muffle the embarrassing sounds that were now coming out of his mouth. He started rocking his hips back and forth against Roger’s amazingly talented fingers.

It didn’t help that Roger was now massaging one of his arse cheeks while he kept fucking him with his fingers.

“Fuck, John you’re so hot.” Roger whispered while squeezing his arse. “Wish you could see yourself.”

John didn’t know if that was good or not, but he couldn’t worry too much because his cock twitched and dragged against the sheets so deliciously, getting him closer to the edge. He heard himself beg for more.

“Please.” John whined into the pillows, mumbling something incoherently.

“What was that love, didn’t quiet catch that?”

Roger was still pumping his two fingers in and out of him in a steady pace, brushing against his prostate.

John whimpered again and turned his face to look at him. His face was now a deep shade of pink, heat was pooling low in his abdomen, “more, please Rog.” He asked breathlessly.

“You sure?” Roger asked biting his lip.

John didn’t miss him pressing the palm of his hand against his own cock and he would have said something if he wasn’t so desperate for release. 

“Don’t tease.” John moaned, pushing his hips back, his cock was now leaking against his stomach and the sheets, leaving a wet spot. Normally he would thought it was gross, but now he couldn’t seem to care.

He whined pathetically when Roger pulled his fingers back, but moaned again when two lubed up fingers turned into three. There was a slight pressure and the burn of being stretched open was still there, but it wasn’t too uncomfortable while Roger rubbed his fingers against that spot inside of him. 

“ _Ah_ , yes…fuck. Right there.”

“I got you baby.” Roger purred. “Feel good?” 

John nodded and he almost wanted to sob while he rocked his hips back against the steady pace of Roger’s fingers fucking him. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered how it would feel when it was Roger’s cock fucking into him, pushing him closer to the edge. Holding on to John’s hips while he was on all fours and hearing Roger moan while he slid in and out of John’s tight heat.

The thought alone had his cock pulse, he made a strangled noise and together with Roger’s fingers brushing against his prostate, he was shuddering and coming all over the sheets and his stomach. His vision went white and his hips jerked forward until he stilled and went limp against the mattress.

He was only slightly aware when Roger pulled his fingers back, because he winced slightly because of the sensation. When he felt Roger gently cleaning him with a damp towel, was when he realised Roger had left the bed. His body felt pleasantly numb and his limbs felt a bit like jelly.

Roger gently turned him around and smiled fondly when he saw the blissed out expression on John’s face.

“Hi.” He said softly while he softly wiped John’s stomach.

John smiled, and made grabby hands at him, pulling him closed and kissing him long and slowly. “Hi.” He grinned when they broke apart.

Roger giggled and laid on top of him, bumping their noses together. “I should give you mind blowing orgasms more often.”

“I wouldn’t say no to that.”

“No— I didn’t think you would.” Roger said while nuzzling his neck. “Was it good?”

"Better than good," John said while he carded his fingers through Roger’s hair, "the pornographic magazine did the trick.” He chuckled.

“Hmm, yes it did.” Roger hummed and kissed his neck lazily.

“I might need to borrow it.” John said thoughtfully.

Roger looked up, an amused expression on his face. “Oh yeah?”

“Yes, I might learn a thing or two.”

“You have any plans?”

“Obviously.” John smirked. “After that— you bet I want to make you feel the same.”

Roger smiled and kissed him again. “I’d like that very much.” He mumbled against his lips before deepening the kiss.

They kissed for a bit and while it wasn’t the same attention Roger had given him, he still felt the need to make Roger feel good. Roger assured him it wasn’t necessary, but that was just unacceptable. So John made a point of admiring his body by kissing him everywhere, making Roger keen softly, leaving out little noises of pleasure while John stroked and then sucked him off teasingly slow until he came.

When they finally cleaned up and made the bed again, they were both exhausted and fell asleep right after they slipped in bed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! <3 I hope you enjoyed. What are we thinking? Let me know, I love reading your comments!


	11. Chapter XI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Roger and John struggle to juggle school, a job and their relationship. Trouble in paradise?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm back with another update. Thanks for all the sweet comments on the last chapter, they made me really happy! <3 I hope you will all enjoy this chapter! Do let me know what you think. I love hearing from you. <3

**Chapter XI**

“I heard you found a job?” Freddie said while taking a bite of his Italian salad.

Roger nodded, swirling his spaghetti carbonara on his fork. “Yeah, at the Old Oak pub. Bartending.”

Both Roger and John had decided it would be good if they had a part-time job, to pay for the flat, but also for groceries and other stuff they needed. Living in London had proven to be a lot more expensive than they had anticipated.

“How’d you manage to get that job?” Freddie wondered.

“Crystal knows the owner, so he asked for a favour. He works in another pub that’s owned by him.”

“Doesn’t Crystal get tired of always babysitting you?” Freddie teased while he put some butter on a piece of bread.

“Hey! I’m offended.” Roger frowned. “You’re just jealous I have connections here.”

In reality Roger didn’t have many connections just yet. It was just convenient he knew Crystal, who seemed to have connections everywhere around London. It also helped that Crystal looked out for him and John. So he knew the place would be at least decent.

“Darling, I don’t need connections, I’m charming enough to be able to find a job on my own.” Freddie grinned, while taking a bit of his bread. He swallowed before he continued talking. “Besides I already have my eye on something.”

Roger raised an eyebrow. “Have you? Tell us then?”

“Nothing is settled yet, so I can’t divulge just yet.”

“Not even to me?”

Freddie shook his head. When he didn’t want to say something, it was useless to get him to talk. Roger knew this. So he just let it go.

“So, is John also getting a job?”

Roger had just taken a mouthful of pasta. “Hm—“

“Please dear.” Freddie said scrunching up his nose. “I know for a fact your mother taught you manners.”

Roger rolled his eyes and swallowed his food before speaking again. “He is, he’s still looking though. He was looking for tutoring jobs at the uni. Quite a few students need math tutors, so I think that’s what he is signing up for.”

“Can’t think of a better tutor than John.” Freddie smiled. “He would be perfect for the job, he can be quite stern too.”

“Oh I know.” Roger said with a small smirk on his face.

Freddie grinned. “Oh, don’t tell me Deaky isn’t as innocent as he pretends to be.”

“I don’t kiss and tell Fred.”

“You so do!” Freddie exclaimed.

It was true, normally Roger wouldn’t mind talking about these things. But this was different. With John it felt different, more intense, more private. Not something he wanted to share with people so fleetingly. It was intimate, their private business. John was a very private person, he wouldn’t like it if Roger talked about any of their more private activities.

“I’m sorry Freddie, but this is between me and John.” Roger chuckled.

“Fine.” Freddie pouted before he continued eating. “You owe me a free drink though.”

***

Friday night was Roger’s first shift at the pub. He had been a little nervous about it, he had never bar tended before. He frequented them quite a bit though. Now that he lived in London Freddie had dragged him along to quite a few bars. This particular one was a typical student pub, you wouldn’t see a lot of people above the age of thirty aside from a few regulars.

He had been greatly welcomed by the assistant manager Sarah. She was around twenty five Roger guessed. Tall and beautiful with dark brown curls that reached past her shoulders. She seemed fun with a bubbly personality, but also not one to be messed with. One customer had been sitting at the bar, begging for a drink for half an hour even though he was pissed already at nine pm, hardly able to hold himself up.

Sarah had ignored him until he was getting rude, she then put a cup of coffee in front of him. She told he could drink that and sober up, or she would call the cops on him. The bloke had looked her dead in the eye, she didn't even flinch and he reluctantly drank he coffee before leaving the pub.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m their mother.” She sighed, when the guy walked out.

Roger chuckled. “I’m sure you’ll be a great one someday.”

“Don’t even want to think about that yet— come on I’ll show you how the till works.” She smiled, dragging Roger along to the other side of the bar.

After that she tried to teach him the basics on how to tend the bar, but Roger knew he would forget everything right away. It was so much information, it was a bit overwhelming. But Sarah assured him she would help him and that the other co-workers were all nice.

He just had to believe her on her word.

***

“Hey Roger. Didn’t know you worked here too?”

Roger turned around from where he was trying to figure out how the cash register worked again. Sarah had explained it to him not half an hour ago, how hard could it be. His face fell when he saw Lucas smiling at him.

“Lucas, hi— yes apparently I do?” Roger said trying to be nice. “This is my first night actually.”

“Do you need help with that?” Lucas asked, looking over at where Roger was still holding the money, approaching to do exactly that.

Sadly Roger had to admit he needed help, the till wasn’t going to open. Not by him staring at it for five minutes straight. “Ah, yes— I think I do.” He chuckled awkwardly.

“It’s an awful old thing, never does what you want it to.” Lucas said while pushing a few buttons, making it finally open the drawer. “Frank doesn’t want to replace it, because it still works just fine and you have to treat it with love— or so he says.” Lucas smiled trying to impersonate the manager, not doing a very good job. “He’s just trying to hide the fact that he is a cheapskate.” Lucas added.

“Thanks.” Roger said and put the money in the till. “Guess you work here too? Or is this just one of those things all your engineering people are good at?”

“I do enjoy to tinker with things. Didn’t know that was an engineering thing?” Lucas laughed. “But yeah I just work here.”

Roger nodded. “John loves to tinker with stuff, he once just took an old radio apart, just to see how it worked and then put it back together.”

He caught himself smiling while he thought about John just having the whole kitchen table with his stuff, working the whole afternoon. His tongue sticking between his lips just a tiny bit, fully concentrated. Roger could stare at him for minutes on end.

Lucas chuckled. “Yeah, sounds like something I would do. But I think John is much more diligent than I am, he’s honestly probably the smartest of our class.”

Roger smiled, thinking about John always made him happy. “He was always the smartest of the class, so I’m not surprised.”

“How did you two meet? You seem really close.” Lucas asked while getting an apron to wrap around his middle. “At least from what I have seen.”

“We met in school, when I moved to a new town. I was eleven. John skipped a grade, because he was too smart.” Roger chuckled. “Even then he was.”

Lucas smiled handing Roger a tea towel. “Been friends ever since?” He asked while washing the glasses.

“Yes actually.” Roger nodded taking a glass and drying it. “Inseparable.”

“That’s really nice— and playing in a band together. You must have a strong relationship.”

Roger found himself easily talking to Lucas, it was honestly much more enjoyable than he thought it would be. Maybe he had been to quickly to judge the guy. He still didn’t know if he could trust him, he was still very much interested in John or so it seemed.

“We do.”

“He seems quiet, John I mean. He isn’t all that talkative during classes either.” Lucas said thoughtfully. “Pretty different from you, or that’s my assumption, please correct me if I’m wrong.”

Roger frowned a little. “John is quiet, at first. He doesn’t open up to people easily. But when he warms up to people and when you get to know him, he can really talk a lot.” He explained. “I’m just more open I guess? I don’t know.”

“Well it seems to work for you both.”

The rest of the time they talked a bit about University and their studies. Roger thought it could be worse. He hadn’t been looking forward to working, but he needed the money. The band wasn’t bringing in enough money yet. But his co-workers seemed alright. He hadn’t expected to see Lucas there, but not much he could do about it.

When it finally started to get busy, Sarah helped him with the drinks at first. Roger learned quickly where everything was. It always worked better for him when he actually had to do stuff. So by the time the place was full, he knew how the tap worked and how to mix a few most common drinks.

“Hey bartender! Blondie! How’s that beer coming?”

Roger looked up and grinned when he saw Freddie and John leaning against the bar. John smiled the sweetest smile, wearing his leather jacket with a simple soft grey t-shirt and dark jeans. It made Roger weak in the knees, god he was lovely.

Freddie was obviously trying to upstage everyone in there, wearing tight white trousers and a floral satin button up.

“Look what the cat dragged in.” Roger teased.

Lucas had turned around when Roger spoke. “Oh hey John, came to check on how he’s doing?”

John smiled. “Yeah, got to make sure he is behaving.”

“I’m always on my best behaviour. You know that.” Roger grinned, making John roll his eyes in response.

“I know for a fact that’s not true.” John countered.

“That’s true—“ Freddie chimed in, —more importantly, I stilly haven’t got my beer.”

From the corner of his eye he could see Freddie checking Lucas out. Probably because Roger had told him about how he felt like he had his eye on John. 

“What’s with the service around here? Maybe I should inform the manager.” Freddie wondered and acted like he was looking around to looked to see if he could somehow spot the manager. 

Roger shook his head, he said reaching down for a glass and putting it under the tap. “I’ll get you your beer, don’t you worry.”

“How’s it going?” John asked softly leaning on the bar with his elbows, while Roger was trying not to get to distracted by the soft and loving eyes staring at him. 

If they were alone Roger would have leaned over to kiss him on the lips. Sadly he didn't think his boss would be all to thrilled about it.

“Alright.” Roger shrugged. “Better now that I get to see you.”

“You saw me two hours ago.”

“Yes and the last two hours have been torture.” Roger pouted.

John gave him a teasing smile. “You’re so needy.”

“You have no idea.” Roger chuckled, putting the beer in front of Freddie. Who was already distracted by his surroundings, probably wondering if there were any people around worth his time. “So, what will it be?”

“Just a beer please.” John smiled.

“Coming right up.”

***

“Are you supposed to take long breaks like this?” John asked breathlessly while he pulled away from the kiss, softly tugging on Roger’s bottom lip with his teeth before kissing him again.

He had Roger pressed against the wall in the dark alley outside the pub. It was a small alley, where hardly anyone passed by. Roger was hard in his trousers and it was really getting uncomfortably tight.

Roger let out a soft moan and grabbed John’s arse, pressing him closer against him so he could grind his hips forward. “I’m entitled to a half an hour break. Should be long enough.”

“Yeah? Are you feeling randy?” John asked, moving his thigh to where Roger was grinding against him. “Want me to get you off?”

“Yes, fuck yes.” Roger moaned brokenly. “Please John.”

John trailed his lips over his jawline up to his ear, while slipping his hands under Roger’s shirt. “Shhh, you just have to be a bit more quiet.”

“Tease.”

He loved how John had gotten more confident lately. When they first started getting intimate he would have never done anything like this in a place where they could easily be caught. Let alone outside. If someone found them Roger would definitely be fired. But the thrill made it that more exciting.

“I learned from the best.” John giggled softly, trailing his fingers over the soft skin of his stomach.

Roger put his hand on the back of John’s neck pulling him in for another kiss, desperate and hungry. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Who says I’m talking about you?” John teased while he unbuttoned Roger’s jeans.

“What?” He said with wide eyes, but with the sound of his zipper being pulled down, Roger’s thoughts went out the window.

“Am only joking.” John whispered while reaching his hand down his jeans, palming him through his boxers for a few moments. Softly tracing his cock with his fingers.

A full body shudder went through him and his hips jerked into John’s touch. “Good, you better be.” Roger managed to get out.

It was slow and Roger wanted more, but at the same time the slow pace was amazing. If they would be at home he’d knew they would draw it out the whole night. But right now he didn’t have time.

John sucked a mark below Roger’s ear. “I think someone is eager to see me.”

“I’m always happy to see you,” Roger said breathlessly, “but can you maybe do something about my problem?”

“I think that can be arranged.” John said while he pulled back his hand making Roger whine in protest.

Before he could say anything John spit in his hand and reached his hand down his trousers again, now past the waistband of his boxers. He pulled out Roger’s erection, which grew even harder in John’s hand.

Roger closed his eyes as John gave his length a few slow strokes. He tilted his head back against the wall behind him, his lips slightly parted in pleasure. “Yes… ah fuck.”

“Yeah?” John grinned, placing a kiss against his neck, moving down as far as he could reach. “Remember, got to stay quiet.” He whispered teasingly.

“Hm…” Roger bit down on his lip hard, trying to muffle his moans when John ran his thumb over the slit slowly, teasing the sensitive skin just below the head of his cock.

Each stroke of John’s hand had him closer on the edge. Roger felt down right needy and he sloppily thrusted into John’s strong hand. He moaned softly while John nipped on his neck before trailing kisses over his jaw and capturing Roger’s lips with his again.

The kiss was sloppy and wet, because Roger couldn’t stop moaning. When John twisted his hand just right he let out a broken moan and tipped his head back again. “Yes, like that. Come on…”

John chuckled softly. “Why doesn’t it surprise me that this is getting you off, being out in the open like this.”

It was true, Roger couldn’t deny this excited him, but he couldn’t help but be more turned on that John was willing to do this.

“ _Ah_ … can’t believe you are… _fuck_ … giving me a handy in an alley.” Roger managed to get out between moans.

“I guess I’m just full of surprises.” John smirked, movinghis hand up and down Roger’s cock even faster, rendering Roger to a babbling mess.

Roger was pleasantly surprised to notice John did exactly what he liked. Knowing John he had probably memorised exactly what Roger enjoyed. And it worked, he had Roger on the edge much faster than he was willing to admit. 

It didn't take much longer than a couple of more strokes for Roger to come over John’s hand, his hips jerking and his cock twitching in John’s hand.

Thankfully John was standing close, so he could rest his forehead on John’s shoulder. For a few seconds he was panting hard, trying to catch his breath. John tucked Roger’s spent cock away and cleaned his hand with a tissue.

When Roger finally looked up again, he kissed John deeply, pulling him close against him. “You’re amazing, you know that right?”

John giggled. “Are you just saying that because I got you off?”

Roger shook his head and laughed. “No, I’m serious—“ he paused for a moment, “well it helped,” he said with a grin.

An amused expression formed on John’s face.

“But— you truly are amazing.” Roger said truthfully, his heart just swelled with affection looking at John and he just loved him, so so much.

He just wanted to scream it for the whole world to know.

John’s expression softened. “So are you.”

They kissed again, before Roger heard someone calling his name. They quickly put some distance between them and Roger quickly took his pack of cigarettes, trying not to look too suspicious.

“Oh here you are…”

It was Sarah standing in the door opening. She smiled at them.

“Thought you had taken a run for it. We’re not that bad are we?” 

Roger laughed. “Nah, just taking my break, having a smoke, I’ll be right back.”

“Alright.” She nodded, looking at John with a smile. “Who’s your friend?”

John waved. “Hi, I’m John.”

“Hi John, it’s nice to meet you.” Sarah smiled and looked at them both knowingly. “When were you going to tell me you were taken Roger?”

Roger blinked, clearing his throat, “I— he started, looking at John before looking back at Sarah, “—was I supposed to?”

Sarah laughed. “I’m taking the piss, but you know— you’re not being very subtle, in the alley and all.” She winked.

Roger chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. John just seemed to want the ground to swallow him whole, judging from the flush that had formed on his cheeks. 

“Don’t worry, I can keep a secret.” She giggled.

“Yeah?” Roger asked, his heart now in his throat. He didn’t want his co workers to know he was just in the alley getting frisky.

“Of course.” Sarah smiled. “We’re friends right? And besides, you’re really cute together.”

Roger looked at John, the dreaded expression turned into a relieved one. He looked back at Sarah with a smile. “Oh— thanks.”

“Don’t worry boys.” She smiled assuringly. “I’m sorry though John, I have to steal him from you now, is that okay?”

John shook his head and chuckled. “No, that’s fine.”

Sarah went back inside, Roger and John following, who quickly went to the loo’s. The rest of the night Roger worked behind the bar, watching John when he had time, stealing glances whenever he and John locked eyes.

***

After a week of working and classes Roger was happy he was home for the weekend. John was standing in the kitchen in front of the stove, cooking their dinner. It would be lie if Roger said he didn’t like the slow nights in. Quite frankly, he loved the domesticity.

He wrapped his arms around John’s waist from behind, kissing the back of his neck. “Hey. What are you cooking?”

John smiled and leaned back into Roger’s embrace. “Hey, you’re back— oh just some rice with stir fry veggies.”

Roger hooked his chin on John’s shoulder, watching him stir the veggies. The smell was amazing. “I’m so lucky, I would starve without you.”

“You would.”

“Are you saying I can’t cook?” Roger asked squeezing his hip lightly.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” John grinned turning his head slightly to kiss Roger’s cheek.

“I can’t help that this stove doesn’t do what I want.”

John snorted. “I’m sure that’s the problem.”

“It’s definitely not helping.” Roger pouted.

“Don’t worry baby, there are other things you do well.” John chuckled, softly tapping his cheek where he has just placed another kiss.

Roger smirked and pulled away from him to get the plates. He might as well make himself useful. He softly smacked his bum. “I know.”

John rolled his eyes and gave him a all to non impressed look. “Don’t let it get to your head.”

“Wouldn’t dare.” Roger laughed putting down the plates and cutlery on the table.

While they were eating Roger looked at John every so often. He looked tired, classes had been busy for him and he had tons of course work to finish. Exams were coming up and it felt like John had double the amount of work he had. On top of that he also had started tutoring math.

It was easy to worry about John. He always did too much and was always willing to help everyone, and sometimes forgot about himself in the process. Roger made sure he would take breaks once in a while. But now that exams were coming up, it was hard to get John to relax.

“So what are plans tomorrow?” Roger asked. “We could stay in and do a movie day? Or we could go hang out with Freddie and Brian?

John looked up and gave him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry Rog, I really wish we could, but I have so much work to do— and I have to finish this group project, so I agreed to meet with my group at the library tomorrow.”

“Oh—“ Roger said, trying to hide his disappointment. He had really been looking forward to spend the weekend with John. “That’s okay, I know you’re busy.”

“It’s not okay, we haven’t seen each other much this week and I had been looking forward to a quiet weekend with you— but if I don’t go tomorrow we won’t finish it in time.”

Roger smiled and played with the carrots on his plate before sticking one in his mouth. He swallowed before speaking again. “Really, dont worry about it. We’ll just spend some time on Sunday. When you’re not studying— maybe I can walk with you tomorrow, I’ll just hang out with Freddie while your out.”

“I would love that, but Lucas offered to pick me up.” John said looking down at his plate, because he knew how Roger felt about him.

“Oh…” He said again.

Even though Roger now worked with him. He still didn’t really trust Lucas. He was too interested in John, he kept asking him questions about him while they worked. Roger tried to keep the conversation away from John mostly, he didn’t feel like giving him information that could possibly make John like Lucas more.

Roger knew it was irrational fear, but somehow he was afraid John would find Lucas more interesting than him. Maybe John would figure out they had more in common and maybe he would leave Roger. Hearing that he was now also picking John up in their home, made him even more worried.

“I can just call him, that there is no need for him to pick me up.” John offered when he saw Roger’s expression.

Roger looked up at him and shook his head. “No, no don’t be silly. It’s fine.” He said trying to sound convincing, but he wasn’t even fooling himself. He hated that he felt so insecure about this. But he didn’t know how to turn it off. 

“Okay.” John said quietly and continued eating.

The rest of dinner was spent mostly quiet.

“We can watch a movie now?” John asked when they were done with dishes. Trying to break the silence. “I mean, if you want to?”

Roger had been quiet a lot, he kept thinking about Lucas and why he didn’t trust him. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something.

He turned his head to look at John, who was biting his lip, a slightly nervous expression on his face. He could probably feel Roger was acting weird.

“Yeah sure.” Roger smiled as he put the plates back in the cupboard.

John looked a little relieved Roger was using words again. “Okay.”

Roger didn't want to make him worry or feel bad for Roger’s insecurities. So he leaned in to press a chaste kiss against his lips. “You can pick one.”

Half an hour later they were lounging on the sofa under a blanket, watching the movie. John was plastered against his side, his arm around Roger’s middle, his cheek against his chest. For a moment Roger wondered why he kept worrying about Lucas in the first place, when he and John had moments like this.

He brushed his fingers through John’s soft hair, who sighed in contentment and nuzzled his cheek against Roger’s soft shirt. Roger smiled and willed himself to watch the movie and enjoy his time with John. Letting nothing else distract him.

***

The next week was even worse. Between Roger and John’s schedule they hardly saw each other during the day. When they did see each other at night they were both too tired to do anything but cuddle in bed and fall asleep.

On top of that John had to work on the group project almost every evening, because next week they had to turn it in. Which meant Roger’s insecurities about Lucas were increased by ten fold.

It was weird, he wasn’t usually a jealous person. But with John it was different. He cared so much about him, Roger was terrified to lose him. In reality he knew John would never hurt him, he wasn’t like that. But he just didn’t trust Lucas.

He had picked up John a few times that week and every time he kept smiling at John, kept touching his shoulder or offering to hold John’s stuff for him. When Roger brought it up to John, he wouldn’t hear any of it. Saying Lucas was just being nice and wanted to help.

John had been pretty clear about it and when Roger saw he was getting annoyed about it, he dropped it. He had to admit Lucas hadn’t done much wrong, and John said he hadn’t made any advances. He trusted John like no other, so he tried to let it go.

That Friday afternoon Roger had a shift at the pub. It had been rather slow, but that was to be expected. Exams were coming un next week, so most students were probably studying or starting to cram. Roger on the other hand hadn’t studied nearly enough for his own exams. He would have to do some serious cramming that weekend.

His shift would end around eight, John was supposed to pick him up from when he was finished at the library. It was now almost seven pm, and Roger couldn’t wait till he could go home with John.

A hand was waving in front of his eyes.

“Roger? Earth to Roger.” 

“Hm— what?” Roger blinked to see Lucas with an amused expression on his face.

“You seemed pretty far away. Wanna share what you were thinking about?”

Roger gave him a sheepish look. 

“Oh, nothing special, just worried about all the studying I have to do this weekend, because I left it at the last minute.”

Which was partially true. He conveniently left out the part of accusing Lucas of chasing after his boyfriend.

It actually made him feel a bit bad, because Lucas had been pretty nice the whole shift. And if Roger was being honest he had been nothing but nice to him from the start.

“I feel you on that— I really should have started earlier as well, there is just so much to do.” Lucas sighed while washing some glasses.

“You are a electrical engineering nerd, I would have thought you started studying the first week.” Roger teased.

Lucas laughed softly. “Hey, us electrical engineering nerds come out of our dark caves as well you know. I have a social life.”

Roger chuckled leaned against the bar. “Do you?”

He didn’t know much about Lucas at all. Just that he was John’s class mate. He didn’t really talk much about himself. Now that Roger thought about it, Lucas mostly asked him questions and asked him about his hobbies and friends.

“I was at the pub when you guys played your gig remember?”

“Got me there— So you like to go to gigs?” Roger wondered.

Lucas crouched down to put the clean glasses away. “Yeah— I really love music. I used to play guitar.”

“Used to?”

“Yeah— I was in a band before,” Lucas said and getting back to his feet turning to face Roger, “but my parents didn’t want me to pursue music, they didn’t think it was wise— said I had to get a real education.”

Roger snorted. “That’s supportive of them.”

“Ah you know, I guess it’s just their way of looking out for me.” Lucas smiled. “Now I just play for fun. So yeah I really enjoy music and I thought you guys were really good. Your singer is quite the performer.”

“Thank you, that he is,” Roger said with a chuckle, but he felt bad for Lucas.

It was obvious he loved making music. I was hard when your parents didn’t support you. Roger could relate a little. His father wasn’t really there for him. But he always had his mother who supported him in whatever he wanted to do.

“Sorry about your parents.”

Lucas shook his head and smiled, “it’s okay. They are good people. I’m an only child, naturally they worry about me and want what’s best for me.”

“As long as you’re okay with that.” Roger said.

“I had time to come to terms with it,” Lucas concluded, “now that I’m living here I can check out all the new bands in London and still enjoy music.”

Roger nodded. “Well you should come watch us again, we’re playing again next week. Same pub as before.”

“That’s great, I’ll definitely stop by.” Lucas smiled and watched Roger for a moment, “maybe we could…” he started but trailed off in the middle of his sentence when the pub door opened. He smiled at the customer entering.

Roger wondered what he was about to say.

“Hey John.” Lucas greeted. 

“Hi.”

Roger turned around on his feet, smiling instantly when he heard John’s voice. “Hey!” He checked his watch, it was seven thirty, “you’re early.”

“I could go back home if you want.” John teased, sitting down on a barstool. 

“No, just didn’t expect to see you yet.” Roger smiled. “Can I get you something to drink?”

John nodded. “That would be lovely.”

“What do you want?”

“Surprise me.” John said with a smile, leaning on his elbows.

“Alright.” Roger chuckled and got to work, finding everything he needed for the cocktail he wanted to make for John. 

While they talked they didn’t notice Lucas silently retreating to the kitchen, without a word.

***

“I’m going to go to the bathroom.” John shouted in his ear.

The music was loud and Roger had quite a few drinks. The gig had been amazing, it was probably even better than the last one. They all agreed it had to be celebrated so they went to a club after. Exams were over so they could use some fun.

“You want me to come with?” Roger shouted over the music, wiggling his eyebrows.

John rolled his eyes. “I’m sure I can manage.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I knew what you meant.” John laughed turning on his feet. “

Roger managed to smack his bum lightly before he walked away. He chuckled when John turned his head to stuck out his tongue. He watched him until he was out of sight.

He stared back in the direction of the dance floor. Some of Roger’s co workers had come with. They had all come and watched the show. Roger was standing to the side in a less busy part of the club, away from all the dancing bodies.Freddie and Sarah were dancing around with a bunch of people. They seemed to have a great time. She apparently had a lot of male friends, so she had agreed to be Freddie’s wing women for the night. Brian didn’t want to come. He and Chrissie went home after drinks at the pub. 

“Having fun?”

Roger turned his head to see Lucas standing next to him, drink in hand. He had a lopsided smile on his face and his cheeks were flushed. Roger could see he was drunk.

“Loads,” Roger smiled, “you?”

“Yeah— it’s great. Bit loud though. Where’s John? Isn’t he usually plastered to your side?”

Roger frowned, confused by question. “He’s just went to the loo… are you okay?”

“Fine actually.” Lucas shrugged taking another sip of his beer. “Wanted to tell you something.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

Roger had no idea what Lucas could possibly want to tell him. They weren’t close, they just worked together. That was the extent of their relationship. 

Lucas grinned. “Just that you are very pretty. For a bloke, you know?”

Roger gave him a wary look. “Okay? Thank you I guess?”

“It’s true! You must hear it all the time.”

“Not really.” Roger said shaking his head, feeling very uncomfortable with the direction this conversation was going. He took a step forward and gently took the beer from Lucas, who gave it up willingly. ”Maybe you should go home? It seems like you had a bit too much to drink.”

“Yeah— maybe.” Lucas nodded.

He looked at Roger with an unreadable expression.

Then all of a sudden and before Roger could even react, Lucas leaned closer and pressed his lips against his. He made a muffled sound of protest, but it was too late.

It all happened so quickly, his brain didn’t have enough time to keep up with was happening. Roger could feel Lucas’s hands moving up to his shoulders. Everything in him screamed that this was wrong, he didn’t want this. He was so shocked that he felt like he was nailed to the ground. It must have been seconds, but it felt like a lifetime and it took Roger a moment to finally raise his hands and place them against Lucas’s chest to push him off him.

Anger rised up in him like a dragon spitting fire. “What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?!” Roger shouted, shoving Lucas away from him even further, making the other man stumble back against the wall, barely able to hold himself up.

Lucas stared at him wide eyed. “I— I’m sorry, I thought…”

"You thought what?” Roger screamed, who had completely lost his temper. His blood was boiling, his heart was thumping in his chest.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking....” Lucas said quietly, trying not to attract any more attention.

“Clearly! I’m with John you wanker!” Roger spat.

Lucas opened his mouth and then closed it again. Seemingly lost for words.

Freddie came in the direction of the ruckus Roger was causing, Brian trailing behind him. “What’s going on? I just saw John rushing out of the pub.”

“What?” Roger’s blood ran cold. Had John seen Lucas kissing him, the thought of that made him want to throw up. “Where did he go? Freddie, where did he go?” He urged grabbing Freddie’s shoulders, panic welling up in his chest.

“I dont know darling, he just said he had to go and then rushed past me.” Freddie explained, looking worried.

“He didn’t even take his bass,” Brian added and looked between Roger and Lucas, “Roger what happened?”

Roger bawled his fists, his nails digging in his palms, he took a large breath, trying to avoid to swing at Lucas. “This twat kissed me, John must have seen. _Fuck!_ I have to go after him.”

Both Brian and Freddie frowned and looked at Lucas, who was now as white as a sheet looking miserable.

“Of course.” Brian said, trying to keep Roger calm. “We’ll take care of everything here.”

Roger nodded and rushed to get out of there. After John. He hoped he was okay. He would kill Lucas if he wasn't. 

“Be careful.” Freddie called after him.

But Roger didn’t hear anymore. He had to find John, had to explain what happened. He could only imagine what it must have looked like. John knew he loved him more than anything in the world, that Roger would never do anything to intentionally hurt him. He knew that, didn’t he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh no, what happened there... let me know what you think! Thank you so much for reading <3


	12. Chapter XII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble in paradise part two; John deals with what he saw in the club and talks to Roger about his insecurities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Back with another update. Thank you all for the lovely comments on the last chapter, I loved reading all of them. Im so happy you all still love the story and are still here with me. So thank you so much everyone for reading! Its very much appreciated. I hope you'll like this chapter as well, it's a bit angsty. Let me know what you thought! <3

**Chapter XII**

The night had been so good and John had been having the best time. The gig had been amazing again and he hadn’t felt as nervous about it as he had before. After when they decided to go to the club John hadn’t been apprehensive, he had been looking forward to it. The adrenaline rush of playing another show obviously still in his system. It felt like they could take on the world.

A whole different feeling now went through John, a feeling of dread. As if he couldn’t breathe, like a hand around his neck. He stood there nailed to the ground for a moment. His hard clenched painfully at what he saw from where he stood.

Lucas close to Roger, their lips connected. 

What happened?

They were doing well right? He and Roger were on solid ground. Things had been going great. Or at least that is what John thought? Had he been wrong?

He couldn’t think too much about it right there. The only thing he wanted was to get out of that place. The loud music was too much. The bass was vibrating in his chest and the lights were making him dizzy. He didn’t even want to know what was going on, maybe that was stupid. Maybe that was wrong. All he knew was that he needed air.

John turned around without another glance and turned on his feet. He was only slightly aware Freddie was in his way.

“Hey John, where are you…” Freddie smiled, but it quickly faded when he obviously noticed John’s expression. “What’s wrong?”

“I have to go.” John managed to get out, his throat felt closed off.

Without saying anything else he rushed past Freddie, who called after him. But John ignored it, he just tried to make sure he wouldn’t shove people out of the way while he tried to find the exit.

Once outside John felt like he could finally breath again. He took a large breath of cold November air, but then realised he left his coat at the club.

With his key still inside.

Fuck. What was he going to do now. He couldn’t wait here and he obviously didn’t want to wait outside their flat for Roger to come home. He wasn’t sure he wanted to see Roger right now. Even though deep down he knew something was off. Right now he had too much to drink to have any rational thoughts.

Without thinking about it John started walking. Not really sure where he was going or where he was going to end up.

***

“John? What are you doing here?”

Crystal stared back at John with sleepy eyes. He was standing in his underwear, a black t-shirt and his hair disheveled, sticking up in every direction.

John felt awful for waking him up, at three am in the morning. He started picking on the sleeves of his denim button up, rocking on his feet. Not sure what to say. “I— uhm…”

“You okay mate?” Crystal asked seeing John’s nervous behaviour.

“I’m not sure, I forgot my key.” John said, he felt close to crying now. He swallowed, he throat felt like sandpaper.

Crystal seemed to notice but to John’s relief didn’t say anything. He reached out and pulled John inside by his shoulder. “Hey come on, let’s get you inside. It’s too bloody cold outside.”

John went without saying anything. He just nodded and sniffed trying to keep the tears at bay. Thankful for the warmth when he got inside Crystal’s flat. He was shivering at this point, cursing himself for going outside without his coat. 

“Sorry bout the mess.” Crystal apologised, when they got inside the living area.

“S’okay.”

Crystal flicked on the light and pushed John in the direction of the sofa, where he handed him a blanket he pulled from the comfy old chair in the corner. He gave John a worried once over, but still didn’t say anything.

John gratefully took the blanket and wrapped himself in it pulling his knees up to his chest, making himself as small as possible. The image of Roger and Lucas together didn’t want to leave his brain. He closed his eyes in the hopes that they would go away that way, but it didn’t help.

“Tea?” Crystal asked.

John opened his eyes again and looked up at Crystal who was now blurry because of the tears that had finally spilled. He couldn’t hold them back anymore.

“Yes please.” John croaked.

Crystal nodded and went to the kitchen to put on the kettle. Meanwhile John was staring out of the window. The outside world was black, the only light coming from the streetlights and the occasional deserted car passing by. Crystal’s place was just outside the busy pubs and clubs, so there weren’t any people outside. John wasn’t looking at anything in particular, but his thoughts where in overdrive.

It all made sense now. Lucas had been extremely interested in Roger the last few weeks while they worked on the group project. He kept asking about Roger’s music tastes, what he liked to do in weekends. How John met him, about their relationship. John remembered how ecstatic Lucas had been when he found out Roger was his new co-worker. He kept going on and on about how fast Roger learned and how he improved the atmosphere of the place.

Weirdly enough John had never told Lucas about him and Roger being together, he just figured Lucas knew. Now it just made him wonder if he knew and didn’t care. How did that kiss happen? Was it Lucas who had instigated it… it couldn’t have been Roger, it just couldn’t. Roger would never ever do something like that.

People didn’t give Roger enough credit. Yes he was flirty and affectionate. But he was also loyal. It used to make John so mad in secondary school when people gossiped about Roger. Saying how he was a cheater and just used girls to his own advantage. Which were all horrible accusations, all of them not true. Roger was a wonderful person and would walk through fire for his friends.

Roger had never cheated on anyone, he had never been in a committed relationship before. He dated girls and as Roger liked to say it was nothing serious. Not before Dominique anyway.

That’s how John knew Roger would never intentionally hurt him. But what John saw tonight made him question that thought. What if Roger got bored of him already, or maybe things were going to slow for him. They didn’t have actual sex yet, they had done other things; lots of them. John had enjoyed it a lot and Roger had been so patient with him.

Maybe his patience ran out now? Maybe he wanted more, and thought that John didn’t want to give it to him. But that just didn’t make any sense. They had discussed it, told each other they both wanted it. They would just take things slow, get used to each other. Being best friends before getting into a relationship was both a blessing and a curse.

They knew everything about each other, but the sexual part of their relationship was something they both had to get used to. It had been a little awkward at first, but they had managed to get over it. After that it was great, and John felt so comfortable with Roger. He was so sweet and thoughtful. It made him even more in love with him.

He was certain Roger loved him, why would that change all of a sudden. This all messed with his brain. He needed to know what happened. Why did he ran away. Why didn’t he just stay at the club. That way he wouldn’t have to beat himself up about what went on. He panicked, like he always did.

While he was deep in thought he didn’t notice Crystal holding out a mug of tea in front of him.

“So are you going to explain to me why you’re here?”

John blinked and looked up into Crystal’s worried eyes. “I told you— I forgot my key.” He explained, taking the mug from him.

Crystal snorted and sat on the sofa next to him, holding his own mug of tea. “Do you think I was born yesterday?”

John shrugged and blew on his tea to cool it down.

“Does Roger know you are here?” Crystal asked, not impressed at all by John’s lack of response, “and more importantly why were you outside without a coat and without your keys?”

“He doesn’t.” John said quietly before gingerly taking a sip of his tea. He kept his eyes on his tea. “I— well I walked out of the club we were at.”

Crystal frowned. “Why? Did something happen?”

John wasn’t sure what happened himself. He only know what he saw, but didn’t stay long enough to find out. “Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“It’s all very confusing—“ John started, “—but I was there with Roger, Brian and Freddie after we played a gig tonight. Some of Roger’s co-workers came to see us and went with us to the club. We were having fun, we had a few drinks. Then I had to go to the bathroom, and when I came back…” John paused, he bit his lip. When he was saying it out loud it had started to become real, it wasn’t something he had imagined. It actually happened.

Crystal was looking at him, waiting for him to continue talking.

“When I came back, I saw Roger with Lucas; my classmate and one of Roger’s coworkers.” He explained. “They were— well they were kissing.” John said, his voice reduced to almost a whisper. He kept looking at his tea, not meeting Crystal’s now confused expression.

“He did what?”

“That’s what I saw.” John said, not wanting to repeat it again.

It hurt too much.

“There has to be a mistake.” Crystal urged, he sounded confused. “That doesn’t sound like something Roger would just do. That’s not like him.”

John didn’t say anything. Crystal saying that, made him realise how he immediately thought the worst of the situation. It made him feel awful he just ran out of there without giving Roger the chance to explain.

“Did you ask him what happened?”

Of course Crystal would ask him that. John shook his head, his cheeks heating up.

“No.”

“Does he know you ran out of there?”

“I presume Freddie and Brian would have told him.”

Crystal sighed. “I understand why you left John— I don’t know what happened out there, and I don’t know what that bloody idiot did.”

Hearing Crystal calling Roger an idiot sounded awfully endearing and John couldn’t help but chuckle a little, even though he’d felt like crap.

“But I do know how distraught he was when he thought you wouldn’t return his feelings—” Crystal continued, “— I dont think he would ever hurt you on purpose, and if he did I will eat my shoe and kick my foot up his arse.”

John laughed and looked up at Crystal. People were easily intimidated by him, with his muscles and the way he carried himself. But once John knew him, he learned it was only a front he’d like to put up. Deep down Crystal was very kindhearted and worried about his friends.

“I just couldn’t stay there— I don’t know what happened. I just know what I saw. I was hurt and I panicked.” John explained. “You say he wouldn’t hurt me, but how do you know he’s not already sick of me.” John asked, his insecurities bubbling back to the surface.

Crystal shook his head. “Honestly John, I know he is not sick of you. He calls me every bloody week, gushing about you— I know things I would rather not know.” He said with a teasing smile.

John went scarlet red and tried to avoid Crystal’s eyes. “Roger tends to overshare.” hemumbled, feeling awfully embarrassed.

“Sadly I know.” Crystal chuckled. “But seriously, Roger is not sick of you. If anything, he loves you very much. He might be loud and not always think things through before he acts, but I doubt he would do anything to betray your trust.”

Everything Crystal said made John feel a little better. But his own intrusive thoughts still made him worry. What if Roger really changed his mind about them?

“Maybe we should call him?”

John looked up to stare at Crystal with panicked eyes. “What?”

“Just to let him know you’re safe? I’m sure he’s worried sick about you.” Crystal said gently.

“But he’ll come over.” John shook his head, thinking this was a bad idea. “I dont think im ready to see him just yet.”

Crystal put his hand on John’s shoulder. “I’ll tell him not to come right now.”

John snorted. “As if Roger would agree to that. He’ll be here in like fifteen minutes.”

“Don’t worry I’ll make him listen.”

There was no way John could argue with Crystal. It wouldn’t be any use anyway. He was about as stubborn as Roger, so he just watched him take the phone from the wall. His heart started beating just a little faster while Crystal dialled the number. He had to remind himself to keep breathing.

It only took seconds until Roger; who had obviously been waiting at home, picked up the phone.

“Hey, it’s me.”

John couldn’t hear what Roger was saying on the other line, but judging from Crystal’s impatient look, Roger was probably going crazy in their flat.

“I know.”

Crystal sighed loudly, but looked unimpressed. “I _know_ because he is here.”

John picked on a tiny thread on the blanket. He wondered what Roger was saying. But he could somewhat guess, he probably wanted to come over right that second.

“No, you’re going to stay put.” Crystal said sternly.“John needs some time. He’s safe here and he needs to get some rest.”

John could see Crystal was getting impatient. Roger was obviously getting on his nerves. Knowing Roger he was not agreeing with what Crystal was saying.

“I don’t really care about that right now Rog, you are both drunk and it’s not a good idea to discuss this right now.” Crystal said calmly. He paused for a minute when Roger was obviously responding. “John will get home tomorrow, I’ll make sure he is alright…” Crystal then looked into John’s direction. “I don’t know, I’ll ask him…” He put his hand on the receiver. “Roger asks if you want to talk to him?”

On the one hand John wanted to talk to him, on the other hand John was dreading it. He didn’t want to discuss what he saw over the phone. He nodded regardless and got up, pushing the blanket to the side and putting his mug of tea on the coffee table. He took the phone where Crystal was holding it out for him.

His heart was racing while he put the phone up to his ear. He could hear Roger’s breathing on the other side of the line. “Hello.” He said quietly.

“John! Thank god— I was so worried.” Roger called, sounding panicked. "Are you okay?"

“I’m sorry. Yeah I'm okay.”

“Don’t be! You have nothing to be sorry about.” Roger said softly. “I was just worried something might have happened to you. I’m happy you went to Crys. I— I eh took your coat with me and found your key, so I went right to the flat, but you weren’t there.”

“Yeah, I forgot my coat when I left the club.” John mumbled but he didn’t know what else to say, so he stayed quiet. He could practically hear Roger thinking, when he stayed quiet on his side as well.

It felt awful and John just wanted to run to him and hug him. He craved his touch so bad right now and he hated that he ran away like that.

Roger started talking again and John could hear he was carefully weighing his words. “I know you dont wan’t to talk right now— I just want you to know it was all a misunderstanding, and I’ll explain everything tomorrow…” He paused for a moment. “If you still want to… you know talk to me.”

John frowned. “Of course I do.”

A sigh of relief on the other line. “Thank god.” Roger said.

John could picture him smiling. He loved it when Roger smiled. It always reached his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes that held so much fire.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Roger asked, still sounding nervous as if he was worried he would still mess something up.

John nodded, even though Roger couldn’t see it. “Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

When John was about to hang up Roger spoke again.

“John?”

“Yes?”

“Good night…” Roger paused for a moment before saying. “I miss you.”

John tried to blink his tears away, but it was useless; they spilled anyway. “I miss you too.”

With that he hung up the phone, feeling both relieved and even more miserable. Crystal had given him some privacy, but walked up to him wrapping a supportive arm around his shoulder.

After that Crystal had offered him his bed, to which John had protested. But Crystal wouldn’t take no for an answer and he stubbornly laid down on the sofa leaving John standing there feeling awkward. In the end he just went to Crystal’s room and crawled in bed. He was exhausted and emotional. It took some time to fall asleep. But his dreams all contained blond hair and blue eyes.

***

The next day John woke up just before lunch time. At first he felt disoriented when he didn’t recognised the room right away. But then all the events of last night came rushing back in. He had a massive headache and the light coming in through the window hurt his eyes. He blinked a couple of times to get used to the now bright room.

For a few moments he didn’t move, just staring at the ceiling. Several thoughts entered his head. He would see Roger today, he had missed him. Missed sleeping next to him and feeling his warm body around him. The comforting and peaceful sound of his breathing. He had even missed him talking in his sleep.

Waking up without him made John feel sad and alone. Even though last night still hadn’t left his brain, he wanted to see Roger. Talk to him, get his worries out of his head. Deep down he knew he didn’t have to worry, but the incident had made him insecure all over again.

He turned down the duvet and dangled his feet outside the bed, sitting on the edge for a moment. Crystal’s room was a mess, there was a pile of clothing in the corner and his desk was full of books and stacks of paper and notebooks. He had a big crate full of records standing next to his dresser and John recognised a led zeppelin and the Beatles record by their sleeves.

John quickly put on his clothes he had hung over the chair last night and went to the bathroom to freshen up a little. When he was done he went to the kitchen where Crystal was already drinking a large mug of coffee, reading the paper.

“I only have toast. If you want to eat.” Crystal mumbled without looking up from his paper. “There’s coffee in the pot, you could probably use some.”

He wasn’t wrong John thought. His head was still throbbing painfully. “Thanks.”

John quickly made some toast, he searched through the fridge to find something to put on his toast. But most of the food items were questionable at best. He wasn’t going to risk the jar of jam where he couldn’t decipher the expiration date. In the end he just settled for plain and dry toast. Only to fill his stomach, he would eat something more fulfilling at home.

There wasn’t much talk during his breakfast, if you could still call it that. Seeing it was now actually lunchtime. Crystal looked like he had just woken up as well judging by the bags under his eyes. John got up when he finished his toast. He had been able to not choke on the dry bread; coffee helped to get it down. He put his mug in the sink. There were about a months worth of dishes already compiled on the kitchen counter. John wondered how anyone could live like that.

Crystal looked up when John wanted to start washing up. “Leave it, I’ll get my flatmates to do it. They’re a bunch of pigs.”

“It’s no problem.” John tried.

“You’re just stalling.” Crystal said with a knowing look. “Now get home, you and blondie have some stuff to talk about.”

John sighed. He didn’t know why he was reluctant. He had been missing Roger earlier. Why was he getting cold feet now. “Yeah alright.”

Crystal got up and got a coat from the coatrack and pushed it in John’s hands. “Here, or you’ll get sick.”

“Oh— that’s okay.” John started, but Crystal interrupted him.

“No it’s not, I don’t want your boyfriend on my case when it turns out you got sick. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

A small smile appeared on John’s face and put on the coat. It was rather big on him, which wasn’t strange seeing Crystal’s size. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Yeah yeah, it’s fine.” Crystal huffed and opened the door for John.

John smiled while he put on his shoes. He knew Crystal cared. He was just bad at showing it, hiding it with his gruff attitude. He turned around when he walked out of the flat.

“Thank you Crys— you know, for last night.”

Crystal smiled a little, his expression softening. “Of course.”

John nodded. “See you later then.” He said and turned on his heel to walk down the stairs.

“You idiots better work this out.” Crystal called after him.

***

John patted his pockets, but then remembered he wasn’t wearing his own coat. No key. Nothing else to knock on the door. His throat felt tight and his heart was hammering in his chest. He felt nervous, and was scared to face Roger.

He raised his fist to knock, hesitating for a moment before finally knocking softly.

It only took a few seconds, John heard some stumbling coming from the inside, as if Roger was breaking down the kitchen to get to the door. Then the door swung open, revealing a anxious looking Roger. But when he saw John his expression changed into a relieved one.

“John!”

Without a second thought Roger wrapped his arms around John’s neck, knocking the air out of his lungs almost smothering him. John stumbled forward against Roger and into the flat. The embrace was something he didn't know he needed this badly. So John didn’t hesitate to grab the back of Roger’s shirt, tangling his fingers in the soft material. At the same time John hid his face in Roger’s neck inhaling his familiar scent.

“You’re back.” Roger mumbled into John’s shoulder, his voice muffled.

“Hi.” John whispered into Roger’s neck. 

Roger let out a relieved sigh when John returned the embrace. He tightened his hold on John, probably thinking he might disappear if Roger let him go.

“You’re back.” Roger mumbled again.

After a few moments John slowly disentangled himself from Roger, who was reluctant to let him go. He looked at John nervously, worried John might run again.

John nodded and turned around to close the door behind him and took off his coat. Reminding himself he had to return it to Crystal one of these days.

“John you have no idea how sorry I am—“ Roger started, looking at John apprehensively, “— I don’t know what you saw, but I did not kiss Lucas! I swear I didn’t. You know how much I despise him…” Roger said almost pleadingly, trying to convince John.

Usually John would roll his eyes when Roger talked bad about Lucas, but right now he just felt stupid for not believing Roger something was off with Lucas. Maybe not in the way Roger expected, but still he had been right. John didn’t need any convincing.

Roger continued talking when John didn’t say anything, trying to get everything out that he probably had been thinking about the whole night. “He kissed me John— I don’t know what happened, I was waiting for you to come back and Lucas and I were just talking—” He explained, “—and Lucas— Lucas, he was acting weird you know?” Roger said shaking his head, “he was drunk obviously, but I didn’t see it coming. I really didn’t… if I did I would have pushed him away from me right away. You have to believe me!” Roger pleaded again.

It looked like Roger was about to cry and John couldn’t stand it— it made his heart clench painfully.

“I believe you.” John replied softly.

Roger blinked, seemingly confused with that response. “You do?” He asked hesitantly.

John nodded and walked into the living room, sitting down on the sofa looking up at Roger.

Roger followed him, a mixed expression of relief and confusion on his face. He sat down next to John, waiting for John to continue.

“I do, I know you wouldn't kiss him." John assured him. "I’m sorry for running away though—" He apologised, but was quickly interrupted.

“You dont have to be sorry! You didn’t do anything wrong.” Roger insisted.

“You didn’t either Rog.” John stated.

“But, I—“

John put up his hand, effectively silencing Roger who closed his mouth again.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” John repeated. “I shouldn’t have run away, it just made things much harder.”

“I don’t blame you for running away.” Roger said softly, “I would probably have done the same—“ he then shook his head and chuckled a little, “honestly— I probably would have decked him if he had kissed you.”

John laughed a little because he was sure that was true. Roger wouldn’t have run away like him. He would have spoke his mind.

“Still, I shouldn’t have left. I panicked and didn’t think.” John sighed, “it was dumb and I apologise for making you worry.”

Roger reached out to touch John’s hand. “It’s okay— I’m just happy you’re back.”

John let out a sigh of relief and looked at their hands, now intertwined again. It filled his heart with warmth. Still those feelings of uncertainty kept haunting him. He looked up again to see Roger smiling warmly at him.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t _yeah_?” Roger chuckled. “Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?”

For a moment John averted his eyes and looked at their hands again. He shrugged. “I don’t know.” He said quietly.

A hand on his cheek made John look up again. Roger’s kind eyes stared back at him. “You know you can tell me anything right?”

John nodded. “I know— it’s just silly.”

Roger pulled his hand away from John’s face and turned his body to face him more. “Try me.”

“I panicked last night,” John explained, “and I feel really bad about it.”

“Why?” Roger wondered. “Anyone would have reacted the same…”

“Not you.”

“I would have too, I might have done something else, probably something less smart. But I still would have panicked John.” Roger insisted, “It’s you, how could I not panic?”

“It’s just that sometimes I feel like it doesn’t make sense you know?” John said.

Roger frowned, seemingly confused now. “What doesn’t make sense?”

John bit his lip, hesitating before continuing. “For you to like me…”

For a moment Roger was quiet and John took advantage of that. He needed to get this off his chest.

“It’s just— you can have anyone, and what happened last night just made me realise that again.” John said without looking at Roger, feeling ashamed he was even thinking this. Roger had been nothing but clear with him about his feelings for him and yet John still felt insecure. “Everyone likes you Rog— what if you get tired of me?”

It had been something John had been worrying about a lot. His biggest fear was to lose Roger to someone else. The whole situation with Lucas just made it that more clear. What if something like that happened again and made Roger realise he could do much better than John. It felt like it was only a matter of time sometimes.

Roger pulled away his hand and John looked up. There was an unreadable expression on Roger’s face. “Where is this coming from?”

“I’m just— it’s just that I’m scared.” John whispered, trying to voice his worries. But he knew he was doing it all wrong.

“Scared of what?” Roger asked, his voice steady.

John swallowed thickly, trying to keep the tears at bay. “I’m scared of losing you.”

Roger looked at him sadly and shook his head. He then wrapped his arms tightly around John’s shoulders, pulling him close to his chest. “Yes, this is really silly.” He whispered into his hair, before kissing the top of his head.

That’s when the tears started falling. As much as John wanted to stop them, he just couldn’t. He tangled his hands in Roger’s shirt, hiding his face in his chest, soaking the soft material of his shirt.

All the while Roger whispered sweet nothings to him, brushing his fingers through his hair, letting him get it all out.

“I love you John.” Roger whispered. “I love you so so much.”

A shaky sigh passed John’s lips and he tightened his hold on Roger’s shirt. “I love you too.” He croaked.

John couldn’t see it, but Roger smiled. He continued to card his fingers through John’s hair and stroked his back in soothing circles. “You won’t lose me alright. You’re stuck with me.”

That’s when John finally dared to look up again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dump this all on you.”

Roger reached out to brush away the tears from John’s cheeks. “You have to stop apologising to me. I’m glad you _dumped_ this all on me. I wish you had told me sooner though—“ he admitted, “I want us to be honest with each other. Communication remember? With everything.”

John smiled a little. “When did you become so wise?”

“What are you talking about?” Roger grinned, “I’ve always been the smart one.”

“You have.” John nodded, looking at him fondly. He loved Roger’s optimism. His ability to make John smile when he most needed it, and to keep a level head when John was the one to break down. They really did balance each other out. “And I do remember… I’ll try not to forget next time.”

“Alright—“ Roger smiled. “— so from now on we’ll tell each other everything, even if we think it’s bad.”

John nodded.

Roger shifted a little and John gave him some room so he could lay back against the pillows. He pulled John closer to him again, so John could lay against his side, resting his head against Roger’s chest.

“And none of this _what if you get tired off me_ business.” Roger whispered while he had gone back to stroking his back. "I won't." 

“You might?” John hummed.

Roger opened his mouth to say something but stopped when John looked up to him, his chin resting on his chest.

“Sometimes, I mean?” John giggled. “We will definitely annoy each other at times, so it's natural we sometimes get tired of each other, but that’s okay. We will be able to handle it, won’t we?”

“Oh, like that.” Roger smiled and trailed a finger over John’s nose. “Of course we will.”

John smiled softly and lifted himself on his elbow to brush his lips against Roger’s. A warm and tingly feeling setting settled in his chest when Roger gently put a hand on his neck and deepened the kiss. This was what he had been waiting for since he left the club yesterday. The feeling of safety and familiarity that Roger provided. He never wanted to lose it.

They broke apart after a few moments and John settled back against his side, listening to the steady beat of Roger’s heart. He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but Roger’s words lifted a large weight of his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor John being so insecure D: So what are we thinking? Let me know your thoughts in the comments <3 I love to hear from you. Thank you for reading! <3


	13. Chapter XIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is back with Roger and he couldn't be happier about it, they celebrate it by taking the next step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovies! I'm back, finally! Thank you all for the sweet comments on the last chapter. It's update time, and it's long overdue. Sorry for the long wait, but I hope this long chapter will make up for it! I'm excited to share it and I hope you'll all like it! <3 
> 
> Hint; most of this chapter is E rated, so that should give you an idea. 
> 
> Enjoy! <3

**Chapter XIII**

Unlike the night before which was full of worrying and anxious thoughts, Roger slept like a rock that night. The next morning when he woke up he felt relieved when he looked to his right, seeing John still in deep sleep next to him. It was the sweetest sight and Roger realised how much he missed him, even if it was only just one night.

It really had been the longest night of his life. It infuriated him all over again when he thought about what happened. Hated how much it messed with John’s head, how insecure it had made him. On the other hand Roger was thankful John had told him about his feelings, it took a whole lot to express that to Roger.

That didn’t mean it didn’t broke Roger’s heart. He loved John so much and he would do everything in his power to show him just that. He never wanted John to feel insecure about their relationship. It was natural to feel insecure about things, even he was insecure about certain things. But mostly he wanted them to be open about their concerns. Last night they made good progress on that.

John stirred a little in his sleep, softly smacking his lips and rubbing his cheek against his pillow. Roger smiled and turned on his side, just to look at him even though his hands ached to reach out and touch. He had no idea what time it was, but well into the morning judging by the light streaming into the bedroom.

Only five minutes later John stirred again and slowly blinked his eyes open. Roger was still looking at him with a smile on lips. He always thought John was the most adorable when he just woke up. His bed hair sticking up in ever direction and his sleepy eyes looking back at him. The squeaky sound coming from his throat, when he stretched his body, before curling against Roger with a sleepy smile.

“Hi.” John whispered.

“Hey you.” Roger smiled and wrapped an arm around his waist, tangling their legs together.

John hummed while smiling and wrapped an arm around Roger as well, trailing his fingers up and down his back. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Roger replied softly brushing his fingers through his hair.

John smiled and pressed himself closer against Roger. “I missed waking up next to you. I didn’t realise how quickly I got used to you being next to me.”

“I know what you mean. I didn’t got much sleep last night.” Roger said thoughtfully, feeling warm with John even closer to him.

The smile on John’s face fell a little, “Yeah me either, it’s hard sleeping without you.”

Roger nodded and kissed his lips, soft and chaste. “It is, much colder when you’re not beside me.”

John eyelids fluttered when Roger pulled back, he leaned forward again to capture Roger’s lips once again, a little more urgent, as if he didn’t believe Roger was really there with him. 

Roger smiled against his lips and trailed a hand down his side. It started with lazy kisses and hands moving everywhere. Roger loved the reactions he got from John when he slipped a hand under his shirt, lightly tracing his fingertips over the warm skin of his back. John was sensitive and so responsive.

The kiss turned more eager when John wrapped his leg around Roger’s hip giving Roger easier access to press himself closer and rock his hips forward against John’s. A soft moan escaped John’s lips and he softly bit down on Roger’s bottom lip before deepening the kiss, their tongues moving slowly against each other.

A full body shiver went through Roger and he trailed his hand down to John’s hip and over his bum, softly squeezing through his boxers, making John jerk his hips forward.

“I think someone else missed me too.” Roger teased when he pulled back from the kiss and ghosted his lips over John’s neck. He felt John’s cock grow harder against his own hardening cock which twitched in interest.

John gasped when Roger rocked his hips again, making John rock back automatically chasing the friction they both desperately wanted.

“Shut up.” John said breathlessly, softly blushing as he hid his face in Roger’s neck, softy biting down on the nape of his neck in revenge.

Roger chuckled and squeezed his bum again before slipping a hand under the seam of his boxers, softly squeezing the soft skin. He grinned when he felt John push back against his hand. “Am I wrong then?”

John looked up again, into Roger’s eyes. His eyes sparkled and his cheeks were flushed. He shook his head and gently pushed Roger on his back, climbing on top of him and straddling his hips. “No.” He grinned.

It was usually Roger who took the lead in these moments. So he was pleasantly surprised seeing that John was getting more and more confident lately. It send a tingle down his spine having him on top of him like this. He splayed his hands on his hips, pushing up his shirt slightly while brushing circles on his hipbones. John had the softest skin, and Roger wanted to feel it all. 

“What are you thinking?” John asked while he put his palms on Roger’s chest.

Roger leaned up to capture his lips once again before laying back and looking up at John. “Thinking how beautiful you are.”

He knew it was cheesy, but the look on John’s face was worth it. The small smile tugging at his lips, how his face lit up. “Was that really what you were thinking?”

“Amongst other things.”

John smiled and trailed his hands further down to play with the hem of Roger’s shirt. “What other things?” He whispered as he traced the fabric of Roger’s shirt with his fingers.

“How good you look on top of me.” Roger smiled, while he continued to stroke John’s skin, moving his hands up and down his sides.

“Is that so?” John asked, his voice soft as honey. He slipped his hands under Roger’s shirt. “Are you having naughty thoughts Rog?”

“I would never.” Roger smiled cheekily.

John chuckled and bent down to kiss him once again, soft at first. Just a mere brush of lips. But Roger wanted more, and he could feel John knew because he continued kissing him slowly, running his nails over his abdomen making Roger shiver.

Every time he thought John was going to deepen the kiss, he pulled back slightly to kiss the side of Roger’s lips, his neck, his jaw. All the while he softly rolled his hips back and forth and back and forth. 

Soft breathless little moans passed Roger’s lips while he gripped John’s hips just a little tighter. He sighed when John trailed soft featherlight kisses down his neck. 

He was teasing him. John was teasing him.

Roger found he didn’t care. He found he liked it. Liked it a lot. He loved this side of John, playful, confident, only for him to see.

The sounds John made were even better. It send sparkles down Roger’s spine. Heat was pooling low in his stomach, he wanted to keep his eyes open. Look at how John was losing himself. Roger was in awe. The way John bit his lip, trying to muffle his soft moans, the way his cheeks were flushed. He looked like an absolute dream.

He looked down at Roger and kissed him deeply. Roger pulled him closer by his neck, kissing him back with everything he had. He moaned against John’s lips as they kissed slow and languidly.

Roger felt John scoot back a little and tug on his boxers, but he had only half a mind to really focus on what was happening. The only thing he could pay attention to, were John’s lips on his.

That was until John wrapped his hand around his cock and he had to break the kiss. 

A low moan was coming from the back of his throat. “Oh yes… fuck yes.”

John giggled, he brushed his thumb over the head of Roger’s cock, gathering some of the pre come before slowly circling his hand up and down. “Yes?”

“Hmm…” Roger could only hum and tilt his head back in the pillows.

With another giggle John slowly slid his hand down Roger’s length before stroking back up, setting a rhythm.

“You know I have been thinking.” John whispered in his ear, the pace of his hand not faltering in the slightest.

Roger was already so on edge by all the grinding, he felt like he was about to explode any second now. John’s soft voice, the breath on his ear wasn’t helping at all. He only moaned in response, as John started using both his hands, one to stroke and the other to gently play with his balls. The slick sound of John jerking him off and Roger’s moans were filling the room.

“Don’t you want to know what I have been thinking about?” John asked, amusement apparent in his voice as he slowed down his strokes making Roger whine in response. 

“Yes… I do… Fuck John that’s so good. Don’t stop.” Roger rasped as John stroked a little firmer. He couldn’t even say no if he wanted to, he didn’t know how he was even able to form any words at all, he just needed John to keep going. He was so close, just hanging on by a thread.

John smiled and kissed his neck and softly nibbled on his ear. “You like that baby?”

“Yes… fuck yes.” Roger whined, biting back a moan.

John ghosted his lips over his jaw, back to his lips and down the expanse of his throat. “So I have been thinking.”

“Yeah?” Roger asked breathlessly, but really not paying attention. It was bloody hard with John’s hand on his cock and his soft lips on his skin.

“I been thinking about you.”

“You better.” Roger managed to joke, but whimpered when John quickened the pace of his hand, thumbing the slit gently.

John smiled, very happy with the reactions he got from Roger. “You’re not listening to me baby, I’m trying to tell you something important. Maybe I should stop getting you off?” He asked slowing down again. 

Roger whined in response and bucked up his hips, jerking into John’s hand. “Don’t tease… I’ll be good.”

“Alright.” John said still smiling, while he teased the soft skin beneath the head of Roger’s cock.

Roger’s toes curled in the bedding. He couldn’t think straight anymore. He only needed a little more.

“So I just thought that maybe—” John began while he trailed his other hand beneath Roger’s shirt, sliding his hand over his stomach and up to his chest, while he worked his other hand up and down Roger’s cock even faster.

“Fuck John.” Roger grunted, he could feel the muscles in his abdomen tighten and he bit his lip trying to stifle another embarrassing sound that was coming from his throat.

John smirked and gently circled a nipple with his index finger before he leaned dow to whisper in Roger’s ear. “—I thought that maybe you could fuck me sometime soon?”

Time slowed down and all went white behind Roger’s eyes, and sparks ran down his spine. His cock pulsed in John’s grip, spilling over his hand. His back arched of the bed slightly and his thighs tingled. He was slightly aware of John kissing his neck, and whispering sweet nothings in his ear until his body relaxed. 

When he finally came down from his high he could focus on John who was still on top of him. Looking very pleased with himself.

“You back with me?”

Roger showed a lazy smile, his body tingled in the best way possible. He sighed and pulled John down for a long and passionate kiss, making him feel almost light headed. “I love you.” He mumbled against his lips.

John smiled against his lips. He pulled back to brush Roger’s hair out of his face and looked at him fondly. “I love you too.”

***

“Did you mean that?”

“Hmm?”

Roger looked up from where he was resting his head against John’s stomach. He was laying between John’s legs, both feeling sweaty and sticky from their activities. Of course he had to return the favour in the form of an (if he did say so himself) amazing blowjob.John had been gently carding his fingers through Roger’s hair for the last ten minutes.

“What you said earlier,” Roger said pressing a kiss on his stomach, “You know about—”

“That tickles…” John giggled and he tried to push Roger’s head away.

Roger snorted and pressed several more feather light kisses on his skin, revelling in the sound of John’s soft laughter and in the way he tried to squirm away.

“Rog…” John whined, but he didn’t really sound all to bothered. If anything he sounded amused.

“Alright. I’ll stop.” Roger chuckled, placing a final kiss on his stomach. “If you answer my question.”

John smiled, he was a little out of breath from laughing. “What was the question?”

Roger looked up and rolled his eyes. “If you were serious about what you said before, about me… and, ehm, well you know… ”

Somehow he felt like John loved to see Roger squirm, judging from the smirk on his face. But Roger wanted to make sure if John really meant what he said, if he was certain that’s what he wanted.

John laughed softly and reached out to brush his thumb over Roger’s cheek. “Oh you mean when I said I thought about you fucking me?”

They way John said that so casually had Roger laughing. “Not how I was going to phrase it, but yeah?”

“I was serious.” John simply said.

“Really?”

“Yes. Is that weird?” John asked, a blush now colouring his cheeks.

“No, of course not.”

“Is—“ John hesitated, “Is that something you want as well?”

“Of course.” Roger nodded, there was no question about it.

“We talked about it before, and I would like to try—“ John said suddenly very interested in his fingernails, “I can’t promise I’ll be any good—“ he trailed off.

Roger pushed himself on his arms and moved closer to John, so that he was at eye level. He gently tilted up John’s chin to make him look up at him. “I can’t promise _I_ will be any good.” He smiled, ”call me sentimental, but it will be good because it’s with you.”

John inhaled and smiled a little. “That’s sweet— a bit cheesy, but very sweet.”

“What can I say? It’s just the way I am.”

John rolled his eyes in amusement, “now you’re going to far.”

“I made you relax though.” Roger chuckled, seeing how John was smiling again, the frown between his eyebrows had softened again. “I just mean it doesn’t have to be perfect, we can just discover it together— alright?”

“Alright.”

“Alright.” Roger repeated before leaning in for a soft kiss, feeling John relax underneath him even more.

***

“Are we going to play more gigs soon?”

Brian looked up from his continues strumming. “We have one more booking, next week. Why?”

Roger twirled a drumstick between his fingers. “I need money— and seeing how I’m going to need to quit my job at the pub I won’t have any income before I find a new job.”

“You’re quitting?” Brian asked in surprise. “Why?”

“I can’t possibly continue to work there now can I?” Roger replied as if it was obvious. “Lucas still works there as well and I really don’t feel like walking into him again, I don’t trust myself not to kick him in his bollocks.”

Brian laughed. “Aren’t you overreacting a little?”

“Overreacting?” Roger replied in disbelief, getting up from behind his drums. “Brian— the bloke kissed me, and it nearly made me lose John over it.”

“You didn’t though.” Brian said while he put the red special in her case. “I really doubt you would have lost John over something like that.”

Roger shrugged and sat down on the ratty sofa in their practise space. “That’s besides the point. I don’t think I feel comfortable with him around— I never liked the guy, he always gave off strange vibes, it’s better if I just quit.”

“Who’s quitting? No one’s quitting the band right?” Freddie asked as he walked in with his bag over his shoulder, John was walking behind him. Probably wondering the same thing.

“No—“ Brian sighed, “no one is quitting the band. Roger is quitting his job though.”

John raised an eyebrow as he put down his bass. “You’re quitting the pub?”

“Yeah— I have to.”

“Why?” John wondered. But he obviously had an idea, from the suspicious look he gave his boyfriend.

“Because of Lucas.” Brian answered for him.

Roger gave Brian a non impressed look. “Thanks Brian, didn’t know I needed a spokesperson.”

Brian shrugged. “I just think it’s stupid to quit that job, knowing it’s really hard to find another one.”

“That’s why we need more gigs.” Roger argued.

“It’s not like we have offers from all the pubs in London.” Brian replied sounding tired before they even started practice.

“Well we have to work harder then.”

Freddie was already tired of their bickering and went to the piano, to play the latest song they had been working on.

“Wait— you’re quitting because of Lucas?” John interrupted, “Is that such a good idea?”

Roger nodded. “I think it’s a splendid idea. I don’t ever want to see his face again.”

John bit his lip. “But you really like the job… It doesn’t seem fair that you are the one who has to quit.”

“John is right.” Freddie chimed in. “There must be a way for you to continue working there?”

“Yeah—“ John nodded while he sat down next to Roger. “—Maybe you can ask Sarah to not plan you in the same shifts?”

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to ask.” Roger replied, but he wasn’t too sure about it. It felt like too much of a hassle, if they could just get more gigs, he wouldn’t need to continue working there.

“Can we now finally get to practising?” Brian asked while he stood up, slinging his guitar over his shoulder.

Roger nodded. He would figure out the whole job thing later.

***

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?” John asked as they arrived at the pub. He had his hand on the door and looked at Roger before entering.

“Yeah— Sarah told me she couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t have another shift with Lucas, so I guess there is nothing else to do but quit.”

John turned around and stood in front of the door, meeting Roger’s eyes. “I don’t want you to quit because you think I wouldn’t be okay with you working here.”

Roger tilted his head and took John’s hand. “That’s not why I’m quitting— I just don’t think I’ll be comfortable with him around, who knows what he’ll do?”

“I understand.” John nodded and squeezed Roger’s hand before letting go and turning around again to open the door.

It was quiet at the pub. There were only a few regulars hanging at the bar. The jukebox was playing softly and there was a small group of students playing pool. Sarah was behind the bar, doing inventory.

The past week Roger had weighed the pro’s and cons of continuing to work at the pub. Of course the most important was money, he made a normal amount and it was enough to pay rent and buying groceries. His co workers were nice (apart from one) and it was a popular pub amongst students.

But there were other pubs like it in London. Which didn’t have Lucas. And to Roger that was the most important thing. So when Sarah couldn’t ensure he wouldn’t see Lucas again he decided he had to quit.

Sarah turned around as they walked up to the bar. She smiled sadly, Roger had already called her to fill her in. “There’s my favourite employee.”

“Hey— I’ve just come to clear out my locker.” Roger said, feeling more sad than he thought he would be.

“Are you certain about this?” Sarah asked, “like I said on the phone, I can’t ensure anything, but I’ll do my best to make sure you won’t have to see him.”

John looked between them, waiting for Roger to respond.

“I appreciate the gesture Sarah—” Roger started, but he was interrupted by a familiar voice he really didn’t want to hear right now.

“Are you quitting?”

Both Roger and John turned around to see Lucas standing there looking down at his shoes, while he started fidgeting with the sleeve of his jacket. “Hi.” He said quietly.

Roger didn’t say anything and John just mumbled a soft hello.

“Hi Lucas…” Sarah said, trying to break the awkward atmosphere. “You’re shift doesn’t start until eight, did you forget?”

Lucas looked up, avoiding making eye contact with John and Roger. “Eh— no, I came to talk to you about something,” he started, “I can come back later though.”

You could cut the tension with a knife. Roger noticed John rocking on his feet awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. It must have been even more embarrassing for him, he still had to see Lucas during classes.

“No need, I just need to clear out my locker.” Roger murmured without looking at Lucas. “We’ll just go, so you two can talk.” He added to Sarah in particular.

Roger proceeded to the back when Sarah nodded, she still looked sad. John followed him to the back, bowing his head and mumbling something that sounded like an apology.

It only took a few minutes to clear Roger’s locker. He hadn’t been working there for a long time, so he hadn’t had time to accumulate a lot of stuff. There were just a few t-shirts in there and few packets of smokes.

John was sitting on the table swinging his legs back and forth while he picked on a nail. He seemed to be deep in thought. Roger knew he felt bad about the whole thing, John always cared about others and he was without a doubt wondering how Lucas was doing, even though the bastard didn’t deserve it in Roger’s eyes. Especially when he thought about how distraught John had been.

Roger hung up his apron on one of the hooks next to the door and hoisted himself up on the table next to John. He put a hand on his thigh, making John look up at him.

“Talk to me?”

“I don’t know— I guess I just feel bad for Lucas.” John shrugged.

Roger opened his mouth wanted to say something, but John had anticipated it. “I know what you’re going to say— and I’m not saying it was right what he did.”

“You’re damn right it wasn’t.”

“I know.” John sighed. “It’s just— he didn’t get the chance to explain himself, we don’t really know what he was thinking and we were all drunk that night.”

“That’s not an excuse.”

John bit his lip and looked down to where Roger’s hand was resting on his thigh. He took his hand in his and smiled back up to him. “I love how stubborn you are.”

Roger softly squeezed John’s hand. “I’m not stubborn.”

“Just a little.” John grinned as he kissed his cheek.

“Fine— what’s your point?”

“I’m just saying he looked really miserable back there— maybe…”

The door opened and both Roger and John looked up to see Lucas standing in the door opening hesitating to come in.

Roger frowned, he really wasn’t in the mood for this.

John lowered himself off the table, smiling kindly.“Hey.” 

“Hi.” Lucas said, still apprehensive but taking a step forward. He looked between John and Roger. Who hadn’t moved and still wasn’t giving him the time of day. “I know you might not want to hear this—“ He began, “but I’m so sorry about what happened last weekend…”

That’s when Roger looked up. “Are you really?”

“I am.” Lucas said with a sad smile, “It was stupid what I did, and I should have realised you two were together— I think somewhere in the back of my mind I already knew that.” he confessed, “I know that makes it even worse.” He quickly said when he saw Roger’s expression. “But I’ve just been really confused lately, and my girlfriend broke up with me the week before… I know that’s the saddest excuse in history, I just didn’t think straight, I drank way too much and made a stupid decision.”

“It definitely is a sorry excuse.” Roger said while getting off from the table.

“Rog…” John tried. 

“I know…” Lucas said bowing his head and looking down at his shoes again.

“But I get it.”

Both Lucas and John whipped their heads in Roger’s direction. John smiled, looking at his boyfriend fondly when they made eye contact.

Lucas stared at him with wide eyes and a surprised expression on his face. “You do?”

“I do.” Roger stood next to John. “I mean I’m still pissed… not because of the kiss…” he paused, well also because of the kiss, but mostly because you were supposed to be John’s friend.” He said in a accusatory tone.

From the way Lucas slumped his shoulders and how he bowed his head, it was obvious he was feeling ashamed and defeated. “I know— I’m so sorry.”

John hesitated for a moment, but then took a step forward in Lucas direction. He reached out and touched Lucas shoulder for a moment. “It’s okay.” He said softly, making Lucas look up.

“It’s not okay,” Lucas mumbled, he looked broken, “I ruined our friendship—“ he then turned to Roger, “even we we’re getting along nicely… and I went and cocked that up too. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Roger couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He hadn’t been his biggest fan, but while they worked together and gotten to know him, he actually turned out to be a nice guy. He was still not over what happened, mostly because he knew how it had affected John. But Roger wasn’t one to hold grudges after someone apologised.

“It wasn’t the smartest move you could have made, but let’s forget about it okay?” Roger proposed. 

John smiled, grabbing his hand and squeezing it in a silent thank you.

"You mean that?” Lucas asked in surprise, as if he couldn’t believe Roger would even think about forgiving him.

“I do, unless you there is a reason I shouldn’t?” Roger asked tilting his head in curiosity 

Lucas quickly shook his head. “No— I, really it was a mistake, it won’t happen again. I can ensure you.” He assured, looking nervous, worried Roger might take back the olive branch he was offering.

“Good.” Roger said with a small smile.

“Thank you.” Lucas said letting out a sigh of relief.

John leaned against Roger. “I’m glad this is resolved now.”

“Once again I’m very sorry, I would understand if you don’t really want to hang out anymore John.”

Roger looked at John. But he could pretty much guess what he was going to say. He would support him in whatever he wanted to do.

“I accept your apology, and let’s just try to go back to normal? It would be rather awkward during and outside of class if we continued to pretend the other one doesn’t exist.”

“I would like that yeah.” Lucas said sounding relieved.

“Great.” Roger said while grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “We should really get going, band practise in twenty minutes.”

Lucas nodded in response.

Despite having been very mad about the whole situation. Roger felt very relieved now that the situation was sorted. Seeing thesmile on John’s face, made it all worth it. He grabbed John’s hand and gently pulled him with him. They still needed to say goodbye to Sarah.

“Oh— one more thing.” Lucas suddenly said as Roger opened the door to go back to the pub area. “You don’t have to quit, I already told Sarah this was going to be my last day.”

Roger turned around and stared at Lucas in disbelief. “What? Mate, I can’t ask you to do that.”

“It’s not a big deal.” Lucas shook his head. “I have another job in a hardware store and I can get more hours there. I won’t have enough time to work at the pub anymore.” He explained.

It seemed a little too ideal. “If you’re sure?” Roger asked. “You were here before me… I can just find another job.”

“There is no need.” Lucas assured.

But it just didn’t feel right. Roger shook his head. “No, we talked it over and we’re good.There shouldn’t be a reason why we can’t both work here.” He pointed out. “I’m going to let Sarah know I’m going to stay. I hope you’ll do the same.”

He put his stuff back in his locker, to make sure Lucas knew he wasn’t playing.

Sarah was jumping for joy when Roger told her he would be staying. She hugged him tightly and couldn’t stop chattering, relieved she didn’t have to find another bar tender. When John and Roger were ready to leave, Lucas let Sarah know he was going to be staying as well. He did however say he wouldn’t be able to take as many shifts as before, because he did get more hours at his other job.

“I’m going to go grey before I turn thirty.” Sarah complained, but she couldn’t hide her smile.

***

“Rog…” John giggled while he tried to push Roger away from where he was kissing his neck. “I have to get ready, Freddie and Brian are going to be here in fifteen minutes.”

“Hmm— do we have to go?” Roger smiled against John’s neck, before kissing the sensitive spot below his ear.

The shiver that ran through John didn’t go unnoticed and Roger pulled back to show him a triumphant smile.

“We can’t cancel now.” John chuckled. “Freddie will be so disappointed.”

He was standing between John’s legs where John was sitting on the kitchen table. It was really hard to pull away now. John’s lips were slightly swollen and red from all the kisses, his hair was messy from where Roger had run his hands through it, and his dreamy smile made Roger weak in the knees.

“He’ll live.” Roger leaned in again for another needy kiss, one that made John moan against his lips and wrap his legs around Roger’s waist pulling him closer.

“You’re giving me mixed signals here baby.” Roger grinned when he pulled back.

John rolled his eyes and gently pushed Roger back and lowered himself from the table, slightly swaying on his feet for a moment. “Tease.” He said while sticking out his tongue. “I’m going to change.”

Roger laughed in response and went to the bathroom to fix his hair. He looked in the mirror when his eye fell on the red mark peeking out just above the collar of his denim button up. “Cheeky…” Roger grumbled under his breath. But a smile played on his lips all the same.

After he waited for John to get ready, his jaw dropped when he saw what John had decided to wear. Black velvet bell bottoms with a black satin button up with little white stars and black and white platform shoes, which elongated his legs, doing amazing things for his arse.

“Are you trying to murder me?”

“What?” John asked as he walked up to Roger with a necklace in his hand.

“Look at you! There is no way I’m going to let you out of my sight tonight.”

John rolled his eyes in amusement and playfully slapped his arm. “Here,” he held out the necklace, a chain with a small silver cross, “can you help me put this on?”

Roger nodded, motioning him to turn around. He put the chain around John’s neck when his back was turned towards Roger. When he closed the clasp he pressed a kiss against the back of John’s neck, before wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on his shoulder. “There. All done.”

With a content sigh John leaned back into Roger’s embrace. “Thank you.”

“You look lovely.”

“You do too. You always do.”

Roger smiled, he was so completely in love with him. He was certain he would never love anyone as much as he loved John. No one would ever compare to him. When the bell rang he was reluctant to let him go. He groaned softly when John wiggled himself free.

“No pouting love.” John smiled, tracing Roger’s bottom lip with his thumb.

John stuck out his tongue in response, his heart fluttering as John’s eyes crinkled while he laughed.

“I still say we stay home.”

***

They didn’t stay home. But Roger really wished they did. Because Freddie had insisted John would dance with him. John loved dancing, and Roger loved to watch him dance. He really was a great dancer, and it seemed like other people noticed as well. 

Freddie’s natural charisma drew men and women to him like a moth to a flame. By the time Roger had ordered his second beer, Freddie and John were dancing with a small group of people. While he sipped his beer he watched John from across the room.

The lights in the club flashed brightly, and the bass of the music vibrated through him. He could hardly hear Brian’s nagging about not wanting to be there. Roger had his eyes on John constantly. The way John moved to the music so fluently had Roger entranced. It was hard to look away.

At some point John noticed Roger staring. He send him the prettiest smile and a cheeky wink. From there on he was sending Roger signals from across the room. John wasn’t drunk, he had two drinks before Freddie dragged him to the dance floor, so Roger knew he was only a little tipsy.

It was as though John was in his own world when he danced, he didn’t even care about the people around him. He danced and lightly swayed on his feet, shaking his bum in a provocative way, mostly for Roger’s benefit, glancing over his shoulder sending him smiles because he knew Roger was definitely looking.

He wasn’t the only one, several people were taking an interest in the pretty young man having the time of his life. All of those eyes followed him when he waved through the dancing bodies toward where Roger was watching him with a smile. 

The flush on John’s cheeks were noticeable now that they were close. His eyes sparkled with joy and a bright smile played on his lips. He took Roger’s beer and took a sip before handing it back to him and taking his free hand. “Are you finally coming to dance with me?”

His smile was infectious. “I’m not as a good a dancer as you.” Roger smiled back, pulling John closer to him. “I like watching you dance though.”

“I noticed,” John said fondly, pressing himself closer to Roger’s side. “That’s why you should dance with me, it’ll be fun.”

“Hmm—“ Roger hummed, “what’s in it for me?”

“You get to dance with your boyfriend.” John said pulling him towards the dance floor.

Roger hardly put up a struggle. “That’s it?”

“I’ll let you touch my arse if you’re nice to me.” John whispered in his ear when they made it through the dancing crowd.

“Cheeky.” Roger laughed and put his hands on John’s hips, pulling him flush against him.

John giggled and wrapped his arms around his neck, stealing a quick kiss before he started swaying to the music.

Roger let himself be moved by him, feeling the warmth of John’s body against his. The beat of the music thumping in his chest. He forgot about time or about other people around them, they were in their own little world. He held John as close as possible while they moved under the blazing disco lights.

When the music slowed, they did as well, slowly swaying to the sensual beat. He shivered when John ran his nails softly against the back of his neck, gently tugging on his hair. Roger trailed his hands from the small to rest on the curve of his arse. John smiled and they both slowed down their movements in time with the music, just like they did when they played together, the rhythm guiding them. 

John pressed himself closer to Roger’s front, moving impossibly closer. He let out a soft gasp when Roger’s hand slipped a little lower down his arse, his breath tickling Roger’s neck.

His free hand moved down to join the other, when John started rocking his hips against his, practically grinding against him. Roger felt a little light headed, like he was floating and John was the only thing keeping him grounded. He closed his eyes when soft lips ghosted over his neck, fingers still running through his hair.

At that point Roger really wondered why there were still here. He wanted to kiss John, with no interruption, just the two of them. Trail his fingers down his skin, kiss every part of his body. Just thinking about it had him on edge. He snapped out of his train of thought when John softly tugged on his hair. He opened his eyes and found John looking back at him with mischievous eyes and a playful smile.

“Wanna take me home?”

“God yes,” Roger said, grabbing John’s hand and pulling him away from the dance floor. He didn’t care how eager he sounded. He just wanted to take John home right now and from the sound of John’s laughter, he didn’t mind at all.

***

It felt like it had taken forever to get home. They waved through the streets, mostlyrunning, Roger almost tripped over his own feet in his haste to get home. They laughed and giggled, sometimes stopping on the corner of a street to kiss, not being able to keep their hands of each other. 

“Hm… Rog, home…” John mumbled against his lips, smiling when he pushed at Roger’s chest. They were almost home now. “Let’s go.”

“Eager aren’t we?” Roger teased.

John playfully slapped the back of his hand against his chest and grabbed his hand, yanking him with him. “Come on!”

Just minutes later they hastily made it up the stairs, John was surprisingly fast on his platforms, Roger had to take two steps at a time to keep up with him. When they reached their flat, Roger pushed John against the door capturing his lips with his own in a bruising kiss. 

For a moment John kissed back, tangling his hand in Roger’s hair. He whimpered softly when Roger softly nipped at his bottom lip before deepening the kiss. Roger’s breath hitched when John slotted his thigh between Roger’s legs.

“We should go inside, don’t you think so?” John mumbled as he nipped at Roger’s jaw.

Roger nodded trying to fish his key out of his pocket, but it was hard to focus on anything with John pressing kisses against his neck.

“Having trouble?” John whispered in his ear.

His breath tickled Roger’s ear and made him shiver. “You’re distracting.” He chuckled as he finally got the key from his pocket.

John stepped aside a little to let Roger fumble with the lock before pulling him inside by the collar of his jacket. When the door closed their positions were switched with Roger being pushed against the door instead.

Once again it was like they were magnets, their lips finding each other in an eager kiss. Roger placed his hands on John’s hips pulling him into him. The fire was lit within him even more when John gasped softly as he rolled his hips against Roger’s. He tightened his hold on John’s hips, feeling himself get harder in his trousers. 

He pushed himself away from the door when he felt John’s hand’s at his shoulders trying to get his jacket off. He smiled when John chased his lips as he pulled back to hastily get his jacket off and throw it in the corner. He’d think about that later.

John shrugged his own jacket off and laughed softly as Roger struggled to get his sneakers off, almost tumbling into John who was leaning against the wall trying to get off his platforms.

Roger moved in closer again cupping John’s cheeks, placing a soft kiss against his lips. “Yours or mine?”

“Are you trying to seduce me?” John teased, but the blush on his cheeks gave him away.

“You were definitely seducing me back in the club.” Roger said with a cheeky smile, brushing his thumb over John’s cheek.

“Maybe.” John said innocently.

Roger smirked, lowering one hand over his shoulder, tracing a finger down the satin of his shirt before resting a hand on his hip. “Swaying your hips and shaking that perfect arse of yours. Really these trousers look amazing on you.”

The blush on John’s cheeks turned a deeper shade of pink. “Charmer.”

“You like that about me.” Roger said walking John back in the direction of their bedrooms.

John looked at him fondly. “I do.”

“So…” Roger asked before brushing their lips together lightly, pulling back every time he spoke, “yours then?”

“Hmm…” John hummed in agreement as he pressed his lips against Roger’s more firmly.

Without any more words they ended up in John’s room. Roger shivered when John’s fingers slipped under his shirt, feeling the heated skin of Roger’s back. He pushed up Roger’s shirt, breaking the kiss.

“Let’s get these off?”

Roger nodded, letting John pull the shirt over his head while they walked back to the bed. A shudder went through him when the slightly cooler air touched his skin. He let himself fall back against the mattress when John gently pushed him against the bed.

He automatically reached out to place his hands on John’s hips when he moved to straddle his waist. His skin tingled when John splayed his hands across his chest, down to his stomach and back up to trail his fingers up and down his sides.

There was a slight tension in the air. Roger knew it felt different than before. He could feel John’s hesitance to move further. He felt the need to assure him, that he also didn’t know what he was doing. That John wasn’t alone in this.

He propped himself on one elbow and gently placed one hand on the nape of John’s neck, brushing his thumb over his collarbone, John’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment. “Hey?” Roger said softly.

John’s blinked, opening his eyes again, looking back at Roger with a hint of uncertainty.

Roger continued to brush his thumb over his skin. “We’ll see where it goes, yeah? No pressure.”

With that John’s shoulders visibly relaxed. “Yeah,” he nodded before leaning down to press a soft kiss against Roger’s lips.

As soft as it was, it still made Roger’s heart flutter in his chest. He sighed as John pulled back, looking at him with a smile.

“Can I take these off?” Roger asked, tracing the buttons of John’s satin shirt.

“Yes please,” John smiled and watched Roger open the buttons with nimble fingers.

John let out a soft squeak when Roger switched their positions, so he had John on his back with him hovering over him. John’s shirt now lay open and his hair was a mess from Roger’s running his hand through it before. He looked like a dream and it made Roger’s heart quicken. 

When Roger leaned down to trail kisses from John’s sternum down to his stomach, John let out soft giggles. He let out little sighs every time Roger’s lips touched his skin.

Roger looked up momentarily to check for any discomfort as he moved his hands to unbutton his velvet trousers. He didn’t see any in John’s eyes and the smile on his lips confirmed Roger could continue.

While Roger pulled down his trousers, John raised his hips to help him get them off. He tossed them somewhere in the corner of the room without looking where it landed.

“I’ll let you tidy up my room later.” John teased.

“With pleasure.” Roger grinned as he looked at the several pieces of clothing scattered around John’s bedroom.

John gasped softly when Roger ran a hand over the outside of his thigh. He couldn’t hide the fact that he loved teasing John a little, because he was just so responsive. Every touch had John shiver, let out soft sounds or bite his lip in anticipation. Roger kissed the creamy skin of his thighs, while he trailed a hand down the other. He smiled when John’s legs opened in response.

When he wanted to move closer again to kiss him, John stopped him with a hand on his chest. “I don’t think it’s fair i'm the only one without pants.”

“Alright.” Roger chuckled and moved to stand at the foot of the bed, quickly undoing the button of his jeans and pushed them down his legs, momentarily hopping on one leg trying to get his other foot out of his pants.

John faked a yawn and smirked at Roger as he squinted at him. “Still waiting here.”

“So impatient.” Roger chided as he climbed back on the bed, crawling back over John, fitting himself between his legs.

They were now both in their underwear, and even though they had been many times before. It just felt a little different now. Roger leaned down to kiss him again, soft and slow. The feeling of their skin touching was unlike anything Roger ever felt before. For a moment he wondered if John could feel his heart beating against his chest. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous.

But the way John kissed him, urgent and almost desperate had Roger forget about his uncertainties. John moaned softly when Roger ran his tongue over his bottom lip, softly nipping on it before swirling his tongue against John’s. When John started rolling his hips Roger just needed more. He rocked his hips forward as well, relishing in the friction it created. 

The soft moans John let out were oil to a fire, and Roger turned a little more on his side pulling John with him, who in turn wrapped one leg around Roger’s waist. 

Before he could feel John getting hard, but now he was completely hard and it had Roger’s heart beat even faster. He pulled away from his lips to kiss his neck, leaving feather light kisses up to his ear, sucking a mark on the sensitive spot just below it.

John’s hands were everywhere, trailing down back, grabbing his hips as Roger rocked them into his. He kissed Roger’s shoulder and nipped at his neck making Roger shiver.

It felt like they were in their own little world, moving together. Roger pushed John on his back again and licked his way down his sternum, swirling his tongue over his nipple, eliciting a low moan from John’s throat. When he looked up through his lashes, the sight before him was something he wanted to memorise forever in a mental picture.

The flush on John’s cheeks was beautiful and his eyes were dark with need. All Roger wanted to do was make John feel good. He moved further down his body, sliding his hands down his sides. When he reached the now prominent bulge in John’s underwear, a wet patch already forming. He looked up again just to make sure everything was still okay.

Anticipation was the only thing Roger saw on John’s face. There was no hesitance, no uncertainty to be found in his eyes. Knowing that, he hooked his fingers in the waistband of his boxers and pulled them off.

John jerked his hips when Roger lightly wrapped his hand around the base of his cock and gave him a few slow strokes. He gasped and his fingers dug into Roger’s shoulder. “Rog…”

Roger smiled and ran his thumb over the slit, gathering the pre come and sliding his hand up and down his cock. With his other hand he stroked John’s thigh softly, feeling the muscles tensing and relaxing while he worked his other hand on his cock.

Just from hearing John’s soft moans and gasps Roger felt himself get achingly hard in his own underwear. He leaned down to suck on the tip of John’s cock, swirling his tongue around it and savouring the taste.

John whined and arched his back, he grabbed Roger’s shoulder a little harder. “Fuck… _yes_ …”

The reactions he got from John made Roger want to double his efforts, so he took him a little further in his mouth enjoying the weight of his cock on his tongue. He moaned softly as John’s fingers wound up in his hair, softly pulling at the ends.

It had John’s breath hitching and Roger had to press his hand on John’s hip to not let him buck his hips up.

“Rog…” John whimpered as Roger licked at the slit, licking up the drops eagerly. “Roger… I’m going to come like this.”

Right then Roger didn’t really think that was problem with the sounds John was making. He looked up through his lashes, seeing John propped up on his elbows, biting his lip, his chest heaving.

“Is that a problem?” Roger teased as he pulled off.

“Yes…”

“Why is that?”

“Don’t want to come so soon.”

Roger grinned and trailed a finger over his cock, smiling at the small gasp John let out. “No? What do you want then?”

John rolled his eyes and sat up further, grabbing Roger’s hard and neglected cock through his underwear. “You know what I want.”

Roger groaned and his eyes fluttered closed. He forgot was he was going to say. The only thing he feels right now is the hot desire coursing through his veins. He moaned when John’s hand made it’s way in his boxers, wrapping his hand around Roger’s cock, stroking him slow and firmly.

“You want that too?” John whispered as he kissed his neck, softly nipping at Roger’s collarbone.

“Yes…” Roger gasped, opening his eyes and tipping John’s chin up to kiss him hard. “God yes…” He said breathlessly, resting his forehead against John’s for a moment.

“Good.” John smiled and pulled his hand away, instead tugging on Roger’s underwear. “Better get these off then.”

Roger rolled off him and complied, pulling off his underwear and discarding it with the rest of the clothing. John laid back again and watched Roger open one of his drawers to get the lube.

When he found it after a little rummaging he sat back in front of John, opening the cap of the bottle. “Are you sure?”

John smiled and leaned forward to press an assuring kiss to his lips. “I’m sure.”

In reality Roger knew John would never say that if he wasn’t sure. But for his own piece of mind he just needed to hear him say it. He felt much lighter after that and he pecked his lips in turn.

“Are you comfortable like this?”

“Yeah.” John nodded and made himself more comfortable, bending his knees so that his feet were flat on the mattress.

They had done this a few times before now, so this part wasn’t new. For now he still knew what he was doing. He warmed up the gel between his fingers for a moment and wrapped his other hand around John’s cock again, slowly stroking him before he rubbed two lubed up fingers against his rim.

John moaned softly, arching into his touch. “Don’t be a tease.”

Roger chuckled, he just can’t look away, John was so so responsive and the little sounds of pleasure send tingles down Roger’s spine. He massaged the outside for a few minutes, loosing up the tight muscle.

“What do you mean baby?”

“No teasing, or this will be over soon.” John gasped as Roger rubbed his fingers over his entrance in slow circles.

Roger kissed his thigh. “I want to make you feel good.”

He wanted to take his time, making sure John was well prepared, because he knew tonight would be different. It made him excited, but also nervous. The intoxicating sounds John made, distracted him from being too nervous. He could see John’s cheeks turn a deeper shade of red as Roger gently pushed the tip of finger past the tight ring of muscle, moving as slow as possible as he slid his finger inside of him. John’s furrowed his brow for a moment and Roger stopped moving looking at him with a concerned expression.

“Okay?”

John nodded after Roger had giving him some time to adjust. “Yeah, go on.”

When John started rocking back against Roger’s finger, he added a second one, still being extra gentle. A moan escaped John as Roger worked his fingers in and out of him, stretching him open with slow movements.

The sight John made was absolutely beautiful, with his lips slightly parted while he let out soft keening noises, gripping the sheets beneath him. Roger just couldn’t look away, it maked the blood buzzing in his ears. His cock twitched with interest.

Roger can’t help but lean forward and kiss him deeply, in which John responded by kissing him back heatedly, moaning against his lips and tangling a hand in Roger’s hair. 

When Roger added a third finger, John sucked in a harsh breath. Roger tried to distract him by kissing every part of him he can reach. Stroking his thigh in soothing up and down motions. After a few seconds John visibly relaxed under Roger’s touch.

Roger had John squirming and moaning loudly when he crooked his fingers up against that spot inside of him.

“Fuck… ah…” John whimpered breathlessly tilting his head back in the pillow as he rocked back against Roger’s fingers.

Really Roger could have done this all night. He would gladly let John come like this if he had asked him to, no questions asked.

“God you’re beautiful.” Roger whispered in awe.

John blinked his eyes open, panting softly as Roger continued to work him open. “I’m ready.”

Roger bit his lip as he realised the meaning of those words. “Are you sure?” He asked, the thought of hurting John was the most awful thing he could think off, so he needed to be certain he had prepared him enough.

“Yeah…” John whispered. “I want you, want to feel you inside me.”

For a moment Roger had to think of other things to not come right there. He bit his lip and thought of not so sexy thoughts. Thinking of all the course work he still had to do, did the trick.

“Rog?”

Roger blinked. “Hmm, what?” He mumbled unintelligible.

John let out a giggle, and it was the sweetest sound Roger had ever heard.

“You good?”

“Brilliant.” Roger nodded, getting his head with the program. He carefully withdrew his fingers, wiping them on the sheets.

John winced slightly but sighed when Roger kissed him in apology.

“Sorry,” he mumbled against his lips.

“S’okay.”

They kissed languidly for a moment getting wrapped up in each other. The slide other John’s tongue against his own, lit the fire in him. John’s nails softly scratching his scalp had him shiver.

“You want to stay on your back?” Roger asked as he pulled back, studying John’s face, trying to detect any hesitance. Because if there was any he would stop right away.

“Yeah, I want to see you.” John smiled, brushing a strand of hair out of Roger’s face.

Something inside of him melted at that, his heart fluttering in his chest. He couldn’t resist to kiss him one more time before taking the lube again. “Sounds perfect.”

Before he got the chance to uncap the bottle and lube himself up John took the bottle from him. He squirted some of it in his hand before wrapping his hand around Roger’s cock. He shuddered as John slowly glided his hand up and down, thumbing the slit getting him even harder.

“Fuck…” Roger let out a low moan, “and you say I’m a tease.”

John chuckled and let him go, much to Roger’s disappointment. But he couldn’t be to sad about it for too long as he saw the sight before him. John on his back, his legs spread open for him to fit right between them.

He pulled Roger down by wrapping a hand around the back of his neck, kissing him again. Roger shifted closer to him. “You can tell me if you need me to stop, okay?”

“I know.” John replied, but if he was nervous he certainly didn’t show it.

Roger tried to hide his nerves for John’s sake. He was still worried he would suck at this or even worse; hurting John.

“We’ll see where it goes remember.” John smiled, obviously being able to see Roger thinking. “No pressure.”

That made Roger smile and immediately feel loads better as John repeated what he had said before. He settled in closer between John’s legs, putting hands under his knees, hitching his knees up a bit further.

Finally he pressed the tip of his cock against John entrance, which made John hold his breath and put his hands on Roger’s arms. But it wasn’t smooth sailing from there, he wasn't sure if it was just nerves or if he was too excited, but it took him three tries. The other two times he slipped and John’s giggles definitely weren’t stroking Roger’s ego. But he couldn't help but laugh with him. In his dreams things went much more smoothly.

But it did however make John relax even further, and the third time he was finally able to slowly push inside. Even if it was just the tip, Roger’s breath caught in his throat as he felt John around him. It felt amazing, hot and tight. He had to fight the urge to move, both because he didn’t want things to end right now by coming prematurely, but also because he didn’t want to hurt John. Holding back was hard, but John’s laboured breathing had him gritting his teeth and keeping still with all his might.

John had his eyes closed, trying to control his breathing, his fingers digging in where he was gripping Roger’s arms. For a moment Roger wondered if he had stretched him enough. 

But after a few seconds of not moving and staying still, Roger could feel John relaxing. He opened his eyes and looked up at Roger still breathing faster than usual.

Roger leaned down to kiss his forehead. “You okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just… a lot.” He panted, the flush on his cheeks deepening.

“We can stop.” Roger reminded him, because he would if John asked him to.

John shook his head. “No, keep going.”

“Okay.”

Roger continued to push in slowly, letting out a low moan because the feeling was almost overwhelmingly good. His thighs were straining a little from trying not move to quickly and being careful. This time John kept his eyes open, his lips slightly parting when Roger was fully inside him. Looking up at Roger with so much trust in his eyes. 

“I’m okay now.” John assured when Roger didn’t move.

“Yeah?” Roger asked almost relieved, he really couldn’t keep still anymore.

John nodded. “You can move.”

A breathless little _'ah'_ sound passed John’s lips when Roger slid back halfway before thrusting forward again. It took a few shallow thrusts before John seemed to adjust to the feeling, his eyes fluttered closed again.

“Is this okay?” Roger panted between slow thrusts, leaning down to trail kissed down John’s neck.

John’s hands moved to Roger’s shoulders. “Yeah, it’s… _ah_ … nice.” He whispered, letting out a soft moan as he pushed his hips back against Roger.

The friction it created had Roger groaning and he placed a hand on John’s hip to steady his thrusts. It seemed John liked that, because he started making breathless little noises and lifted his hips to meet Roger’s thrusts.

He kissed his way back to John’s lips and he trailed his other hand down his side, over his ribs to feel John’s breathing.

“Does it feel good?” John mumbled against his lips.

“You feel incredible.”

John moaned sharply in response and grabbed at Roger’s hips, digging his fingers in as Roger rocked his hips deeper before pulling back slowly and sliding back in. He started a gentle rhythm, but it was hard to not get carried away. His control started to slip when John pushed his hips back more urgently, making him go faster.

“Rog…” John whimpered, his voice husky and low. “ _Yes_ … Roger.”

While keeping an eye on John, making sure he wasn’t going to fast, he allowed himself to let go, falling into a deep and steady rhythm. Pleasure started to build low in his abdomen, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out. He was almost embarrassed how quickly he was nearing the edge. It felt too good, he groaned softly as John moved with him, arching his back as Roger pushed in deeper, his fingers gripping at the sheets.

John made strangled noise in the back of his throat.

For a moment Roger was alarmed, his rhythm faltering as he made sure if John wasn’t in any discomfort.

“Ah… don’t stop, don’t stop…” John whimpered as he looked up at Roger with wide dazed eyes and flushed cheeks. He wrapped his legs tightly around Roger’s waist. “Please, keep going, you feel so good.”

It send a shiver down Roger’s spine and he closed his eyes as his cock twitched inside John’s hole. He leaned down for a messy kiss and John moaned against his lips. In doing so the angle of his thrusts changed, it had John scratching his nails over his back as he picked up the pace of his thrusts again.

“Fuck…” Roger moaned as John twitched around him as he was sliding in and out of him in with fast and sharp thrusts.

One of John’s legs slipped from his waist and he starting letting out soft little ‘ah-ah-ah’ sounds, turning his face against the pillow, biting his lip as he tried to muffle the sounds he was making.

He cried out when Roger reached down to wrap a hand around his cock that was dripping pre-come. The high-pitched moans and cut-off sobs John let out, while Roger glided his hand up and down his cock, made the tension in Roger build until he was hanging on by a string that was threatening to snap any moment now. 

John caught Rogers’s eye, making soft little noises as the force of his boyfriend thrusting into him rocked his cock into Roger’s hand. His trembling thighs were was a sign he wasn’t going to last much longer.

“Rog…” John rasped. “I’m gonna— I’m—“

It only took a few quick strokes before John spilled over Roger’s hand and his own stomach, digging his fingernails into Roger’s back, gasping his boyfriend’s name softly as his body shuddered with the sweet release of his orgasm.

Everything inside of Roger was trying to hold back, to pull out, but it was no use, he was too late. The sensation of John moving underneath him, the sounds of John’s voice as he was coming only edged him on. Roger’s movements were getting ragged, his hips stuttering a frantic rhythm as he came, gasping and groaning as he buried himself deep inside of John, feeling bliss course through his body as everything turned white behind his eyes.

When he fully regained consciousness he looked down to see John staring at him with bright eyes, his chest slowly moving up and down as he tried to catch his breath, his skin flustered and his sweaty hair framing his face. Roger’s heart swelled with fondness when John pulled him down for a long and soft kiss.

They kissed until John made a soft noise of protest and he winced a little at the sensation as Roger finally pulled out. Roger apologised with another kiss to his lips, which John eagerly returned.

As Roger flopped down next to John, he was feeling immense fondness when John quickly shifted close to him, pressing himself against Roger’s side. He really didn’t care about the mess they made. In turn Roger wrapped an arm around his waist, taking John’s hand in his and kissing his knuckles one by one.

John smiled softly and kissed Roger’s shoulder before nuzzling his neck. He sighed deeply and they laid there for a few moments in comfortable silence.

“We should probably clean up right?” John asked after a while, making a face as he stared down at his own stomach.

Roger was absentmindedly tracing his fingers up and down John’s arm. He chuckled softly at John’s expression. “We probably should, huh?” 

“I think so.” John nodded, smiling as Roger pecked his lips softly.

“Alright, I’ll be right back.”

Roger finally moved to get up to get a damp towel from the bathroom. When he came back John was staring up at the ceiling, a blissed out smile playing on his lips, lost in his own little world. For a moment Roger allowed himself to look at John, happiness filled his chest and he couldn’t stop smiling.

Before John noticed him staring he had walked back to bed and climbed next to him. “How are you feeling?” He asked as he gently wiped John’s chest and stomach clean with the warm washcloth, throwing it into the corner when he is done.

“Just a little sore, but good. Really good actually.” John smiled, looking at Roger with bright eyes, his cheeks still a bit flushed.

Roger smiled in response, leaning down for another kiss, feeling both relieved and giddy at the same time. When they broke apart he pulled back the duvet and waited for John to slip underneath before joining him and drawing the covers over them.

Just like before John pressed himself close to Roger again, pecking his lips a few times before resting his cheek against his chest and his arm around his waist.

John let out a satisfied sigh when Roger started running his fingers through his hair. He kept doing that for a while and listened to John’s breathing evening out, he was pretty sure he wasn’t far away from sleep. He found his own eyes were starting to get heavy as well. Just when he thought John was falling asleep, he heard him mumble softly.

“I love you, Rog.”

He opened his eyes to find John looking up at him with half-lidded eyes and a soft smile. If John wasn’t holding him down, he would float away from pure happiness. Sometimes he couldn’t comprehend what he did to deserve someone as great as John. For the tenth?, twentieth? time that night, he kissed John again. He was never going to let him go.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh I honestly hope you all liked it! It took me a long time to write and im excited how it turned out. 
> 
> Once again I'm so sorry for the long wait, I had been sick for a few weeks, were I could hardly look at a screen without having dizzy spells, so that meant no writing. But now I'm back! So I hope you are all still reading this ;3
> 
> Thank you so much for reading <3 and let me know your thoughts, I appreciate it a lot <3


	14. Chapter XIV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is around the corner and John wonders how to celebrate and at the same time telling his family about Roger and their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovies! Back again with another chapter! Thanks for all the lovely comments on the last chapter, I'm so happy you all liked it. <3 I hope you will all like this one as well. We're nearing the end of the fic ;o can't believe we're 14 chapters in! Anyways, enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think! <3

**Chapter XIV**

“What are your plans for Christmas?”

John looked up from his math book, he had been studying all afternoon because exams were next week. He was sitting at the kitchen table, books and a notebook spread out in front of him. His previously hot cup of tea was now forgotten and cold.

Freddie was sitting across from him, looking bored while he flipped through a magazine. He was waiting for Roger, who promised him he would go shopping with him.

“Sorry what?” John asked, he was way too wrapped up in his study material.

An impatient sigh was heard from Freddie. “Christmas? Your plans dear?”

“Oh— ‘m not sure actually.” John hesitated. “Well my mum called and asked if I was coming home for Christmas, but I told her I didn’t know yet. Because me and Roger haven’t talked about our plans, but Roger was talking about going back home for Christmas, so I guess I might go home as well.”

They hadn’t really spoken about it yet, or well John had avoided the conversation. Christmas meant spending time with the family, which on a normal occasion John enjoyed very much. But with Christmas he knew his mother was going to invite the whole family, which meant his uncles and aunts, cousins and his grandmother.

Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, but now he was in a relationship. He wanted Roger to come and spend Christmas with him and he was sure Roger wanted him to do the same. But that’s were they hit a little snag, not even their mothers knew about their relationship. He wasn’t too keen on telling them before his family came around. He didn’t want to hide his relationship with Roger, but he wasn’t too sure what his rather strict family would think. Not that he really cared about their opinion, but he did care about his mother.

He really wanted to tell his mum and sister about him and Roger. He wanted them to know, but he was still worried about their reaction.

“Are you two spending Christmas together?” Freddie asked with a knowing expression.

“I think so—“ John started, “—well I want to.”

Freddie raised an eyebrow. “You think so? Or you want to?”

John stood up and grabbed his cold cup of tea and dumped it in the sink. “More tea?”

“Yes please,” Freddie nodded, “but don’t change the subject dear, is there something you’re worried about?”

For some reason Freddie always knew how to read him. Sometimes it infuriated John, he was always calm and collected, but Freddie just knew how to break down his walls.

He grabbed the kettle and filled it with water before putting it on the hob. He turned around and sat down again while he waited for the water to heat up. “I guess I am yeah.” John sighed.

“Want to tell me about it?”

It was an invitation, Freddie knew it must have been a delicate matter, because he didn’t pry. He gave John the option to talk about it. John could take it if he wanted.

Freddie looked at him with a gentle smile.

John just wanted to get it of his chest. It would make talking to Roger about a little easier maybe.

“Of course I want to celebrate Christmas with Rog, it’s just that— well, we haven’t exactly been home since the summer. So we both haven’t seen our mums since they were here when we moved in.” John explained.

Freddie nodded, silently urging him to continue.

“When they were here…“

The kettle started whistling, so John got up as he continued talking, turning off the gas.

“Well— we didn’t exactly tell them about us.” John said as he filled their cups with hot water, putting two tea bags and letting it sit for a moment.

When he sat down Freddie looked at him with an surprised expression. “Really? You haven’t told them?”

John shook his head. “No, it just didn’t feel like the right moment.”

“So, Roger didn’t tell his mum either?”

“No. At least I don’t think he did.”

“Alright,” Freddie said thoughtfully, “what’s making you worried then?”

John got up again and threw the tea bags in the bin when the tea was ready. “I guess I want my mum to know about us, because I want to celebrate Christmas with my boyfriend.”

“That makes sense. But?” Freddie asked. “I feel there is a but…”

“But…” John laughed a little. “I’m afraid of how she’ll react, and the rest of my family, because they will be there— and they will want to know who Roger is. They are pretty strict my family… I’m not sure what they will think, I mean I don’t care, but my mum…”

“Oh dear, you know it’s very admirable of you to think of your mother and all. But Christmas is about spending time with your loved ones.” Freddie smiled.

John looked up from his tea, “yeah.”

“And you love Roger right?”

“Very much.” John nodded, letting out a small breath.

Freddie smiled. “That’s all that matters. I can’t possibly know how your mum will react, but you are her son. She might need some time— but dont worry about the rest of your family. They are not who matter, and quite frankly I dont think they need to know.”

John bit his lip. “But I don’t want to hide my relationship with Roger. He’s not a secret. I don’t care what they think. It just that I worry about what they say about my mum. Because I can already hear the gossip while she isn’t around. _Of course he has to be gay, the way he grew up without a father, nobody to look up to…”_

Just thinking about his family and how two faced they could be made his blood boil.

Freddie made a face. “They are not worth it darling. I know dealing with family is hard, believe me when I say I do.” He took a small sip of his tea. “Maybe talk to your mother about it before you make a decision about it you want your family to know.”

“I guess I could do that yeah. I’ll ask Roger what he wants to do.”

“Ask me what?”

Both Freddie and John turned around in their seats as Roger came in from the hallway, still wearing his coat and a large knitted scarf. His cheeks and nose were slightly rosy from the cold outside.

John couldn’t help but smile and feel warm inside when he saw Roger again.

“What you want to do with Christmas, and visiting our family.” John said as Roger hung up his coat and scarf.

He walked up to John and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, kissing his cheek. “I don’t care, as long as I’m with you.”

“Ugh— can somebody hand me a bucket?” Freddie said rolling his eyes. But John could see he couldn’t hide his smile.

“You’re just jealous.” Roger said sticking out his tongue.

“Oh obviously— so jealous because I don’t have a child as my boyfriend.” Freddie teased.

“Hey! Who are you calling a child?” Roger huffed.

John laughed and put his hands on Roger’s arms, listening to the both of them bicker. Freddie was right, all that mattered was that he loved this fool.

***

When Roger and Freddie were out John spend the rest of the day studying. He loved it when Roger was home, but he was rather distracting. So it was rather convenient that Freddie took him out. Time passed very quickly and he finished studying around the time Roger came back home. John was still studying and hadn’t checked the time, being so wrapped up in his school work. It had turned dark outside and the only light source in their flat was coming from the light above the kitchen table.

“I’m back!— Wow it’s dark in here.”

John turned around to see Roger walking up to him. He leaned down to kiss John on the lips, which still made his heart leap in his chest. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Roger smiled. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”

“Was busy studying.”

“My little nerd.” Roger smiled, his voice full of affection.

John grumbled a little and closed his books, gathering his notes and putting everything in a neat pile. “I’m not a nerd.”

“Just a little—“ Roger grinned and put a plastic bag on the table. “— but I think that’s pretty sexy.”

“Do you now?” John laughed as he walked to the living room and put his schoolwork on the coffee table, before turning back to Roger and looking at the plastic bag. “What’s that?”

Roger nodded and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Yeah it’s hot— oh I brought Chinese food. Thought you might be hungry, figured you’d be studying the whole day.”

“That’s thoughtful of you.” John smiled, Roger was always thinking of him. “Did you already eat with Freddie?”

“Yeah, he was dead set on eating in that restaurant, I tried to talk him out of it— but since you were studying, I figured you wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t mind. Like you said I was busy studying, lost track of time.” John laughed. “I didn’t even know it was this late.”

“That just proves my point of the sexy and hot nerd thing.”

John rolled his eyes and wiggled out of Roger’s grasp but not before placing a kiss on his lips. “Alright, now let me eat, cause im starving.”

Soon they were sitting on the sofa, John with plate of warm Chinese food. Roger had put on the telly and put on some science fiction movie he had seen a dozen times. But John didn’t care, he loved the commentary Roger gave during his favourite scenes. What he loved even more was Roger nestling himself against John’s side like a cat, stealing bites of his food every now and then.

When John was done with his food Roger rested his head in his lap, making it easy for John to brush his fingers through his soft blond hair.

“So are we going to our mums for Christmas?” Roger asked when the movie was over. He was still lying in John’s lap.

John looked down to see Roger staring up at him. He had been wanting to bring it up, but he wasn’t sure how. “If you want to?”

Roger smiled. “Do you want to?”

“I do.”

“Me too.”

“Well my mum called actually. Wanting to know what I would be doing for Christmas.” John twirled a finger around a lock of Roger’s hair. He hesitated for a moment. “Do you think it’s time to let them know about us?”

Roger raised himself in a sitting position, but he was still pressed against John’s side. He reached out to touch John’s cheek. “Is that what you and Freddie were talking about before?”

“Eh yeah, we were.”

“I figured it was something like that.” Roger chuckled.

John blushed. Of course he couldn’t keep anything from Roger. Somehow he always knew something was up. “I was asking advice. I guess I’m just worried about… well you know my family.”

Roger gave him understanding smile. “I know some of them— are you scared of your mum’s reaction?” He asked a little hesitant.

For a moment John thought about how to react. He wasn’t entirely sure about his mother stance on homosexuality. They had never talked about it, because really it had never come up before. Besides that, he and his mother weren’t super close. Or they just didn’t talk a lot about things like that. Sharing wasn’t big in his family, John figured that’s why he kept things bottled up inside a lot. Because he wasn’t taught how to express his thoughts or feelings. That’s probably also why it took him so long to figure out his feelings for Roger.

“I might be a little yeah.” John finally said, looking down at his hands before looking back at Roger who took one of his hands in his. “You’re not?”

“I’m maybe a little nervous, but I’m also excited in a way? Like— I really want my mum and sister to know about us you know?” Roger explained. “I usually share everything with them, and I’m not ashamed of who I am. But I guess I have been worried about their reaction as well.”

Somehow that made John feel a little better, knowing that he wasn’t alone in feeling like this and that Roger shared his uncertainties.

“Yeah I want them to know about us— but you just never know how they’ll react. I guess I don’t want to cause any problems or— well I don’t know how to explain…” John said quietly, he felt like he didn’t word anything right.

Roger laced their fingers together and brush his thumb over the back of John’s hand. “I understand.”

“You do?”

“Of course. John, everything about this is new, for both you and me.” Roger said with a small smile. “But whatever happens— I’ll be there for you.”

John felt something warm bloom in his chest as Roger said that. He just couldn’t help but lean forward and press a chaste kiss to his lips. “I love you— and me too, I’ll be there for you I mean.”

Roger giggled softly and rested his forehead against John’s for a moment. “I love you too. We’ll figure it out yeah?”

“Yeah.” John sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. They'd worry about it later.

***

The next week John didn’t have time to worry about it anymore. He had projects to turn in and exams to study for. Roger did as well, so they didn’t have a lot of time to spend together because Roger was the king of putting off things until the last minute. Which meant he was locked into his room for most of the day, studying and working on his projects like a mad men.

John brought him tea and snacks because he had done most of his work before, so he only had to worry about studying. Even though he couldn’t see a lot of Roger that week he cherished the soft smiles he gave him whenever he brought him something.

They had something good to look forward to though. After exams it was time for Christmas break, and John couldn’t wait. Time had gone so quickly after they moved to London, he looked forward to spending time with Roger without having to worry about classes or homework. They also had a couple of gigs to play, which he was excited about. Things had been going well and they were making a name for themselves as a student band in a few pubs.

At the end of the week Roger was so happy that they finished their exams and that it was finally time for their break that he took John out for date night and insisted that he would pay for dinner and a movie. John tried to argue that he should pay his own half, but Roger wasn’t having any of it. He said John could pay him back later.

The cheeky smile on Roger’s face told John enough, and he couldn’t help but blush furiously, making Roger laugh softly while they were having dinner at their favourite Italian restaurant. It was the best start of Christmas break and John probably had a little bit too much to drink that night.

***

“Are you okay?”

John stopped his slow thrusts, slightly alarmed by the noises Roger made. Which only made Roger whine in protest, pressing back against where John was slotted against his body.

“I was—“ Roger moaned a little as he rocked his hips backwards, trying to get the friction he lost when John stopped his movements, “—until you stopped fucking me. Please John, keep going. I need you.”

“ _Oh_ —“ John blinked and flushed even more than he already was. But he complied right away, pulling back until only the tip of his cock was still inside Roger, before pushing back in, making Roger whimper as he picked up the rhythm he had set earlier. Kissing Roger’s neck 

“Yes… ah, like that John, yes baby.” Roger panted. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

John groaned in pleasure. “Fuck Rog—“

They had done this more than a few times now, and John had come to learn that Roger was a noisy one. It made John worry every now and then when Roger let out little breathless sounds or when he screwed his eyes shut as John fucked into him. But when he realised all of that was because of pleasure he couldn’t help but enjoy his more than vocal boyfriend.

It was a slow fuck, at least that’s how it started. Roger on his side, one leg hitched up to his chest, John’s hand on his thigh holding him steady as John’s cock slowly slid in and out of him in smooth deep thrusts. Lazy morning sex was one of John’s favourite times of the week. Usually they didn’t have time to spend ages in bed in the mornings.

Roger had woken him up, by pressing soft kisses against his neck, whispering dirty suggestions in his ear, and stroking his cock through his boxers. That had woken John right up, and he had been working Roger open until he practically begged John to get on with it.

While John set a slow and controlled pace he kissed the nape of Roger’s neck, softly biting down on his soft skin as Roger rocked back firmer creating more friction, making John moan against his skin.

“Come on, faster baby, please.” Roger rasped as he reached around to grab John’s hip in an attempt to pull him closer. “You’re driving me crazy like this.”

“Yeah?” John breathed in his ear, before softly nipping on his earlobe. “Things not going fast enough for you?”

“ _Hm_ —“ Roger whimpered as John snapped his hips forward more firmly, burying himself deeper inside of Roger. “Tease…”

“You’re one to talk.” John huffed breathlessly as he complied and increased his pace.

He reached around to grab Roger’s cock and let the force of his thrusts rock Roger’s cock in his hand.

A soft breathless moan passed Roger’s lips as he tipped his head back against John’s shoulder, letting John take him completely. “ _Ah_ — yes baby, fuck me, just like that, keep going— _ah_ … John…you’re so good… so good to me…”

John kissed every part of Roger’s skin he could reach, his back, his neck and shoulders

Pleasure started to build low in his belly, John could feel the tension in his muscles as he felt himself get closer and closer with every thrust. Sparks tingled down his spine as he felt like he was drowning in Roger. They way Roger was arching against him had John’s control and steady rhythm slip a little. The cut off sobs and breathless sighs Roger was letting out were getting John there even faster.

“Fuck Rog— I’m gonna…” he groaned and gripped the back of Roger’s knee pushing it further up his chest opening him up further for John’s cock. 

Roger moaned loudly, grinding back on John’s cock as best as he could. “Yes… _ah_ , wanna feel you come inside me. Please John…”

A shudder ran through him, it was almost overwhelming, Roger begging him like that and how he kept grinding back on John’s cock. With just a few quick trusts he was coming, the blissful feeling of his orgasm running through his veins as he rode out his orgasm, faintly hearing Rogers moans and feeling him twitch around him as John came inside of him.

When he fully regained consciousness Roger was still grinding back against his now slowly softening cock, chasing his own release. John quickly stroked his hand up and down Roger’s leaking cock, which only needed a few more strokes before he melted back against John, his body shuddering as he came.

Their ragged breathing was the only thing being heard in the room for a couple of minutes. Until Roger moved and slightly winced as John pulled out.

“Sorry.” John whispered.

He was met with a smiling Roger when he had turned around to face John. “S okay,” he said before pulling him close for a long and deep kiss which made John’s head spin.

“Good morning.” Roger chuckled against his lips. 

John grinned as he pulled away from the kiss. “Good morning indeed.”

Roger wrapped himself around John, kissing his shoulder and his neck, nuzzling his skin there and letting out a breath in satisfaction. “You know we can do this every morning for the next couple of weeks now that we are on break.”

“Is that so?” John huffed. “I think even we can’t keep that up.”

“Wanna bet?”

John shook his head in amusement. “With you? No chance.”

Roger pouted, the cutest face ever. “Spoilsport. Are you not looking forward to morning sex?”

“As long as I don’t have to do all the work.” John teased, but he couldn't hide his excitement of spending mornings with Roger in bed.

“Ah getting lazy already? Well don’t worry.” Roger said while he brushed his fingers through his hair. “We can rotate.”

“You’re terrible.”

“Terribly addicted to you.” Roger grinned as he disentangled himself from John.

John laughed and rolled on his back, watching as Roger sat on the side of the bed stretching his arms above his head. There were still a couple of faint marks on his back John left a few nights before. John ached to reach out and touch them. 

“So are you going to be joining me?” Roger asked looking over his shoulder.

“Join you where?”

“In the shower? You made a right mess of me, I think you should help and clean up.” Roger said with a cheeky smile.

“High maintenance much?” John teased.

Roger got up and laughed, making his way to the bathroom, well aware of the fact that John was staring. “You knew what you signed up for love.”

John moved to get out of bed and followed him. “That’s such a Freddie thing to say.”

He could hear Roger laughing from the bathroom where the shower was already running.

***

“Where are you going?”

John was putting on his coat and wrapped a scarf around his neck. “I need to do Christmas shopping.”

“Oh?” Roger’s eyes lit up, a bright smile on his face. “For me?”

“Amongst others.” John laughed.

“Are you going alone?”

John shook his head. “No, Freddie is also coming along. I’m meeting him at Kensington Market.”

“Of course, as if he would pass up a moment to shop.” Roger laughed. “I’ll see you later then.”

While he was still closing the buttons on his coat he walked towards where Roger was lounging on the sofa in one of John’s hoodies, his hair still a little wet from their shower. “Be good yeah.” He teased before leaning down to kiss his lips.

Roger smiled and wrapped his arms around his neck to make him stay there a little longer, kissing John’s lips again. “Can’t make any promises.” 

John pulled back and laughed softly as he straightened up. He took his bag from the kitchen table and crossed the room to the door. “See you later.”

“I’ll miss you.” Roger sniffed dramatically making John shake his head in amusement before closing the door behind him.

***

When John arrived at Kensington Market Freddie wasn’t there yet. Not that he was surprised, but he wasn’t really looking forward to freezing his bollocks off. He could see the clouds from his own breathing in the air as he rocked on his feet to keep moving a little. After a few minutes with felt like a lifetime he saw Freddie approaching in the distance.

“So sorry dear, I got held up.”

John raised an eyebrow. “I always wonder how you are always being held up Freddie.”

“Ah, wouldn’t you like to know darling.” Freddie winked.

“On second thought. I dont think I need to know.” John laughed. “Can we get inside? It’s bloody freezing out.”

“Yes, yes— come on, the shops are waiting.”

John followed Freddie inside, who knew the layout of the place like the back of his hand. John didn’t really like shopping, so having Freddie along could be either a blessing or a curse. A blessing because he knew all the good shops, also because he knew what Roger liked, and a curse because it could possibly take hours if John was very unlucky.

“So, what are we looking for?” Freddie asked as he walked towards a small clothing stall.

“Christmas gift for Rog.” John said as he tried to avoid the shopping people, coming from all directions.

He always thought people turned crazy during Christmas time. It was as though everyone did their shopping at the last moment. Pretty much just like John. He had put it off because he really didn’t know what to buy Roger. He was pretty much the most difficult person to buy for. John knew Roger loved clothes, books, music, anything related to sci fi or cars.

John had given Roger multiple gifts in the course of their friendship. But now that they were dating it felt like the gift had to be perfect. Maybe he was overthinking it, because Roger would probably love anything John would buy him, but still he wanted to make sure he got him something that was more special than any other gift.

“Obviously darling, but what sort of gift?”

“What sort?”

Freddie sighed. “Yes, do we want to go for something boring? Like a book or a sweater. Or are we going for something more expensive? Like jewellery. Or maybe—” He paused for a moment and grinned mischievously, “—Maybe something naughty?”

John could feel his cheeks started to burn. Several images went through his mind. But he wasn't going to let Freddie in on any of them. “Freddie…”

“No?” Freddie laughed, seemingly very proud of his joke. “Not ready for the naughty gifts just yet?”

“If I was, I don’t think I would buy them with you.” John chuckled.

“I’m disappointed.” Freddie faked being insulted. “Alright, lets get to it then. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.”

John groaned, but followed Freddie anyway. He had to find something good for Roger.

Freddie dragged him all over Kensington Market, they went in several stores. Clothing stalls, jewellery stalls, novelty shops, book stores and stores which sold pretty much everything. John figured he had seen every shop, and by the end of the day his feet were hurting. His legs felt ten pounds heavier, but he did find gifts.

He ended up buying a Led Zeppelin record, a dark blue satin button up with small embroidery, which really Freddie picked out. But the thing he was most excited about though and had drained his wallet, was the delicate silver chain he had bought at a small jewellery stall. It was fairly delicate and John had tried it on to make sure it wasn’t too long. On the end there was a small disk like silver pendant.

They lady had told him the back could be engraved. She had asked if John wanted his girlfriends name engraved in it. Which made Freddie clear his throat and turn around to look at the silver rings on the opposite side of the stall. John had blushed and politely declined her offer. Even though he liked the idea, he still didn’t want Roger to feel like he needed to wear a necklace with his name around his neck. If Roger wanted to do so himself, John wouldn’t stop him.

At the end of the day John went home feeling satisfied with the gifts he got. He couldn’t wait to see Roger’s expression when he opened them on Christmas morning. And when he got home Roger was very interested in all the paper bags John brought with him.

“Oh looks like I’m going to be spoiled with Christmas.”

“Who says these are all for you?”

Roger pouted. “Rude.”

John laughed and walked to his bedroom to hide the presents. It wasn’t like he didn’t trust Roger. But… no he just didn’t trust Roger with presents.

When he came back Roger was scribbling something in his notebook.

“What are you up to?” John asked as he tried to take he peak as he sat down next to Roger on the sofa.

Roger quickly put away the notebook behind him and smiled at John. “Nothing.”

John raised an eyebrow and grinned. “You sure?”

“Mhm…” Roger smiled.

Obviously John knew that wasn’t true, but he decided not to push it. Instead he wrapped an arm around Roger’s shoulder, who in turn cuddled against his side.

“I missed you today.” Roger whispered as he nuzzled his neck.

“Missed you too.”

“Did you find any gifts?”

“I did yeah.”

“Are they good?” Roger mumbled and cuddled closer.

John pulled him closer and they ended up lying down on the sofa wrapped up in each other. He kissed Roger’s cheek.

“I hope you like them.”

Roger sighed softly. “I know I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3 I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know your thoughts, I love to read your comments. <3


	15. Chapter XV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and John spend Christmas together and John takes a big step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Lovies, I'm back with another chapter. We're so close to the end now. I'm getting sad. Thanks everyone who left such sweet comments on the last chapter. I love reading what you all think. So thank you for your support. It honestly means the world to me. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Enjoy <3
> 
> Warning for mentions of death in this chapter.

**Chapter XV**

“Joooohhhhnnnnn!!!” Roger yelled from his room, where he had been trying to find an outfit for the past twenty-five minutes. He listened if there was any movement from the living room, but when there was no reply he called again. “JOHN!!”

Finally he heard John’s familiar footsteps coming closer, he turned when his door opened showing an non impressed John standing there.

“You called for me?” He asked, the sarcasm apparent on his face. “Or was that just you screaming into the void?”

“Yes, no… please, I need help.” Roger whined, as he pointed at the disaster that was once his bed. His whole closet was dumped on there.

He had tried on every shirt he owned, but non seemed to be any good. They were all uncomfortable, ugly, or not suited for the occasion. If he was going to celebrate Christmas at his boyfriends house with his family, he needed to look perfect. But nothing he owned was perfect and John’s family was going to hate him.

“Clearly.” John giggled as his gaze shifted from Roger to the bed. He crossed the room and picked up a white button up, holing it out to Roger. “What’s wrong with this?”

Roger made a face. “It looks awful on me.”

John snorted. “We both know that’s not true— you look good in all of these clothes. Besides you don’t usually care about what other people think of your appearance. What’s this really about?”

Of course, it was not like he could hide his nerves for John. It was no use, he picked up on it right away. Roger tried to put away his nerves, especially because he knew how nervous John was about Christmas with the family. But he still wanted to look good and show his family he was good for John.

“I just want to look good for your family. Is that so weird?” Roger asked as he approached the bed, while he glanced at John who was sorting the shirts neatly.

“Of course that’s not weird.” John assured, looking at Roger while he held out another option for him. To which Roger shook his head and pulled another face of disgust, even though he worn that shirt a hundred times before. “That’s very sweet actually, but maybe you are overreacting a little?”

“I’m not, I just want your mum to like me.”

John raised an eyebrow in response. “My mum already likes you Rog, she loves you! You have been my best friend since forever.”

“I know.” Roger sighed. “It’s a little different now innit? I wasn’t having sex with her son before.”

A slight blush covered John’s cheeks, chuckling a little nervously. “Ah yes, best not to mention that part when my aunt and uncle are over for tea.”

Roger laughed softly at the image of John’s stuck up aunt and uncle as they let them in on the more intimate part of their relationship.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Just imagining their faces.”

John’s cheeks turned an even more intense shade of pink. “Please behave when we get there?”

“Whatever do you mean?’ Roger teased. “I’m always on my best behaviour. Family members always love me.”

John rolled his eyes, but the amusement was apparent on his face. “Alright, I’ll give you that. But please no sex talk while we’re at my mum’s, we don’t want my poor nan to fall of her chair or something.”

“Noted.” Roger laughed and took another shirt, but it didn’t do anything for him. “That still doesn’t fix my problem though. What do I wear?”

“I might have a solution for that.” John said while he brushed a unruly strand of hair behind Roger’s ear.

“Oh?” Roger’s eyes lit up, his heart skipped a little beat by the soft touch.

“You have to wait until tonight though.”

“But…”

John put his index finger against Roger’s lips to silence him. “Which shouldn’t be problem because we are going to see our mum’s tomorrow.”

Roger took his hand and kissed his knuckles. “Fine.” He replied, but couldn’t keep the fond tone out of his voice. “Just because I like it when you’re bossy like this.”

“Alright,” John smiled, leaning in to peck his lips, “then you also won’t mind when I say you have to clean up this mess you made.”

“You’re mean.” Roger mumbled against his lips.

John chuckled and turned around, back to the living room leaving Roger with his shirts collection.

***

“More wine Chrissie?”

“Oh no thank you Roger. I think I had one too many already.” She giggled while leaning against Brian who was sitting next to her. “Brian might have to carry me home.”

Roger grinned. “That way he’ll make himself useful.”

Brian glared at him for that. “Look who’s talking?”

“What? I’m the host Brian,” Roger said holding up the bottle of wine. “I’m serving drinks, I’m being very useful. What are you doing?”

“Waiting till I get my drink? I have been waiting for fifteen minutes, while you snogged John in the kitchen.”

John turned around looking a little flustered, looking at Roger for a moment before looking at Brian. “We didn’t…”

“Yes you did darling, don’t deny it…” Freddie smirked. “It’s alright, it’s Christmas after all. You’re spreading the love is all.”

“As long as you keep spreading it between the two of you. I’m all good.” Crystal huffed from where he was sitting in the old comfy chair.

John looked possibly horrified for a moment, but then just took a large breath and continued getting everyone drinks. He was still not that comfortable with showing affections around their friends. It just wasn’t in his character, and Roger loved that about him. It was what made him John. 

Roger rolled his eyes, but inside the feelings of happiness spread through him to have all his close friends around for Christmas Eve. He and John had put up the Christmas tree last week. It wasn’t the biggest one, but it was a real one. They even went and bought ornaments and decorated tree together. Hauling it up the stairs hadn’t been a treat, but it had been worth it. It was silly, but now that it was standing there in their tiny living room Roger’s chest felt all warm.

They had invited their friends over for Christmas Eve, having dinner and unpacking Christmas presents together. When everyone was well fed and had drinks, they started unpacking presents.

It was great to see everyone being happy with their presents. Freddie was happy with the silk scarf and the book about Marie Antoinette Roger and John had gotten him. For Brian they bought a book about astronomy, and new strings for his guitar. They got Chrissie perfume and for Crystal they bought a Led Zeppelin record and a carton of smokes.

When it was time for Roger to open his presents, he noticed John’s nervous fiddling. Roger hadn’t been able to get out of him what he had bought for him last week. He had tried several times, but his constant nagging had made John even more adamant on keeping his mouth shut.

While the others were giving each other their gifts and chattering away, John sat down next to Roger on the sofa. Roger smiled at him and leaned forward to steal a kiss. “Are you having fun?”

A soft flush was noticeable on John’s cheeks. Both from the drinks and from Roger’s display of affection.“Yes, everyone has been very generous.” He said stroking the grey silk shirt Freddie had gifted him. “Brian and Chrissie got me a book about electronics and new picks.” He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, “Crystal got me Beatles record and... a, uh, a pack of condoms.”

Roger laughed and leaned over the arm of the couch to show John Crystal had gotten him the exact same box. “At least he cares about our safety.”

“How admirable.” John laughed and looked at Crystal who suspiciously eyed the package Freddie handed him.

“I’m sure you’ll look fabulous in it darling.” Freddie cooed. “Will be a change from all the band shirts you always wear.”

Roger snorted and Crystal flipped him off when he noticed. In which Roger responded with sticking out his tongue, before turning his attention back to John, softly stroking his leg. 

“So want me to give you your gift?”

John smiled. “I wanted to give you mine.”

“Well we can give them at the same time.” Roger chuckled, taking his first gift and putting it in John’s lap. He had gotten John more than one gift, because he just couldn’t resist. He watched John’s face light up as he opened his gifts.

The first thing was a book, _A clockwork orange._ “Thank you Rog, I’ve wanted to read this.” John smiled as he flipped the book, and read the back.

“I know.” Roger grinned while he opened his first present, which was the Led Zeppelin album he had wanted. “Thank you, can’t wait to blast this tomorrow.”

John chuckled. “We don’t want to get kicked out now do we?” 

“Alright, not blast it, but maybe a little harder than what’s appropriate?”

“I guess that be okay.”

Roger leaned in to kiss John’s cheek. “Thanks.”

They opened their other gifts, Roger loved the shirt John bought him. It was soft and had beautiful detailed embroidery on it. The dark blue satin was like the night sky. It was gorgeous.

“Now you have something to wear tomorrow.” John smiled fondly as he saw Roger tracing the details on the shirt.

“It’s absolutely beautiful John.”

“I had some help from Freddie. He knows a bit more about fashion than me.”

“Well I love it. Thank you.”

“I’m glad.”

“Well open this one next.” Roger said sounding excited, while he put the next gift in John’s lap.

He looked at John in anticipation as he tore the shiny silver wrapping paper. The woman in the store had wrapped it meticulously with a large bow on top. John smiled when he pulled out the soft grey sweater.

“This feels really cozy.” John smiled as he held up the sweater in front of him.

“It is, you’ll be even more cuddly.” Roger chuckled.

John grinned and leaned forward to kiss Roger’s lips. “Thank you, it’s very lovely.”

They both had one gift left. But Roger kind of wanted to save it for when they were alone later. “Shall we do the last ones when the rest have gone?”

It seemed that John had been thinking the same thing. Because he looked al little more nervous now that they had gotten to their last gifts.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

The rest of the evening had been fun and relaxing. They had a few more drinks and snacks. When it got really late their friends started to leave one by one. Crystal left first, saying he was going to meet some friends at the pub. Brian and Chrissie left after that, and they agreed to take home Freddie who had a little too much to drink and was singing Christmas carols. He kissed both Roger and John on the cheek before he followed Brian and Chrissie out of the flat who already said their goodbyes. 

“Have fun at the parents boys.” Freddie called from the hallway until he broke out in Christmas carols again.

“You too Fred.” Roger laughed.

They could hear Brian’s soft voice trying to shush Freddie. “Please Fred, there are people trying to sleep.”

John chuckled as he closed the door when their friends were out of sight. He leaned agains the door for a moment. Looking at Roger with a smile.

“That was fun, wasn’t it?” Roger said while moving closer.

“It was.” John nodded, pulling Roger closer to him by his wrist.

With a smile Roger leaned against his boyfriend, who in turn wrapped his arms around Roger’s neck, carding his fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck.

Roger’s eyes flickered closed for a moment, enjoying the feeling of John’s fingers softly scratching his scalp. “Entertaining is tiring though.”

“Agreed.” John smiled while he studied Roger’s face.

When Roger opened his eyes again, he was met with John’s green-grey ones looking at him in adoration. “What?” He smiled.

“Nothing.”

“Why are you looking at me like that.”

“Do I need a reason to look at my boyfriend?” John smiled. “Who is stunning by the way.”

Roger moved in to press his lips against John’s, it was only a brush of lips, but it every nerve ending in Roger’s body tingled. “Flatterer.” He whispered.

“It’s not flattery when it’s true.”

Roger smiled and pressed his lips against John’s more firmly this time. He enjoyed the soft sigh that he got from John when he leaned into him more. The feeling of John’s hand tightening in his hair made Roger kiss him more eagerly, forgetting everything around them for a moment. That was until John pulled back from the kiss, making Roger softly grumble in protest.

“Shhh—“ John shushed him with a soft kiss. “—I still have a gift for you.”

With a fake pout Roger pulled back. “Okay, me too. But more kisses after.”

“You drive a hard bargain.” John chuckled.

They went back to sit on the sofa. Where they both exchanged their last gift. Both of them were small boxes which were wrapped in shiny gold and silver paper. Roger’s had red stars on them and on John’s there were tiny white snowflakes.

John watched Roger in anticipation as he tried to open the package neatly. His heart fluttered in his chest as he finally managed to pull of the paper and revealed a small velvet blue box. He looked up at John who was biting his lip and tapping his foot nervously.

Trying not to take too long, Roger lifted the lid of the small box. Inside was a simple silver chain with a silver disc pendant at the end. He slowly touched it with his fingers. It sort of reminded him of an vinyl, and he absolutely loved it. It wasn’t over the top or in your face, it was just perfect.

“If you don’t like it, I can take it back.” John said, mistaking Roger’s silence for him not liking the present. “It’s not a problem, I…”

“I love it.” Roger interrupted him, looking at him with a bright smile.

John stared at him, the relief visible in his features. “Yeah?” He asked, his eyes hopeful.

Roger set the box aside on the coffee table with great care before wrapping his arms around John’s neck, kissing him senseless. John started laughing when Roger pushed him against the sofa, and continued peppering kisses against his cheeks, neck and lastly his lips again. “I love it.” He repeated staring down at John with so much affection. “You are the best, sweetest boyfriend and I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“You’re you.” John said simply, reaching out to touch Roger’s cheek who immediately leaned into the touch. “You didn’t have to do anything, being yourself was enough.”

A warm feeling spread throughout his whole body, all the way to his toes and his heart fluttered happily in his chest. Roger leaned down to press his lips against John’s in a fiery kiss, trying to put all of his feelings into it and even then he knew it wasn’t enough to show how much he loved John.

John’s arms tightened around his shoulders, pulling him in closer, humming softly against his lips. It wasn’t a kiss that would lead to anything else. It was a kiss full of affection, love and trust. It had Roger’s head spin and he felt like crying from all the feelings that rushed through him.

When he pulled back in need for air, he felt a little lightheaded because of the intensity. “I love you—” He sighed against John’s lips before pulling back a bit further to look at John, who was staring at him with those lovely eyes of his and his sweet smile that made Roger’s heart race. “—So much, you know that right?”

“I know.” John nodded, softly brushing a lock of hair behind Roger’s ear. “Wasn’t expecting you to get all emotional on me.”

Roger huffed, “you started it.”

“Did not.”

“Did to.”

John chuckled and reached out to trace his indexfinger over Roger’s nose. “Alright, I started it— I love you too.”

“Good.” Roger smiled triumphantly “now stay, I have to give you your final gift.”

“What am I, a dog?”

Roger grinned and raised himself up to get off John. “Hmm, you’re just as cute so.”

John laughed softly and went to sit up against the arm of the sofa, his legs still on the sofa. He watched as Roger got his final present and planted himself between John’s legs, resting his back against his boyfriend’s chest, who in turn nuzzled his shoulder, placing a kiss against his neck.

“Let me know if you hate it.” Roger smiled as he held up the carefully wrapped present and held it up for John to take.

“I’m pretty sure I won’t.” John said as he took the present. "You have much better taste than me."

With a content smile Roger settled back against John while he watched him unpack his present. He looked at John’s nimble fingers open the package neatly. He really hoped John didn’t think it was too cheesy or too much. His heart sped up when John held the black box in his hand and carefully opened it to reveal the silver ring with a flat black stone Roger had bought him. When he saw it at the shop he immediately thought of John, how it would look on his beautiful hands.

“Oh, Rog…” John said sounding a little in awe. “This is beautiful. This must have cost you a fortune.”

“Probably as much as the necklace you got me.” Roger chuckled, turning his head slightly to look at the expression on John’s face, which was a mix of wonder and adoration as he looked back at Roger. Then he leaned forward to capture Roger’s lips in a deep kiss. Who in turn raised his hand to tangle a hand in John’s hair, leaning further into the warmth of his body.

“I love it.” John whispered against his lips, before kissing him again, and again and again.

Roger giggled against his lips and happily kissed him back every time. “I’m glad.” He sighed when they pulled back, he took John’s hand and took the box with the ring that was still lying on John’s lap, taking out the ring and sliding it on John’s pinky finger. “There, perfect fit.”

John held up his hand and stared at the ring for a moment. “Thank you.”

With another sigh Roger leaned back against John, who in turn wrapped his arms around him. Roger felt warm and content in his boyfriend’s arms. It had been the perfect Christmas Eve, he wasn’t even nervous about the next day.

***

Yet when Roger stood in front of the mirror that next morning, the nerves were back ten fold. Looking at himself while buttoning up his new shirt; which was still just as beautiful. The fact that John gifted it to him, made him cherish it even more. He took probably too much to get ready, but he wanted to make sure he looked good, wanting to make a good impression on John’s mother, even though she had known him since he was eleven years old.

Despite knowing this the tingles in his stomach wouldn’t stop. What if she didn’t approve of their relationship, what if she turned Roger away. He wasn’t sure he could handle that, not just for him, but for John’s sake. It had never been easy for John, growing up without a father. He naturally had to lean on himself when his mother was grieving. As the eldest child, he tried to support his mother where he could. But it was a large burden to bare for a young boy.

Roger knew how much John cared for his mother, even though they weren’t that close. The Deacons didn’t really speak much about their troubles or feelings, which wasn’t strange if you thought what they went through. Roger remembered how hard it had been to get John to talk about his father, he had never pushed him to open up and gave him time.

_“Knock knock.” Roger said quietly as he knocked softly on the entrance of the treehouse._

_When he didn’t get a response he opened the small hatch and looked around to find John sitting on the large throw pillows in the corner. Roger’s heart clenched painfully seeing John’s read eyes and him quickly wiping his tears from his cheeks, trying to hide he had been crying._

_“Can I come in?”_

_John sniffed softly, looking down at his hands. “Yeah, sure.”_

_Roger crawled towards him and sat down next to him onto the soft pillows. Not speaking for a moment. It had been the day of the funeral and Roger had been there with his mum and sister. He had cried softly when he saw John, dressed in a black suit, follow his mum down to the first row and sat down looking at the coffin standing at the front of the church. The organ played a melancholy song and Roger couldn’t stop looking at his best friend, who tried to be strong for his sister even though he could see the tears where rolling down his cheeks._

_Without a second thought Roger wrapped an arm around John’s shoulder, offering comfort if John decided he wanted to take it. It took seconds for John to lean into his embrace and hide his face into Roger’s shoulder. When he felt his shirt get wet with tears Roger wrapped his other arm around his friend pulling him closer against him, while John’s body shook as he broke down in uncontrollable sobs._

_“I— I miss him.” John gasped between sobs, struggling to breath._

_All over again, Roger’s heart broke in a million pieces while he held John tighter, trying to give him all the comfort he could, he would spend his whole life comforting him if needed. He didn’t didn’t know what to say, he felt like anything he would say would be empty and wouldn’t give John the slightest comfort. But still he tried as his own tears started rolling down his face._

_“I know.”_

_Roger held John the whole night as he cried, his sobs eventually getting quieter, and eventually stopped as he, being emotionally exhausted, fell asleep in Roger’s arms. Very carefully Roger moved them into lying position, trying not to disturb John, god knew how much he needed to rest. John mumbled something in his sleep as Roger pulled one of the blankets over them. He didn’t sleep much that night, mostly watching John as he quietly cried in his sleep._

_He knew then that he would always take care of him, would always be there for him when John needed him. Never ever would Roger let anyone hurt him._

Thinking back about that made Roger’s heart ache again. Still to this day, he could hear John’s sobs, and it hurt more than he could ever begin to explain. That’s why he was so nervous for this day. He didn’t want John to get hurt again. He sighed as he turned to look at himself in the mirror again. Praying today would go right. As he brushed his hair, John came into the bedroom.

He looked just as nervous as Roger felt. Fidgeting with the sleeves of his button up and rocking on the balls of his feet. He was completely ready to go. Smartly dressed in black velvet flared pants, a red turtleneck sweater, he was holding his matching black jacket in his hand. 

“You look nice.” John smiled, looking at Roger with appreciating eyes.

Roger crossed the room towards him, running his hands from John’s shoulders, down his arms to his hands where he took them in his own. “Thanks to you. I love the shirt.”

A warm smile appeared on John’s lips. “I highly doubt I have much to do with it, you could wear a trash bag and still look great in it.” 

“You give me too much credit.” Roger laughed, softly squeezing John’s hands. “Besides, you look very lovely. Are you ready for today?”

“Thank you— yeah as ready as I can be.” John nodded letting out a breath.

Honestly Roger felt the same. He didn’t think there was anything they could do to prepare for this. It was a waste of time to keep worrying about it. He leaned forward to press a chaste kiss against John’s lips, letting him know he was there for him.

“It will be okay.”

“Yeah.”

***

The trip back home to their hometown went by much faster than it usually did. Roger wondered why time went so quickly when you were dreading something. Time seemed to went much faster and before they knew it, they were standing in front of John’s home. It was a relief to see that they were the first there, the only car on the drive way was John’s mother’s.

“There we are.” Roger said, as if it wasn’t obvious. But he could feel John stopping as he wanted to move forward to the front door.

“Maybe we should go to your mum first?” John asked, as he pulled on Roger’s hand.

Roger turned towards him, trying to catch John’s eyes. “She will be expecting us tomorrow— John, I know you’re nervous, but I’m here with you alright? We’re in this together.”

John’s eyes flicked between Roger and his home. He took a large breath. “Alright, yeah— okay, come on.”

They made their way to the front door, ringing the bell. It only took five seconds before Lillian opened the door with a big smile, wrapping her arms around he son for a moment and kissing his cheek. “There you are— oh I missed you. Come in, come in— hi Roger dear.” She said giving him a kiss on the cheek as well as they stepped inside the hallway.

She led them into the living room, where the Christmas tree was tucked into a corner. Despite the Christmas decorations everything was still the same. He didn’t think Mrs Deacon had ever changed any of the furniture in the last twenty years. It was warm and cozy inside and Roger remembered how much he loved coming here when he was younger.

“Where is Julie?” John asked after they took their seats on the sofa, after his mother insisted.

“Oh she is upstairs, making a fuss about what she should wear. I think she changed three times.” Mrs Deacon said with a tired sigh.

“Sounds like my sister.” Roger laughed. “Mum always made Clare fold her own clothes whenever she had a party, because it looked like a bomb went off in her room.”

“Ah yes, you’d know all about that of course.”

From the corner of his eye Roger could see John nervously jiggle his knees up and down. He was obviously already getting wound up. He kept twisting his ring; the one Roger gave him, in an attempt to relief his stress. It warmed Roger from the inside that John was wearing it. He ran his fingers over the silver disk that was hanging around his neck, smiling softly. Without really thinking about it he reached out and put a hand on John’s knee, trying to give comfort.

John looked up and tensed under his touch for a small moment, but relaxed when he saw Roger giving him an assuring smile. Letting him know he was there. Deep inside Roger was feeling the weight of his own nerves, his heart was thumping in his chest and it felt like it was going quicker with every moment that passed.

Mrs Deacon was in the kitchen making tea, unaware of what was going on in both her son and Roger. “John dear, can you ask Julie if she is ready? I can’t believe that girl still isn’t downstairs.”

Relieved to be out of the room John nodded. “Yeah, we’ll get her.” He said quickly, grabbing Roger’s hand and pulling him with him towards the hallway.

“What…” Roger started as John shut the door behind him.

“I don’t know what to do.” John interrupted, sitting down at the bottom of the stairs, hiding his face behind his hands. “Should we say it now… I dont want to say it when my family gets here. Roger I can’t do that.” John started rambling. “They will— god I don’t know what they will do, but I can’t deal with that. I don’t…”

“Hey,” Roger crouched down in front of him, taking his hands in his and resting them on John’s knees. “Hey, hey… it’s okay, really, it’s okay, we can say it now. If you want to talk to your mum now, we’ll do that. Alright? Whatever you want.”

John looked like a deer caught in headlights, his panicked eyes stared back at Roger, his breathing was erratic. Roger hated seeing John like this. His John, normally so calm and collected, who always knew what to do. Now he just looked like the little boy who just lost his father, feeling lost and insecure, scared to lose more family, and now it was because of who he was, because he loved Roger.

“Remember, I’m here with you.” Roger whispered. “We’re in this together, always.”

For a moment John said nothing, Roger thought he was going to bolt. But then he nodded, letting out a large breath. “Always.”

Roger pulled him up and went ahead of him, back to the living room. Mrs Deacon was just serving them tea and biscuits. She smiled when they got back inside. “And— was she ready?”

“I—“ John started, “no, I haven’t gone to get her yet— mum, I need to talk to you. I need to tell you something.”

Mrs Deacon frowned, obviously confused by that. “John, you’re scaring me. Is something wrong?”

“No,” John shook his head. “It’s just important. Important to me…”

“Okay…” Lillian replied with a nod, but she looked obviously scared. She went to sit down in the chair where she usually sat while she knitted.

John stood there for a moment, Roger noticed he was hesitating. But a quick glance at him, made John sit down on the sofa again. Roger followed and sat down next to him. His heart was going to burst out of his chest, he was sure of it. He felt like he was going to be sick and judging by John’s pale face, he felt the same.

Roger’s felt his stomach flip as John started talking again.

“I don’t know how to say this…”

“Well you said it was important, so please tell me. You look so pale honey,” Lillian said looking worried.what’s wrong?”

It felt like an eternity, and Roger moved closer to John, there legs touching. He didn’t know how else to give him comfort. But that’s when John grabbed Roger’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together resting their locked hands on his knee. He looked at their hands for a moment, before he looked at Mrs Deacon, who had an unreadable expression on his face as she looked at both of them. The same look John could have when he was in deep thought about something.

“John?” She asked again as she looked at her hands.

“Nothing is wrong.” John said as he squeezed Roger’s hand. “It’s important, because I wanted you to know that me and Roger are together.”

Silence.

Lillian didn’t say anything for the first few moments. It was probably only a few seconds, but to Roger they stretched out an eternity. He didn’t dare to look up, John was squeezing his hand almost painfully tight until his mother started speaking again.

“Together? You mean as in…”

“A relationship.” John stated.

“I see.”

Roger didn’t know what to say, or even if it was his place to say anything. He felt like he shouldn’t come between this

“I know this might come as a shock to you, but Roger is my boyfriend— I just didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t want to do it over the phone, it just didn’t seem right. I’m sorry, I never meant to hide it from you.”

John bit his lip and sniffed softly. Roger could feel he was trying to hold it together, but that he was close to breaking down. He looked up at Lillian, who was staring at her son with pain in her eyes. He was about to open his mouth when she spoke in stead.

“Sweetheart?” She asked softly, leaning forward and reaching out to rest her hand on her sons knee. “Johnny? Look at me…”

With another sniff, John looked up, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes as he looked at his mother. He never let go of Roger’s hand.

“I’m glad you told me, that must have been hard.” She said, a gentle smile on her face. “But all I care about it your happiness, I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I won’t lie to you, it does come as a surprise. I didn’t think you were… well, you know.”

“Gay?” John laughed between his tears that were now rolling down his face.

Roger couldn’t help but laugh a little too, he swallowed to keep the tears at bay, but it was hopeless, they were already flowing freely.

Lillian’s eyes were now watery as well. She squeezed John’s knee. “Well yes… I might need a little time to get used to it. But never feel like you need to hide yourself from me. You’re my son and I love you for you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

Then John let go of Roger’s hand and got up to hug his mother tightly. Who in turn seemed surprised, but happily accepted her son’s hug and held him just tightly, while John cried, letting out all the stress he had felt the last few days.

“Thank you.” John sobbed quietly into his mother’s shoulder.

Roger watched them and smiled through his tears. He felt both happy and relieved for John, and for himself, for their relationship. His heart felt so much lighter, and he smiled when John let go of his mum to hug him instead.

Lillian smiled when they pulled apart. “I always knew my boy had great taste.”

They all looked at each other for a moment and burst out laughing. That’s when Julie came down stairs, in her Christmas dress, hair and make up flawless. Looking at them as if they were mad. 

“What's so funny?”

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. That was hard to write, I got myself a little emotional in this one. Let me know you what you think <3
> 
> Im also working on the next update for Meet Me At The Luau, so look out for that <3
> 
> Also come talk to me @IvyYara on Tumblr!


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